Best Way To Get An Orgasm

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Orgasms are a great way to be intimate with both yourself and your partner. These brief moments of pleasure offer a host of benefits, like helping you manage your period, improving your fertility, and help you deal with various aches and pains.[1] Despite what TV shows and movies may lead you to believe, there isn’t just one way to get it on. Orgasms come in a variety of shapes and sizes, and are a great way for you to get really familiar with your own body.
Explore a bit so you can find your clitoral hood. The female body can seem a little confusing at a glance, but it’s very easy to navigate. Move your fingers around to figure out exactly where your clitoris (clit) and clitoral hood, or the flap of skin covering your clit, are. It may help to locate your vagina, and then follow the labia, or flaps of skin surrounding the vagina, to where they meet right below your clit. Don’t be fooled—although the clit is just a tiny bundle of nerves, it’ll play a huge role in your orgasm.[2]
The clitoral hood is directly above the clit, so you can bring yourself a lot of pleasure by playing around with it.
Press on the top of the hood with your fingers.Achieving an orgasm doesn’t happen right away—before you bask in the pleasure, you’ll need to get the ball rolling a bit. Press along the surface of the clitoral hood, which can bring you all sorts of pleasure. Experiment with different amounts of pressure, which may bring you a bit of stimulation and pleasure.[3]
There’s no right or wrong way to pleasure yourself! Ultimately, you have to listen to your body and figure out what works for you.
Move this skin between your fingers. Lift up the sensitive skin and hold it between your fingers. Move it between your fingers, rolling it around to create a really great feeling. Keep up the clitoral stimulation to really build up your orgasm.[4]
Rolling the skin between your fingers may not achieve much for you, and that’s okay! Continue experimenting until you find something that really gets you going.
You can also encourage your partner to make things extra steamy by sucking or rubbing the general area.[5]
Keep your mind in a happy, pleasured place. Try to keep your mind focused on what you’re trying to achieve, instead of thinking about the anatomy of it all. If you’re only thinking in technical terms, you may end up losing some of the magic that you’ve been building up all this time.[6]
Lube up as you keep lightly stimulating the area. As you pleasure yourself more and more, your clit will become even more sensitive, and possibly difficult to handle. Dip your fingers or toys in lube, and apply light pressure around the area. Continue pleasuring yourself gently until you achieve an orgasm![7]
At this point, it’s best to avoid direct clitoral stimulation. Your clit will be really sensitive, and direct stimulation will hurt instead of bring pleasure.
Move around a lot if you’re being intimate with a partner. Constant movement is a great way to build up pleasure and stimulation. If you’re feeling adventurous, wrap your legs around your partner for more dynamic pleasure. Experiment a bit until you get into a groove that works well for you.[8]
Find your G-spot inside of your vagina. The G-spot is a slang term for a special spot in your vagina with the potential to bring you some intense orgasms. You can find it 1 to 2 in (2.5 to 5.1 cm) in, along the upper/top wall of your vagina. This spot is typically spongy, puckered, and ridged, which makes it a bit easier to identify. Don’t be discouraged if you can’t find it right away—it may take a little exploration first.[9]
When you’re aroused, your G-spot will swell a bit and be easier to find.
Pleasure the area with your fingers until you achieve an orgasm. You can reach an orgasm on your own if you know where your G-spot is. Rub your fingers over the spot, playing around with different speeds and applying different amounts of pressure as you go. There’s no exact formula to follow that will guarantee an orgasm—instead, keep playing with yourself until you feel a really intense wave of pleasure.[10]
Help your partner find your G-spot with their fingers. Sit down on a flat and separate your legs, which will make it easier for your partner to explore. Guide their fingers to where your G-spot is, so they know what they’re working with. This can help save you a lot of trouble further down the line![11]
Try different moves in bed to reach orgasm. Experiment with your partner so you can find something that works well for you and your personal needs. Invite your partner to massage your G-spot or play around with different amounts of pressure as they pleasure the area. If you’re really getting into it, opt for the missionary position or doggie-style position to really hit your sweet spot.[12]
You may need to try a few different positions before you find a system that works for you. That’s okay!
Let your partner know that you’d like to try for a cervical orgasm. Despite popular belief, the clit and G-spot are not the only places that can bring women a lot of pleasure. Since it’s not as easy to pleasure your cervix on your own, ask your partner and see if they’d be interested in experimenting with penetrative sex in the bedroom. [13]
This type of orgasm requires much deeper penetration, so you’ll need your partner to be on board beforehand.
Pleasure your clit so you’re already turned on. Cervical orgasms are great, but it can be difficult to go from 0 to 60. Instead, pleasure yourself or get aroused with your partner so you’ll be better prepared for your cervical orgasm. If you don’t pleasure your clit ahead of time, you may not have as much success.[14]
Invite your partner to try some deep penetration. Encourage your partner to penetrate as deeply as possible. You’ll likely have an easier time doing this if you’re both in a doggie-style position. Remind your partner that they need to go much further than usual if they want to help you reach a cervical orgasm.[15]
Reaching a cervical orgasm can be a very slow-going process. There’s no rush to reach the finish line!
Relax and enjoy the process. This type of intimacy may feel strange if you’ve never tried something like this before. As you adjust, focus on relaxing yourself and taking deep breaths throughout the process.[16]
If you start to feel pain, let your partner know so you both can stop.
Take a shower or bath beforehand. Getting wet may help you get in a relaxed mindset before you start exploring. It may feel a bit overwhelming at first if you’ve never tried anything anal before, which is perfectly fine! If you can, use the running water from the shower head to provide a bit of stimulation ahead of time.[17]
Consider adding a couple drops of essential oils into your bath so you can feel fully relaxed.
Pleasure yourself a bit so you’re fully turned on. Masturbate or spend getting intimate with a partner so you can experience a clitoral orgasm ahead of time. If you’re already turned on, you may have an easier time reaching an orgasm.[18]
Find a comfortable position so you can pleasure yourself. Masturbating on your own can be difficult, but it’s definitely not impossible! Search for a comfortable place where you can lie down and reach your anus. It may take a bit of trial and error before you find a setup that works for you.[19]
For instance, you can lie face-up with your hips and knees pointed upwards, which makes it easier for your hand to reach over.
Lube up your fingers for an easier experience. Keep in mind that your anus doesn’t come up with any natural lube, which can lead to a lot of discomfort if you choose to go in dry. Instead, squirt some water-based lube all over your fingers so you’ll have a much easier time pleasuring yourself.[20]
Anal masturbation only works well if you have short nails. If you’re really committed to getting an anal orgasm, you’ll need to trim your nails first, or ask a partner for help.
Rub along your opening to bring yourself to orgasm. Focus on the entrance instead of actual penetration. Move your fingers around the rim of your entrance, applying different amounts of pressure as you play around. As you adjust, experiment with different amounts of pressure to figure out what’s most pleasurable for you, and what really pushes you to orgasm.[21]
It may help move things along if you have a clitoral orgasm before you try for an anal orgasm.
Anal orgasms require a lot of patience. Don’t be disappointed if you don’t reach orgasm right away! It takes some time and commitment before you find the pleasure that you’re looking for.
Switch things up with toys and techniques. You may have an easier time experimenting with butt plugs or vibrating toys to really take things to the next level. If you’re with your partner, see if they’re interested in licking or rubbing around the area, which may help bring you to orgasm as well.[22]
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10 Tips For Having The Most Intense Orgasm Of Your Life
Happy National Orgasm Day! Yup, July 31 is the one day of the year dedicated to praising orgasms. Although fun holidays like this one and others in the same vein—National Margarita Day, anyone?—aren't as established as, say, the Fourth of July, they're still worth celebrating. And when it comes to National Orgasm Day, the best way to celebrate is by hanging out in bed (or in the kitchen, or on the living room rug, or some other inventive locale) and having an experience that redefines the word "climax." Here, experts explain 10 techniques to help your vagina feel like it's Christmas in July.
Touching yourself solo can help you understand exactly what you do or don't like in a way partnered sex can't. "Getting to know your own body and the type of pressure and friction that feel good really sets a template for knowing how to arouse yourself and have an orgasm during sex," sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First, tells SELF.
Fantasies can help you forget about the anxieties of day-to-day life, feel less inhibited, and home in on your pleasure, Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sex and relationship expert, tells SELF. "Thinking about a sex act isn’t a sign that you want to live it out in real life, and fantasizing about people other than your current partner is not cheating," she says.
Kerner agrees. "Don’t underestimate power of mental arousal," he says. If you're not sure what gets you going, O'Reilly recommends reading up on Literotica.com for inspiration.
3. Insist upon foreplay so you can get super turned on.
Foreplay primes your body to have the best orgasm possible. "For orgasm to happen, two processes need to occur in parallel," says Kerner. One is vasocongestion, or blood flow, to the genitals, and the other is myotonia, or muscular tension, he explains. "You can certainly achieve the minimum amount of these necessary to have an orgasm, or you can push beyond that and generate even more vasocongestion, myotonia, and arousal than usual."
Taking enough time to get as turned on as possible gives your body a chance to maximize these feel-good processes. That extra blood flow increases sensitivity, and the tenser your muscles are, the more likely you'll feel a huge sense of release during orgasm. Kerner suggests thinking of your entire body as an erogenous zone instead of jumping into the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am type of deal.
4. Get used to being a little bit selfish—not just in bed, but in life.
"Many of us are so concerned with pleasing our partners that our own pleasure becomes secondary," says O'Reilly. "As you learn to accept help or pleasure outside of the bedroom, you’ll become more comfortable receiving pleasure during sexual activity with a partner."
She recommends tactics like asking your partner for a quick massage without feeling like you always have to return the favor, accepting help other people offer up, and learning to say no when someone has a request that really inconveniences you (and that you actually want to say no to, we're not trying to create a monster here). "Learning to accept help, support, and pleasure is essential to orgasm," says O'Reilly.
5. Figure out exactly what your clitoris likes.
Kerner calls the clitoris "the powerhouse of the female orgasm," and for good reason. "Think of the clitoris as the kindling in the campfire that gets the blaze going," he says. Also, as O'Reilly notes, "Research shows that lesbians have more orgasms than women who have sex with men, suggesting that penis-in-vagina isn’t the ultimate path to orgasm." While many women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm, that can mean different things to different people. Determine what it means for you, then make sure either you or your partner incorporates that during sex. "Even if you’re having intercourse, you can reach down and rub your clit with your fingers or a vibrator," says O'Reilly. It’s also possible that your clitoris wants less action sometimes—learn to listen to her.
6. But don't only focus on your clitoris—make sure to mind your mons.
O'Reilly suggests stimulating your pubic mound (aka mons pubis), too. "That fleshy area above your lips is primed to help you enjoy orgasm," she says. "As you grind against it—use your hands or rub it against your partner’s pubic mound depending on what position you’re in—you simultaneously tug on the hood that covers your clitoral head and shaft." It can create a kind of stroking motion that she likens to a penis getting a hand job. And beyond the pubic mound, definitely explore toying around with your labia, too.
7. Bring in the G-spot for reinforcement.
Many scientists think the famed G-spot is actually an internal extension of the clitoris, but all that really matters is that paying it attention feels really good for some people. The easiest way to tap into that pleasure is by inserting your index finger (or having a partner insert theirs) a few inches into your vagina, palm up, and curl your finger in a come-hither motion.
"Combining clitoral stimulation with G-spot stimulation can give you the feeling of that blended orgasm," says Kerner. It may feel strange to mix those types of stimulation at first, but if you're intrigued, remember that practice often makes perfect.
"If you normally have sex on your back, flip over onto your stomach to discover new sensations," says O'Reilly. She notes that a small 2011 study published in the Journal of Sex Medicine used MRI imaging with an interesting result: "The research suggests that the pleasure pathways related to the clitoris and G-spot are different," she explains. Experimenting with different sex positions and the parts they stimulate might change up, and even amplify, your pleasure.
9. Don't be too shy to use your hand or a vibrator during sex.
This can be the key to wait-what's-my-name-again kind of orgasms, but you might be apprehensive about using one while you're with a partner. "You can use a vibrator to enhance sex without being dependent on it," says Kerner. One way to make both of you feel more comfortable is by starting to use it before intercourse begins, if it's on the menu, and even using it on your partner to show them the light (especially helpful if you're having sex with a guy). You can also use a vibrating penis ring or couple's vibrator so your partner feels more included.
We've said it before and we'll say it again: The pelvic floor muscles are the most important muscles many women forget to exercise. Kegels give your pelvic floor a workout, which can potentially lead to better orgasms. Here's the right way to do Kegel exercises, plus a few tips for a regimen you can use regularly so your pelvic floor actually gets stronger.
You may also like: Try These 8 Things To Have Better Orgasms
Zahra Barnes joined SELF in November 2015, working on the Culture and Health teams before eventually becoming Executive Editor. She has spent her career as a reporter and editor covering people's lives with a focus on wellness. Zahra specializes in sexual, reproductive, and mental health, all with the goal of destigmatizing... Read more
SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.
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