Big Dicks Little Chicks

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Big Dicks Little Chicks
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
Jezebel's Crush of the Week: Jennette McCurdy
Chanté Adams Did 'as Much Research as Possible' for 'A League of Their Own'
Jezebel's Crush of the Week: Jennette McCurdy
Chanté Adams Did 'as Much Research as Possible' for 'A League of Their Own'
We're not size queens or anything but the HBO comedy Hung —about a man (Thomas Jane) with a large penis—premieres in June, and it got us thinking about big penises, the ultimate status symbol for men*. After the jump, a list of famous ones.
1.) Rasputin** The Russian mystic's disembodied penis is on display at the Russian museum of erotica in Saint Petersburg, in a tall jar, measuring 11 inches—flaccid.
2.) Liam Neeson In her autobiography No Lifeguard on Duty , Janice Dickinson wrote of her ex-boyfriend Liam Neeson, saying he had "the biggest penis of any man alive. He unzipped his pants and an Evian bottle fell out."
3.) Jay-Z Accounts from several different groupies say that Jigga is well endowed, "The biggest dick you will ever see in your life, but boring. Huge. Like a one-liter Pepsi bottle. What do you call those things? The 20-ounce bottle. It's beyond huge. It could block the sun."
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4.) John Holmes Even though he had one of the most celebrated dicks in porn history, due to its size, there's no real documentation of his measurement. His manager claimed he was 13.5 inches, but Holmes' first wife said he measured it in front of her, before he started doing adult films, and it was 10 inches.
5.) Vincent Gallo Have you ever seen Brown Bunny ? (Link NSFW)
This rumor about how large his dick was has been around for a while, and at his Friars Club memorial in 2002, his friends joked about his size.
7.) Wilt Chamberlain His nickname was "Big Dipper." He claims to have gotten a lot of use out of it.
8.) Tommy Lee Thanks to the sex tape with then-wife Pamela Anderson, everyone has seen Tommy's peen . It's guesstimated to be about 8 inches, erect. (Link NSFW)
9.) Frank Sinatra Ava Gardner once said of her ex-husband, "He only weighs 120, but 100 pounds is cock."
10.) Alexis Arquette Some years before her sex reassignment surgery, Alexis had a lot of taping to do. (Link NSFW)
10.) President Johnson "He was a lifelong exhibitionist who in college had dubbed his penis ‘ Jumbo .'"
11.) Errol Flynn He was notorious for his cock, which he once used to play the piano . A classical pianist!
12.) James Woods That's the rumor, anyway, but we don't really care to find out definitively.
13.) Colin Farrell It looks like a baby's arm . (Link NSFW)
Glamor model Jordan aka Katie Price says that her husband's penis is the size of a large television remote control.
15.) Anthony Keides The girls on Metal Sludge —a site where groupies compare notes on the rock stars they've fucked—say the Red Hot Chili Peppers front man is a "very large" penis that is "beyond gorgeous."
16.) Tony Kanal The girls on Metal Sludge also say that the No Doubt bassist—who is Gwen Stefani's ex—measures about 10 inches.
17.) Tony Danza He's uncut and long. (Link NSFW)
18.) Ray J Don't all guys with sex tapes that "leak" have big dicks? (Link NSFW)
19.) Dan Rather The report on Rather is that "he is as hung as he is handsome and intelligent."
20.) Simon Rex It's no wonder why he used to do porno.
*It is the personal opinion of the writer that big penises hurt. **This list is not compiled by size order.

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"My ex and I were having sex, missionary. I went to shift the angle of my hips at the exact moment he broke rhythm and give me a surprise, extra hard and fast thrust. This completely destroyed my perineum. I lived with my grandma at the time, and I couldn't get the tear to stop bleeding. We were freaking out, so I went into the living room, holding the bloody towel over my crotch, and asked grandma what to do . She was more concerned that I had stained one of the good hands towels."
"My friend was hooking up with a guy who was so big that while she was blowing him, she literally threw up every drink she had had that night on him . It also triggered a chain reaction, and they both spent the rest of the night in the bathroom."
"Years ago I met up with a guy in an empty cornfield. His dick was almost 9 inches and thick. Neither of us had condoms or lube, so we foolishly just used spit. A few minutes later, he finished and pulled out. That's when I noticed the bloody, shitty jizz that was dripping off his dick and down my legs . We didn't bring anything to clean up with, so we used my underwear. He thanked me and took off. I went to Walmart a few blocks away, bought new shorts and underwear, and changed in the restroom. When I got home, my mom complimented me on my new shorts."
"I hooked up with a guy who had the most enormous penis I'd ever seen. Rather than chickening out, I grabbed the lube and attempted to make it fit. I have dyspareunia, a condition that makes sex very painful, and his dick ended up ripping the lower part of my vagina, à la giving-birth-style. I had to have an episiotomy, which meant stitches from my vagina to my ass ."
"I dislocated my jaw trying to give a blow job once."
“I met up with a guy from Grindr, and he had the biggest penis I’d ever seen. He took his dick out of my ass because it was hurting me too much, and he said, ‘Damn, you made a mess.’ I saw what looked like a gallon of beef stew, and the smell soon followed. He started puking all down my back, and it ran into my hair, eyes, his bed, and the floor . His sister knocked on the door to see what was going on. He ran into the bathroom while I, still covered in poop and puke, tried to put on my clothes. It was impossible to leave with any dignity.”
"I was dating a guy with a very long, very girthy penis. I was too scared to have penetrative sex with him, so we always stuck to oral. One night, I was going down on him and decided I wanted to try to deep-throat. His penis jerked and I got scared and bit him really hard. His dick started bleeding and he got really freaked out and made me bring him to the hospital . Everything turned out fine. The doctor just bandaged it and gave him some antibiotics, but we stopped dating soon after."
"I was really horny so I drove 45 minutes to my ex's house to have sex. The next morning I realized I never took out my tampon . His penis was so big that it pushed the tampon up too far, and I couldn't get it out. After 30 minutes I gave up and called the guy, asking for a favor. I went to his work, locked the door, pulled out some medical gloves and a towel, and spread my legs on his desk so he could pull out the tampon. He fished around for 15 minutes and finally got it out."
"I was with my crush, and we thought we were home alone. His dick was giant, but I was being a trouper. Just as we were finishing the deed, his dad arrived and started a conversation with my parents in the next room. They called for us to come out, so we scrambled to look presentable and not guilty, only to realize that there was a bloody handprint on his shirt and my face ."
"I went on a few dates with a guy in college. We knew that neither of us liked to bottom, so I proposed a bet of whoever had the bigger penis got to top. I was obviously pretty cocky and sure that I would win. I was speechless when he pulled out a throbbing Pringles can . Never one to back out of a bet, I powered through, and it was incredibly unpleasant. I was late to class the next day because it took me an extra long time to walk up the stairs."
"The first guy I ever gave a blow job to was huge, both in length and in girth. I had braces at the time and was hesitant, but he assured me it would be OK. We took it slowly, but he ended up with two bloody lines down his penis where some inside wires were protruding. To this day, I still wonder if he has the scars."
"I occasionally get lockjaw. One time I was giving my boyfriend a blow job – he's quite big and girthy – and my jaw started to hurt. I thought, fuck it , and kept going, which was a big mistake. It got to the point where I couldn’t open my mouth wide enough to get his dick out , so I had to pry my mouth open with my fingers. Whoops."
"I was a senior in high school, and the popular, hot guy on my bus asked me to his house. As soon as his pants came off, my eyes widened. I asked him how big he was... 12 inches. I was all in, though! I gave him a few hours of mind-blowing sex. After it was over, I experienced my first walk of shame through my ENTIRE neighborhood and could literally barely walk. I had to pretend I started my period early because of it, and I bled for almost three days . Totally worth it, though."
"I was hooking up with my crush in my car. It was dark outside, so I couldn’t see how HUGE his dong was. He started putting it in, and I swear it felt like he was trying to shove a fist in there. A few minutes later I looked down and saw something on his white shirt. He turned the overhead light on and saw his shirt was covered in blood . There was also a huge, bloody handprint on the back of the driver's seat. He gasped and ran out of the car and I drove to the nearest gas station and scrubbed the seats like crazy. My vagina was sore for days."
"I invited a guy over for a blow job. He whipped it out, and that man was packing what I was craving: thicker than the circumference of my wrist and at least eight inches! I was doing the deed, and he began face-fucking me. He pulled his cock out of my mouth, and it was covered in my blood . He literally destroyed my throat! But I ain't no bitch."
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.


By hoK leahciM
Updated July 29, 2022

Most men are conscious of their penis size. But as they say, it’s how you perform in bed, right? Check this Reddit thread out for more.

By hoK leahciM
Updated July 29, 2022

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I’m into fisting, so even the largest penises are no problem.
Actually, neither are small penises, I just get the guy to fist me.
I lost my virginity to a man with a huge penis. But I didn’t know it at the time. Watching porn made me uncomfortable so I always just read erotica. So he was very proud of his huge cock, and I don’t think he could figure out why I wasn’t amazed by it. For my part, I couldn’t figure out why sex was so damn painful. I could barely open my jaw far enough to the get the thing in my mouth. We could only have sex in missionary position because everything else hurt so badly. I was not particularly impressed with intercourse (or giving oral, for that matter).
The rest of my relationships have been with men with normal size penises. I found out, holy shit, having sex with them is fucking easy. I don’t have to use a cup of lube to have intercourse or use an ice pack on my face after giving a blow job. I don’t get what the big deal is for big dicks. Give me a normal dick any day.
I posted a while back about dating a guy with a micropenis. For a while he avoided sex, which made me believe he wasn’t sexually attracted to me. Really, he was just embarrassed by how small it was.
The actual sex was terrible, but I think a large part of it centered on his lack of confidence. He kept apologizing, then going soft, then slipping out, and it was just stressful sex. I think we still could have had fun if he had not gone into it thinking it was going to be a failure.
I’ve never dealt with a micropenis, but I did deal with one that was not much longer or girthier than my pinky. My experience with the dude’s personality was much worse than with the dick – I think he was really self conscious about it, so when we were fooling around he would say things about how big his cock was and ask me to beg for his big dick… it was kind of awkward because I think we both knew it was smaller than average, but he needed to hear that it was big to feel good about himself. He was also really sweet and attentive outside of the bedroom, so it turned into this weird Dr. Jekyl/Mr Hyde situation.
The actual sex was disappointing, but again I think it was partly due to his insecurities.
I don’t know how all these women are talking about preferring big ones for blowjobs! I had been hooking up with a guy for a week or so before it went THAT far…I was willing and a bit eager to give him head, until he pulled the damn kraken out of his pants. only time I’ve ever stopped, looked someone dead in the eye, and asked, “what in the HELL do you expect me to do with that?!” his girth was so huge that I literally couldn’t fit him in my mouth. sex was painful and awkward. we didn’t see each other after that, and if my vagina ever becomes animate I assure you it (she?) will thank me for not continuing with him.
I’m from England. Muscular man’s man American guy comes to my university (except he’s really short) and takes a liking to me. He and a friend were over mine one night and the friend left. The American guy and I ended up on the bed kissing for a while with him on top. I started trying to reach for his cock but couldn’t find it. It was actually giving me a mini panic attack. I told him to get off and lay down so I could be on top (in my head I figured it would be easier then). Still couldn’t find it.
When I did find it it was 2 inches or less, erect. As I hold this little penis he shouts at me “SUCK IT” like he has the biggest dick in the world. I honestly didn’t want to make him feel bad about himself, so tried to continue like nothing was abnormal. I go down there and he lets out a large and disgusting fart and says “Mmm, do you like that?”
I screamed and told him to get out, to which he and I started arguing. He called me a few things. “Cocktease” being one that I distinctly remember. He then ran into my ensuite bathroom and locked the door so I couldn’t get in. In the mean time I called my friend who was also living in the flat. He was in there for a while then ran out. When my friend and I checked the bathroom there was semen everywhere.
Big penis? I like a longer dick, but not TOO wide, because that can be really painful (I’ve been told I have a smaller vagina any way). I literally have to be able to sink the Titanic in my pants before I can take a dick.
I’ve been with a guy that has a large or well above average penis and a guy who’s penis was below average. The big one was fun for blow jobs but sex hurt until I got wet enough or I guess, stretched enough. The small one was easier to take all of into my mouth and I didn’t notice anything off during sex. It went in easily and he knew a lot of stuff to do with it. I really think size doesn’t matter. It was all enjoyable.
I’ve had moderately small to moderately/very large: I generally prefer larger, but a lot of guys with big dicks think that all they need to be good at sex is a big dick. I’d rather take a guy with an average dick who cares about my pleasure anyday.
One of my exes was around 8.5-9″ and a big girth. I’m 5′. It was pretty uncomfortable since it took a while to actually fit it in (even with copious amounts of lube) and I was even bearing tears on a few occasions along with a bruised cervix. It wasn’t that pleasant, yet then again if we slowed it down or something then maybe it wouldn’t have been that bad. It was fun giving him head, though!
I’ve had both, honestly neither were that life altering in either a good or bad way.
For very large (mostly in width), we seemed to have the ideal situation of him being too large and me being too tight so while when it was good – it was very good, it didn’t last long without slipping out and after trying many different positions to see what works best, we ended up giving up the sex was just too much work.
For very small, it was actually better than the very large because what he lacked in size, he made up for in speed. He did a lot with what was given to him and didn’t seem embarrassed at all.
So for tips – if you’re very large, lots of foreplay, make sure she’s super wet and she spreads those legs. For very small, make sure you’re extra rough to make up for your size in speed. It goes a long way.
The worst thing about a short dick is the hair on the shaft and the fact that most guys are super insecure so they tend to prematurely come.
The worst thing about a big dick is that the guy often thinks that’s all he needs to bring to the relationship.
I dated a guy with a legitimate micro-peen. He was very upfront about it the first time we made it to the “making out” stage. I wasn’t quite to the point where I thought we might be long term, so I have to admit that I may have proceeded more out of curiosity than actual sexual feelings.
During that first bout (there were several, and you’ll understand why in a minute) he was obviously very weary of letting me get near “the area.” He would caress my hand and guide it away any time it got close to the zipper zone. He was so suave about it that it was easily ignored, though. It helped that he was a level 10 kisser and so in-tune with reading my cues.
As things progressed, I found myself fully undressed while he had everything intact (I’m telling you, he was a smooth motherfucker.) I don’t even remember how, but he guided me to the carpet and proceeded to perform acts of god on my lady region. I believe years of not being able to have conventional sex have given him oral superpowers. I had orgasms too numerous to count and I’m convinced I partially blacked out at one point (before this night, I would have seriously called bullshit on that actually being a thing, but goddamn if it isn’t real.) Long story short, I never did get to see the goods that first night. I remember feeling a little embarrassed the next morning for the amount of thanks and praise I gave him immediately following the last, exhausting orgasm (I’m talking a good 20 minutes worth of “OMFG, you are the most amazing man on Earth” type thing.)
We did attempt a penetration on one drunken night, but it just wouldn’t happen. The size was a serious issue, but the bigger problem (no pun intended) was that he just didn’t get conventionally hard.
It was maybe…less soft? But definitely not hard. So, it just didn’t happen.
Anyway, my experience with an extremely small penis was pretty positive because the guy took amazing steps to compensate. He’s a pretty good guy to boot, so I hope he someday finds a woman who appreciates the hell out of his skills.
I’m bi, but until I was seventeen or eighteen I thought that I was only interested in girls. When I was 19, I started dating a boy and we slept together five times before my hymen broke. I had just assumed it had busted at some point during all the finger banging, heh. Or that I was one of those women who didn’t have one. His dick was about three inches long and kind of skinny. But I didn’t know any better, I was used to fingers anyway.
Dated another guy much later with a dick thicker around than my wrist, probably 8 inches long. There was no such thing as quickies. He had to romance me if h
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