Bi-Curious Women

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What You Need To Know Before Dating A Bi-Curious Woman

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By Kelly O'Hara

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A bi-curious woman doesn’t identify as lesbian or bisexual — at least not yet — but she’s pretty sure she might have the hots for other women and would potentially like to date them, sleep with them, or both. As a lesbian myself, I’ve dated several bi-curious women, and while there’s nothing wrong with going on a journey of self-discovery with someone who isn’t quite sure what they want just yet, it does come with its own unique set of problems.
1. Introducing someone new to “the club” is a big responsibility. It sucks, but many queer women would stay away altogether because they don’t want the hassle of potentially introducing someone new to the club. They want somebody who is confident in themselves and their sexuality because dating another woman for the first time might be confusing and strange, and that can equal messy. It’s understandable, but it’s also a shame that queer women avoid dating bi-curious women — if you’re both open to love, what’s the problem? Shameless plug: check out Sweetn , a new startup with free, scientific quizzes that will help you be more successful in dating & relationships. Just click here !

2. She might just want to sleep with you. Bi-curiosity isn’t a gateway drug that leads to becoming a lesbian. Lots of bi-curious women are more curious about the sex part than the dating part. Lots of women want to have a same-sex sexual experience without having to adopt a cat with you. Sexual desires and romantic feelings are two different things for some people. You just have to decide whether you’re cool with getting it on with a hot bi-curious girl with no strings attached. Shameless plug #2 : Check out Sweetn , the first self-care app for your love life. It helps you make sense of your love life, find the right partner and create the kind of relationship you deserve. Check it out here !

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4. You might have to take things slow. If it’s her first time with another lady, then you’ll have to go at her pace. You might be so excited by her that you want to rip all of her clothes off, show her a good time then ask her to move in with you, but bi-curious women are sensitive creatures, so you might need to take things slow so she doesn’t freak out and run for the hills.
5. You can’t get too invested. I’ve learned from experience that you can’t get too caught up with a bi-curious woman. She’s curious, but she isn’t sure what it is she wants, so you not only want to take it slow for her sake, but for your sake too. It’s fine if you’re somebody who’s cool with keeping things casual or who dates a lot. If not, proceed with caution.
6. Her uncertainty can be heartbreaking. It’s pretty harsh to discuss bi-curiosity in terms of “an experiment”, but lots of people think of it like that. It only becomes problematic if she starts to lead you on by perhaps dating you for several months and still saying she doesn’t know what she wants. At the beginning, though, if everybody is open and honest and communicates their feelings (how lesbian does that sound, btw?) then you all know exactly where you stand.
7. She might expect you to make the first move. Bi-curious women are probably used to the guy making the first move, despite the fact we live in the 21st century. So when you’re ready to hook up, you might have to be the one who instigates things. This can be a problem if you’re a little shy yourself, but somebody’s going to have to do it or you’ll just end up with the Netflix part of Netflix and chill. On the other hand, she might be totally confident and ready to take on that role, so she might appreciate the chance to be the more dominant party. Everybody is different.
8. She will ask you LOTS of questions. For me, this is one of the fun parts of dating bi-curious women. She’ll ask you all about your sexuality and when you first realized you were into girls and how you came out, etc. She’s working herself out. It’s fun to see how she reacts and it’s fun to educate newbies. It makes you feel helpful taking somebody under your lesbian wing. Then again, after a while, it can get a little annoying and feel like you’re being fetishized.
9. The sex can be a little awkward. A lack of experience on her part doesn’t necessarily mean that the sex is going to be bad or that you’re going to have to show her the ropes. Some women are just naturals, and maybe she got some ideas from watching Orange is the New Black or something. Anyway, she knows what she likes, so she’ll likely know what you like… or at least she should be eager to learn. It can be a little awkward to get on the same page, but if it’s meant to be, you’ll get there.
10. She has no girl-on-girl baggage. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the dating pool for girls who like girls is small. It’s much closer to a jacuzzi than an Olympic-sized pool. If you date a bi-curious woman, they’re fresh on the scene with no drama and no baggage and no annoying exes that you’ll run into at a party. It’s perhaps the best thing about dating a bi-curious woman.
11. It might work out great, but probably not. From my experience, it rarely works out when queer women date bi-curious women. This is a warning. However, if it’s somebody you know and trust or even somebody you’re just really into and you’re both willing to take a chance, then why not? You just need to make sure you think with your brain rather than your vagina. You need to not let your emotions cloud your judgment, either, and work out as soon as possible whether it’s going to work.
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Kelly O'Hara
Kelly is a freelance writer and editor from Manchester, UK.

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Notice whether she shows open appreciation for women. If the woman seems to generally appreciate women, including their sex appeal, there is a chance she is bisexual . Does she always notice other people's looks and comment on them in a sexualized way? [1]
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Expert Source

Marissa Floro, PhD Counseling Psychologist

Expert Interview. 1 April 2021.

As with every potential clue, it’s possible she is just admiring another woman without having a sexual attraction to her. After all, women are constantly scrutinizing other women’s appearances.
However, if she repeatedly openly admires another woman’s sex appeal, maybe she is open to more. [2]
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Recognize that it’s possible she’s attracted to women but doesn’t realize she’s bisexual. This is not an uncommon phenomenon. Although it’s getting easier, it can be hard for people to admit they are bisexual to families and friends or even themselves.

Go with your intuition. Sometimes you just get a vibe. You generally know when someone seems attracted to you or someone else, right? Sometimes intuition can mean more than words. Some studies have found that up to 60 percent of women are attracted to other women, so it's not that rare. Whether they will act on it might be another story. [3]
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Society encourages women to develop emotional closeness to one another. For some, this can spill over into attraction. Realize that sexuality can be very fluid. Studies have found that women define their sexuality more ambiguously as they age.
The tricky part is that many platonic female relationships mirror romantic relationships because they are built on sharing intimate details and talking about personal issues for hours on end.

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Determine whether she is going out of her way to be around another woman. Is she always trying to strike up a conversation with you or another woman? Does she try to sit next to the woman at meetings? These could be signs of interest.

If she goes out of the way to interact with another woman in ways a partner would, that’s a sign. Does she show up at the other woman’s soccer games or head to the bar when she hears the woman is there? Does she try to arrange things where it's just for two?
Is she always texting, emailing or calling, and not to talk about guys? This could be a sign that she is trying to get closer.

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Figure out her relationship status. Although some women in relationships with men discover they are really bisexual, if she seems to have no man in her life, that’s also a sign she could be bisexual. Although, just because she doesn't have a man doesn't always mean she is bisexual or a lesbian. It could just mean she isn't dating.

This is especially true if she seems like she has never had a man in her life in a romantic sense. Inquire about past romantic relationships that were serious.
Check out her social media. Does she post pictures of herself with only male friends and a lot of females? Does she seem to be surrounded by women a lot who aren’t relatives? What's her body language like around them? All of these could be signs.

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Figure out whether she has had past experiences with women. Women kissing women has become more common in popular culture over recent years. If the woman is open about a past experience with a woman, there is a chance she would want to do it again.

You would need to gather more information, though, such as whether she liked doing it, who initiated it, and the context surrounding what happened.
If her past or present includes girl-on-girl porn, that’s another dead giveaway. If a woman enjoys watching a woman pleasure another woman, there’s a chance she’s imagining what it would be like to feel that way herself.

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Tease out her feelings. Start generically. Ask which celebrity she has a crush on, and see if she names a woman. Or ask directly which female celebrity she finds the most attractive, and why, and see how she responds. [4]
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Expert Source

Marissa Floro, PhD Counseling Psychologist

Expert Interview. 1 April 2021.

Bring up issues in the news like gay marriage to see how she reacts. Such issues can be contentious, but broaching them can give you clues about her sexuality.
You could mention that you are gay or bi to see how she reacts. Recognize that being bisexual can be a very confusing experience for some people. She might be very unclear about any of it, so resist the urge to label and seek bottom-line pronouncements. Just gather information. [5]
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Expert Source

Marissa Floro, PhD Counseling Psychologist

Expert Interview. 1 April 2021.

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Go ahead and just ask her. The best way to find out if a woman is bisexual is to ask her. Do this in a roundabout way at first, though, and if she’s giving you more signals she might be bisexual, eventually come out and ask. [6]
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Research source

For example, start by inquiring what she thinks of bisexuality. Or whethe
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