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Just like Anna Paquin, who tweeted about her bisexuality and marriage for Pride Month , I am a bisexual woman, attracted to both men and women, and I am proudly married to a man who's only attracted to ladies*. So what's it like? Awesome, predominantly. Being bi and married to my dude is a wonderful and fulfilling situation, mostly because he is excellent and accepts all my parts, including the bits that like another gender. But together we have discovered that, through no conscious fault of our own, we confuse people. Frequently. Deeply. Sometimes in a way that ends with strange girls trying to break into our room at parties. (More on that later.)
Much of this confusion seems to come from two sources: preconceptions about bisexuality and how it works, and preconceptions about marriage and what it's for. When our relationship is viewed from the outside, these ideas sit atop it like an incongruous cheap baseball cap and affect how we're perceived.
Here are the four ideas about marriage and bisexuality that I regularly encounter, and why they're wrong:
More than one person has assumed that bi-hetero relationships must involve threesomes , regularly. In the same way that straight relationships involve, I don't know, Chinese food, or fighting over the remote. My husband gets fist-bumped rather a lot.
Cute, right? Except that it meant that a drunk girl at a party we both attended, who'd never met me but who had heard that I was bi and therefore "must be up for it," tried to force her way into the room where we were sleeping for an unexpected menage a trois. Obviously there are many things wrong with that situation. But the underlying assumption, that threesomes are regularly on the sexual menu, isn't too uncommon. It defines "bisexual" as "can't be satisfied without both sexes at once," which is another, entirely different sexual identity.
It also overlaps with the stereotype that bi people are sexually insatiable and will seek out anything with a pulse to satisfy their raging libido. "Is it breathing? Can it consent? Sweet, it's macking time." This is... not true. I am not Lord Byron.
Committing to a lifelong heterosexual relationship when you've been a part of the queer community can cause conversations like this:
"Why didn't I get an invite to your Pride party this year?"
"We just... thought you wouldn't be interested. Now, I mean."
Yep. Bi people are in a particular bind when it comes to their dating pool: If they find a partner of the opposite sex, they run the risk of being accused of queer treason. Having a legally married dude partner means that, for some very lovely LGBT friends, I have sadly lost all my gay points, copped out, thrown in the rainbow-colored towel, and can no longer take part of Pride activities because I'm too busy being committed to male genitalia.
It's also frankly frustrating when anybody, straight or gay, assumes that I have been magically, permanently cured of my (very real) attraction to boobs by prolonged exposure to my dude's heterosexuality, like it's musky anti-LGBT radiation. Sexuality is fluid , and it can change over time, but assuming this in another person is a good way to get something thrown at your head.
And then there are the people who decide I was never actually REALLY queer at all, that I was either a L.U.G — Lesbian Until Graduation — dating women because it was fashionable and edgy or because I was just confused.
Nobody's actually congratulated my dude on "turning me" or "helping me make up my mind" — yet. But I have had a few comments about how relieved I must be that, like Jessie J 's, my experimental phase is over. Nope. Nope nope nope.
People can be very uncomfortable with the concept of bisexuality as a permanent identity rather than a 'holding pattern' while you choose which gender you REALLY like. Evan Rachel Wood, who is bisexual, told a journalist for Out magazine, " People like things black and white. It's less scary. Grey areas make people uneasy. " Marriage seems like a definitive choice, like you've FINALLY chosen one team over the other, which is obviously pretty uncomfortable, since I'm still firmly in that grey space.
The LGBT community and marriage have a very fraught relationship, with a legacy of "traditional" gender roles and inherent historical patriarchy to battle. Taking advantage of a right that many gay people still can't have — and aren't sure they want — can put a big wedge between yourself and your queer identity and community.
Putting on the dress and the ring and legally binding yourself to a person of the opposite sex can wreak havoc not only on your gay credentials but on your own self-perception. Is this really true to who I am? Am I turning my back on the struggle of a minority? Am I — gasp — taking the easy way out?
Quick answer: No. I'm not. Marriage is never an "easy" decision, regardless of sexuality, and if I'd fallen in love with a lady, I would have married a lady. If anything, the ease with which I could get hitched to a dude, and the sheer happiness that accompanied that act, makes me even more conscious of what it means to deprive other queer people of that right.
And then there's the concept that a lifetime with only one set of genitals for company is inconceivable for bisexual people. INCONCEIVABLE.
I've had some very concerned dialogues go something like this:
"But how can you be happy with just one gender? Forever? Won't you always be thinking about the other one? Aren't you unfulfilled? Won't your partner think there's a little bit of you he can't satisfy? IS YOUR MARRIAGE DOOMED?"
Welcome to a contradiction of bi-and-married existence . Critics treat you as if you have taken one of two paths: either you've relinquished your bisexual identity, and so seem to have abandoned queer struggle to take refuge in the safe familiarity of the patriarchy, or you've kept it and are seen as incapable of dealing with the structures of state-sanctioned monogamy. Whee!
Here's the thing — monogamy doesn't mean that your genitals are programmed only to want your partner's genitals forever more. Attraction to others, regardless of orientation, doesn't cease because you put a ring on it. That's a conversation that modern society is only just learning how to have: that commitment to one person is a continued choice, and that it's OK and healthy to think other people are cute.
I don't feel any mourning for my access to breasts, any more than I mourn for my access to other dudes. They are, after all, still in the world. If I felt any urge to still be out squeezing them, I would not have walked down that aisle. Being bi and married doesn't mean perpetually thinking wistfully that the grass is greener elsewhere; it means really, really loving your patch of garden, and working on it ardently. The gardeners are a little out of the ordinary, but the flowers sure are beautiful.
*I don't refer to my dude as "straight" because he doesn't like the word. He prefers the term "heterosexual," or, if you want to be precise, a male-identifying person who is female-attracted.

Perfectpex and Traveler386 like this.

Windman , Showtimesc93 and Traveler386 like this.

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dd788snipe and Showtimesc93 like this.

I much prefer jacking off, thinking about men, than fucking my wife. Actually, I amend that statement. I'd much prefer to be fucking a man than my wife

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My wife is the one who initiated things. She had teased me for years about trying it with her/our gay friend. My wife had witnessed our friend giving and getting a bj with his former partner and told me how much it turned her on and she thought it would be a good way for some fun, for both of us. She couldn't have sex anymore, but she could enjoy watching and encourged me to"experiment". She wouldn't let me have sex with other women, but mutal fun with him was OK with her. I finally caved and told her I would try it. She wanted to watch the next time and even told him. He had no objections and I agreed. After he gave me a great bj, it was her idea for me to try it. It was one of the most thrilling experiences in our lives. Without her encouragement, I doubt I would have done it.
Ditto but I'd much prefer being fucked by a man than fucking my wife.

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I’m married for a long time and not much of a sex life at all. I’m bi but it’s not something I want a lot but when sex with a guy is on my mind it’s fairly strong. I’ve been noticing when I am in my “bi mode” I’m kinda distant with my wife and I don’t even try having sex with her. Just wondering if anyone else has something like that happen.

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My wife is the one who initiated things. She had teased me for years about trying it with her/our gay friend. My wife had witnessed our friend giving and getting a bj with his former partner and told me how much it turned her on and she thought it would be a good way for some fun, for both of us. She couldn't have sex anymore, but she could enjoy watching and encourged me to"experiment". She wouldn't let me have sex with other women, but mutal fun with him was OK with her. I finally caved and told her I would try it. She wanted to watch the next time and even told him. He had no objections and I agreed. After he gave me a great bj, it was her idea for me to try it. It was one of the most thrilling experiences in our lives. Without her encouragement, I doubt I would have done it.

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My wife is the one who initiated things. She had teased me for years about trying it with her/our gay friend. My wife had witnessed our friend giving and getting a bj with his former partner and told me how much it turned her on and she thought it would be a good way for some fun, for both of us. She couldn't have sex anymore, but she could enjoy watching and encourged me to"experiment". She wouldn't let me have sex with other women, but mutal fun with him was OK with her. I finally caved and told her I would try it. She wanted to watch the next time and even told him. He had no objections and I agreed. After he gave me a great bj, it was her idea for me to try it. It was one of the most thrilling experiences in our lives. Without her encouragement, I doubt I would have done it.

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Sumbaljack and Paulievcvc like this.

I have sex with our male partner far more than I have sex with my wife. My wife and I still have sex once a week or every other week but I have sex with him on average twice a week. I crave and need cock more than I need pussy. My wife and his wife both know our sex drive is far higher than either of theirs and they actually encourage he and I to have all the sex we want with each other.

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So what about Tom? Is he having more with you than Carol?
Yes he is, he and I have been regularly sucking each other off at least twice a week for the past ten years and over the past 12 months he's fucked me in the ass at least 60 times.
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Discussion in ' Bisexual ' started by Traveler386 , Oct 21, 2020 .

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My wife and i are young we are only 30 and last weekend we went out to a restaurat / bar and ended up meeting up another couple we got along pretty well fast we were drinking all night and it was all good until the other girl leaned on my wifes shoulder and my wife by couriosity or maybe she liked her kissed her. I saw everything but the other guy didnt i was cool with it i tough it was exciting. about half hour later the apoligized to eachother and it was back to having fun. my wife asked me to go to the bathroom with her and i as a perv decided this is the big move..... i asked the other girl to go with her.... 15 minutes later they come back and is all cool so i asked my wife what happen and she told me that they hooked up kissing and sucking involved. i was very excited i wanted to take the girl home but she was with her man and no other man is touching my wife...lol... well anyhow a couple days later im here feeling jealous now they are friends on facebook and text each other. Me and my wife have been together 13 years and her and her date have been together for 2 months. I just want to know what should do how should i feel??? Helppp im going a little crazy...lol...

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well replace "other girl" with "other guy" and you get how I would feel. IMO this rings alarm bells, just coz it is a girl you seem to not really worry, I am sure you will be raging if it was a guy she is txting etc after kissing.

I think you need to talk to her about it, maybe she is bi or gay and if she is then there is nothing you can do about it, if you have a threesome make it clear that it is a one off and that it is not ok for your wife to go off and see this girl for sex etc without you. Unless of course, youre ok with that?

My GF is bi but she knows that if she goes off with another girl its the same as going off with another guy, the idea of dating a bi chick maybe hot coz of the ideas of threesomes etc but when you fall in love with them, you get a bit funny about it, at least I do; I would only ever agree to a threesome if we agreed to never see the extra girl again and didn't remain in contact.

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If the OP is less jealous about a woman good on him, this is highly individual. I think I know where he's coming from - even if she's completely bi, a woman still can't "replace" him; the wife's relationship with her would always be an addition to her life, whereas another man is perceived as more of a direct threat. It's highly common in couples which are not completely monogamous that the woman is only allowed to hook up with other women but not with other men, it helps the guy deal with his anxieties and doesn't allow such a strong "macho" rivalry to build up. Usually it seems to work fine.

My concern is whether the girl's partner is aware, because I might be non-monogamous but I'm strictly against lying and cheating!!

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^ Totally agree - I would never perceive a woman to be a direct threat, but more someone my woman could have as a side line if she wants a lil extra loving.

As long as I know about every instance of activity so I can have a wank while she tells me about it there's nothing wrong with it - it's hot.

For me - homosexuality is a lust thing, purely animal...a man will always come out on top unless he's a bitch.

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