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13 Blow Job Myths That Just Need To Die
1. Myth: You should swallow even if you're not a fan.
2. Myth: All men are obsessed with blowies, so if a dude doesn't want one, he hates you.
3. Myth: Deep throating is the key to an excellent BJ.
4. Myth: There's basically only one blow job position.
5. Myth: A blow job isn't "real sex."
6. Myth: It's normal for guys to push your head down.
7. Myth: If your teeth touch his penis, it'll fall off.
8. Myth: You always have to perform a blow job to completion.
9. Myth: Your mouth can always provide enough spit to make the act enjoyable.
10. Myth: If your BJ skills are up to par, it should be over in a few minutes.
11. Myth: You need blow-job sorcery for uncircumcised penises.
12. Myth: If you give your mouth a break, you have to start from the beginning.
13. Myth: You have to love giving blow jobs in order to be sexy.
Zahra Barnes joined SELF in November 2015, working on the Culture and Health teams before eventually becoming Executive Editor. She has spent her career as a reporter and editor covering people's lives with a focus on wellness.
Zahra specializes in sexual, reproductive, and mental health, all with the goal of destigmatizing... Read more
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Oral sex can seem baffling if you think about it when you're not turned on. You're supposed to put your mouth where? And you would want someone's face in your most private spot why? But in the moment, when you're with someone you're into, oral sex can seem like a more genius invention than the lightbulb. The only annoying part is when you're having sex with a guy and certain blow job myths get in the way of both of you enjoying the act as much as possible. Here, 13 blow job myths you should stop believing, stat.
Unlike green smoothies, semen is not some nutrient-rich elixir. When you treat someone to a mouth-induced orgasm, they don't get to judge what you do after the fact. Spit, swallow, move out of the way so it doesn't get in your hair, whatever. As long as you're not like, "Ew, this is disgusting, you're a beast," there shouldn't be any complaints.
There are so many reasons a guy may not be up for a blow job. Just like some women love receiving oral sex and others prefer different forms of clitoral entertainment , he might be into a different kind of foreplay. Or he could be saving you from encountering his sweaty post-workout package. Or maybe he wants to talk about his feelings instead of having sex. Point is, it doesn't automatically mean he doesn't like you or thinks your blow jobs are awful.
If you can deep throat without issue, go for it. It's an awesome skill that you unfortunately can't list on your résumé, so use it when you can. But you can also give a stellar blow job without the head of a penis provoking your gag reflex.
Actually, there's a whole wide world of oral sex positions out there beyond you kneeling in front of him. You can try 69, lying next to him, your head hanging off the bed, lying down while he kneels on top of you, and so much more.
For some women, getting face-to-face with a penis is more intimate than having PIV sex. And even if you're not one of them, you can definitely still get sexually transmitted infections from giving a blow job because you're exchanging bodily fluids (and you can also get STIs like herpes and HPV from skin-to-skin contact).
Great if it turns you on. But if it makes you feel weird, ask him to stop. Blow jobs should be good for both people, not just the one receiving them.
The world won't end because you experience a little teeth-penis contact. As long as you're not scraping them up and down his shaft throughout, it's probably not an issue. Depending on the guy, he might even like it! But definitely ask before doing it intentionally.
You could. Or you could trade off, so he goes down on you for a bit, then you continue giving him a blow job after. Or you could stop before he comes and have sex until he orgasms . Or you could break up intercourse with some bouts of oral sex. The end goal doesn't always have to be orgasm.
Cotton mouth happens. Luckily, flavored lube exists! Just be sure to use a type that's compatible with condoms if they're a part of your sex routine, and also check that it's safe for intercourse if you plan on doing that after.
So many factors can influence how much time it takes a guy to orgasm: when he most recently came, what he's thinking about, whether he's holding out because he wants it to last longer...
An uncircumcised penis is still sheathed in its foreskin, which covers the head. A circumcised penis no longer has a foreskin, so the head is exposed. That's the only difference—they're both still penises, and guys still like it when you touch them.
Yes, the two types sometimes require different kinds of stimulation, since uncircumcised penises often have more sensitive heads and there's more skin to play with. But if you're used to one kind of penis and encounter another, don't freak out. Just ask the guy what he likes! You have his penis in your hands. He probably won't mind if you ask exactly how he'd prefer for you to handle it.
If he's right on the brink of orgasm and you call a time out, yes, you'll probably have to put in some extra work to get him back to the point of no return. But if you feel like your jaw's seizing up, give it a rest. You can use your hands to keep the good feelings going.
You know that whole idea of how nothing's hotter than a woman who loves giving blow jobs so much, she can practically orgasm from them? False. Enthusiasm is always attractive, but you don't have to worship at the blow job altar to be attractive yourself.
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Here's everything you need to know about giving a life-changing BJ.
Giving a blowjob can be a little intimidating if you’ve never done it before. And even if you are a seasoned blowjob pro, you can still get jitters when your partner whips it out. There are a ton of questions that can run through your head: What if they don't like it? What if their penis smells weird? What if it tastes weird? What if I get pubic hair in my mouth? What if they want me to deepthroat and I can’t?
Since there are certain variables you can't control, like smell and taste—although that said, you could politely suggest a pre-sex cleaning routine —you should focus on the things you can do to ensure that it's a good experience for all parties, like learning about various positions, techniques, and sex toys for giving a blowjob. (This won’t just make it great for your partner, it’ll also make the BJ experience more enjoyable for you!)
Before we get into the nitty gritty of how to give a blowjob, it's important to note that everyone is different, and what may feel good to one penis-owner might not feel great to another. Besides, the psychological aspect of having someone’s lips around your penis is what makes blowjobs so enticing for many folks.
“When men talk to me about missing blowjobs or not getting them, they're not usually talking about the physical pleasure; they’re talking about the psychological pleasure and what a blowjob means to them erotically,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT, sex therapist, and author of So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex . That’s because “the physical pleasure of fellatio is fairly straightforward and in a certain sense, a guy could give himself the same sensations with his own hand and some lube.”
There are elements of power, dominance, and submission involved in a blowjob, but also trust. This person has your most prized possession in their mouth and could easily do some damage with their teeth.
“A partner brings their own sense of presence and creativity to the blowjob experience,” Kerner says. “The giver brings their own sense of play and psychological themes—that's what makes it feel good.”
Even though blowjobs are often about the psychological thrill, there are still many universal dos and don’ts of giving a great BJ. And the more tools you have in your BJ toolbox, the more things you can switch to in case you get a feeling that your partner isn’t enjoying it as much as they could. (You also don’t want to tire yourself out, so it’s good having various techniques to switch things up.)
In this explainer, we’re going to provide all we can to help you give the best damn blowjob ever. In addition to speaking with Kerner, was also spoke to Michael Ingber , MD, a urologist and urogynecologist at Garden State Urology and Ashley Cobb , Lovehoney’s sex toy educator. With their tips below, you’ll be giving earth-shattering, toe-curling blowjobs in no time.
When you’re watching porn, you may notice that often, the person receiving the blowjob starts completely erect and the blowjob giver immediately downs his penis, sucking as hard as possible.
“Even if he's hard at the commencement of fellatio, don't assume it's a full erection,” Kerner says. “This means going slow and light and getting that blood moving into the genitals. Tap the penis with fingers, tease the glans with your tongue. Apply some light pinches up and down the shaft. You can even tickle and graze the shaft with your fingers/fingernails.” Then, once your partner’s penis is fully erect and filled with blood, you can start sucking with more force.
You may think that you only use your mouth during a blowjob and your hand(s) during a handjob, but “a good blowjob is a collaboration between hands and mouth,” Kerner says. For one, you will tucker yourself out if you only use your mouth. There’s a reason why it’s called a blow job . It’s a goddamn job to give great head, and requires a ton of work. Second, you want to be able to stimulate your partner’s entire penis. Unless if you’re porn performer Sasha Grey or another deepthroating master, you won’t be able to get their entire penis inside your mouth, especially if they’re on the bigger side. You want to be able to stimulate the highly sensitive head and the shaft at the same time.
A good starting point for getting your hand involved is wrapping it around your partner's penis and moving it up and down in rhythm with your head—like your cupped hand is an extension of your mouth. Make sure there's enough saliva so that your hand can slide up and down easily—which brings us to the next point:
“When giving great head, there's no such thing as too much spit,” Cobb says. “Saliva serves as a natural lubricant and reduces painful friction, which takes away from pleasure when performing fellatio.”
Don’t be afraid to spit directly on the penis before and during a blowjob. If you notice that your mouth gets dry while giving a BJ, consider taking mouth-watering mints that help increase saliva production .
Pay attention to his stroke when he's masturbating or when you're having sex,” Cobb says. “When he's about to climax, does he go faster like a rabbit? Does he keep a steady tempo? What else do you notice he does when touching himself?” You’ll see when some people stroke, they tend to go slowly. Others move their hands so quickly, they become a blur, whereas others solely focus on the head of their penis, ignoring their shaft entirely. You want to copy their masturbatory rhythm with your own mouth and hands.
You can use angles to provide various sensations. “There are several different textures at your disposal in your mouth: the roughness of your tongue, the ridgy roof of your mouth, the smoothness of the insides of your cheeks,” Cobb says. “Use all of these textures to create dynamic pleasure for your partner.”
In addition to sucking, you can lick your partner's penis along the shaft, swirl your tongue around the head, and “flick” the head of their penis from the inside of your cheeks.
When giving blowjobs, a lot of people focus solely on the head and shaft of the penis. Yes, those two areas should be primary focuses, but they shouldn’t be the only thing you’re stimulating when you’re going down on your partner. “While going down, you can cup the balls,” Kerner says. Some guys even like to have their testicles sucked on lightly. (If you pull their testicles too far down or away from their body, it can be painful, so be careful.) “You can also tap or apply pressure to the perineum ,” Kerner says. (The perineum is the area between the testicles and the anus, and it’s a highly-erogenous zone that feels fantastic when stimulated.)
Porn would lead you to believe that the only way to give a blowjob is down on your knees while your partner stands in front of you. And while getting on your knees can be a sexy way to play with power dynamics—not to mention puts your mouth directly at penis height—it's far from the only way to go down on someone. There are so many amazing blowjob positions out there.
Your partner is probably used to masturbating with their hand, and you can grip a lot harder with your hands than with a pair of lips. Translation: most penis-owners are accustomed to climaxing with more pressure on and around their penis. After you start slowly and your partner’s penis is fully erect, don’t be afraid to suck more forcefully with your lips to apply more pressure. For the most part, you don’t need to worry about sucking “too hard”—but feel free to pause and ask your partner how it feels, then adjust accordingly if need be.
Edging is when you bring your partner right to the point of climax—the “edge” of orgasm—then stop, rest, and repeat. When you finally do let your partner orgasm, the orgasm tends to be far more powerful, full-body, and euphoric than if you let them ejaculate the first time around. “Edging is really fun to play with,” Kerner says. It can be an ultimate tease and a great way to incorporate elements of power play.
If your partner is open to the idea, incorporate prostate stimulation while you’re blowing them. “Many men masturbate with a prostate stimulator or butt plug. These toys can be used in combination with fellatio, making for unparalleled pleasure,” Kerner says. You can include prostate massagers , anal beads , butt plugs , or another anal-focus sex toy while blowing them. Or, you can finger your partner , targeting the prostate while you go down.
There's a lot a partner can do with a standard vibrator to enhance pleasure. “Vibration applied to the penis really gets those pleasurable nerve endings tingling,” Kerner says. “Place the vibrator against the shaft and wrap your hands around the toy, and then just lick, suck, and tease the head of his penis with your tongue.” A vibrator also feels good under the testicles and pressed against the perineum, too!
There is a clear beginning, middle, and end to a blowjob. In the beginning, you start slowly and get your partner rock-hard. The middle is all about that sucking and hand stuff to get your partner to the point of orgasm, and the finale is what to do when your partner is about to (and does) climax.
Your partner will likely tell you when they're getting close, at which point, “Apply more pressure at the base and more friction at the head,” Kerner says. Sometimes, folks who are new to blowjobs think getting close means you should back off—nope! If he’s about to climax, you need to amp it a little bit in preparation for the big finale.
All too often, blowjob givers stop right as their partner starts to ejaculate. Don’t do that! “Like when he masturbates, robust manual stimulation through orgasm will feel just fine, so make sure to continue stimulation through the entire orgasm,” Kerner says. That said, there’s a small window for when you need to stop applying pressure. (After an orgasm, a penis can feel hyper-sensitive, so touching it all will result in too much stimulation.) Typically your partner will let you know when to stop, so just wait for their cue. If they don’t signal anything, just wait until after they're finished ejaculating, and then stop.
“Think about where you want him to come, whether it’s in your mouth, somewhere on your body, or into your hand,” Kerner says. If you don’t want them to ejaculate in your mouth, switch from orally stimulating them to manually stimulating while they finish. If you don’t like your partner ejaculating on your face, then don’t put your face right in front of their penis while they orgasm. If you genuinely have no preference where they ejaculate, then ask them as they get close, “Where do you want to cum?”
Porn makes it seem like in order to give a good blowjob, you have to magically unhinge your jaw like a snake to fit your partner's entire penis in your mouth. T
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