Black Woman Loves White Cock
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Black Woman Loves White Cock
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An Open Letter to Black Women in Interracial Relationships
August 27, 2020
by Deja Riley
By choosing to blend my life with someone who is not Black, I have not become any less Black.
Image Source: Photos courtesy Deja Riley
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I met Jimmy at a New Year's Eve party in Malibu in 2013. He was quite charming and had a sweet smile that piqued my curiosity. We talked for hours before the ball dropped, and at midnight, he kissed me and literally swept me off my feet, carrying me to my friend's car. That was the moment my modern-day fairy tale began. He soon embraced my big family, expressed unconditional love for me, helped me to become a better version of myself, and showed me it was truly possible to build a beautiful life with another human. Though I knew we had come from contrasting worlds and were practically opposites, those differences only drove us closer together. This marvelous man, who I'm blessed to now call my husband, just happens to be of a different race.
Through my entire relationship with my now husband, I've been ridiculed, teased, and bullied for choosing him. Before people even take a moment to get to know us and what we stand for, they've already passed judgment. Isn't that what we are fighting against in this world? Being labeled before you even have a chance to show your heart as a Black human being? It's ugly, nasty, despicable, and not OK with me.
I want to be an advocate for change. I want to be the change this world needs to see. I want to shine my light, and I want to stand up for Black people — but how am I supposed to do that when I'm being told that I'm a traitor and pushed out of my own supposed circles? I want to be clear: I believe Black love is so beautiful. I love celebrating and supporting my Black friends and family members' love stories. But I appreciate it when others support and celebrate my love story, too.
In the past, I've dated Black men, biracial men, and white men, and though I learned a lot from each relationship, none of them ended in marriage. Contrary to the hateful opinions of others, love always wins. My husband was the man who loved me unconditionally, understood me, supported me, stood by me, and accepted me most — and he just happens to be a white man.
I am not ashamed to say this is who I have fallen in love with, this is who I will continue to build a life with, this is who I've chosen to build a family with, and I will not allow others to tear him down just as I know he would never allow anyone to harm me. I'm tired of not being considered "Black enough" because I have a white husband. From this day forward, I've made a new vow to myself to speak up, stand up for everything I believe in, and never hide my truth or play it safe for the fear of being criticized.
To other Black women in an interracial relationship: I know you are finding it tough to navigate through this time we are living in. In an episode of Uncomfortable Conversations With a Black Man with Emmanuel Acho , one of his guests, Rachel Lindsay, a Black woman, said one of the biggest struggles she had when she began to date outside of her race was the ideology that as a Black woman, "no one can understand me like a Black man can." When I chose Jimmy to be my life partner, I knew he would never see the world through the same lens I do. What I was able to do in choosing him was share a new perspective, grow with another beautiful human, and embrace change within ourselves and the world we live in. By choosing to blend my life with someone who is not Black, I have not become any less Black. What I have become is someone who has been given the chance to share the Black experience with those who may not have had an opportunity to experience it and all of its splendor otherwise. I want you to know you are not alone. I also want you to know that being married to or in a relationship with a white man does not negate your Blackness. You are strong, you are powerful, you are beautiful, and you are still Black.
Just as the late, great Martin Luther King Jr. said: "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." We have chosen to love with our whole hearts, and we should never be ashamed of that. Don't be afraid to speak up and speak out on everything you believe in. Let no one cast you out or shut you down, because your Black voice matters, too. Continue to love, grow, prosper, and protect your love as you find peace within your power. You deserve to be proud, stand tall, and remember that you, too, have a place in this fight.
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Danielle Young started her writing career by interviewing celebrities on and off the red carpet and retelling their stories. She then peppered her writing with her larger-than-life personality, quickly catching the eyes of and ears of pop culture addicts. When any entertainment story breaks, you can count on Danielle's unique, opinionated and hilarious spin.
In one of Essence Magazine’s “Ask Abiola,” a woman who calls herself “Black and Proud” complained about her lackluster sex life with her White husband. According to her story, Black and Proud met her hubby at a reunion for the ivy league school they attended and after six months of dating, the two lovebirds wed. Because we live in a “different” time, interracial marriages aren’t as taboo as they once were, but Black and Proud’s husband’s desire to talk dirty to her during sex is more than taboo, it’s downright degrading.
Black and Proud’s husband delights in calling his beautiful Black wife, “n*gger bitch” during sex and it’s taken away her desire to have sex with him. The first thing I thought was to blame Black and Proud for marrying this ivy league White man, but then I realized, you can’t fault who you love. Although cliche, love is supposed to conquer all, but in this case, bigotry is an obstacle worth kicking over instead of conquering. Also, her husband waited until their honeymoon to drop the n-bomb on his wife. I wonder if he’d said it during their expensive dates, would Black and Proud have married him?
It’s these lavish gifts that Black and Proud’s husband showers her in that allow him to joke about buying her freedom. He also refers to himself as a “n*gger lover” and thinks it’s hilarious when he continually throws that hate-filled word around in his wife’s presence. Black and Proud can’t take it anymore and decided to publicly ask for help.
My man keeps calling me a “nigger bitch” during sex and I hate it.
I have been married for a year and I am at my wit’s end. My investment banker husband is from a White old money family. I am a first generation Black-American woman whose family is from the island of Jamaica. We met at a reunion for the ivy league school we both attended, and he proposed in six months.
We have the picture perfect fantasy life. He wines and dines me and we travel and shop the globe. Unlike all of the Black men I dated in the past, my husband is generous, loyal, committed and considerate. He courted me and I never have to pay for anything. He said I could quit my job and I did. He makes me feel like a woman.
I am a little embarrassed to share our problem. The first time he let the n-word drop was during sex on our honeymoon. When I reacted negatively, he explained that a Black woman he dated in the past enjoyed being called racial slurs. Another time he joked that he had purchased my freedom. He also speculated about whether his family could have owned mine because I have “good hair.” Then he made jokes about my pubic hair. He called it my “negro bush” and referred to himself as a “nigger lover.” He says I am being overly sensitive because he loves me to death and should get a “Black pass” for marrying me.
I told him that I don’t appreciate these comments and he says that my friends and family probably use the n-word all the time. He also asked why Black people can use the word and he cannot. I don’t use the word or believe in the nigga/nigger differentiation. Neither does my family. I am too embarrassed to tell anyone about this because I know they might say: “That’s what she gets for marrying a White man.”
Every time we try having sex again, the slurs fly. Our sex life is pretty much over right now because I pretend to be asleep every time my sexy, handsome man wants to be with me. I feel completely turned off. I love my husband deeply so please don’t tell me to leave him because that’s not what I want to do.
My husband was my first interracial relationship. Please tell me racial slurs aren’t normal between interracial couples? I would like to figure this out before we have kids but I can’t afford to leave him and still maintain my lifestyle.
How can I regain my sexual attraction for my husband?
Check Out Essence for Abiola’s response . She makes some amazing points, but it’s up to Black and Proud now. What would you do?
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