Bigest Clit

Bigest Clit
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Reminder: vulvas come in all shapes and sizes.
For the longest time I thought my big clit was wrong, abnormal and gross. In short, my clitoris, aka the only organ in my body whose sole purpose was sexual pleasure, was the thing bringing me the most displeasure.
When I was a preteen, part of me thought I might be intersex . My genitals looked nothing like the ones I’d seen in porn, which was the only frame of reference I had. All I saw was tiny, almost nonexistent and neatly tucked clits that looked nothing like mine. “If that’s what clitorises are supposed to look like”, I thought, “then there’s clearly something wrong with mine”.
I spent most of my formative years avoiding sexual encounters because I was afraid guys would be disgusted by my clit. Until the age of 18, I hadn’t ever gone past snogging. My own clit was my biggest cockblock, but how was I supposed to know I was “normal”?
"My big clit was my biggest cockblock"
Outside of porn and very disappointing sex ed, nobody had taught me that vulvas come in all shapes, sizes, textures and hues. None of my girlfriends were walking around proudly bantering about how big their clit was the way my male friends did about their dicks. All I knew was that supposedly men could never find it, which was confusing because mine was definitely not hard to spot.
The taboo surrounding female sexual and reproductive health means a lot of women and people with vulvas have a warped perception of what their genitals should look like. The truth is, there is no such thing as “normal”, and a recent study measuring vulvas published in the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology confirms it. The study concluded that an “average” simply cannot exist because the range is so wide. In fact, when it came to the participants’ clitorises (the visible part, anyway), they measured anywhere between 0.5 mm to 3.4 cm in length.
Basically, every clit is as unique as the person who owns it - and for some of us, it sticks out of our labia and gets hard when we’re turned on. But no matter how often I’m told there’s nothing wrong with my clit, or how many men have enthusiastically eaten me out, I’m still insecure about my large-and-in-charge clit.
"Every clit is as unique as the person who owns it"
Society, unfortunately tells us vulvas should look neat, symmetrical and as inoffensive as possible. So, having the exact opposite of that has made me feel unfeminine and undesirable my whole life. It doesn’t help that Googling “big clit” only drudges up obscure fetish porn clips that make me feel like a freak, either.
Gemma*, a 27-year-old product manager also found being told she had a large clitoris impacted her confidence. “I was having sex with my ex-boyfriend and he made a comment about it being really big. He said when I was turned on it becomes ‘like a beak’, and gets bigger compared to his ex-partners’,” she says.
“He really liked it and said he loved being able to see me being aroused, but made such a thing about it being different that when I looked in the mirror I thought I could maybe see what he saw. It put me off letting him get to business at times. I’d hate him going down on me with the light on so he could see me up close. Now, I think I have become more comfortable with what my body as a whole looks like, clit included.”
And like me, for music publicist Eki it was the adult films she watched as a young girl that affected her clit confidence. “When I was about 12, I was watching porn and saw all the girls’ vulvas looked really neat and nothing like mine. I instantly hated my clit, was always embarrassed by it and it put me off losing my virginity for a long time ,” she says. “For years I wouldn’t let guys finger me or give me head because I didn’t like the way it looked, and didn’t want judgement. The first time a guy went down on me I was so nervous I was shaking. He was really nice and understanding about it, and kept reassuring me there was nothing wrong with it.”
Now 22 and in a relationship, Eki has learned to love and accept her genitals. “I’ve since been perfectly confident about it in the bedroom and have a very enjoyable sex life. There’s a serious lack of education for young people about their genitals, particularly vulvas, which can make young girls feel like their oversized clitoris isn’t normal, when it is.”
While the size of your clit doesn’t actually determine sexual satisfaction, genital self-esteem does. If we go into any sexual situation thinking our body is in any way wrong or gross, it’s probably not going to go well.
“It’s important to note that confidence about our genital anatomy is likely to have as much as, or even more of, an impact on sexual functioning than how our anatomy looks,” says Dr. Karen Gurney, clinical psychologist and psychosexologist at the Havelock Clinic .
“Sexual sensation and pleasure is heightened when our minds are free to focus and indulge in it, so it is likely that the size of one’s clitoris is less likely than our experience during sex to make the difference.”
It’s true what they say: size doesn’t matter.
Women and people who have vulvas are often left to their own devices when it comes to their sexual health and pleasure, but knowledge about the clitoris (or the whole vulva, for that matter) shouldn’t be a fun hobby reserved for nerdy, sex-positive feminists. In fact, Dr. Gurney believes that kind of knowledge is crucial for self-confidence.
"Surround yourself with as much visual diversity as you can"
“As with any other body image concern, the best way to tackle it is to surround yourself with as much visual diversity as you can,” she says. “Spend some time looking at pictures of the variety of clitoris shapes and sizes on sites such as @thevulvagallery on Instagram, an incredible platform showing drawings of real life vulvas of all shapes and sizes which is really useful for gaining confidence that your body is normal and to be celebrated.”
Had I known at 13 what I know now about my body, I wouldn’t have such a love-hate relationship with my clit like I do now. Whatever the size of your clit, whether it’s smaller than a pencil eraser, or about as subtle as a flashing neon arrow, it is ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
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