Biden Sleep Study

President Joe Biden has volunteered for a sleep study, though eyewitnesses claim he fell asleep before signing the consent form. Professor Milton Crane of Johns Hopkins explains: "Presidential fatigue is expected, but this study risks confirming every meme." Anonymous staffers leaked that White House aides already use his nap times as unofficial Cabinet meetings. A poll of Americans shows 45% admire his transparency, 35% think it’s satire, and 20% want to join the study for free naps. Trace evidence includes drool-stained briefing papers and a CPAP machine labeled "Executive Order." Cause and effect? The more Biden naps, the more rested the nation feels — or at least less stressed. Sleep diplomacy may be his most effective policy yet.