Blood Bdsm
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The Kink Collective
Kink/BDSM and Sex Related Advice
Summary: Explains and gives examples of the extremely important concept of Safe, Sane, and Consensual to the BDSM/Kink community.
Many, if not the majority, of the members of the BDSM/Kink community follow the credo of “Safe, Sane, and Consensual.” This is an important concept because it is what distinguishes the lifestyle from what many people outside of the community consider activities that can border on the definition of abuse. It is a way that members of the community can make sure that they are engaging in behaviors that are acceptable to both partners and does not include negative consequences.
First and foremost is the concept of “Safe.” All activities engaged in need to be safe for both partners. For example, suspension bondage should not be attempted unless the participants know what they are doing. Any activity should not involve threat of serious bodily injury or even the possibility of death. Know your limits, know the level of knowledge that you have about certain activities and how to perform them, and have a safe word or gesture that you can use that will signal the end of a scene. If both partners do not feel safe during or about an activity, that activity should not be performed.
Sane is an important concept. What, to people outside of the community, may seem insane – such as locking a partner in a cage, engaging in water sports, flogging, and full-time dominance and submission – can be ok activities to engage in as long as partners deem them as sane activities. In this context, sane is a relative term and is defined by the partners themselves. For example, I met a guy who wanted me to beat the shit out of him because this is what he got off on. We wanted me to slap and punch him until he bled and basically physically abuse him in any way possible. Of course, I declined to participate in this fantasy because to me I found it neither safe nor sane. What was sane to him was crazy to me. Additionally, remember, what can seem as something hot in a fantasy does not always translate well into reality. Just because you fantasize about a scene does not necessarily mean it is a good idea to actually act it out.
Finally, consensual. Consent between partners is very important. Before I explain this concept, I want to point out a very important thing. If your partner is unable to give consent, for instance in the case of a minor, an intoxicated partner, or a partner with disability, then you should absolutely not proceed with the scene. In this example, the case of an intoxicated partner is probably the one that you will run into the most. Not only is BDSM/Kink unsafe while intoxicated, the person’s judgement is greatly impaired and thus makes the encounter non-consensual. If you wish to engage in an activity that your partner does not want to, then in no case should you engage in that activity. This, along with safety, occurs a lot in the realm of edge-play. Edge-play is engaging in activities that the BDSM/Kink community at large deems pushes the limits of what is safe, sane, and consensual. Such examples of edge-play include bloodletting, coercion, mind-fucking, breathplay, and extreme sensory deprivation. Consent must always exist before engaging in any of these types of activities.
Safe, sane, and consensual is a way for us all to enjoy the pleasure that BDSM/Kink brings us in a way that is adult in nature. It ensures that all parties involved are comfortable with what is going on, and with comfort comes greater enjoyment. This concept also communicates to our partners that we respect and care for them, which can increase closeness and intimacy between partners. Additionally, it acts as a great barometer for judging whether or not an activity is ok or not. Before engaging in any type of activity, run the mental checklist of, “Is this safe? Is this sane? Is this consensual?” If the answer is “no” to any of these questions, then never engage in the activity. With this credo comes a simple piece of mind that what you are engaging in is ok for both you and your partner. It also serves as sense of pride for the community because it demonstrates that we are not crazy, abusive, warped individuals engaging in questionable activities. Rather, it demonstrates that we are a group of sophisticated and caring individuals engaging in activities that explore the the dynamism and many interesting dimensions of human sexuality.
If you have something that you would like Adam to provide you with advice for, simply send him an email at adam@thekinkcollective.com. Questions will be responded to in a timely manner. You may also contact Adam directly at (510) 371-KINK.
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