Bondage Names

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Bondage Names
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The world of BDSM contains not only its own sex acts (Is smelling a foot sex? Sure, if it gets you off!), but its own highly-robust vocabulary, too. Since all that terminology can be intimidating for newcomers, let’s start with the basics: “BDSM” stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism—the core pillars of kinky fun. Beyond that, there’s a whole language to describe the consensual power exchange practices that take place under the BDSM umbrella . Whatever you're into, just make sure to snuggle and practice lots of aftercare when it's all said and done, especially if anyone involved is a painslut and needs ice after some impact play.
At press time, “kink” is not a language you can learn on Duolingo, so here’s a handy glossary of some of the most common BDSM terms, from A to Z.
A is for Aftercare Aftercare is the practice of checking in with one another after a scene (or “play session,” a.k.a., the time in which the BDSM happens) to make sure all parties feel nice and chill about what just went down. The dominant partner may bring the submissive ice for any bruises, but it’s important to know that aftercare involves emotional care as well as physical. BDSM releases endorphins, which can lead to both dominants and submissives experiencing a “drop.” Aftercare can help prevent that. There’s often cuddling and always conversation; kinksters need love too.
B is for Bondage Bondage is the act of tying one another up. In most cases the dominant partner is restraining the submissive using ropes, handcuffs, Velcro, specialty hooks, clasps, or simply a belt if you’re on a budget.
C is for Cuckold We can’t let the alt-right ruin the term “cuck” for us. Traditionally, a cuck is a man who enjoys, often for submissive and erotic humiliation reasons, watching another man have sex with his wife. In a cuckolding scene, the other man invited to have sex with the wife is a “bull.” Female cucks are referred to as “cuck queens,” but people of all genders can be cucks.
D is for D/S D/S refers to dominance and submission, the crux of a BDSM relationship. While kinky people can be on a spectrum (see: “ Switch ”), typically you’re either dominant or submissive. If you take away one fact from this guide, it should be that even though the dominant partner in D/S relationship may be slapping, name-calling, and spitting on the submissive, BDSM and D/S relationships are all about erotic power exchange, not one person having power over another. The submissive gets to set their boundaries, and everything is pre-negotiated. The submissive likes getting slapped (see also: “Painslut”).
E is for Edgeplay Edgeplay refers to the risky shit—the more taboo (or baddest bitch, depending on who you’re talking to) end of the spectrum of BDSM activities. Everyone’s definition of edgeplay is a little different, but blood or knife play is a good example. If there’s actually a chance of real physical harm, it’s likely edgeplay. Only get bloody with a partner who knows what they’re doing without a doubt and has been tested for STIs. You don’t have to get maimed to enjoy BDSM.
F is for Foot Fetish One of the most common fetishes out there, a foot fetish is an attraction—often a need—for feet. Foot fetishists may enjoy worshiping a foot, kissing it, smelling it, massaging it, getting a footjob, licking it, sucking on toes, or ( actually ) getting stepped on.
G is for Golden Showers A golden shower is when you lovingly shower your partner with your piss. It’s high time for the BDSM community to reclaim this word from Donald Trump , who, may I remind you, allegedly paid sex workers to pee on a bed that Obama slept in out of spite. This is not the same thing as a golden shower. Kink is for smart people.
H is for Hard Limits Hard limits are sexual acts that are off-limits. Everyone has their own, and you have to discuss these boundaries before any BDSM play. Use it in a sentence: “Please do not pee on me; golden showers are one of my hard limits.”
I is for Impact Play Impact play refers to any impact on the body, such as spanking , caning, flogging, slapping, etc.
J is for Japanese Bondage The most well-known type of Japanese bondage is Shibari, in which one partner ties up the other in beautiful and intricate patterns using rope. It’s a method of restraint, but also an art form.
K is for Knife Play Knife play is, well, knife sex. It’s considered a form of edgeplay (our parents told us not to play with knives for a reason.) If you do play with knives, do it with someone who truly respects you and whom you trust. Often knife play doesn’t actually involve drawing blood, but is done more for the psychological thrill, such as gliding a knife along a partner’s body to induce an adrenaline rush. Call me a prude, but I wouldn’t advise it on a first Tinder date.
L is for Leather The BDSM community enjoys leather as much as you’d expect. Leather shorts, leather paddles, and leather corsets are popular, although increasingly kinky retailers provide vegan options for their animal-loving geeks.
M is for Masochist A masochist is someone who gets off on receiving sexual pain.
N is for Needle Play Also a form of edgeplay (blood!), needle play means using needles on a partner. Hopefully those needles are sterile and surgical grade. Don’t do this with an idiot, please. Most professional dommes have clients who request or are into needle play. It can involve sticking a needle (temporarily) through an erogenous zone such as the nipple or... BACK AWAY NOW IF YOU'RE QUEASY... the shaft of the penis.
O is for Orgasm Denial You know how sexual anticipation is hot AF? Orgasm denial is next-level sexual anticipation for those who love a throbbing clit or a boner that’s been hard forever just dying to get off—which is to say, almost everyone. The dominant partner will typically bring the submissive close or to the brink of orgasm, then stop. Repeat as necessary.
P is for Painslut A painslut is a dope-ass submissive who knows what they want, and that’s pain, dammit.
Q is for Queening Queening is when a woman, a.k.a. the queen you must worship, sits on your face. It’s just a glam name for face-sitting, often used in D/S play. Sometimes the queen will sit on her submissive’s face for like, hours.
R is for RACK RACK stands for Risk Aware Consensual Kink, which are the BDSM community guidelines on how to make sure everyone is aware of the dangers they consent to. Another set of guidelines are the “SSC,” which stresses keeping activities “safe, sane, and consensual.” We kinksters want everyone to feel happy and fulfilled, and only experience pain that they desire—without actual harm.
S is for Switch A switch is someone who enjoys both the dominant and submissive role. Get thee a girl who can do both.
T is for Topping From The Bottom Topping from the bottom refers to when a bottom (sub) gets bratty and tries to control the scene even though negotiations state they should submit. For example, a submissive male may start yelping at his domme that she’s not making him smell her feet exactly like he wants. It can be pretty annoying. It can also be part of the scene itself, such as if the submissive is roleplaying as a little girl with her daddy (this is called “age play”).
U is for Urination Urinating means peeing (duh) and aside from pissing on a submissive’s face or in their mouth you can do other cool and consensual things with urine, like fill up an enema and inject it up someone’s butt! I am not a medical doctor.
V is for Voyeurism A voyeur is someone who enjoys watching others have sex, undress, or whatever floats your erection boat. Voyeurs can get a bad name, because we think of peeping Toms, but there are lots of wonderful ways for a voyeur to consensually engage with their kink, such as going to a play (sex) party or kink event. Voyeurs watch the exhibitionists and everyone wins.
W is for Wartenberg Wheel A Wartenberg Wheel is a nifty little metal pinwheel that you can run over your partner’s nipples or other erogenous zones. It looks scary, but in a fun way, like the Addams Family. It can be used as part of medical play (doctor fetish) or just for the hell of it. Fun fact: It’s a real-life medical device created by neurologist Robert Wartenberg to test nerve reactions, but kinksters figured out it was good for the sex, too.
Y is for Yes! BDSM is all about enthusiastic consent. The dominant partner won’t step on their submissive’s head and then shove it into a toilet without a big ole’ “yes, please!”
Z is for Zentai Zentai is a skintight Japanese body suit typically made of spandex and nylon. It can cover the entire body, including the face. Dance teams or athletes may wear Zentai, but some people get off on the sensation of having their entire body bound in tight fabric, and wear it for kinky reasons.
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There’s something undeniably arousing about being tied up or tying a partner up in the bedroom. Not only does it change the power structure, facilitating elements of domination and submission, but it also evokes powerful emotions. There’s an immense amount of vulnerability and trust required when sexually bound. These reasons (among others) help to explain why so many people fantasize about BDSM (remember, the B stands for “bondage”). In fact, a 93% of men and 96% of women have fantasized about some aspect of BDSM before.
So what are the best ways to use bondage during sex? If you’re someone who’s curious about bondage sex positions, you might have come across Shibari , a contemporary form of rope bondage that originated in Japan. (Sometimes, it’s also called Kinbaku or Japanese bondage.)
“Shibari is not inherently sexual,” explains Sydona , a Shibari artist and instructor; some people use it as a form of meditation or as a tool to feel intimate with a partner. However, Shibari can be sexual if you so choose. You can tie your partner up, and the two of you can go at it for hours in various positions. This piece is focused on all the fun, kinky sex you can have when either you or your partner is bound.
But before we continue, safety first! If you’ve never attempted Shibari, consider taking a course or one-on-one class with a professional , because tying someone up can be incredibly dangerous both physically and emotionally. And there are certain things you should never do—like use rope across the neck. This can lead to asphyxiation.
“The number one rule for tying safely is to ALWAYS have safety shears within reaching distance,” Sydona says. “The second is to be able to communicate to your partner well, both as both a top [person doing the tying] and bottom [person being tied]. Being able to communicate explicitly and coherently before, during, and after a session is what keeps it as safe and enjoyable as possible.”
With that said, here are 13 bondage sex positions you can try out with your partner. (You’ll notice the first two “positions” are actually two different types of standard Shibari ties that will allow you to complete every other position on the list.) In addition to speaking with Sydona, we also talked to world-renown, Shibari expert Midori . She's a sexologist, educator, and author of Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage . (Midori offers Shibari classes , if you want to learn more advanced knots than the ones offered on this list.)
All you really need to be able to bring bondage to the bedroom is a simple handcuff-style tie, Syonda says. "This is called a 'double column' tie—two loops around two 'columns' (usually two limbs) that doesn’t collapse or self tighten."
"In any tie, but particularly with ties involving the wrists, it’s important to make sure you have plenty of wiggle room between the skin and the rope, and that the tie can’t tighten down on itself," she says. "A tie that does this is both uncomfortable and unsafe and can potentially cause loss of circulation or nerve damage."
To actually complete the double column tie, place your "wrists a couple of inches apart, and then wrap around both wrists," Midori says. "Cross at the middle and wrap around the space between the wrists and then tie two overhand knots." (I know this can be a little confusing without a depiction, so check out this 2-minute tutorial on how to to do a double column tie.) Once you've mastered the double-column wrist tie, you can get creative with it!
"This is a Shibari classic with vast variations," Midori says. "For a super simple way to start, use one or two long ropes, perhaps 25 to 30 feet. Then tie their wrists together behind their back. Use the remaining rope and wrap that around the arms and body. First below the breasts or pecs, then over it. If you connect the check ropes between the arm and torso, you’ll be able to snug it down tightly."
You can play in numerous positions with this one. "It's great for full frontal access to nipples and genitals," Midori says. "It's super hot for face-down anal, too."
"Position your partner on their knees with their behind in the air and chest flat on the bed, floor, couch, etc.," Sydona says. "Pull their arms back and tie their wrists together behind their thighs to their ankles. If this is too tough on their neck, put a pillow under their chest."
While the image here is depicting oral stimulation, you can also do anal and vaginal penetration in this position.
"Bend their legs and tie the thigh and ankle together with an easy release two column tie; then repeat for the other leg," Midori says. It's optional to tie the wrists to the thighs, Midori adds. (That's what's depicted in the image.)
This position allows for "sexy vulnerability" and "access to all the bits" making it great for both giving and receiving oral pleasure. It's also really smooth to transition into bound doggy from this position.
In this position, the bottom's ankles are tied to a pole—make sure to use something that won't give anyone splinters—a PVC pipe could work here or even a long Swiffer handle. The bottom's wrists are tied together.
Midori notes that you feel "delightfully exposed" in this position, and it's "fantastic for bound penetration from behind."
Have your partner lie on their stomach for the hogtie. "Tie their ankles together and their wrists behind their back, then tie those to each other," Sydona says.
"While this isn’t a great position for penetration, it’s great for oral and sets the mood for a BDSM-type session. Don’t forget that this position can be very strenuous on your partner’s back and shoulders, so make sure you have a quick exit plan and check in often."
Lay on one side, and "Tie wrists together with a basic wrist tie. Tie the left ankle to the right thigh, using the same tie as the wrists. Then tie the left thigh to the left upper arm bicep. Make sure it’s not too tight," Midori says. "The body looks amazing in this position and it's hot for spooning sex from behind."
Have your partner sit in a chair and tie their ankles to each chair leg and their wrists behind their back. "This position is great for oral, using toys, or for a good ol’ fashioned interrogation role play," Sydona says. "Pro tip: make sure the back of the chair is against a wall or something stable, so you don’t accidentally push your partner over backward in the heat of the moment."
"Have your partner straddle a chair so their booty is just barely off the edge of the seat and rest their chest on the seat's back," Sydona says. "Tie their ankles to the legs of the chair and their wrists behind their back. This position is great for anal play."
(Note: For this position to work, you need to use a chair without arms. You also want to lean the chair against a wall or bed; you don't want the chair toppling over!)
"Have your partner lie flat on their back on a bed and tie their wrists and ankles to each corner," Sydona says. "For extra spice add a blindfold, and go to town. If you or your partner are new to bedroom bondage this is a great starting position. It's simple to tie, not particularly strenuous, and you can even buy user-friendly under-the-bed restraints if rope isn’t your style."
"Again have your partner lie flat on their back on the bed. Tie each ankle to each corner at the top of the bed, lifting their leg as high as is comfortable for them," Sydona says. "If this is too difficult, tie their thighs instead of their ankles, so they can bend their knees. This position is great for, well, everything."
"With your lover on their back, place a pole under their ankle, just above their heels," Midori says. "Tie each wrist and ankles to the pole, and [make sure to] tie loose enough for wriggle room and to prevent loss
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