Bondage And Dominatrix

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Bondage And Dominatrix
Inside the dungeon: Dominatrix reveals her secret world of bondage, flogging and bizarre fetishes

Inside the dungeon of Mistress Sarah Jessica

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WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT - Mistress Sarah Jessica says her dungeon is somewhere for people to come and explore their submissive side...
The Fifty Shades of Grey book, and movie version - which hits screens on Saturday - have placed a spotlight on the secret worlds of bondage, domination and fetishes.
The Manchester Evening News spoke to one of the UK's busiest Dominatrix, Mistress Sarah Jessica, about her line of work, and also what she thinks about the 50 Shades phenomenon.
I’ve always been quite dominant, and I like to live my life that way, but I didn’t really pick up on it until five years ago.
Basically I started googling the concept of BDSM (Bondage and Discipline and Sado-Masochism), and exploring myself and my desires more. I met a friend who is a Mistress - a Mistress is a dominatrix - about three year ago and that’s when I became a Mistress.
Mistress Sarah Jessica, a Manchester-based dominatrix (face obscured)
I do this professionally, but I’m also a lifestyle mistress as well, it’s part of my own life and who I am.
Sex has got absolutely nothing to do with it whatsoever. I have clients, submissive men, who come and visit me at a dungeon. It’s not a sex club, it’s basically somewhere for people to come and explore their submissive side and get that out of their system.
I deal with a lot of different men with a lot of different fetishes.
I’d really like to get my point across that it’s OK to be ‘kinky’ and people should be more open about it. It should be accepted. People are suppressing themselves because they are worried about being judged as a person. This isn’t right. People should never hide away and should be more open.
If society was more accepting of this lifestyle and actually understood it then I think things would be a lot different. You should never be ashamed of who you are... and I encourage it fully.
It’s a big scene here, I know of about 10 mistresses, and I’m well known on the scene. Sadists and masochists are people who like to inflict pain and receive pain, and that’s all done in a safe, consensual manner, I would never take somebody to a level of something they’re not comfortable with. I always make sure they feel safe.
It’s a fully-equipped dungeon with lots of different pieces of equipment.
There’s things like a spanking bench and St Andrew’s Cross, a piece of wood which you are attached to by your arms. It’s used if you’re flogging somebody and for people who like to be restrained.
I have a pin wheel, with little spikes on that kind of rolls over your body - you can do it softly and people can actually find it very therapeutic.
It’s the same with the spanking and flogging, you can do it in a way that’s hard or very therapeutic - you can build the intensity.
It’s dark in the dungeon, but I like to think it’s a cosy atmosphere. Although if I’m doing spanking or corporal punishment when I’m using canes or paddles I like the lights on because then you can see the marks coming up on the flesh.
If somebody doesn’t want a mark, you have to know when to stop. Some people don’t feel comfortable telling their partners about what’s really going on inside their head, or they feel embarrassed about it, or that their wife will be freaked out, so they obviously can’t have visible marks when they go home.
But it’s not all about pain. It’s not about picking up a whip and beating somebody, there’s a huge psychological side to it. You’ve got to understand the submissive mind to become a mistress.
I read the first book, and I’m going to see the film this weekend.
In our lifestyle we believe in safety and consent and follow SSC which stands for safe, sane and consensual.
The book shows complete manipulation on Christian’s part to gain control and to get what he wants. Anna is a vulnerable girl and is fascinated by him. He knew this and used it to his advantage. To me that is abuse.
The book certainly paints and sugarcoats that in a sexy fun light, which is obviously not a good thing and could potentially be dangerous.
It’s not proper BDSM, it’s psychological abuse. If I remember rightly there was a time where she even used the safe word which he took upon himself to ignore. In the real world of BDSM this is a huge no no!! It takes it to another level.
There are male doms, as we call them, but you tend to find not so much professionally. I don’t really think girls would be willing to pay for a man to do it! I just don’t think there’s a need for it. A male dom would do it quite happily without being paid.
My outfits include a lot of leather and latex but also I can do sessions in just normal clothes as well. If you’re a dom people think you’re in PVC or leather all day, but we’re normal people as well.
Dominatrix Mistress Sarah Jessica talks about her career
You can’t stereotype a dominatrix, the lifestyle is so different to what people think it is. It upsets me if I’m honest, that people frown upon us quite a lot, but whats wrong with people enjoying the things that they like?
I get some unusual requests for certain things, but if I don’t want to do something or I don’t like the sounds of it I’ll direct them to someone else who might be able to help them. For me, this is a job that I enjoy, and I wouldn’t do anything I’d be uncomfortable with.
People think it’s all about pain, but there’s more psychological aspects - like sploshing - which involves food. I’ve had a guy who just wanted custard pouring over him, as if he’s bathing in food. He just likes the texture and feel of it. It’s not sexual, it’s fun.
Personally, I enjoy CBT (a term for a form of male genital torture) - and smoking fetishes, that’s one of the things I enjoy. I like to smoke a cigarette in front of them and blow it in their face. Some people find that quite sexy for a woman to be smoking. Some people like leather gloves.
I get a lot of repeat custom. That’s by getting to know what they’re into, and making them realise that it’s ok, they’re not a freak. It goes on a lot more than people think. Making them realise that I understand them, we build up a connection so they trust me. I like my clients leaving feeling good about themselves and happy that they’ve finally been able to express their desires to someone who completely understands.
Someone who gives a lot of reaction in a session, it’s always good for a mistress to get a reaction from a session because you’re more inclined to know if the sub’s enjoying it, a reaction is a must! It’s obviously important that they enjoy it. And obviously someone with the same interests as me.
I think I’ve been quite lucky, not had any bad experiences. I suppose my less favourite ones would be if the client goes very quiet.
It might be because they’re nervous but if they don’t react, it makes it harder for me to work out their mindsets.
If the sub is in quite a lot of distress, or if he asks for the session to stop, or if I don’t feel like the sub is enjoying it or is in a bad place. But it never comes to that stage because I’m usually good at reading people.
Also if they tried anything sexual, or tried to touch me, I would stop it immediately.
Some guy came in once and obviously didn’t read up on the differences between a prostitute and a mistress. He tried to feel my bum, and that was it for me. He had to leave because clearly he’d got the wrong idea of what’s going to happen.
But that doesn’t happen very often. People who contact me are quite respectful.
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When you hear the word “punishment,” sex probably isn't the first thing that comes to mind. But in BDSM —an umbrella term that encompasses bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism, and masochism—punishment can be a major component of sex. And a pleasurable one, at that.
“Punishment is a behavior modification tool used in some [dominant/submissive] dynamics to train or discipline a submissive when they’ve defied a boundary or disobeyed an order,” explains Charyn Pfeuffer, a sex and relationships writer and author of 101 Ways to Rock Online Dating . “There’s no one-size-fits-all playbook for punishment, and not every kinky relationship uses it.”
Every couple is free to determine the type and severity of punishments they want to use—and the options are essentially endless. For example, if the submissive partner is a "brat" (a sub who enjoys disobeying their dom’s rules), a dom might give you a spanking as a punishment for being naughty.
“Punishment can include spankings, slapping, choking, use of restraints, or (consensually) forcing your partner into sexual acts," says Daniel Saynt, founder and chief conspirator of The New Society for Wellness , a private members Open Love club for the adventurous. "It's really up to you and your partner to set the limits of what's okay for punishment and what's not.”
Like with most deliciously kinky things, punishment is not just about pain, but also pleasure. It’s a dance between the dom and sub that allows them to explore sides of themselves they may not get a chance to express in real life.
“Sexual punishment is when you know there is a part of you that is under-expressed, maybe from shame or fear,” says Kenneth Play , international sex educator and and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series . “So, if you feel like you’re being a dirty slut, being punished by your partner allows you to live out that feeling, while also enjoying your 'dirty slut' side.”
IMPORTANT: Before you engage in any BDSM punishments, you and your partner must thoroughly discuss your boundaries and limits beforehand. Despite the connotation of punishing someone, the activity still requires enthusiastic consent from all parties; the punished wants to be punished, and the punisher wants to punish.
This is where you bring someone to the brink of orgasm, only to stop touching them right before orgasm. Oh, the sweet agony.
Put them over your knee and show them what happens to naughty people who break the rules. Just remember to aim for the fleshy parts of the body, such as the butt cheeks and upper thighs.
Or, you could deny them a spanking. “Sometimes a submissive will ‘act out’ to get the punishment that they really enjoy," says Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven , the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shop. "One way to punish them is to NOT give them what they enjoy."
Force your sub to agree to keep their pretty little mouth shut. You can go a step further by not allowing your submissive to speak while in a public place without asking permission first.
This would be cruel outside of a consenting dom/sub dynamic, but hot as hell if both parties are into it. “[This entails] getting your submissive dressed up for an event that they really enjoy, but upon arrival making them sit outside on the ground with their hands in their lap and not allow them to come into the event for a specific amount of time,” Sparks says.
Make your submissive walk on all fours with a collar and a leash like a dog. You can incorporate a dog mask designed for kink, like this one , and even take the act outside for the public humiliation factor.
This is a form of public degradation: You make your submissive wear a shirt that literally says "slut" on it.
“Chain your partner to the bed and leave them there to wait for your return,” Saynt says. “Leave your home and decide how long you want to make them wait for you. Come back to them begging you to set them free.” Oh, the fun that can ensue afterward!
This is when you "make" your partner "take" the pleasure, even if it feels like over-stimulation. “Force your partner to have orgasms until they are completely overwhelmed—then keep going,” Play says.
This is when the dom has sex with someone else and forces the sub to watch. Cuckolding is a more advanced activity, and we suggest doing your research before bringing a new person into the bedroom. For a slightly tamer version, the dominant partner can make the submissive watch them get off with a toy.
“Refuse to let your partner pleasure you and make them beg for a taste," Saynt suggests. "Come within a few inches of their mouth, watch their tongue slip out and get just close enough but not quite there. Make your body their prize and make the longing for it the punishment.”
“Grab ice cubes and use them to run along your partner's body while they are restrained,” Saynt says. “Use the ice to stimulate their body and offer a chilling experience.” This can go really well with a blindfold—that way the sub’s other senses, including touch, are heightened.
“What chore(s) does your sub hate doing? Make them do it—meticulously,” Pfeuffer suggests. What better excuse to not have to do the dishes tonight?
If your sub is naughty, take away their table privileges and force them to eat off the floor like a dog.
Tell your sub to get on all fours and act as a stool for you to rest your feet. Dive into a good book and force them to stay still until you’re good and ready to let them get up.
Is your sub being a little brat? “Put your submissive in the corner for a time-out,” Pfeuffer says. “Being ‘grounded’ for a little while can be incredibly effective” in getting them to follow your rules next time.
Dribble hot wax on a naughty sub’s body. Be sure you’re using a body-safe candle (like these from LoveHoney ), unless you really know what you’re doing. You don’t want to cause burns.
“Only allow your sub to pleasure themselves with your permission," Pfeuffer says. "If rules are broken, that permission is revoked." This means you hold the power over whether they experience pleasure or not; their pleasure is a gift you’re allowing them to enjoy in return for good behavior.
Have your sub go to the grocery store, the dry cleaners, or some other ordinary place while wearing a panty vibrator. You can accompany them, if you choose. We love the We-Vibe Moxie , which comes with its own remote for the dom to control.
If your sub breaks the rules, write what they did wrong on their body in permanent marker. Make them wear it around all day so they don’t forget how naughty they were.
Have your sub sit in the shower or bathtub and pee on them. This kind of humiliation play can get messy, so you might want to do it in the nude.
This is a form of “restrictive discipline,” much like giving your sub a “time out” in the corner. If they break the rules, take away something they enjoy as punishment. This could be access to the show they want to watch, their cell phone, or even an orgasm.
This one is taken right out of the old Catholic school playbook. If your sub does something they’re not supposed to, have them write out what they did a hundred times as punishment.
Have your sub wear a collar around. This shows them that they belong to you and you are in control. If you want ideas, we love this one .




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If you think the Fifty Shades franchise deserves all the credit for making BDSM mainstream, think again. Some of Hollywood's biggest stars have been tackling roles with onscreen BDSM for years. Here are 14 movies and TV shows that invited A-list actors to explore their own shades of grey/gray.
Of course we have to include it. Johnson and Dornan star in the film adaptation of the Fifty Shades trilogy, meaning they've engaged in lots of BDSM on screen.
Often heralded as one of the best BDSM films of all time, 2002's Secretary follows the relationship of a dominant boss and his submissive secretary. Coincidentally, the boss, played by Spader, is named Grey.
The movie focuses on the affair between psychologist Carl Jung and Sabina Spielrein, who was initially a patient of Jung's and later became a physician herself (not to mention one of the first female psychoanalysts). The pair explore their sexual impulses, including bondage and spanking.
The infamous leg-crossing scene gets all of the attention, but Stone's character Catherine Tramell is also very into bondage.
This steamy '80s movie follows the dominant/submissive relationship between Mickey Rourke's John Gray (yes, another Mr. Gray) and Kim Basinger's Elizabeth McGraw.
Behold: Charlize Theron wielding a riding crop in a flapper dress for Head in the Clouds.
On Showtime's Billions , Paul Giamatti stars as Chuck Rhoades Jr., the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York, who enjoys a private BDSM relationship as his wife's (played by Maggie Siff) submissive.
In the second season of Amazon's hit Transparent , Sarah Pfefferman (played by Amy Landecker) begins a BDSM relationship with a dom called Pony.
Doctor Who star Billie Piper's turn as a dominatrix in ITV2's Secret Diary of A Call Girl is iconic.
In 2000's The Cell , Jennifer Lopez is bound by Pan in a trippy twist on BDSM.
Liv Tyler donned a tight PVC costume for her BDSM scene in the comedy, One Night at McCool's .
Gretchen Mol starred as pin-up girl Bettie Page in this biopic that also delved into her work posing for bondage shoots.
In a guest role on House , John Cho played a man who turns out to be the submissive in a dom-sub relationship with a dominatrix. It's a medical drama, so there aren't a lot of sexy scenes, but it does show how dom-sub relationships manifest outside of the bedroom. 
Netflix's series Bonding was all about the life of a dominatrix-by-night/grad-student-by-day (Zoe Levin) and her friend/assist
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