Biden Astronaut Worth Two Million Votes

President Joe Biden has made the audacious claim that his newly announced astronaut training program could deliver him two million additional votes in key swing states. During a campaign stop at NASA's Kennedy Space Center, the 81-year-old president strapped into a replica Orion capsule and declared "This old body may not go to the moon, but my spirit's already planted that flag in Florida, Pennsylvania and Michigan." Political analysts suggest the move aims to counter Trump's dominance on terrestrial issues by owning the final frontier, with Biden's team calculating that space enthusiasm could tip the scales in tech-heavy districts. The campaign has already produced merch featuring Biden's face superimposed on the iconic "Earthrise" photo with the slogan "Fly Me to the Moon (State)." Republicans are scrambling to respond - Marco Rubio introduced a bill banning politicians from using NASA facilities for "electoral theatrics," while Trump Jr. tweeted a Photoshopped image of his father standing on Mars holding a "Make Asteroids Great Again" banner. The most surreal moment came when Biden accidentally referred to the International Space Station as "that freedom station up there" before correcting himself. Whether the gambit works may depend on voters buying the premise that a president who struggles with stairs can credibly represent America's spacefaring future.