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All your practical big peen advice, right this way.
Sure, bigger can be better — but up to a point. Let’s be real here: size isn’t everything until you’ve got a situation where your partner is so well endowed that it becomes...well, literally everything. Sex acts that you used to be able to pull off spur of the moment suddenly come with anxiety that they might leave you sore tomorrow, or that you won’t be able to enjoy yourself in the moment because of the elephant in the room (so sorry, had to do it.)
If you’ve ever had a partner who made you wonder if there is truth to the saying “too much of a good thing,” you’re not alone. A partner who is too well-endowed isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, especially if you find sex to be more uncomfy because of this. There are a ton of tricks for troubleshooting if your partner is on the small side, but what do you do when they’re too big?
It mostly comes down to adding a ton of lube into the mix, knowing which positions work best for the sitch (up against a wall works surprisingly well here), and most importantly, being really mentally relaxed and comfortably turned on.
Here, we asked the experts: namely Dr. Tamika K. Cross, M.D., FACOG, a board certified OB/GYN based in Houston, TX; Jamie J. LeClaire, sex educator and sexologist; Lauren Wardini, sex educator at StaySexual.com; Antonia Hall, sex educator and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life; Dr. Jennifer Landa, MD, chief medical officer of BodyLogicMD, sexologist Emily Morse, and Carol Queen, PhD, on the best tips for having sex when your partner has a huge penis.
Pain is your body’s way of being like, “Heads up, I’m not, like, loving this right now.” Yes, you might be mentally so turned on, but “if you’re in pain while having sex, stop.” says Dr. Tamika K. Cross, M.D., FACOG, a board certified OB/GYN based in Houston, TX. “I've treated patients who have needed stitches because of sex with a partner that was too big for her,” she says. And the worst part? “These injuries could have been avoided by hitting the pause button when she felt pain or noticed bleeding,” she adds. So get in the mindset that it’s more than cool to slow down or tap for a time-out because you do not want stitches or further injury for something avoidable.
Not only for you, but also your partner. Penetrative sex is all too often seen as the main event, when in reality, oral sex can be just as pleasurable, if not more, and just as intimate and sexy. Exploring other positions that give the woman more control and comfort are key here, says Dr. Cross. Not only would a few orgasms or two loosen you up and get you as turned on as possible, it also helps alleviate some of the pressure you might have on yourself where penetrative sex is the only way of making your partner orgasm.
Use your hand as an extension of your vagina.
This trick comes especially clutch with blowjobs where your partner is larger than average. Use your (well-lubed) hand as a pretend cock ring basically, and keep it around the shaft of his penis. Move it up and down with your mouth so it feels like one continuous point of entry for your partner.
This way, you have control over the speed, angle, and depth of penetration. Lower yourself on your partner’s body and go with the flow. Cowgirl (and or its booty-centric cousin, Reverse Cowgirl) are your best bets here.
Sit on something that’s lower than their hips when they’re kneeling.
You wrap your legs around their hips, and since they’re entering you downwards, it’s not quite as deep. The fact that they’re kneeling means you don’t have to worry about all the thrust that could come with the range of motion if they were standing. Grab a stack of pillows, a chair, a sturdy coffee table, hell even the side of your bed could work if it’s lower than their hips when they kneel. Peep #4 on this list for a visual.
Try having standing sex where you’re up against a wall.
Yes, this is absolutely an excuse to delve into your Notebook fantasies. With standing positions when you’re up against something, the penetration isn’t quite as deep (a wall will do that to you). Keep one leg standing and wrap the other around their hips — or you could just have them pick you up so your legs are both wrapped around them if you’re into that.
Use dilators as a test run to get your body used to the larger size.
“Dilators are basically plain, sleek, no-frills dildos that are used to acclimate someone with a vagina to penetration,” explains LeClaire, adding, that dilators “usually come in a set around four to five, increasing slightly in size with each,” Even if you think you can handle starting in the middle of a set, remember to work your way up to larger sizes gradually at your own pace, and do so with plenty of lube.
Take the pressure off penetrative sex with a penis.
Have your partner penetrate you with a toy instead. Your partner can use their fingers or smaller dildos to penetrate you to switch it up, suggests LeClaire. Fingering and hand jobs get a bad rap, but TBH, they can be extremely satisfying with a little technique and a lot of lube, as LeClaire points out.
Might sound counterintuitive, but hear us out. If you have a lower or tilted cervix (it’s way more common than you’d think), sex with a penis of any size might hurt, especially a larger penis. “For most women, hitting the cervix is painful and can even cause bruising,” adds Wardini. If you like anal, this can be a good solution that you might like more. Just remember to use lots of lube and still invest in some toys to work up to his size.
“Ultimately, this is more of a tip for guys,” says Wardini. All the dilators in the world can’t help you if you’re mentally uncomfortable or nervous about your partner’s package. Explain to your partner that you need extra trust to feel fully relaxed around them. Communicate to your partner what you like, what you don’t like, when to stop, how fast to thrust, which positions help mitigate any size issues the best, etc.
Have them go down on you for at least a few orgasms before entry.
“Oral sex can be one of the best ways to prepare a vagina for a larger than average penis,” says Hall. Have your partner slowly tease your clit, give you an orgasm or a few, and let your body have some time to get the blood flowing and ready for penetration more easily.
Queen says that exercising the PC muscles not only helps make them stronger but can also help with flexibility and make it easier for you to enjoy a girthy penis. Note that you’ll want to make sure you’re doing Kegels correctly, as in fully releasing and relaxing between squeezes. Skipping this step could actually cause more harm than good and injure your muscles.
The post-coital pee has never been more important than it is with a girthy partner. Says Queen, “Large penises stretch out the vaginal introitus more than small ones; it may be more likely that microbes get into the urethra under these conditions.”
Queen says doing so can help minimize the depth of penetration if your partner has a particularly long penis.
The OhNut is a series of four flexible rings that can go over the base of your partner’s penis and is sort of like a bumper, preventing him from entering you all the way. You can use all four or adjust accordingly.
Emily Morse notes how the more aroused you are during sex, the easier it’ll be to handle his size. Dr. Landa notes that Arousal can make a huge difference in how much your body can take, and your vagina actually widens and lengthens when you’re turned on.
Check that your condoms come in large sizes beforehand.
Morse suggests using SKYN’s non-latex condoms as they transfer heat exceptionally well and come in larger sizes, so you don’t have to worry about the condom breaking due to size during sex.
Shop Now Large Condoms, SKYN (Available at Walmart), $11 for 24
“Even if you’re naturally wet, the glide from a good lube makes a world of difference.” We love Lelo’s personal moisturizer as it not only looks chic enough to leave out in the open but it feels luxurious AF too.
Shop Now Personal Moisturizer, LELO, $25
If you’re giving him a blow job, don’t worry about having to choke down everything at once.
Besides the obvious fact that a blow job should never be so uncomfortable that it restricts airflow, it’s totally unnecessary to take his whole length into your mouth anyway. As Morse points out, the head of the penis has the most nerve endings, so you don’t need a full stroke to maximize his pleasure.
Lie on your back on top of your partner and let him enter you from behind. The angle gets him to perfectly stroke the sensitive side of your vagina, without your getting overwhelmed by his full size. If you lube your inner thighs, it’ll feel especially good too.
If you have already seen what he’s packing and know it's a little big for you, you should talk it out before you get down to business. Why? He needs to understand that he could hurt you and that you’ll need to go slow.
Some women are more sensitive to deep penetration during that time of the month, so keep tabs on your cycle. If it’s right before your period or during, you might need more foreplay to get warmed up.
Woman-on-top positions are the best choice because you can control penetration depth and speed at all times.
He can take you from behind too—you just have to adjust accordingly. Close your legs to control the depth of penetration and lie down instead of being on your hands and knees.
When in missionary, put your legs on the inside of his. Why? It controls penetration and feels really good on your clitoris.
Spooning puts you in control too: The angle doesn't let him penetrate too deeply.
Still not comfortable? Try investing in penis rings to keep him from hitting too deep. As a bonus: Many penis rings even include vibration so you can keep things comfortable and extra pleasurable.
Don’t you wish they taught useful stuff like this in Sex-Ed? We’re teaching a Cosmo-fied Sex-Ed class online, and you can sign up here:
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Carina Hsieh Sex & Relationships Editor Carina Hsieh lives in NYC with her French Bulldog Bao Bao — follow her on Instagram and Twitter • Candace Bushnell once called her the Samantha Jones of Tinder • She enjoys hanging out in the candle aisle of TJ Maxx and getting lost in Amazon spirals.
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