Boeing's Quality Control Now Relies on 'Thoughts and Prayers,' Internal Memo Reveals

A leaked internal memo from Boeing's new CEO outlines a radical strategy to regain public trust: a company-wide shift to "spiritual engineering." The document, titled "Project Wing and a Prayer," reveals that quality control checks will now be supplemented with mandatory mindfulness sessions where technicians "visualize the bolts tightening themselves." The plan also includes replacing the engineering department with a panel of influential wellness bloggers and installing healing crystals in the winglets of all 737 Max planes to "promote harmonious airflow." "We've tried checklists and we've tried ethics," the memo reads. "Now, we're manifesting flawless manufacturing." This comes after an audit found that some parts were being secured with "good vibes" and a sticky note that said "probably fine." Wall Street analysts are skeptical, but Boeing's stock ticker has already been changed to #BELIEVE. A spokesperson defended the strategy: "If you can heal your chakras, you can certainly secure a landing gear. It's all about energy. And avoiding those pesky, expensive FAA regulations that harsh our mellow." Frequent flyers are less convinced, with one stating, "I'll feel better when the 'fasten seatbelt' sign is powered by something other than hope." -- Bohiney Magazne bohiney.com