Beyond the Calling: The Right of Doctors to Personal Happiness
farkhodmd"What would you do if you had only three months to live?" This was a question often posed by a 24-year-old fresh medical school graduate named Mohirjon to his friends. Seeking to delve into the depths of the human soul, he was looking for an answer to what drives people and gives meaning to their existence. A seemingly simple question that opened up an abyss of reflections on the essence of life.
The answers were as diverse as the people themselves: some dreamed of embarking on a perfect journey, striving to see the world in all its beauty; others wished to let go of all earthly attachments and finally live for themselves, freely and without looking back. But there were also those who found no answer - perhaps because they considered themselves immune to the passage of time or had never truly thought about their genuine priorities.
Sadly, just a few months later, this young man full of energy and hope left the world of the living. This essay is dedicated to Mohirjon and all students who sometimes feel lost on their journey through life, who search for answers to the most complex questions, and who strive to find their own meaning in the endless flow of existence.
This post is a personal reflection of the author and does not claim to be objective. All opinions and thoughts presented here are based on subjective experiences and personal observations. The author does not seek to provoke debate or draw attention to this issue. This publication is intended to share ideas and perhaps be of some help to those beginning their journey as doctors.
Life Before Thirty
Until I was thirty, I rarely thought about the deeper aspects of existence. I was captivated by the prospect of becoming a neurosurgeon - a symbol of stability, with my own spacious house and car. My imagination painted scenes of me standing in the operating room of a local hospital as an accomplished surgeon, successfully completing the most challenging procedures. I envisioned patients' relatives thanking me with tears of joy, and colleagues applauding as I made my way back to my office. Ironically, in all these dreams, there was never a moment where I approached the payroll counter. Money seems unimportant only to those who already have it.
The absence of this detail in my fantasies makes me wonder: perhaps, if I had imagined myself earning only $200 a month while working at a city hospital in Urgench, I might have realized sooner the need to come down from the clouds, take off the rose-colored glasses, and seriously think about my future.
Have you ever thought about this? How much money do you need to provide for yourself or your family? Perhaps, subconsciously, I hoped my patients would "feed" me, but everyone reading these lines knows what a serious crime that is in today's world.
You might be asking now: what does this have to do with the meaning of life and this entire story? Where is the connection? The answer isn't obvious, but if you don't know why you live, it's like losing a lighthouse in the night - you can't see the way, and every turn of fate can carry you into the unknown, where there's always the risk of crashing against the rocks and drowning. Every person needs to see their path, to understand whether it is worth following, and most importantly - to know why they need it...
The Price of Delusion
There is a legend that Alexander the Great, on his deathbed, asked for his body to be placed in an open coffin with his hands outstretched and palms open. The symbolism of this gesture was to show the world that despite his great conquests and immeasurable wealth, he was leaving life empty-handed, taking nothing with him to the other world. This profound message served as a reminder of the futility of worldly glory and riches.
I read this story when I was seventeen, and it shook me to my core. The realization that one day we will leave this world, leaving all our possessions behind, stirred mixed feelings within me. If we live to earn money and accumulate property, only to die and leave it all behind - then what is the point of life? It turns out that even our bodies do not belong to us - we are merely temporary tenants, as we are with our homes, cars, and all material goods. A lifelong lease that few people notice.
So, are money and wealth important or not? I am more than certain that Alexander the Great did not live on a $200 salary, nor did he worry about taking out a loan to cover debts. We quote such stories, romanticize them to remind ourselves - or perhaps deceive ourselves - that money doesn't matter. But try telling that to a doctor who entered medical school full of hopes and now works two jobs to pay off the mortgage on their house.
Reality and Illusions
Someone once said in the song, "Into the soul, like into pockets, I have different plans. Without hysteria or deceit, I am trying to be myself..."
These lines, which I heard at eighteen, are only now beginning to reveal their true meaning to me. As I mentioned earlier, I never thought about the financial side of my existence. My father often said that doctors live well, that they are respected and valued everywhere. But back then, the internet wasn't as advanced, and few people knew about the incidents where doctors were beaten by patients, maimed, and left unpunished. I remember many such stories, but I cannot recall any where the offenders received deserved punishment. Perhaps I was just blind.
My focus was on one goal - to become the best doctor. Only then, I believed, could I realize myself not only as an individual but finally acquire that cherished house by the lake, the one I passed almost every day. Yet no one told me in time about the concepts of an "official salary" and "what patients leave behind." My love for medicine was so strong that it blinded me, giving me no chance to consider the financial side of my future life.
I must admit, films and TV shows recruit us by playing on our naive emotions, urging us to devote ourselves to the work of a doctor selflessly. Teachers who took money from us for grades constantly repeated that being a doctor or a teacher was a calling, and true professionals should not demand money for their work (I suppose teacher-doctors shouldn't either). For these lessons, we, naive students, even paid in cash...
If each of us recalls why we chose medicine, I think most would say they were drawn by the diseases, the healing of people, the admiring and grateful looks of patients. Perhaps some of us wanted a little drama, but with a happy ending, where the main character is you - the doctor from heaven. We all had our plans, our dreams. But by the time graduation approached, many of us realized that we had invested so many years in medicine that we couldn't do anything else. Looking into the future, we understood: without residency or a master's degree, we had nowhere to go, and even with them, the choices were limited.
Despite our plans, we have to try - try to be ourselves. But unfortunately, this is a different level of the game, where you are no longer a student and have to pay for everything on your own. At this stage, many experience disappointment, cynicism, and perhaps even depression.
A New Phone
Imagine that you have become the owner of a brand-new iPhone 16 Pro Max, obtained completely free of charge. However, unfortunately, Apple these days doesn't include a case or even a charger in the box, so you have to purchase additional accessories yourself. Now imagine that you drop the phone and shatter the screen - it needs to be repaired. But, the repair costs money as well. You also know that no matter how skilled the technicians are, your phone will never be completely new again. The bitterness of this experience will make you treat your device differently - you have come to understand the cost of mistakes and accidents, from which no one is immune.
This analogy applies to our health as well. Most of us receive a new body, flawless, but it also needs care - "buying extra accessories" like a toothbrush, warm clothes, and hygiene products such as soap and shampoo. If our health fails, we turn to a doctor who tries to "restore" our function, and after numerous treatments, we realize that we may never be the same again.
The most surprising thing is that no one says to the person repairing a phone: "You took Steve Jobs' oath, fix my phone for free!" We all understand that everything has its price in this world. Not everyone realizes, however, that you cannot simply replace your old body with a new one just by paying money...
When you sit in a taxi and arrive at your destination, you cannot say to the driver: "You took an oath to be a taxi driver, I will not pay you, since it's your calling." With such clients, the taxi driver would be forced to change his profession or move to another country where his work is valued. Likewise, you cannot walk into a restaurant, order a juicy steak, and, after sending the last bite into your mouth, declare: "You took the chef's oath, I will not pay." Everything has its price. And health is no exception. Unfortunately, in the CIS countries, many people somehow think that doctors took the Hippocratic oath and are obligated to serve, even to their own detriment. I don't remember this oath; I doubt any of you remember it. A doctor, angered by a patient, can cause more harm than good.
So what does it come down to? Selling phones and servicing them is a business; providing services is a business, but providing services for healing the most valuable thing - health is a calling? Or is it just a beautiful phrase, behind which lies the simple desire of doctors to live better? I've thought about this for a long time and continue to ponder. But most importantly - I regret that no one told me this when I was in my first year of medical school. It's not about demanding money for your services and denying those who can't pay. It's about perceiving your work partially as a business. In the United States, medicine is a business, and every clinic strives to maximize its profit. Why is this necessary?
Balancing Calling and Reality
Imagine that Apple sells its iPhones, and the profits are only enough to cover expenses. They would have no money left for new research, attracting talented employees, or developing their products - they would be forced to sell the same old iPhone until the end of their existence. There would be no iPads, MacBooks, or augmented reality headsets. The same is true for medicine: the funds earned are directed toward the development of hospitals, clinical research, and new discoveries, so that in the future, there are more opportunities to help patients. Any business model must be built on generating profit if growth and development are part of the plan.
So how are we, as individuals and as doctors, different from these business models? Why shouldn't we have more opportunities and finances to develop not only for ourselves but also for our patients? Every doctor who invests in their development creates their own name and brand, and this is as much a laborious effort as creating a new iPhone.
Again, I'm not saying we should only think about making money; history shows that no one has ever managed to take their wealth to the afterlife. I'm talking about growth as an individual. When you go to work, fulfill your obligations, come home, and do not worry about the financial side of life because it is taken care of. When you sit on a bench, watching your child play on the playground, and you are not thinking about what you need to do to make sure your family lacks nothing, but simply enjoying the moment. I'm talking about those moments when, with your own money, you can attend an interesting conference and learn about new breakthroughs to bring back to your patients.
After reading these lines, I don't want many of you to rush to find money, demand more from patients (do not confuse bribes with official income), find new jobs, or hate me for these words. Life is structured so that at every turn, we are told that money does not matter, that it is not important. But in truth, money can significantly improve a person's quality of life, and this needs to be acknowledged. All I wanted to convey to readers is to never ignore the financial aspect of your life and to think about it sooner. Doctors should not feel guilty if they want to earn more to improve their material well-being and that of their families. These lines are just a reminder that love, which finds no response and meets only coldness, may eventually cool or turn into resentment.
Returning to the Main Point
Many may not have fully understood why I began discussing the meaning of life and why Mokhirjon often asked this question of those around him. I remember the answers of many students to his question, but I don't recall a single person who, upon learning that they only had a couple of months to live, decided to completely abandon their dream to dedicate themselves to the clinic, caring for patients while leaving behind family, loved ones, and children. In the most important moments of life, it is unlikely that anyone would choose to share their last days with the walls of a hospital, which, after your death, will quickly find a replacement. You would want to spend your precious time with your loved ones.
The question "What do I want from life? What do I truly desire?" is one that everyone should ask themselves. Sometimes, because of the noise around us, social media, and the hustle and bustle of daily life, we don't find the time to think about this question, let alone answer it honestly. We shouldn't think that we are irreplaceable or so unique that the world will stop without us. Many have thought this way, but it has never happened. The world sometimes doesn't even notice when the most talented people leave suddenly. There is nothing wrong with thinking about your life, your family, and having the opportunity to enjoy the fruits of your many years of labor.
Everyone has their own plans, but the question is: how much can you be yourself...
Farkhod