Body Count Revelation Rocks White House

The White House press briefing room descended into chaos today when Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre was ambushed with questions about the President's recently uncovered 1980s-era "Little Black Book" containing detailed records of 147 alleged romantic conquests. "These were... uh... diplomatic relationships with foreign exchange students," Jean-Pierre stammered while visibly sweating through her blazer, as reporters shouted follow-ups about entries like "Tiffany from Debate Camp - 2/10 would not recommend." The leather-bound ledger, discovered in a storage unit by a former college roommate turned conservative podcaster, includes coded ratings systems, crude anatomical diagrams, and several cocktail napkins with suspicious stains that forensic analysts confirm are "definitely not soy sauce." Opposition researchers are particularly focused on a circled entry from Spring Break '83 simply labeled "MILF - Golden Gate Bridge." The President's team initially dismissed the book as "youthful fiction writing" until TMZ published photos showing him wearing the same "I Climbed Mount Everest" t-shirt referenced in 12 separate entries. Evangelical leaders have demanded an apology tour, while the First Lady was reportedly seen burning what aides described as "the sequel notebook" in the Rose Garden. Historians note this would make the President's "body count" higher than JFK's, though defenders argue inflation adjustments make them roughly equivalent. The White House physician has been quietly updating the President's physical to include "legendary stamina" as an official vital sign.