Bondage And Domination
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Bondage And Domination
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If you think the Fifty Shades franchise deserves all the credit for making BDSM mainstream, think again. Some of Hollywood's biggest stars have been tackling roles with onscreen BDSM for years. Here are 14 movies and TV shows that invited A-list actors to explore their own shades of grey/gray.
Of course we have to include it. Johnson and Dornan star in the film adaptation of the Fifty Shades trilogy, meaning they've engaged in lots of BDSM on screen.
Often heralded as one of the best BDSM films of all time, 2002's Secretary follows the relationship of a dominant boss and his submissive secretary. Coincidentally, the boss, played by Spader, is named Grey.
The movie focuses on the affair between psychologist Carl Jung and Sabina Spielrein, who was initially a patient of Jung's and later became a physician herself (not to mention one of the first female psychoanalysts). The pair explore their sexual impulses, including bondage and spanking.
The infamous leg-crossing scene gets all of the attention, but Stone's character Catherine Tramell is also very into bondage.
This steamy '80s movie follows the dominant/submissive relationship between Mickey Rourke's John Gray (yes, another Mr. Gray) and Kim Basinger's Elizabeth McGraw.
Behold: Charlize Theron wielding a riding crop in a flapper dress for Head in the Clouds.
On Showtime's Billions , Paul Giamatti stars as Chuck Rhoades Jr., the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York, who enjoys a private BDSM relationship as his wife's (played by Maggie Siff) submissive.
In the second season of Amazon's hit Transparent , Sarah Pfefferman (played by Amy Landecker) begins a BDSM relationship with a dom called Pony.
Doctor Who star Billie Piper's turn as a dominatrix in ITV2's Secret Diary of A Call Girl is iconic.
In 2000's The Cell , Jennifer Lopez is bound by Pan in a trippy twist on BDSM.
Liv Tyler donned a tight PVC costume for her BDSM scene in the comedy, One Night at McCool's .
Gretchen Mol starred as pin-up girl Bettie Page in this biopic that also delved into her work posing for bondage shoots.
In a guest role on House , John Cho played a man who turns out to be the submissive in a dom-sub relationship with a dominatrix. It's a medical drama, so there aren't a lot of sexy scenes, but it does show how dom-sub relationships manifest outside of the bedroom.
Netflix's series Bonding was all about the life of a dominatrix-by-night/grad-student-by-day (Zoe Levin) and her friend/assistant (Brendan Scannell).
Kayleigh Roberts is a freelance writer and editor with more than 10 years of professional experience. Her byline has appeared in Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, ELLE, Harper’s Bazaar, The Atlantic, Allure, Entertainment Weekly, MTV, Bustle, Refinery29, Girls’ Life Magazine, Just Jared, and Tiger Beat, among other publications. She's a graduate of the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern University.
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Curious about the consensual, erotic power play of BDSM, but don't feel ready to invest in a full-scale dungeon just yet? We have good news: You can add BDSM moves to your partnered sex life without spending a mint on new accessories or mastering dozens of different rope ties.
Even in a post- Fifty Shades world, there's no shame in being new to BDSM. And while investing in kink gear and sex toys can be fun, this kind of play is ultimately about you, your partner or partners, and consensual power exchange, not capitalism. "BDSM doesn’t require any money," kink-friendly sex therapist Michael Aaron tells Allure . "Much of it is psychological, and if you are looking for impact play, many people feel like no toy beats their hands anyway, and that’s free. Likewise, various household items such as rope and clothespins can be used in scenes, and they hardly cost anything at all." (A "scene" is how people commonly refer to a period in which the kinky play goes down.) From safely restraining your partner to experimenting with role-play, here are eight ways you can explore BDSM with your partner tonight.
When we talk about dominance and submission in BDSM, we're talking about consensual power exchange: That means that even if a submissive partner is tied up and allowing the dominant partner to dictate what happens in a scene, the terms have been discussed and agreed upon by all partners beforehand. In fact, the sub can even be thought of as the one in control, since it's the dominant partner's responsibility to always respect their limits. Before trying anything new, talk it over with your partner to make sure you're both into whatever's about to go down. You may be interested in choosing a safe word that stops play if needed. Learning your turn-ons and boundaries (and your partner's) is all part of the fun of BDSM, and discussing your encounter before it happens can be its own anticipation-building form of foreplay.
Are you a submissive who likes being reprimanded? Do you want to be told that you're a bad girl and that you're going to do what daddy wants? Ask your partner to talk dirty to you. Anyone can engage in dirty talk related to BDSM themes, whether you are dominant, submissive, or both (someone who plays both roles is referred to as a switch). Dirty talk allows you to express your desires. Verbal cues also help you visualize hot fantasies. Say you have a fantasy of being restrained but for now just want to hear your partner tell you about how they're going to tie you up and (consensually) use you, or you'd like to see how it feels to call them "sir." Dirty talk lets you explore fantasies before physically trying them.
Adding sensory deprivation to your sex life is an easy and tantalizing way to build tension. When you temporarily subtract stimuli from one sense, you can heighten others: For instance, when you can't see because you're wearing a blindfold, a whisper in your ear or the taste of your partner's mouth may seem all the more intense — and exciting.
If you want to buy a blindfold, start with a comfy silk one such as this $8 satin mask from Babeland . You can also use a sleeping mask or the silk tie of a bathrobe. Depending on what role you want to play, ask your partner to blindfold you or ask if you can blindfold them. Once the blindfold is on, the partner not wearing it can tease and tantalize the wearer, leaving them guessing what's coming next by kissing all over their body, whispering dirty talk into their ear, or tickling erogenous zones with a feather.
Orgasm control, especially when done to a person with a penis, is usually referred to as "edging." This involves bringing someone nearly to orgasm and then abruptly stopping the stimulation, then repeating as desired. If you're new to orgasm control, you probably already know that delayed gratification can make the end reward that much sweeter. You don't have to have any sort of rigid edging routine to explore orgasm control: If you're the submissive partner, simply relax and give your dominant partner permission to take your orgasm into their hands. Have them use their mouth or a sex toy to bring you close to climax, stopping right beforehand. When you can't wait any longer, let them help you cross the finish line and prepare for the most intense orgasm you've had in a while.
Candles are useful for more than just creating mood lighting. They can also be used for temperature play, or using hot and cold to provoke arousal during sexual play . (This technique can feature in both vanilla and BDSM encounters.)
In the case of candles, you can have a partner drizzle hot wax on your body, but don't just use candles you picked up from the grocery store: The wax from those can be a little too hot. Companies such as Jimmyjane make massage candles designed for sex, in erotic scents such as bourbon and ginger and date . These sex-specific candles burn at lower temperatures than most conventional ones and also melt into luxurious oil that you can use for erotic massage. Since role-play, especially anything that involves power dynamics, is great BDSM fun, try role-playing as a massage therapist and client — complete with a happy ending if you so choose.
Restraint is the crux of many BDSM scene. After you and your partner discuss what activities are on the table when one of you is tied up (perhaps that's spanking, nipple biting, and oral sex are) and what's off-limits (maybe you're not too keen on spitting or face slapping), the tying can begin. There are many great books out there to teach you some basic knot-tying skills, such as The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage by Midori, but you don't have to get fancy; just make sure the knot or tie is something you can undo when you're ready. You can buy some specialty bondage rope or even use a scarf or a bathrobe tie. Pro tip: Lay whatever material you're using flat against the skin so that it doesn't bunch up and threaten to cut off circulation. If you use rope, keep some safety shears around so that if one of your knots becomes stuck, you can simply cut through the rope.
Handcuffs are another common restraint tool, and they tend to be quite user-friendly. While ropes are highly versatile, you don't have worry about your tying skills with handcuffs, and since you can also use cuffs to ensure the submissive partner is unable to touch themselves, they're handy for experimenting with orgasm denial. Start with some comfy Velcro cuffs , or if you want a realistic-looking pair, try these metal handcuffs from the Fifty Shades of Grey line on for size.
Role-playing can help you get into a kinky mood as you take on the personas of people with power dynamics you want to explore, such as a boss and secretary or student and professor. Dressing up is a creative, liberating way to explore hidden desires, so if you're turned on by being dominant or submissive with your partner but feel a little nervous, the right outfit could help.
It can be as simple as something you already have at home, such as a tie or a plaid skirt, but sites like Lovehoney offer a dazzling range of affordable costume options . Do you want to be the patient who asks the hot doctor to examine them and test their orgasm? Have your partner throw on a stethoscope. Turned on by cheerleader role-play? Put your hair in pigtails and lean into the fantasy. Costumes help us step into the dominant or submissive roles we want to act out in bed. Even if you throw on a costume and end up having vanilla sex, who doesn't love an excuse to play dress-up as an adult?
Watch our wellness editor test this wild flavor of lube:
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When you hear the word “punishment,” sex probably isn't the first thing that comes to mind. But in BDSM —an umbrella term that encompasses bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism, and masochism—punishment can be a major component of sex. And a pleasurable one, at that.
“Punishment is a behavior modification tool used in some [dominant/submissive] dynamics to train or discipline a submissive when they’ve defied a boundary or disobeyed an order,” explains Charyn Pfeuffer, a sex and relationships writer and author of 101 Ways to Rock Online Dating . “There’s no one-size-fits-all playbook for punishment, and not every kinky relationship uses it.”
Every couple is free to determine the type and severity of punishments they want to use—and the options are essentially endless. For example, if the submissive partner is a "brat" (a sub who enjoys disobeying their dom’s rules), a dom might give you a spanking as a punishment for being naughty.
“Punishment can include spankings, slapping, choking, use of restraints, or (consensually) forcing your partner into sexual acts," says Daniel Saynt, founder and chief conspirator of The New Society for Wellness , a private members Open Love club for the adventurous. "It's really up to you and your partner to set the limits of what's okay for punishment and what's not.”
Like with most deliciously kinky things, punishment is not just about pain, but also pleasure. It’s a dance between the dom and sub that allows them to explore sides of themselves they may not get a chance to express in real life.
“Sexual punishment is when you know there is a part of you that is under-expressed, maybe from shame or fear,” says Kenneth Play , international sex educator and and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series . “So, if you feel like you’re being a dirty slut, being punished by your partner allows you to live out that feeling, while also enjoying your 'dirty slut' side.”
IMPORTANT: Before you engage in any BDSM punishments, you and your partner must thoroughly discuss your boundaries and limits beforehand. Despite the connotation of punishing someone, the activity still requires enthusiastic consent from all parties; the punished wants to be punished, and the punisher wants to punish.
This is where you bring someone to the brink of orgasm, only to stop touching them right before orgasm. Oh, the sweet agony.
Put them over your knee and show them what happens to naughty people who break the rules. Just remember to aim for the fleshy parts of the body, such as the butt cheeks and upper thighs.
Or, you could deny them a spanking. “Sometimes a submissive will ‘act out’ to get the punishment that they really enjoy," says Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven , the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shop. "One way to punish them is to NOT give them what they enjoy."
Force your sub to agree to keep their pretty little mouth shut. You can go a step further by not allowing your submissive to speak while in a public place without asking permission first.
This would be cruel outside of a consenting dom/sub dynamic, but hot as hell if both parties are into it. “[This entails] getting your submissive dressed up for an event that they really enjoy, but upon arrival making them sit outside on the ground with their hands in their lap and not allow them to come into the event for a specific amount of time,” Sparks says.
Make your submissive walk on all fours with a collar and a leash like a dog. You can incorporate a dog mask designed for kink, like this one , and even take the act outside for the public humiliation factor.
This is a form of public degradation: You make your submissive wear a shirt that literally says "slut" on it.
“Chain your partner to the bed and leave them there to wait for your return,” Saynt says. “Leave your home and decide how long you want to make them wait for you. Come back to them begging you to set them free.” Oh, the fun that can ensue afterward!
This is when you "make" your partner "take" the pleasure, even if it feels like over-stimulation. “Force your partner to have orgasms until they are completely overwhelmed—then keep going,” Play says.
This is when the dom has sex with someone else and forces the sub to watch. Cuckolding is a more advanced activity, and we suggest doing your research before bringing a new person into the bedroom. For a slightly tamer version, the dominant partner can make the submissive watch them get off with a toy.
“Refuse to let your partner pleasure you and make them beg for a taste," Saynt suggests. "Come within a few inches of their mouth, watch their tongue sli
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