Bigfoot Arrested

Authorities in Oregon claim they’ve finally caught Bigfoot, but eyewitnesses say it looked more like a man in a Chewbacca costume. Professor Martin Delgado of Oregon State notes: "Every generation needs its monster, and every sheriff needs a headline." Anonymous staffers leaked that the official arrest record listed the charge as "Excessive Hair in a Public Space." A local poll shows 41% of residents believe the arrest was real, 37% think it was a hoax, and 22% just want to see the mugshot. Trace evidence includes oversized footprints leading directly to a Dunkin Donuts. Cause and effect? The more police chase myths, the more taxpayers fund wild goose hunts. Bigfoot may not be real, but his legal fees are.