Black Girl Rides White Guy
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Black Girl Rides White Guy
Here’s the truth: Race is still a thing.
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I was talking to my friend, Kim, as we sipped cocktails at a bar in Hollywood. She followed my gaze. “The … bald … white guy?” she asked, her face scrunched up in disbelief. I nodded. She raised an eyebrow and slurped on her vodka cranberry.
Some background might be helpful here. I’m black and my friend Kim is white, as was the guy in question. He also shaved his head and, apparently, that threw my friend for a loop. I knew why.
Since I’d known her I’d mostly dated black guys. The real estate agent I’d met at the LACMA summer jazz series. The actor who’d given me his head shot as soon as he learned I was a TV writer. The musician who serenaded me at the Dresden between Marty and Elayne’s sets. All black. And the one or two white guys in the mix had hair.
Two weeks later, I climbed in the passenger seat of the bald white guy’s truck when he picked me up from my apartment in Miracle Mile. Hmm … he drove a pickup truck. And I knew from talking to him on the phone that he was from the South.
I smiled as he told me he’d made a reservation at Ammo. So far, so good. I liked that place. As we drove along, I surreptitiously glanced at him — he was wearing a nice suit, having come straight from his office to get me.
He had mentioned he was a lawyer, so I’d already mentally checked the box for gainfully employed. But something else was on my mind.
Here’s the truth: Race is still a thing.
No matter how advanced a society we think we are, the idea that we’re post-racial is laughable. Over the years working in numerous writers rooms as the only black writer, I’d become a pro at deciphering comments white guys made:
Interracial relationships aren’t a big deal nowadays.
Translation: I’d never do it but I think Halle Berry’s pretty.
I have a lot of friends in interracial relationships.
Translation: Some of my friends date Asian women.
Translation: My kid listens to hip-hop.
This guy was from Georgia. “The heart of Klan activity,” one of my friends felt compelled to tell me. To be fair, I’m from the South. Raised in Florida, I know about chewing tobacco, gator farms, 2 Live Crew, y’all, and the Confederate flag. For that reason, I started getting nervous about this guy.
What if I were part of some Dixieland fantasy of his? After we were seated I asked him how many black girls he’d dated. “Why?” he asked. “Because maybe black girls are your thing,” I said. “I don’t want to be part of your chocolate fantasy.”
“Uh … I just think you’re hot,” he said.
We continued dating, and soon we were exclusive. This didn’t come without challenges.
Whenever we went somewhere with a lot of black people in attendance, I got the side eye from some of them. I understood. My dating outside the race was seen as a betrayal. Their thought bubble hovered, clear as day: “After everything they’ve done to us, you’re going to date one of them?”
And some days, it was tough because I felt guilty for not completing the picture of the strong black couple. Another time, my boyfriend got a call from his ex-girlfriend. “I heard you’re dating a black girl.” Yep. Word had spread through the Caucasian grapevine.
I was working on a sitcom at the time. When I told the writers on the show I was dating a white guy from the South who drove a pickup truck, I could tell they were skeptical.
The kicker was when we went to the wedding of one of his friends in Cape Girardeau, Mo. I’m not exaggerating when I say white people stared at us as we walked down the street.
The more serious the relationship got, the more I started thinking about kids.
If we had them, they would be “multiethnic” or “biracial” or “mixed heritage.” All terms that annoyed me. But I was getting ahead of myself, right? Was I in this or not? Was I ready to be committed to a guy whose family owned shotguns and went to the Waffle House?
My parents were both college professors. His parents hadn’t gone to college. My parents were Baha’is who didn’t celebrate Christmas. His dad played Santa Claus in various malls below the Mason-Dixon line during the yuletide season. My boyfriend listened to emo rock, for God’s sake!
I loved that he shared a house off Sunset with a gay, Pakistani performance artist. I loved that he’d had the same Rottweiler for a pet since high school. I loved that he was a plaintiff’s attorney, helping clients who’d been discriminated against in the workplace.
I didn’t love his pickup truck — it was cramped and always had dog hair on the seat.
Fourteen years and two kids later, race is still a thing, in a growing list of things, that defines us.
Maisha Closson is a TV writer living in Los Angeles. She’s on Instagram as @ maisha_closson
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Smart black women have come to grips with reality.
An elementary understanding of the law of supply and demand tells you there simply aren’t enough black men for every woman, good or bad. And, the handful of “good” brothers don’t exclusively date black. Despite the number of us clinging to this one-sided fight for black love, others see the light and have started dating white…red, brown, yellow, etc. Tired of watching their girlfriends blindly walk past Banker Bob (yes, middle class white men are the segment of their population marrying black women) to compete with countless other educated, attractive women for the attention of some haughty, Audi A5-driving, Howard-bred corporate law attorney who only likes light-skinned girls, rain-beau daters are spreading the word.
The focus merely appears to be placed on white men for two reasons: It’s most taboo and white men and black women statistically date outside of their races least. So, it stands out when they date out—especially each other. Of course a history of slavery, rape and abuse are reasons for a subconscious sour taste but, in 2011, the landscape is much different. Much like black men looked past the lynching, disfigurement and deaths of young boys like Emmett Till for flirting with white women, many black women have found the capacity to look beyond past (and some present) ignorance. There is nothing taboo about dating anyone of any race. All that matters is that he is a man of strong character who you can see yourself boning.
For black men who want to have their cake and eat it too, this form of shared enlightenment translates as obsession when it’s really quite the opposite considering an overwhelming majority of black women prefer black men. Equal-opportunity dating means women are no longer reliant on the affection of a relatively small pool of men and, with increased options, higher standards are easier to maintain.
In no way are black women the slightest bit obsessed with white men. Some are just focused on enjoying the goodness that can be found in all races.
LaShaun Williams is a lifestyle and relationship columnist, blogger and social critic. Her work has been featured on popular urban sites, such as The Grio and AOL Black Voices. She has made appearances on the Tom Joyner Morning Show and Santita Jackson Show. Williams is also the voice behind Politically Unapologetic , a blog where she unabashedly discusses culture, life and love. Follow @itsmelashaun on Twitter, Tumblr or Facebook .
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| September 18, 2019
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I am a Black woman who dates the “rainbow.” If you put every guy I was involved with in the past 10 years into one room (that group includes random dates, relationships, situationships and that one time I got married), you’d have a fabulous, multihued bouquet of masculine beauty. A kind, smart man who moves me, might be able to rock with me, regardless of race or ethnicity. I’m not on that ridiculous color-blind train; I’m just an equal-opportunity dater.
The vast majority of my Black girlfriends exclusively and purposely date Black men, so I get a lot of questions about my UN-friendly dating roster and most of those questions are about the white dudes. “Is it pink?” “Are you sure it’s not some jungle fever type thing?” “Has he seen Love Jones ?” The answers to those questions depends on the guy—could be tan, pink or some combination. Only once was it a fetish thing on the guy’s end, and I deaded that as soon as I was aware. Seeing specific movies is not a dating requirement for me. You better know and love Stevie Wonder, though. That’s life right there.
Then there are two troubling statements that I often hear. The first is, “I’m so sick of these Black men. In a minute, I’m about to be like you and find a White boy.” Ugh.
I find this to be problematic because everything about it is wrong. You should never date someone of a certain race because you feel exhausted by the antics of men of another race. It’s not fair to the Black woman, the White dude or Black men. There are plenty of good Black men out there. For real. Men in my family, my circle of friends and past loves attest to that. If you’re running into Black dudes who are not worth a quarter, their behavior is not some genetic issue related to their ethnic background, they just aren’t the guys for you, for any number of other reasons.
The White guy gets the short end of the stick in that situation, too, because he’s a sucka-ass plan B and doesn’t even know it. The Black woman loses because she’s not addressing the real issues that contribute to her dating dilemmas.
The other troubling statement I get from my Black girlfriends regarding dating White dudes is, “You’re the type of Black girl White guys like. White men aren’t attracted to me.” Chile, stop it. If there is one thing I know about heterosexual men, it is that regardless of their physical preferences, at the end of the day they just like women. I’ve seen White guys with a wide variety of Black women.
I am a thin, Harlem-residing, Detroit-born, master’s degree-having 34-year-old divorced Black woman whose passport is on pimpin’. When friends say I’m the “type” White guys like, they are mostly referring to my small frame, education and breadth of travel. However, I am not a White boy whisperer. There is nothing about me that makes me a “safe” Black chick for White guys to holler at. The reality is that I have a very active social life in a diverse city, and I often find myself in rooms filled with men of various racial, ethnic and nationality backgrounds. My dating roster reflects those social encounters.
Most of my girlfriends who talk about being sick of Black guys, are not being completely serious. They aren’t about to abandon Black men (I haven’t, either). They are just considering dipping their toes into something new. But stretching into interracial relationship territory is not something to do as an “I hate you so much right now” type of performance art experiment toward Black men. Also, despite the insane and very wrong chatter that only Black men are attracted to Black women, attention from non-Black men is not some kind of extra validation of a Black woman’s beauty.
Black women are beautiful, period. There is no need for outside validation. I have never felt special because of the simple fact of having White guys attempt to court me. Of course men want to date me. Why not? Pfft!
That said, interracial relationships aren’t for everybody, and that’s fine. I date interracially, but I’m not spreading the gospel of United Colors of Benetton dating. Do that if it suits you. Don’t do it if you’re not inclined to. Simple. There’s nothing wrong with Black women sticking to Black men or vice versa. Just be clear with who you are and why you want who you want.
Since 1945, EBONY magazine has shined a spotlight on the worlds of Black people in America and worldwide. Our commitment to showcasing the best and brightest as well as highlighting disparities in Black life has been, and will always be, cornerstone to EBONY.
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