Blowjob Time

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Blowjob Time



By
Alexis Caputo ,
August 17th 2013



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The last guy I gave a blow job to made it an event.
He asked me to stop several times because he was hitting his threshold. I didn’t really want to–because, you know, it’s a JOB and I wanted to be done at that point–but for whatever reason I went along with it.
I could barely eat, and I was kind of scared to ever give a blowjob again. I thought I would have to go to the hospital or the dentist or something.
One friend told me that this guy was scum–no one is supposed to make you give head for more than 10 minutes. They should come already, or they are assholes.
Another friend told me I could just be bad at blow jobs.
So, I wasn’t sure what else to do so I sent a mass text out to like, 20 of my closest friends asking how long the ideal blowjob was supposed to last. My gut told me 10 minutes, but, obviously as this situation shows, I don’t know anything.
My first response was from an extremely attractive female friend of mine. She’s had many long-term boyfriends. She said 3-5 minutes. “Any longer and they are drunk or you don’t know what to do.”
Another female friend says: 12 minutes. “I am REALLY GOOD though.”
Someone else (an attractive female) responded, “I don’t know, I never give them.”
A guy friend responded next. He said he was 38 so it was longer than younger guys. 15 minutes. (And then proceeded to grill me about my oral techniques and whether he’d ever experience them).
At this point I feel really ugly, and moronic. WTF is wrong with me? Apparently guys come way fast with hot girls that know how to do everything perfectly and I’m in some other dimension, sucking (not literally, that would be too easy).
I consulted Google to see if I was on crack. Most of what I found on forums said 5-15 minutes.
A bro on a forum said, “The longest I’ve gotten was about 2 1/2hrs. I was drunk she wasn’t very good at it so it took awhile.”
Another guy countered: “I don’t ever orgasm through oral sex. It feels good but the stimulation isn’t enough to come.”
Have I been fed lies for the last 10 years of my life that this is the Best Thing In The World to guys? Maybe.
My male gay friend chimes in: “Great question. A dissertation could be written. Depends on so many factors. As a single sexual event? Leading up to sex? How many drinks has he had? How familiar are you with him? At what point can it become a hand job? At what point is he actually trying to come or just drawing it out because it feels good?”
Random douchebag I know responds: “As long as it takes.”
Straight male friend says: “Five minutes if they are good, fifteen minutes if they are amazing.”
Male friend says: “The best ones I’ve received have lasted an hour.”
My most trusted female friend, as far as things of this nature go, answered my question: “IDK, like 20 minutes? Ugh. Do you want to go out Saturday?”
Ex says: “You come over and I’ll time you.”
Another gay male friend says: “Can take awhile—but I think after 20 mins it gets really old. However, one guy took forever because he was really selfish. I found it tiring but also hot. It depends on whether you enjoy ‘servicing’ that much.“
Female friend: “My boyfriend takes half an hour to an hour.”
Female friend: “20 seconds to 2 hours.”
Female friend: “10-15 is average but I can’t get my current boyfriend to come at all from oral sex.”
My ex responded: “Whatever you did was perfect.”
Another friend says: “A guy can get faster and faster the more comfortable he is with someone. A lot of times I’ve been with guys that can’t come or it’s very hard. As they got to know me more and became more comfortable they became faster at coming.”
My most gorgeous male friend says : “At least 20 minutes. Less and she’s selfish. Not into it.”
Still feel unsure whether my entire sex life has been a lie.
I feel very depressed now. I don’t want to be timed. I just want to have fun.
Is it bad oral sex if you don’t come in the first five minutes? Are you a huge asshole of a person if you don’t come in the first 20?
How similar is it to women who can’t particularly control their ability to orgasm—and that’s not really the point of sex (for me at least) anyways?
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Here's everything you need to know about giving a life-changing BJ.
Giving a blowjob can be a little intimidating if you’ve never done it before. And even if you are a seasoned blowjob pro, you can still get jitters when your partner whips it out. There are a ton of questions that can run through your head: What if they don't like it? What if their penis smells weird? What if it tastes weird? What if I get pubic hair in my mouth? What if they want me to deepthroat and I can’t?
Since there are certain variables you can't control, like smell and taste—although that said, you could politely suggest a pre-sex cleaning routine —you should focus on the things you can do to ensure that it's a good experience for all parties, like learning about various positions, techniques, and sex toys for giving a blowjob. (This won’t just make it great for your partner, it’ll also make the BJ experience more enjoyable for you!)
Before we get into the nitty gritty of how to give a blowjob, it's important to note that everyone is different, and what may feel good to one penis-owner might not feel great to another. Besides, the psychological aspect of having someone’s lips around your penis is what makes blowjobs so enticing for many folks.
“When men talk to me about missing blowjobs or not getting them, they're not usually talking about the physical pleasure; they’re talking about the psychological pleasure and what a blowjob means to them erotically,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT, sex therapist, and author of So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex . That’s because “the physical pleasure of fellatio is fairly straightforward and in a certain sense, a guy could give himself the same sensations with his own hand and some lube.”
There are elements of power, dominance, and submission involved in a blowjob, but also trust. This person has your most prized possession in their mouth and could easily do some damage with their teeth.
“A partner brings their own sense of presence and creativity to the blowjob experience,” Kerner says. “The giver brings their own sense of play and psychological themes—that's what makes it feel good.”
Even though blowjobs are often about the psychological thrill, there are still many universal dos and don’ts of giving a great BJ. And the more tools you have in your BJ toolbox, the more things you can switch to in case you get a feeling that your partner isn’t enjoying it as much as they could. (You also don’t want to tire yourself out, so it’s good having various techniques to switch things up.)
In this explainer, we’re going to provide all we can to help you give the best damn blowjob ever. In addition to speaking with Kerner, was also spoke to Michael Ingber , MD, a urologist and urogynecologist at Garden State Urology and Ashley Cobb , Lovehoney’s sex toy educator. With their tips below, you’ll be giving earth-shattering, toe-curling blowjobs in no time.
When you’re watching porn, you may notice that often, the person receiving the blowjob starts completely erect and the blowjob giver immediately downs his penis, sucking as hard as possible.
“Even if he's hard at the commencement of fellatio, don't assume it's a full erection,” Kerner says. “This means going slow and light and getting that blood moving into the genitals. Tap the penis with fingers, tease the glans with your tongue. Apply some light pinches up and down the shaft. You can even tickle and graze the shaft with your fingers/fingernails.” Then, once your partner’s penis is fully erect and filled with blood, you can start sucking with more force.
You may think that you only use your mouth during a blowjob and your hand(s) during a handjob, but “a good blowjob is a collaboration between hands and mouth,” Kerner says. For one, you will tucker yourself out if you only use your mouth. There’s a reason why it’s called a blow job . It’s a goddamn job to give great head, and requires a ton of work. Second, you want to be able to stimulate your partner’s entire penis. Unless if you’re porn performer Sasha Grey or another deepthroating master, you won’t be able to get their entire penis inside your mouth, especially if they’re on the bigger side. You want to be able to stimulate the highly sensitive head and the shaft at the same time.
A good starting point for getting your hand involved is wrapping it around your partner's penis and moving it up and down in rhythm with your head—like your cupped hand is an extension of your mouth. Make sure there's enough saliva so that your hand can slide up and down easily—which brings us to the next point:
“When giving great head, there's no such thing as too much spit,” Cobb says. “Saliva serves as a natural lubricant and reduces painful friction, which takes away from pleasure when performing fellatio.”
Don’t be afraid to spit directly on the penis before and during a blowjob. If you notice that your mouth gets dry while giving a BJ, consider taking mouth-watering mints that help increase saliva production .
Pay attention to his stroke when he's masturbating or when you're having sex,” Cobb says. “When he's about to climax, does he go faster like a rabbit? Does he keep a steady tempo? What else do you notice he does when touching himself?” You’ll see when some people stroke, they tend to go slowly. Others move their hands so quickly, they become a blur, whereas others solely focus on the head of their penis, ignoring their shaft entirely. You want to copy their masturbatory rhythm with your own mouth and hands.
You can use angles to provide various sensations. “There are several different textures at your disposal in your mouth: the roughness of your tongue, the ridgy roof of your mouth, the smoothness of the insides of your cheeks,” Cobb says. “Use all of these textures to create dynamic pleasure for your partner.”
In addition to sucking, you can lick your partner's penis along the shaft, swirl your tongue around the head, and “flick” the head of their penis from the inside of your cheeks.
When giving blowjobs, a lot of people focus solely on the head and shaft of the penis. Yes, those two areas should be primary focuses, but they shouldn’t be the only thing you’re stimulating when you’re going down on your partner. “While going down, you can cup the balls,” Kerner says. Some guys even like to have their testicles sucked on lightly. (If you pull their testicles too far down or away from their body, it can be painful, so be careful.) “You can also tap or apply pressure to the perineum ,” Kerner says. (The perineum is the area between the testicles and the anus, and it’s a highly-erogenous zone that feels fantastic when stimulated.)
Porn would lead you to believe that the only way to give a blowjob is down on your knees while your partner stands in front of you. And while getting on your knees can be a sexy way to play with power dynamics—not to mention puts your mouth directly at penis height—it's far from the only way to go down on someone. There are so many amazing blowjob positions out there.
Your partner is probably used to masturbating with their hand, and you can grip a lot harder with your hands than with a pair of lips. Translation: most penis-owners are accustomed to climaxing with more pressure on and around their penis. After you start slowly and your partner’s penis is fully erect, don’t be afraid to suck more forcefully with your lips to apply more pressure. For the most part, you don’t need to worry about sucking “too hard”—but feel free to pause and ask your partner how it feels, then adjust accordingly if need be.
Edging is when you bring your partner right to the point of climax—the “edge” of orgasm—then stop, rest, and repeat. When you finally do let your partner orgasm, the orgasm tends to be far more powerful, full-body, and euphoric than if you let them ejaculate the first time around. “Edging is really fun to play with,” Kerner says. It can be an ultimate tease and a great way to incorporate elements of power play.
If your partner is open to the idea, incorporate prostate stimulation while you’re blowing them. “Many men masturbate with a prostate stimulator or butt plug. These toys can be used in combination with fellatio, making for unparalleled pleasure,” Kerner says. You can include prostate massagers , anal beads , butt plugs , or another anal-focus sex toy while blowing them. Or, you can finger your partner , targeting the prostate while you go down.
There's a lot a partner can do with a standard vibrator to enhance pleasure. “Vibration applied to the penis really gets those pleasurable nerve endings tingling,” Kerner says. “Place the vibrator against the shaft and wrap your hands around the toy, and then just lick, suck, and tease the head of his penis with your tongue.” A vibrator also feels good under the testicles and pressed against the perineum, too!
There is a clear beginning, middle, and end to a blowjob. In the beginning, you start slowly and get your partner rock-hard. The middle is all about that sucking and hand stuff to get your partner to the point of orgasm, and the finale is what to do when your partner is about to (and does) climax.
Your partner will likely tell you when they're getting close, at which point, “Apply more pressure at the base and more friction at the head,” Kerner says. Sometimes, folks who are new to blowjobs think getting close means you should back off—nope! If he’s about to climax, you need to amp it a little bit in preparation for the big finale.
All too often, blowjob givers stop right as their partner starts to ejaculate. Don’t do that! “Like when he masturbates, robust manual stimulation through orgasm will feel just fine, so make sure to continue stimulation through the entire orgasm,” Kerner says. That said, there’s a small window for when you need to stop applying pressure. (After an orgasm, a penis can feel hyper-sensitive, so touching it all will result in too much stimulation.) Typically your partner will let you know when to stop, so just wait for their cue. If they don’t signal anything, just wait until after they're finished ejaculating, and then stop.
“Think about where you want him to come, whether it’s in your mouth, somewhere on your body, or into your hand,” Kerner says. If you don’t want them to ejaculate in your mouth, switch from orally stimulating them to manually stimulating while they finish. If you don’t like your partner ejaculating on your face, then don’t put your face right in front of their penis while they orgasm. If you genuinely have no preference where they ejaculate, then ask them as they get close, “Where do you want to cum?”
Porn makes it seem like in order to give a good blowjob, you have to magically unhinge your jaw like a snake to fit your partner's entire penis in your mouth. This simply isn’t true.
“Never feel pressured to deepthroat,” Kerner says. “It’s a totally unnecessary aspect of fellatio.” That said, you may be someone who gets turned on by fitting your partner’s entire penis in your mouth, or you may be indifferent towards it but are down because you know your partner is into it. In case this is you, here are a couple of tips.
It can sometimes become difficult to breathe when deepthroating, even through your nose, so make sure to take necessary breaks. “This should go without saying but breathing and deepthroating can be a complicated task,” Cobb says.
“When it comes to deepthroating, positioning matters,” Cobb says. You want your throat and the penis to be in alignment.” The alignment will heavily depend on the curvature of your partner’s penis. “ Studies have been done identifying penile curvature and have found that 32.7% of men had dorsal curvature (upward), 19.1% of men had ventral curvature (down), 24.5% had lateral curvature (to one side), and 7% of men had no curvature,” Ingber notes. Note that the pharynx (the part of the throat used while deepthroating) does curve downward (i.e., straight to the back of the throat by the tonsils, then down). “So in a penis with downward or ventral curvature, straight-on blowjobs (i.e., when you’re on your knees and sucking) would be best. In men with significant upward curvature, a 69 position (where you’re upside-down) may be best.”
If there is one bit of advice we can give you while giving a blowjob, it's to enjoy it. It’s incredibly arousing seeing how turned on and “into it” the blowjob giver gets when giving head. Your partner will see how much you’re loving giving them a BJ and worshipping their penis, and that will make them love the blowjob even more.

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Audacious. An educator who loves to talk about sexuality, relationships, and give advice. Let’s work together demeterdelune@gmail.com



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