Bondage Rape Fantasy
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Key points
Researchers have investigated the prevalence of rape and bondage fantasies in the general population.
Studies suggest that rape and bondage fantasies are relatively common among both men and women.
These fantasies should generally only be considered a problem if they cause distress or if the individual acts on nonconsensual fantasies.
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Brooklyn, NY
Chicago, IL
Denver, CO
Houston, TX
Los Angeles, CA
New York, NY
Portland, OR
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San Francisco, CA
Seattle, WA
Washington, DC
Mental Health
Addiction
Anxiety
ADHD
Asperger's
Autism
Bipolar Disorder
Chronic Pain
Depression
Eating Disorders
Personality
Passive Aggression
Personality
Shyness
Personal Growth
Goal Setting
Happiness
Positive Psychology
Stopping Smoking
Relationships
Low Sexual Desire
Relationships
Sex
Family Life
Child Development
Parenting
Talk to Someone
Find a Therapist
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Trending Topics
Coronavirus Disease 2019
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Neuroscience
There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may short-change the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.
Posted April 13, 2021
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Reviewed by Jessica Schrader
Since the #MeToo movement began in 2017, there has been increased global attention to the problem of sexual violence . The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that more than 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men will experience sexual violence involving physical contact within their lifetime. To prevent sexual violence, it is important to understand risk factors. According to the CDC, risk factors for sexual violence include but are not limited to substance abuse , delinquent behavior, a personal history of childhood abuse and maltreatment, poverty, and societal norms that are supportive of sexual violence and the inferiority of women.
One area that has been investigated as a potential risk factor for sexual violence is fantasies related to rape and bondage . It seems logical that someone who would engage in rape and sadomasochistic fantasies (getting sexual pleasure from inflicting pain or humiliation to another person or oneself) would then be more likely to enact those behaviors. However, there is little research to support this direct link. While there is some evidence that those who perpetrate sex crimes have deviant sexual fantasies , the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon (the book Fifty Shades of Grey, which involves BDSM, was one of the fastest-selling adult books of all time and subsequently it was made into several motion pictures), suggests that these types of fantasies may not be unique to sex offenders. In fact, researchers were considering adding a diagnosis of paraphilic coercive disorder (being aroused by non-consent, i.e., rape) to the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the DSM-5 , which is the Bible of psychiatric diagnosis in the United States), but it was once again rejected , as there was insufficient evidence to suggest that such a disorder exists given the large number of individuals endorsing such fantasies.
In order to investigate whether rape and bondage fantasies were in fact deviant, several researchers have investigated their prevalence in the general population. One study conducted with 1,516 adults in Quebec, Canada found that domination fantasies were common in both men and women, while fantasies about being raped were present in 28.9% of women and 30.7% of men, and fantasies about raping someone were reported by 10.8% of women and 22% of men as seen below. Surprisingly, a little over 10% of women and 22% of men reporting fantasizing about sexually abusing a person who is drunk, asleep, or unconscious .
A similar study was conducted using a representative sample of U.S. adults and found that of the adults surveyed the following sexual behaviors were reported to be very appealing or somewhat appealing:
Some have speculated that rape fantasies among women are essentially fantasies about being consensually overpowered. In order to investigate this, another study of 355 female undergraduate students in the U.S., researchers found that 62% of the women reported a rape fantasy. Of those, 9% reported completely aversive rape fantasies (non-consent and resistance throughout), 45% reported completely erotic rape fantasies (feigned non-consent), and 46% reported both erotic and aversive rape fantasies (starts consensually then becomes non-consensual), suggesting that while for some women rape fantasies may be only erotic, others actually do fantasize about aversive rape experiences.
These findings suggest that rape and bondage fantasies are relatively common among both men and women and should not be considered deviant in and of themselves. Such fantasies should only be considered problematic or pathological if they cause the individual distress or if the individual acts on nonconsensual fantasies.
Bivona, J., & Critelli, J. (2009). The nature of women's rape fantasies: An analysis of prevalence, frequency, and contents. Journal of Sex Research, 46(1), 33-45. Doi: 10.1080/00224490802624406
Herbenick D, Bowling J, Fu T-C(Jane), Dodge B, Guerra-Reyes L, Sanders S (2017) Sexual diversity in the United States: Results from a nationally representative probability sample of adult women and men. PLoS ONE 12(7): e0181198. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal . pone.0181198
Joyal, C. C., Cossette, A., & Lapierre, V. (2015). What exactly is an unusual sexual fantasy?. The journal of Sexual Medicine, 12(2), 328-340. Doi: 10.1111/jsm.12734
Elizabeth Jeglic, Ph.D. , is a clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at John Jay College who studies sexual violence prevention.
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There are many temptations to organize our life around the experience of earlier trauma. But that may short-change the future—which starts by our envisioning something better.
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Hey, I'm Ruwando with Gotham Club, and this is another episode of Ask Ruwando.
This question comes from Paul, and Paul writes:
“What are some kinky things that I don't know about that girls are secretly into?”
Well Paul, I’m not a woman, as you know, so I'll throw some ideas at you based on my experience.
I will say that women tend to have fantasies that are beyond what most men imagine they'd be into at least… right?
A lot of women, because of culture, or maybe it's just how women are–I do think a lot of it's cultural–they kind of hide their inner sl*t for various reasons:
Fear of shaming, sl*t-shaming, all that stuff.
But if you create a safe environment for women to share what's on their mind, you'll be surprised by how much crazy stuff most women are willing to try.
They’re into some seriously wild taboos.
I'm not the one to answer those things though, I'd go out and ask women.
However, there are some great books you can read.
There's a compilation called My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday.
It goes through a bunch of women's fantasies–and some of them are what you expect, but some of them are very far out.
If you really want to know what's on women's minds, I'd read that book because some of the far out fantasies in that book… well, I've asked women about them…
And more often than not, they're into these really extreme sexual fantasies.
I'll throw a few at you that maybe you didn't know, that maybe a lot of guys aren't aware of that are very taboo, but somewhat common.
One is the daddy-daughter fantasy (I've mentioned this in a different video).
It's particularly common and it's not just with women who have daddy issues, although I think that's pretty common. I think most people have parental issues.
It's something that touches on a person's childhood development, and if there's any pain from childhood, this is what a daddy issue is.
If there's pain from childhood related to your development, or related to a parent, we tend to eroticize these things.
Because eroticizing a past pain is a way we can kind of reclaim it.
That's one reason why the daddy-daughter fantasy is so common.
It's true even for women who don't have daddy issues necessarily, but it's common.
Side note: I just want to say that I'm not trying to shame the concept of daddy issues.
Most people have some sort of parental issue because we've all had parents, and we've all had past pain–but this fantasy is something that's pretty common for women.
Another one that's common is the “rape” fantasy.
And I've found this is true with many women, especially if they've had some sort of rape trauma in their life.
But even women who haven't, also have the rape fantasy, I found.
This is of course not all women, but this is a common one, so I'm sharing this.
Again, it's probably the most taboo thing to be raped.
A lot of these fantasies are kind of a way of reclaiming a fear or reclaiming a past pain.
A lot of women like the idea of being dominated or being taken.
Not that they actually want to be raped, but that they like the idea of being submissive.
I mean, in my experience a lot of women like to say “no” during sex, not because they don't actually want it… but because it IS so taboo.
This is a good thing to communicate that you, as the man, understand these things and don't judge her for her desires.
Because if you start judging her–if you start thinking it's weird, or if you start being weird about her expression of her desires–one, she might not want to sleep with you anymore, because it's not comfortable to be judged like that.
And two, even if she does still have a relationship with you, she's not going to want to share her real self with you, right?
Just like you probably have some taboo desires or rude stuff that you want to share, you don't want them to be judged.
If you can learn how to be a judgment-free, you will exponentially increase the pleasure available in your sex life, because she'll be able to let out more of herself.
And ultimately, this will get her to do a LOT more wild things with you in bed.
With a lot of things sex-related, there needs to be a buildup.
For example, one of my ex-girlfriends was REALLY into the daddy-daughter stuff, and getting spanked hard… like so hard I left handprints on her a**…
But I had NO idea she was into that… until one night after a few glasses of wine, we were getting hot & heavy on the couch… I grabbed her butt, and she said:
This was a girl who had never even said one thing to me during sex, not even, “Oh yeah” or “I like that.”
Most women ARE pretty f**king kinky, but as a man it’s your job to bring her kinky side out.
And you can easily do this using a few simple rough s*x moves, enjoyed by the majority of women around the world…
… including the one my ex used to go WILD for, the “S&M Spank.”
Unfortunately, I've come across many men who are too afraid to try these moves… because yeah, they are a bit rough in nature…
Women desperately want men to be rough and take control in the bedroom.
And once you can get her to open up, and feel comfortable letting you dominate her…
She’s going to come back for more and more, because men like that are just too rare to pass up on:
P.S. If you REALLY want to show her who’s boss in the bedroom… choke her like THIS.
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If you've benefited from or enjoyed what you've read, then please check out Rope Bondage The Smart Way , which answers every conceivable question for the beginner, shares my favorite ties and how to use them to best advantage. There are also tips on making uber sexy fun times happen, and real life examples and case studies of rope bondage fuelled awesomeness.
Rope Bondage The Smart Way was distilled down from about six years of learning, practicing, and testing, and contains my go-to practices for my own use of rope bondage in BDSM; with both written instructions and LOTS of annotated pictures to make learning it all easy.
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Exploring rope bondage and healthy kinky relationships
Today I’m discussing consensual non-consent, because that’s been coming up a lot in my relationship of late. This post will contain lots of trigger words and ideas, including rape; actually, lots of that; so if you’ve had a bad experience, it’s likely to be like a punch in the face. Think twice before clicking; for some of you it might not be wise. Continue at your own risk.
A few hours after writing this post, I’m going to be doing a consensual non-consent scene. It will be dark and brutal and intimidating. I’m going to act out a violent rape with Blue, my hot as fuck partner, while she protests and begs me not to. She may sc
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