Bisexual Surprise

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Bisexual Surprise
2 Bisexual People Have Higher Rates Of Mental Health Issues Than Straight Or Gay Folks
3 It Can Be Hard Navigating The Queer Community
4 Some People Straight Up Won't Date Us
5 We Are Not Confused, Horny, Or Greedy
6 We Don't "Transform" Into Gay Or Straight When We Get Into A Relationship
Can I Explore My Bisexuality Without Ruining My Relationship?
10 Cracking Thursday Prompt Replies That Will Help You Get More Matches
Which Tarot Cards May Mean Marriage In A Love Reading?
75 Questions For Couples In All Stages Of A Relationship
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Another day, another study proving that people have some weird AF misconceptions about bisexuality . New research published in The Journal of Sex Research shows, like many other studies, that bisexual women are more likely to be thought of in a negative light than other women.
The study asked 261 heterosexual participants (154 men and 107 women) to provide descriptions of heterosexual women, lesbians, and bisexual women. They also were presented with descriptions of two characters on a date and asked to give an evaluation. And the results? Well, they won't come as a surprise to any bisexual women out there. Bisexual women were described as more confused and promiscuous than other women. They were also evaluated as more neurotic, more extroverted, and more open to experiences. Now, not all of those are bad things — but good or bad, they all have literally nothing to do with being bisexual. The study also found that these stereotypes are not learned by seeing bisexual behavior, but rather come through assumptions about bisexuality. In other words, they're just prejudices with no basis in reality.
As a bisexual woman, this all sounds all too familiar to me. Bisexual women are often thought of as either greedy or going through a phase — or, even worse, "faking it" to impress a guy. We run into these misconceptions all the time. But it's time to stop perpetuating these stereotypes and start talking about what it's actually like to be bisexual. Here are seven things you should know.
Some people think that being bisexual means your sexual experiences have to be 50/50. Seriously, if you say you're bisexual people want the receipts. They want to know how many men and women you've slept with, how long you check out a man versus a woman, and of course, "WHO DO YOU LOOK AT FIRST?!"
But it's not an exact science. I probably was more man-leaning for a while, but then it shifted. Some people never act on their bisexuality at all, but that doesn't make them any less bisexual.
It also may take a while to realize that you're bisexual, or you might know right away. And that's OK, too. I know bi people who didn't have any experiences with women until their 30s, but that doesn't make them any less valid.
Although a lot of people think bisexual people are basically just whining about bi-erasure, there are some real problems in the bisexual community. Studies have shown that bisexuals have higher rates of anxiety , depression, and even suicidal tendencies than straight or gay people. Part of the problem is not feeling like we belong in the straight or queer community, and another part of the problem is that we feel uncomfortable seeking help set aside for LGBTQ folks. Either way, it means people aren't getting the help they need — and that's an issue.
One of the reasons bisexuals don't seek help meant for queer people is that not everyone in the queer community is cool with bisexuals. Some people think it's just a matter of time before we retreat back into our heterosexual privilege — or that we're just experimenting. It can be really stressful finding out where you belong. My girlfriend is a lesbian and, though her close friends were all very welcoming, many of those in her wider LGBTQ circle made it clear they were skeptical of me because I was bi. It was a rocky transition.
It gets even rockier when you consider the fact that we still experience queer-phobia. When men shout "dyke" at my girlfriend and I or try to have a threesome with us, it's really upsetting. But I feel like I'm not allowed to be upset or talk to other gay people about it because I won't be taken seriously.
One of the ways people made it clear they weren't convinced about me and my girlfriend as a couple was by making it very known that they refused to date bisexuals. Yes, that's a thing. Some people, regardless of gender and orientation, just straight up say no to you if you're a bisexual.
In fact, on some female-focused dating apps women can request on their settings not to see bisexuals at all. I mean, I wouldn't want to end up on a date with someone who wouldn't want to date me, but it's still not a nice feeling to know that other women who are attracted to women would rule you out automatically.
...Or if we are, it had nothing to do with our bisexuality. Some bisexuals want to have sex with everyone and some are relatively asexual. Some are outgoing, and some are shy. I'm greedy if you put a pizza in front of me, but that's not because I'm bisexual — it's because I love bread.
People suddenly thought that when I started dating my girlfriend that I became a lesbian overnight . Even men that I had sex with for years wondered if it meant I actually secretly hated their penis the whole time. Now, there were obviously some issues with them feeling threatened or emasculated, but this is really common.
So let me say this for the people in the back: we're still bi. Whoever we're dating, whoever we're having sex with or not having sex with, we're still bi. I'm always bi, just like I'm always a Gryffindor. You can fly that effing flag as high as you want.
Some people might experiment sexually and find out they don't like something — and that's fine, that's what experimenting is for. But bisexuality is an orientation, it's not a phase. One study found that 92 percent of people who identified as bisexual still identified as bisexual a decade later. That is not a phase.
Being bisexual is not something I've ever felt ashamed of, but I've definitely found it challenging at times because of people's assumptions and treatment. It's 2018. It's time to get over these misconceptions about being bisexual . If you want to know the truth about what it's really like, we're here — just ask us.

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Health | No Surprise for Bisexual Men: Report Indicates They Exist
No Surprise for Bisexual Men: Report Indicates They Exist
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The finding is not likely to surprise bisexuals, who have long asserted that attraction often is not limited to one sex. But for many years the question of bisexuality has bedeviled scientists. A widely publicized study published in 2005 , also by researchers at Northwestern, reported that “with respect to sexual arousal and attraction, it remains to be shown that male bisexuality exists.”
That conclusion outraged bisexual men and women, who said it appeared to support a stereotype of bisexual men as closeted homosexuals.
In the new study, published online in the journal Biological Psychology, the researchers relied on more stringent criteria for selecting participants. To improve their chances of finding men aroused by women as well as men, the researchers recruited subjects from online venues specifically catering to bisexuals.
They also required participants to have had sexual experiences with at least two people of each sex and a romantic relationship of at least three months with at least one person of each sex.
Men in the 2005 study, on the other hand, were recruited through advertisements in gay-oriented and alternative publications and were identified as heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual based on responses to a standard questionnaire.
In both studies, men watched videos of male and female same-sex intimacy while genital sensors monitored their erectile responses. While the first study reported that the bisexuals generally resembled homosexuals in their responses, the new one finds that bisexual men responded to both the male and female videos, while gay and straight men in the study did not.
Both studies also found that bisexuals reported subjective arousal to both sexes, notwithstanding their genital responses. “Someone who is bisexual might say, ‘Well, duh!’” said Allen Rosenthal, the lead author of the new Northwestern study and a doctoral student in psychology at the university. “But this will be validating to a lot of bisexual men who had heard about the earlier work and felt that scientists weren’t getting them.”
The Northwestern study is the second one published this year to report a distinctive pattern of sexual arousal among bisexual men.
In March, a study in Archives of Sexual Behavior reported the results of a different approach to the question. As in the Northwestern study, the researchers showed participants erotic videos of two men and two women and monitored genital as well as subjective arousal. But they also included scenes of a man having sex with both a woman and another man, on the theory that these might appeal to bisexual men.
The researchers — Jerome Cerny, a retired psychology professor at Indiana State University, and Erick Janssen, a senior scientist at the Kinsey Institute — found that bisexual men were more likely than heterosexuals or gay men to experience both genital and subjective arousal while watching these videos.
Dr. Lisa Diamond, a psychology professor at the University of Utah and an expert on sexual orientation, said that the two new studies, taken together, represented a significant step toward demonstrating that bisexual men do have specific arousal patterns.
“I’ve interviewed a lot of individuals about how invalidating it is when their own family members think they’re confused or going through a stage or in denial,” she said. “These converging lines of evidence, using different methods and stimuli, give us the scientific confidence to say this is something real.”
The new studies are relatively small in size, making it hard to draw generalities, especially since bisexual men may have varying levels of sexual, romantic and emotional attraction to partners of either sex. And of course the studies reveal nothing about patterns of arousal among bisexual women. The Northwestern study included 100 men, closely split among bisexuals, heterosexuals and homosexuals. The study in Archives of Sexual Behavior included 59 participants, among them 13 bisexuals.
The new Northwestern study was financed in part by the American Institute of Bisexuality, a group that promotes research and education regarding bisexuality. Still, advocates expressed mixed feelings about the research.
Jim Larsen, 53, a chairman of the Bisexual Organizing Project, a Minnesota-based advocacy group, said the findings could help bisexuals still struggling to accept themselves.
“It’s great that they’ve come out with affirmation that bisexuality exists,” he said. “Having said that, they’re proving what we in the community already know. It’s insulting. I think it’s unfortunate that anyone doubts an individual who says, ‘This is what I am and who I am.’ ”
Ellyn Ruthstrom, president of the Bisexual Resource Center in Boston, echoed Mr. Larsen’s discomfort.
“This unfortunately reduces sexuality and relationships to just sexual stimulation,” Ms. Ruthstrom said. “Researchers want to fit bi attraction into a little box — you have to be exactly the same, attracted to men and women, and you’re bisexual. That’s nonsense. What I love is that people express their bisexuality in so many different ways.”
Despite her cautious praise of the new research, Dr. Diamond also noted that the kind of sexual arousal tested in the studies is only one element of sexual orientation and identity. And simply interpreting results about sexual arousal is complicated, because monitoring genital response to erotic images in a laboratory setting cannot replicate an actual human interaction, she added.
“Sexual arousal is a very complicated thing,” she said. “The real phenomenon in day-to-day life is extraordinarily messy and multifactorial.”







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When I started dating a woman for the first time after years of happily dating men, I had a go-to joke ready for when I was called upon to explain my sexual orientation to the confused: “I’m half gay. Only on my mom’s side of the family.”
I’m one of those people who’d always misguidedly “hated labels,” and I actively eschewed the term “bisexual” for years. I went on to date a number of trans guys, and in my mind, “bi” was also indicative of a gender binary I didn’t believe existed. I’ve since come to understand that actually, the “bi” implies attraction not to two genders, but to members of both one’s own and other genders, and that the bisexual umbrella includes a wide rainbow of labels connoting sexual fluidity. These days, I wear the “bisexual” label proudly.
Given all that struggle and growth, my current situation might come as a surprise: I’m in a committed, long-term relationship with a cisgender man who identifies as straight—just like a startling majority of other bisexual women.
Dan Savage once observed that “most adult bisexuals, for whatever reason, wind up in opposite-sex relationships.” Whether or not you’re a fan of Savage (or his sometimes dubious takes on bisexuality), the statistics support his assertion: The massive 2013 Pew Research LGBT Survey found 84 percent of self-identified bisexuals in committed relationships have a partner of the opposite sex, while only 9 percent are in same-sex relationships.
As someone who has spent way too much time convincing people—gay and straight alike—that my bisexuality actually exists, that “for whatever reason” modifier of Savage’s has long vexed me. What is the reason? Because on the surface, the fact that 84 percent of bisexuals eventually wind up in opposite-sex partnerships could appear to support the notion that bisexuality is, as people so often insist , actually either “just a phase” or a stepping-stone on the path to “full-blown gayness.” Knowing that wasn’t true, I decided to investigate.
Some of my initial suppositions included internalized homophobia, fear of community and family rejection , and concerns over physical safety. Although being bisexual doesn’t necessarily mean you’re equally attracted to multiple genders, it does seem feasible that these sorts of concerns could push a person with fluid attractions in the direction deemed more socially acceptable.
Although there’s a dearth of research into whether these factors are actually prompting bisexuals to choose relationships that appear “straight” to the outside world, there’s no shortage of research revealing that bisexuals live under uniquely intense pressures within the LGBTQ community: In addition to facing heightened risks for cancer, STIs, and heart disease, bisexuals also experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse, and are significantly more likely to engage in self-harming behaviors or attempt suicide than heterosexuals, gays, or lesbians. It isn’t difficult to imagine that for some, the promise of a bit more social currency and safety could be compelling reasons to seek out an opposite-sex partner, even unconsciously.
But there’s actually a much simpler, more obvious, and more likely explanation for the reason so many bisexuals wind up in opposite-sex partnerships: The odds fall enormously in their favor.
Americans have a well-documented tendency to drastically overestimate the percentage of queer folks among us. Polls have revealed that while most people believe LGBTQ people make up a full 23 percent of the population, but the number is actually closer to a scant 3.8 percent. So not only is it statistically more likely more likely that a bisexual person will wind up with a partner of the opposite sex; it’s equally likely that they’ll wind up with someone from the over 96 percent of the population who identifies as straight.
As anyone currently braving the world of dating knows, finding true love is no easy feat. There likely aren’t a ton of people on this planet—let alone within your geography or social circles—whose moral compass, sense of humor, Netflix addictions, dietary restrictions, and idiosyncrasies sync up with yours closely enough to make you want to hitch your wagon to them for the long-haul (and the internet is making us all even picker ). Add to that the fact that due to persistent biphobia , a large number of gay men and lesbians still flat-out refuse to date bisexuals , and it becomes even more apparent that the deep ends of our relatively narrow dating pools are, for bisexuals, overwhelmingly populated by straight people—folks who, for bi women at least, are also more likely to boldly swim on over and ask us out.
It’s also worth keeping in mind that although plenty of bisexuals enjoy monogamy, not all people in committed relationships choose to be monogamous. Bisexuals in committed, opposite-gender relationships (including marriages) may very well have arrangements with their partners that allow them to enjoy secondary relationships with members of the same gender.
That said, we have to remember that even within monogamous opposite-sex relationships, if one or both parties identify as bisexual, that partnership doesn’t invalidate anyone’s bisexual identity—after all, we’d never tell a gay m
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