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Part of HuffPost Parenting. ©2022 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved.
I knew this day would come as I had been warned by those who had gone before me.He's going to ask someday. She's going to have questions. You need to get your story straight.
Jun 14, 2016, 04:53 PM EDT | Updated Jun 15, 2017
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
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I knew this day would come as I had been warned by those who had gone before me.
You need to get your story straight. You have to be *prepared* because you'll be caught with your pants down when the kids ask about the specifics of sex.
And, in a dark car, on the way home from dinner, it happened: my son and I had a whopper of a conversation.
While I've mostly recovered from the trauma, my friends are still reeling from the advice I gave him.
The evening started out innocently enough. After attending an event as a family, Hubby and I decided to take the kids out for dinner at one of our favorite watering holes (read: drink martinis as the kids consumed large quantities of fried foods and dessert). We spent that time talking to each other, visiting with friends who'd also gone to the restaurant and joking with our favorite bartender. It was a picture perfect moment: warm sweaters, noisy atmosphere, a family smiling together. I had no way of knowing that my son had questions brimming and he'd decided he was going to get some answers on the way home.
As we had taken two cars,my son opted to ride home with me. I should have seen this as a SIGN, people. Of what, I don't know, but I should have seen SOMETHING coming.
Once in the car, and about two seconds after I navigated the car away from the curb, he dropped a bomb on me: there was a sexting scandal at school and he was upset.
Let me repeat that: MY TWELVE YEAR OLD WAS UPSET ABOUT A SEXTING INCIDENT. Twelve. As in, they don't even have the word "teen" in their ages yet, bitchachos.
Pardon me as I try not to drive this people mover right into a tree.
While he was not involved (THANKYOUSWEETBABYJESUS), he was upset about the consequences, the children involved and the general implications that this kind of thing brings. He wondered what would happen if he received salacious texts, who he should tell, why kids would do such a thing. Heavy topics weighed on his mind and he wanted to talk about all of it. WITH ME. As I was driving heavy machinery. In the dark. Without Hubby as a back up.
I'm not going to lie: I was caught with my pants down and I swear, the deer we passed on the road did not look nearly as surprised as I did when I was driving.
But, I made a choice to keep driving, to take the longest way home possible because my tween was talking, openly talking to me about sex. I didn't know when, or if, this situation would ever present itself again. I don't know if it was the dark, country roads I slowly drove, the fact that we weren't facing each other or if the stars just magically aligned to make him open up, but it happened.
As we quieted from the sexting discussion, he coyly and shyly said, "I have one more question" and the tone of his voice made me realize I needed to brace myself.
"Well. You know. Some of the boys, they talk about this thing that involves blowing. And work. Blow work, is it? Something that is like a job and involves blowing. I don't know what that means. Can you explain that to me?".
I'M NOT GOING TO SURVIVE THE TEEN YEARS, YOU GUYS.
Here I was, in a car, being asked a specific question about a sex act from my twelve year old. In the split seconds that followed his question, I debated: do I tell him? Do I push it aside and tell him that's for grown ups? Do I pull over on the side of the road and call Hubby to take over? How hard will I have to junk punch Hubby when I get home? I honestly didn't know what to do and, as I gripped the steering wheel and tried to keep myself from driving into a cornfield, I made a decision.
I told him. I was honest and forthright. And, then it was HIM wearing the deer in the headlights expression.
As the reality of the answer set in, and, realizing these moments with tweens are fleeting, I took it one step further: I told him a committed relationship is a two way street and when you are intimate with someone, it's never one sided. If he's alone with a girl, it's to be enjoyable for both of them and it's never okay to let a girl please him solely.
I told him that if you get one, you give one. Plain and simple. Because no daughter in law of mine is going to stand in my kitchen and wonder why he's such a greedy asshole in the bedroom.
And, judging from the looks of horror on my friends' faces as I've recounted this story, I seem to be in the minority when it comes talking openly with kids about sex. I've been accused of condoning pre marital sex. I've been told I crossed a line by explaining the specifics of a sex act to my child. And, I've been told that I'm asking for trouble by telling him that his eventual girlfriend's needs are important, too. Mostly, my friends have cry laughed at the image of me driving down the street being asked about knob polishing. And, naturally, they all asked how soon I'd be blogging about my drive from hell....
But, for all the judgement, all the shocked outcry, I stand by what I told my son. I stand by my honesty and I hope, that in doing so, I've set the stage for him to want to come back to ask questions, to get good, solid answers from his father and I. And, in that moment, he trusted me with his thoughts and was open and honest with me. The least I could do was be honest right back.
Because if you get it, you give it, people.
Christine Burke is a blogger and freelance writer. Her personal blog is keeperofthefruitloops.com and she can be found on Facebook . Her latest book, "I Just Want To Be Perfect" is available on Amazon.


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Brittany Zamora
Facebook; Maricopa County Sheriff's Office



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The perverse reasons female teachers are having sex with students


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A sixth-grade teacher in Arizona accused of having sex with a 13-year-old student performed oral sex on him in a classroom — and told the teen she wanted him “every day with no time limit,” according to court records.
Brittany Zamora, a 27-year-old teacher at Las Brisas Academy Elementary School in Goodyear, allegedly had sex with the 13-year-old student three times and also performed oral sex on him in her car during encounters from Feb. 1 through March 8, according to court records obtained by the Arizona Republic .
Zamora and the teen also traded naked photos, he told police, saying their relationship started when the married teacher began “flirting” with him in a classroom chat group. She then sent the teen a nude picture of herself and another clad in lingerie.
During one exchange, the teen told Zamora he wanted to have sex with her again, court records show.
“I know baby!” Zamora responded. “I want you every day with no time limit.”
In another message, according to court records, Zamora said: “If I could quit my job and (have sex with) you all day long, I would.”
Zamora was arrested last week after the teen’s parents found text messages indicating a sexual relationship between the pair. The texts were discovered because the boy’s parents had installed an app to monitor his phone, police said.
Zamora was taken into custody Thursday on one count of obscene material transmission to a minor, according to the Arizona Republic. A court commissioner then found probable cause to hold her on suspicion of eight counts of sexual conduct with a minor, two counts of child molestation and one count of transmitting obscene material, according to the newspaper.
Zamora told a court commissioner that she would “love to go home, to be released” during her initial appearance in court on Friday.
“I’d love to go home to my husband,” Zamora told Commissioner Melissa Zabor, who set her bond at $250,000.
A second student has also told police he saw Zamora and the 13-year-old student having sex. Zamora also sent a second student naked photos of herself, he told police.
The alleged sexual relationship was reported to police late Wednesday by the school’s principal after the teen’s parents found the concerning text messages. Screenshots of the incriminating texts were relayed to police, according to Liberty School District interim superintendent Richard Rundhaug.
“The safety of our students is our #1 priority,” Rundhaug said in a statement posted on the school’s website . “Transparency is equally important. We are fully cooperating with the Goodyear Police Department and will comment further at the appropriate time.”
Rundhaug said in a statement a day later that the arrested staff member would not return to the school.
“This incident has been reported to the Arizona State Board of Education so they can make a determination regarding the teacher’s certification,” Rundhaug said. “Additionally, we have school counselors and school psychologists at Las Brisas Academy today to help students and staff members cope with this incident. The school psychologists and school counselors will also be available for the foreseeable future to continue to attend to our students’ and staff members’ needs.”
The teen’s parents also told police that Zamora’s husband “harassed” the teen’s father on the phone, begging for him not to contact authorities about the allegations.
Zamora’s husband told the teen’s father that his wife had “made a big mistake, but that she loved the kids,” according to court records obtained by the newspaper.
Zamora’s husband also seemingly suggested that he and the teen’s father fight each other to settle the bizarre love triangle, suggesting that they “meet up” to “settle this.” The teen’s father ignored the invitation and hung up, court records show.
Zamora, who started working at the school less than a year ago, is due to appear in court Thursday, according to the Arizona Republic. It was unclear if she had hired an attorney.
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