Better Oral Sex

Better Oral Sex

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Oral sex is often lauded as the cherry on top of the orgasmic cake for both parties involved: an act of vulnerability and utter release, "I'll have what she's having!", etc. But for some women? It's simply not that enjoyable (opens in new tab) , especially when receiving oral inspires thoughts like I wish I showered today . Look at that poster on the wall ! Is Banksy female? and literally any other minutia that get in the way of getting off. As for giving? Not making eye contact, not making eye contact, not making eye contact. Am I doing this right? Please don't let me gag and throw up right now.
Staying in the moment, whether you're giving or receiving, is a huge aspect of enjoying the act, which is why sex expert Wendy Strgar—the CEO of organic lube brand Good Clean Love (opens in new tab) and the author of forthcoming book Sex that Works: A Woman's Guide to Embracing the Erotic, Awakening Arousal, and Deepening Intimacy —says that women should consider slowing down and giving in to the heat of the moment.
"I think that women who have a lot of anxiety about oral sex," she says, "are the ones who are trying to perform a sexual act that doesn't turn them on. It easily turns into performance anxiety and it is really hard to stay present when what you are doing doesn't excite you."
And much of the performance anxiety is hardly necessary, according to Meygan Caston, a relationship coach from Marriage365 (opens in new tab) , since she says that the most important thing is that your partner senses that you want him. "Knowing you're excited to serve is more powerful than any technique you're missing," she says.
Below, we asked Strgrar and Caston on their best tips for making oral sex more enjoyable for both parties.
Caston says that the best way to rev up the moment may be counterintuitive. Slow down the foreplay rather than rushing into things: "Use this time to explore and gently kiss all over his body. This teasing will get him excited about what's in store next and begin to increase his anticipation. Don't rush through this, but allow both of you to be completely present."
Strgar recommends using scented oil for starters and allowing the moment to be a process for both partners.
Caston agrees, saying, "Be sure to have a firm grip on the base of his shaft and have your lips go at least to the base of his frenulum (where the head of his penis connects to the shaft and the most sensitive part of his penis). In a rhythmic motion let your lips meet your hands." And don't forget his other sensitive bits. "Embrace his testicles. There are a ton of nerve endings in his scrotum and gently caressing and massaging while performing oral sex will certainly send him over the edge."
Letting go of worries and fears and bringing a sense of focus to the task at hand can help you get into the mood and actually enjoy pleasuring your partner. "The danger of giving oral sex as a service," Strgar says, "is that when you are not into it and it doesn't turn you on sexually, the act becomes perfunctory and over time maybe a source of resentment. I don't personally recommend doing things sexually for others that don't feel arousing to you. Because you can easily slip into the opposite—of not wanting to be sexual at all, or worse still like your arousal is less important."
And sometimes all it takes is a little mutual love. "One way to move oral sex out of the idea of service is to add a new level of interaction through the classic position of 69," says Stgrar. "This form of oral sex actually adds the rocket fuel of mutual satisfaction and there is an interesting way that each person's technique and preferences informs the other. It also takes some of the self consciousness out of the process, because it feels less like performing than it does engaging together."
To make the most of the moment, Strgar recommends using a favorite essential oil diluted in a healthier carrier oil because she says it gets the olfactory senses and the limbic section of the brain (AKA the area of the brain responsible for arousal) involved, while keeping things down there lubricated. "I also always recommend adding scent to oral sex, which is the only way I can engage with it personally."
While some believe that indulging in pornographic fantasies during sex can remove you from an intimate moment in a negative way, Strgar says that certain types of fantasy are "critical to super-charged oral sex." Why? She says that fantasizing during oral sex can help woman with anxieties and worries derive more pleasure and control from acting out their deeper desires. "Women who allow these thoughts to emerge, even if they never share them will be able to enjoy all kinds of erotic acts, like oral sex in a way that actually turns them on. "
Circling back to Caston's point on desire and connection trumping technique, she says that the best sex involves being confident enough to play up your best features: "Your man adores you, so give him the pleasure of watching you do your thing. Assuming that you are both naked, or in sexy lingerie, allow him to enjoy seeing your cleavage. Try tracing his penis along your breasts as a different sensation."
And finally? "Compliment his genitals," says Caston. "It goes a long way. Later, send him an affirming and flirty text while he's at work and let him know how attractive he is underneath those boxers."
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A few months later, they broke up—only to later reconcile.

The two had apparently been working towards a reconciliation.

Who said game nights need to be wholesome?

Good sex should always go smoothly.

For Melanie LaForce, pandemic-induced social distancing guidelines meant she could no longer see men outside of her marriage. But monogamy didn't just change her relationship with her husband—it changed her relationship with herself.

Dim the lights and hit play on this sex songs — the perfect playlist of songs to have sex to.

These actors aren't faking anything.

"It makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth."

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Oral sex is often lauded as the cherry on top of the orgasmic cake for both parties involved: an act of vulnerability and utter release, "I'll have what she's having!", etc. But for some women? It's simply not that enjoyable (opens in new tab) , especially when receiving oral inspires thoughts like I wish I showered today . Look at that poster on the wall ! Is Banksy female? and literally any other minutia that get in the way of getting off. As for giving? Not making eye contact, not making eye contact, not making eye contact. Am I doing this right? Please don't let me gag and throw up right now.
Staying in the moment, whether you're giving or receiving, is a huge aspect of enjoying the act, which is why sex expert Wendy Strgar—the CEO of organic lube brand Good Clean Love (opens in new tab) and the author of forthcoming book Sex that Works: A Woman's Guide to Embracing the Erotic, Awakening Arousal, and Deepening Intimacy —says that women should consider slowing down and giving in to the heat of the moment.
"I think that women who have a lot of anxiety about oral sex," she says, "are the ones who are trying to perform a sexual act that doesn't turn them on. It easily turns into performance anxiety and it is really hard to stay present when what you are doing doesn't excite you."
And much of the performance anxiety is hardly necessary, according to Meygan Caston, a relationship coach from Marriage365 (opens in new tab) , since she says that the most important thing is that your partner senses that you want him. "Knowing you're excited to serve is more powerful than any technique you're missing," she says.
Below, we asked Strgrar and Caston on their best tips for making oral sex more enjoyable for both parties.
Caston says that the best way to rev up the moment may be counterintuitive. Slow down the foreplay rather than rushing into things: "Use this time to explore and gently kiss all over his body. This teasing will get him excited about what's in store next and begin to increase his anticipation. Don't rush through this, but allow both of you to be completely present."
Strgar recommends using scented oil for starters and allowing the moment to be a process for both partners.
Caston agrees, saying, "Be sure to have a firm grip on the base of his shaft and have your lips go at least to the base of his frenulum (where the head of his penis connects to the shaft and the most sensitive part of his penis). In a rhythmic motion let your lips meet your hands." And don't forget his other sensitive bits. "Embrace his testicles. There are a ton of nerve endings in his scrotum and gently caressing and massaging while performing oral sex will certainly send him over the edge."
Letting go of worries and fears and bringing a sense of focus to the task at hand can help you get into the mood and actually enjoy pleasuring your partner. "The danger of giving oral sex as a service," Strgar says, "is that when you are not into it and it doesn't turn you on sexually, the act becomes perfunctory and over time maybe a source of resentment. I don't personally recommend doing things sexually for others that don't feel arousing to you. Because you can easily slip into the opposite—of not wanting to be sexual at all, or worse still like your arousal is less important."
And sometimes all it takes is a little mutual love. "One way to move oral sex out of the idea of service is to add a new level of interaction through the classic position of 69," says Stgrar. "This form of oral sex actually adds the rocket fuel of mutual satisfaction and there is an interesting way that each person's technique and preferences informs the other. It also takes some of the self consciousness out of the process, because it feels less like performing than it does engaging together."
To make the most of the moment, Strgar recommends using a favorite essential oil diluted in a healthier carrier oil because she says it gets the olfactory senses and the limbic section of the brain (AKA the area of the brain responsible for arousal) involved, while keeping things down there lubricated. "I also always recommend adding scent to oral sex, which is the only way I can engage with it personally."
While some believe that indulging in pornographic fantasies during sex can remove you from an intimate moment in a negative way, Strgar says that certain types of fantasy are "critical to super-charged oral sex." Why? She says that fantasizing during oral sex can help woman with anxieties and worries derive more pleasure and control from acting out their deeper desires. "Women who allow these thoughts to emerge, even if they never share them will be able to enjoy all kinds of erotic acts, like oral sex in a way that actually turns them on. "
Circling back to Caston's point on desire and connection trumping technique, she says that the best sex involves being confident enough to play up your best features: "Your man adores you, so give him the pleasure of watching you do your thing. Assuming that you are both naked, or in sexy lingerie, allow him to enjoy seeing your cleavage. Try tracing his penis along your breasts as a different sensation."
And finally? "Compliment his genitals," says Caston. "It goes a long way. Later, send him an affirming and flirty text while he's at work and let him know how attractive he is underneath those boxers."
Follow Marie Claire on Facebook (opens in new tab) for the latest celeb news, beauty tips, fascinating reads, livestream video, and more.

It’s all for a good cause, to boot.

A few months later, they broke up—only to later reconcile.

The two had apparently been working towards a reconciliation.

Who said game nights need to be wholesome?

Good sex should always go smoothly.

For Melanie LaForce, pandemic-induced social distancing guidelines meant she could no longer see men outside of her marriage. But monogamy didn't just change her relationship with her husband—it changed her relationship with herself.

Dim the lights and hit play on this sex songs — the perfect playlist of songs to have sex to.

These actors aren't faking anything.

"It makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth."

Marie Claire is part of Future plc, an international media group and leading digital publisher. Visit our corporate site .
© Future Publishing Limited Quay House, The Ambury, Bath BA1 1UA. All rights reserved. England and Wales company registration number 2008885.

By Corinne Sullivan and Maria Del Russo Updated: Feb 5, 2021
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Giving is just as fun as receiving.
Whether you participate in oral sex as foreplay before penetrative sex or as the main event in your sexual adventure, it can be an incredibly satisfying and pleasurable act to engage in with your partner(s). Of course, having a few oral sex tips at your disposal certainly won't hurt matters, either. Some have argued that oral sex is actually more intimate than penetrative sex, seeing as it requires you to get close to one of the most personal parts of a person's body. It’s not every day that you have your face in someone’s lap, after all.
But there’s something deeper than body placement that can make this specific sex act so enjoyable, too. Unless you’re participating in mutual oral sex, like in a 69 sex position , it’s typical that only one person is getting off at a time. That can be a seriously vulnerable position for anyone to be in, whether they’re giving or receiving. And since it’s such a vulnerable position, it can make it that much easier to feel closer, more connected, and more intimate with your partner(s). Then again, there's a chance it brings up a number insecurities, too. How do you tell your partner what you like? And how do you figure out if your partner is liking what you’re doing to them?
Successful oral sex isn't just about achieving orgasm — it's about growing intimacy, gaining sexual confidence, and giving both your partner and yourself a gratifying experience. It can seem like a daunting task, but it doesn't have to be. With a few simple tips, you can master the oral sex game. These helpful hints will turn any sack session into a fun and steamy experience, so grab your partner and some lubrication and get started.
Before you get down to anything, it’s important to remember the golden rule: No sex without consent. Yes, even oral sex. Some people are just flat-out uninterested in receiving or giving oral sex — and that’s completely fine. It’s important to respect your partner’s wishes above all else. So no pushing heads down and no begging. If the answer is no, respect it and move on.
The best time to have a chat about what you like and dislike about sex, oral or penetrative, is when your clothes are still on. This allows you and your partner to have a discussion that isn’t coercive or cloaked in any kind of pressure. Go over what you like, what you dislike, any fantasies you’re interested in, or anything that is an absolute no-go. That way, when you guys are in the heat of the moment, everyone knows the rules.
Just keep in mind that any discussions pre-sex does not negate any changes that may occur during sex. If someone revokes consent during sex, then everything should come to a complete and immediate stop. A pre-sex "yes" does not negate a during-sex "no."
Some people consider oral sex to be unhygienic or shameful, and that stigma can prevent others from enjoying the act. As Gigi Engle , a certified sexologist and the author of All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life points out, it doesn't help that there an entire industry devoted to selling products that "freshen up" vulvas and vaginas, as though they're inherently unsanitary. "Since these negative attitudes abound, be sure your partner knows how much you want to give them oral sex," she tells Woman's Day. "Be open about how hot they are and how good they taste. Making them feel comfortable (and sexy) in their body will help them relax." And of course, someone who's relaxed is more likely to experience orgasm.
If you go into oral sex treating it like a chore, then it's likely not going to be fun for anyone. "The first thing you need to do is reframe from, 'I have to give oral sex,' to, 'I get to give oral sex,'" Goody Howard , sexologist, educator, and intimacy consultant, tells Woman's Day. According to Howard, the best way to get yourself in the mood is to get a song in your head. "Pick a song that makes you feel powerful and beautiful and strong," she suggests. "It could be country, it could be trap, it could be gospel — whatever makes you feel confident." That song will also give you a rhythm with which to perform and can help you keep your breath under control. Pro tip: Humming the melody of the song into your partner's body will give them some really good vibrations.
It’s totally fine to not know what you like or to not know how to have oral sex. In fact, some of the most satisfying sexual experiences are exploratory ones. Be open to your partner(s) about your experience, so that everyone can be on the same page. And don’t feel like you have to dive in to the deep end right off the bat.
Ease yourself in, especially if you’re new to oral sex. It can be difficult to respond to direct, intense stimuli right off the bat, so tickle and tease a little bit. "I think we should approach all types of sex more sensually," Howard says. "When you live sensually, you experience sex through all five of your senses. You're thinking about the firmness of the penis against the softness of the mouth or the feeling of the clitoris against the texture of the lips."
Maybe lick the head of your partner’s penis before you take them fully into your mouth. Or use your fingers on your partne
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