Body Massage Before Sex

Body Massage Before Sex
by Zachary Zane and Ro White Published: Aug 3, 2022
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It'll be your new favorite foreplay routine.
There are regular massages , which most folks find relaxing, and then there are erotic massages, which can be downright life-changing. Erotic messages are similar to regular ones, except they're aimed at releasing tension and decreasing stress in the recipient by either enhancing or achieving sexual arousal.
If you’re giving an erotic massage, you can’t do it half-assed. After all, your partner will have their full ass in front of you, so you need to give their body all the attention it deserves. There are two essential components of erotic massage, and you need to be good at both. First is the actual massage part. The second part is making it sensual.
Here are 7 steps to giving your partner an erotic massage they’ll remember.
Have your partner disrobe and lie face-down on a firm bed. They can fully or partially cover up with a sheet if they’re feeling shy. Dim the lights, light some candles , and play some relaxing music—it doesn’t need to be typical spa music or the sound of the rainforest, but it should be something that you know your partner finds soothing. If you really want to step your game up, use an essential oil diffuser to pump some soothing scents into the air.
According to Charla Hathaway , an intimacy coach and clinical sexologist who literally wrote the book on erotic massage, there are two things you should do before the massaging begins. First, check in with your partner about their boundaries (are there any areas on your partner’s body that they don’t want massaged or touched?). Then, set some intentions together. “Offer [the] release of something to get rid of—pressure, stress, headiness, etc.—and then light an intention candle for what you both want to bring into the experience—deep breath, self-love, body acceptance, etc.” she says.
Before you start digging into the knots in your partner’s shoulders, help them feel grounded and present in their body using light touch or sensation toys. “Sensation toys to use before any oil is used are feathers, furs, silk scarves, leather floggers, [or] cornstarch on your fingertips,” Hathaway says.
When it’s time for the massaging part, don’t just grab the big bottle of Lubriderm sitting in the cabinet underneath the sink. Use oil to create an authentic massage experience. “I love organic coconut oil for summer, almond oil in the winter,” Hathaway says. You can even use CBD massage oil to make things extra relaxing. Just make sure to check in about your partner’s skin allergies ahead of time.
Pro tip: If you’re massaging a vulva-owner and you’re planning to end the massage with genital stimulation, stick with coconut oil or wash your hands before any vaginal penetration. Some ingredients can disrupt the vagina’s delicate pH balance.
For at least the first 20 minutes of the erotic massage, it should simply look like a regular massage . Don’t head straight to your partner’s erogenous zones. You should help them relax and move towards their sensitive areas slowly. That way, by the time you work your way down to your partner’s genitals, they’re in a physical and mental space to fully receive you.
“Use the heel of your hand to make continuous fluid movements and work the whole length of the muscle,” says Susan Findlay , director of the North London School of Sports Massage. Make sure you're taking your time and focusing on each muscle before moving to the next (at least two minutes per area). If you feel a knot in one place, knead that bad boy out before moving on to another part of their body.
Alright, by now you’ve massaged their neck, their back, so it’s time to move on to…exactly, yes. But jokes aside, you should have given your partner a full body massage at this point. Now you can get to the fun stuff and start teasing them. Get close to touching your partner’s erogenous zones without actually touching them. Instead of going straight for the nipples, massage around the breast. Instead of going straight for the vagina or penis, massage the crease where your partner’s thigh connects to their pelvis. Etc.
Once you’ve teased your partner long enough, then and only then do you get to actually touch their sexy parts. By this point, they should be stewing in sexual tension, so even the lightest touch might make them moan. Start with a light hand job or circular motions around a partner’s clitoris. After some time, you can take things to the next level, whether that’s digital penetration , a firmer hand job , direct clitoral stimulation , or oral sex . If you want your partner to enjoy multiple sensations at once, Hathaway suggests asking your partner to “help.” Maybe they can touch their own clitoris while you penetrate their vagina, or maybe they play with their ass while you give your partner a blow job.
If you’ve done everything right, there’s a high likelihood that your partner will orgasm after all of this build-up; after that, they’ll feel very relaxed. Join your partner for a post-orgasm cuddle session. Then take everything you’ve learned about your partner’s body and put it to use the next time you’re in the sack.
And keep practicing erotic massage, too! If you and your partner massage each other on a regular basis, it might bring you closer together. “Make erotic massage a ritual,” Hathway says. “Once a month, to learn more about each other.”
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, and culture. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine and currently has a queer cannabis column, Puff Puff YASS , at Civilized .
Ro White is a Chicago-based writer, sex educator, and Autostraddle’s Sex & Dating Editor.
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Here’s how to turn a sexy rubdown into the best sex of your life.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret: massages are sexy. I mean, what’s not hot about running your hands all over a woman’s body and making her feel good? Nothing . Everything about it is sexy.
Fun fact: There’s even an entire genre of porn about massages gone wild, which means a sensual massage has a lot of potential to turn real sexy, real fast.
But then again, there are also porn genres about real estate agents getting frisky , and people in creepy animal costumes (i.e. furries), so realistically, it would appear as though anything and everything has the potential to turn into sex.
Anyway, you don’t have to be a professional masseuse to give an amazing massage, because let’s face it, not many of us know a goddamn thing about pressure points and back-rubbing technique. But the beauty of giving a massage is that you can just squeeze and knead random parts of her body, and it’ll feel good anyway!
And when you think about it, it’s not difficult to figure out that running your hands all over your girlfriend’s naked body is probably going to lead to sex, which is why I spoke to tantric massage expert Candice Leigh, who recently taught an entire workshop on erotic massages at New York’s naughty club NSFW , about how to execute the perfect sensual massage that will definitely lead to sex.
I hope you’ll find this as illuminating as I did.
1. Set the mood. Just as candles and music set the mood during sex and make everything feel 10 times sexier, you can be damn sure that a little mood music and a couple candles are going to take your sexy massage to the next level, too.
Science has shown that vanilla is one of the sexiest scents ever, which means you can never go wrong with a vanilla-scented candle. So, light one of those, put on a playlist of sex-tastic tunes , and get down to business.
Or, if you have an Amazon Echo, you can use its new feature and tell Alexa you’re feeling sexy , or for it to “set the mood,” and it’ll put on a sexy playlist for you. We’re living in the future, folks.
2. Use massage oils. When it comes to sex stuff, everything is better when its slippery, which is why you shouldn’t forego massage oils. Seriously – when in doubt, lube things up.
But when I say to use oils, I don’t mean to drown her in it like you’re marinating a flank steak. You only need a little bit – just a few drops on your hands to start with, and add more if you want a little more slipperiness.
If you’re going to give her a literal full-body massage, a.k.a. including her lady bits, Candice suggests using coconut oil. You know, because it smells good, it’s natural, and it won’t throw off her pH level down there.
On everything else, try Aura Glow Massage Oil if you’re all about that natural lifestyle, or J’adore Silky Body Oil if you want something that smells really, really good.
3. Treat the massage like foreplay. Fact: Women love foreplay.
Also fact: Many of us don’t pay enough attention to this very important part of sex, therefore it doesn’t last as long as it should.
And this, my friends, is why a sensual massage is a great precursor to sex. You’re literally feeling her up with oils, you’re getting her relaxed and in a totally zen state of mind, and you just happen to be touching her erogenous zones over and over again, so it’s basically guaranteed to turn naughty pretty swiftly.
“Women’s arousal sometimes takes longer, and sometimes a man may be at his maximum arousal state, but the woman may only be half way there,” Candice says, implying all dudes should take note of this brute truth.
“Erotic and sensual touch can provide so much unintentional foreplay: she is breathing, slowing down her mind, relaxing more into her body by having her whole body touched, and by the time her partner is stimulating her nipples, labia, clitoris — she most likely is at her maximum arousal state. Her experience and desire for sex may be twice as great!”
4. Take your time. In life, there are certain things you really, really shouldn’t rush. For instance, a blossoming relationship, foreplay, or a delightful chocolate soufflé in the oven. If you push it and try to make it work before it’s ready, it’s going to be complete shit.
And just like those arbitrary examples stated above, you shouldn’t rush a sexy massage, either.
“When giving or receiving an erotic or sensual massage, let there be so much time and spaciousness for not only the entire experience, but with each body part,” Candice advises.
“Each body part, erogenous or not, deserves equal time and attention. Taking the entire body into consideration will promote full body orgasms and profound sensational states.”
5. Don’t try to make her orgasm A.S.A.P. Sure, I get it, you want to make her orgasm. As good as it feels for her, you feel like your ego is giving you a pat on the back when you manage to get her off.
However, as I said before, do. not. rush. it. Just focus on touching her, see how she’s responding to your touch, and just try to enjoy everything that’s happening.
“Let not the goal be to orgasm, but to enjoy all the moments that lead up to it. the whole experience is orgasmic, not just the actual orgasm.
“Sensual bodywork on its own can be the sexual experience, or the appetizer that leads to sex or other play. Sensual bodywork can be erotic, steamy, playful, silly, but can also illicit a depth of emotion and memory that lives and rests in our genitals if we have the time, sensitivity, and patience to explore it.”
With some parting advice on the importance of touch, the founder and ‘Chief Conspirator’ of NSFW , Daniel Saynt, says: “It’s important for us to practice touch in such a touch free-world. Technology distances us and forces communications that don’t connect us to the healing power of touch.
“The “ How to Touch “ class (which Candice taught) was designed to combat that behavior and encourage sexual and non-sexual touch between consenting partners.”
And that, my dudes, is why we should all be giving and receiving massages all the damn time. It feels good, it brings us closer to our partner, and it helps us have sex. What’s not to love?

by Krissy Brady Published: Mar 24, 2016
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Because two hands are always better than one.
Happy ending massages sound kinda hot in theory , but, as we've been told , the real deal doesn't usually follow through on the fantasy (as in, they often involve a darkly lit back room in a sketchy part of town).
However, you can totally go the DIY route with your partner for a super-hot night in. All you need are a few sexy tricks up your sleeve.
Here, some special tips for your male or female "client."
Set the Mood
A happy ending massage is all about ambiance and, well, sex. Before getting handsy, set the mood by dimming the lights, lighting a few candles, and splurging on some fine-ass massage oils. Bonus points for busting out clean sheets, fluffy towels, and a skimpy outfit for your bae to admire.
Lay the Groundwork
Start with the feather stroke: Lightly caress your S.O.'s neck , shoulders, arms, back, and buttocks with your fingertips for at least five minutes. "You can do this in circular motions, long fluid motions, or from side to side," says sex therapist Ava Cadell, Ph.D., author of Neuroloveology . "If you have medium to long hair and don't mind getting oil in it, use your locks to caress his body, too." Mix up the location of your digits so he doesn't know where you're going to strike next. To heat things up, gradually upgrade to firm, slow strokes using your thumbs and the palms of your hands.
Next, turn your partner over and build anticipation by giving his or her inner thighs a rubdown. "The inner thighs , for ladies and gents, are very sensitive because they're so close to the genitals," says board-certified clinical sexologist Debra Laino . Gently knead the area using either your fingertips or the heel of your hand. Consider this move the teaser to the grand finale.
Nipple play is also important. " Nipple stimulation is processed in the same region of the brain as touch to the clitoris and penis, so lightly stimulating the area around the nipple (the areola) on both men and women can be very stimulating," says Laino. "It will increase blood flow to both the nipples and to the genital area." Use your thumb and index finger to slowly (and gently!) massage the nipple in a rotating motion—moving clockwise, then counter-clockwise—then use your thumb and ring finger to pull it up so you're elongating it, says Cadell. Ask for feedback so that you get the pressure just right.
And don't forget the abs! This is a hot spot for both men and women—especially the area between the belly button and genitals, says Laino. "Massaging this area can make the pelvic floor muscles contract," she says. That sends blood flow straight to the genitals, she says. Press firmly, but not too firmly; you don't want his bladder to start giving you 'tude.
Ok, now that your S.O. is primed and ready, onto the good stuff:
For Him
Warm up some massage oil by rubbing it with both hands, then spread it all over his penis and testicles . Place one hand on the shaft of his penis, and start stroking it in an up and down motion, says Cadell. Meanwhile, use the other hand to gently roll his testicles in your palm. Do this in slow-mo for at least a few minutes.
Next, gently rub his penis with both hands as if rubbing a stick to make a fire, then gradually segue into a corkscrew motion, where one hand twists up while the other twists down.
Now concentrate on massaging his penis from top to bottom, covering the head and sliding your hands down to the base—one after another—in a fluid motion. "Do this for about 10 strokes and don't be surprised if he suddenly climaxes because this stroke makes him feel like he's inside a wet vagina," says Cadell. Me . Ow .
For Her
"On the female genitals, it's best to switch to a water-based lubricant because if oil gets inside the vagina, it can cause irritation," says Cadell. Make sure to warm the lube with your hands first before placing them in her vagina.
Start by focusing on the vulva, which is the outside visible area of the vagina, says Cadell. Gently rub the lube around her vaginal lips all the way down to her anus.
Gently part her outer lips with both of your thumbs, caressing them in circular motions for at least two minut
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