Best Way To Get An Orgasm

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10 Tips For Having The Most Intense Orgasm Of Your Life
Happy National Orgasm Day! Yup, July 31 is the one day of the year dedicated to praising orgasms. Although fun holidays like this one and others in the same vein—National Margarita Day, anyone?—aren't as established as, say, the Fourth of July, they're still worth celebrating. And when it comes to National Orgasm Day, the best way to celebrate is by hanging out in bed (or in the kitchen, or on the living room rug, or some other inventive locale) and having an experience that redefines the word "climax." Here, experts explain 10 techniques to help your vagina feel like it's Christmas in July.
Touching yourself solo can help you understand exactly what you do or don't like in a way partnered sex can't. "Getting to know your own body and the type of pressure and friction that feel good really sets a template for knowing how to arouse yourself and have an orgasm during sex," sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First, tells SELF.
Fantasies can help you forget about the anxieties of day-to-day life, feel less inhibited, and home in on your pleasure, Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sex and relationship expert, tells SELF. "Thinking about a sex act isn’t a sign that you want to live it out in real life, and fantasizing about people other than your current partner is not cheating," she says.
Kerner agrees. "Don’t underestimate power of mental arousal," he says. If you're not sure what gets you going, O'Reilly recommends reading up on Literotica.com for inspiration.
3. Insist upon foreplay so you can get super turned on.
Foreplay primes your body to have the best orgasm possible. "For orgasm to happen, two processes need to occur in parallel," says Kerner. One is vasocongestion, or blood flow, to the genitals, and the other is myotonia, or muscular tension, he explains. "You can certainly achieve the minimum amount of these necessary to have an orgasm, or you can push beyond that and generate even more vasocongestion, myotonia, and arousal than usual."
Taking enough time to get as turned on as possible gives your body a chance to maximize these feel-good processes. That extra blood flow increases sensitivity, and the tenser your muscles are, the more likely you'll feel a huge sense of release during orgasm. Kerner suggests thinking of your entire body as an erogenous zone instead of jumping into the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am type of deal.
4. Get used to being a little bit selfish—not just in bed, but in life.
"Many of us are so concerned with pleasing our partners that our own pleasure becomes secondary," says O'Reilly. "As you learn to accept help or pleasure outside of the bedroom, you’ll become more comfortable receiving pleasure during sexual activity with a partner."
She recommends tactics like asking your partner for a quick massage without feeling like you always have to return the favor, accepting help other people offer up, and learning to say no when someone has a request that really inconveniences you (and that you actually want to say no to, we're not trying to create a monster here). "Learning to accept help, support, and pleasure is essential to orgasm," says O'Reilly.
5. Figure out exactly what your clitoris likes.
Kerner calls the clitoris "the powerhouse of the female orgasm," and for good reason. "Think of the clitoris as the kindling in the campfire that gets the blaze going," he says. Also, as O'Reilly notes, "Research shows that lesbians have more orgasms than women who have sex with men, suggesting that penis-in-vagina isn’t the ultimate path to orgasm." While many women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm, that can mean different things to different people. Determine what it means for you, then make sure either you or your partner incorporates that during sex. "Even if you’re having intercourse, you can reach down and rub your clit with your fingers or a vibrator," says O'Reilly. It’s also possible that your clitoris wants less action sometimes—learn to listen to her.
6. But don't only focus on your clitoris—make sure to mind your mons.
O'Reilly suggests stimulating your pubic mound (aka mons pubis), too. "That fleshy area above your lips is primed to help you enjoy orgasm," she says. "As you grind against it—use your hands or rub it against your partner’s pubic mound depending on what position you’re in—you simultaneously tug on the hood that covers your clitoral head and shaft." It can create a kind of stroking motion that she likens to a penis getting a hand job. And beyond the pubic mound, definitely explore toying around with your labia, too.
7. Bring in the G-spot for reinforcement.
Many scientists think the famed G-spot is actually an internal extension of the clitoris, but all that really matters is that paying it attention feels really good for some people. The easiest way to tap into that pleasure is by inserting your index finger (or having a partner insert theirs) a few inches into your vagina, palm up, and curl your finger in a come-hither motion.
"Combining clitoral stimulation with G-spot stimulation can give you the feeling of that blended orgasm," says Kerner. It may feel strange to mix those types of stimulation at first, but if you're intrigued, remember that practice often makes perfect.
"If you normally have sex on your back, flip over onto your stomach to discover new sensations," says O'Reilly. She notes that a small 2011 study published in the Journal of Sex Medicine used MRI imaging with an interesting result: "The research suggests that the pleasure pathways related to the clitoris and G-spot are different," she explains. Experimenting with different sex positions and the parts they stimulate might change up, and even amplify, your pleasure.
9. Don't be too shy to use your hand or a vibrator during sex.
This can be the key to wait-what's-my-name-again kind of orgasms, but you might be apprehensive about using one while you're with a partner. "You can use a vibrator to enhance sex without being dependent on it," says Kerner. One way to make both of you feel more comfortable is by starting to use it before intercourse begins, if it's on the menu, and even using it on your partner to show them the light (especially helpful if you're having sex with a guy). You can also use a vibrating penis ring or couple's vibrator so your partner feels more included.
We've said it before and we'll say it again: The pelvic floor muscles are the most important muscles many women forget to exercise. Kegels give your pelvic floor a workout, which can potentially lead to better orgasms. Here's the right way to do Kegel exercises, plus a few tips for a regimen you can use regularly so your pelvic floor actually gets stronger.
You may also like: Try These 8 Things To Have Better Orgasms
Zahra Barnes joined SELF in November 2015, working on the Culture and Health teams before eventually becoming Executive Editor. She has spent her career as a reporter and editor covering people's lives with a focus on wellness. Zahra specializes in sexual, reproductive, and mental health, all with the goal of destigmatizing... Read more
SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional.
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Sexual Health
Yes, There Are 11 Different Types of Orgasms. Here's How to Have Each
Credit: LatitudeStock - Peter Lewis/Getty Images
From clitoral orgasms to nipple orgasms to some even we have never heard of (but can't wait to try out), here are all the kinds of orgasms the female body is capable of—plus how to experience them more often.
Credit: Colin Anderson/Getty Images
Any type of orgasm feels incredible, and there’s nothing wrong with sticking to the strokes and touches that you know bring you to the brink every time. But variety really is the spice of life. You wouldn't eat the same three meals every day, nor would you wear the same outfit over and over. So why not expand your sexual horizons and explore the 11 different types of orgasms the female body is capable of?
Before getting started, it helps to understand what an orgasm actually is. “An orgasm is a physical reflex that occurs when muscles tighten during sexual arousal and then relax through a series of rhythmic contractions,” Sherry Ross, MD, a California-based ob-gyn, tells Health. Each climax can feel different in terms of intensity and duration, depending on how and what part of your body is being aroused, she says. Besides providing a physical release, it's also an emotional one—allowing you to feel closer to your partner or simply de-stress after a tough day.
Some kinds of orgasm focus on the vagina only; others allow you to feel earth-quaking intensity in places you never thought of as erogenous zones. You owe it to yourself to find out the pleasure your body can experience—allow us to get you up to speed with all the different Os out there.
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The clitoris is the go-to sweet spot for most women when they want to experience the pleasure and release of an orgasm. But while clitoral orgasms may be the most accessible kind, this tiny, mostly hidden bliss button is highly individualistic. Every woman prefers a different types of touch here to reach climax.
“The clitoris is a very sensitive part of a woman’s anatomy, composed of millions of nerve endings similar to that of the penis,” says Dr. Ross. Having it touched, caressed, or stroked via direct or indirect stimulation (in other words, through fabric, or by touching the labia surrounding the clitoris) prompts an increase in blood flow to the area, making the clitoris engorged and in need of release.
A study from the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that several types of clitoral strokes (think up-and-down, back-and-forth, and both wide and small circles) can lead to orgasm. Experiment on your own and show your partner what you like. If clitoral orgasms don't come easy for you or you're having trouble reaching climax, consider looking into sex toys designed with clitoral orgasm in mind, such as a mini vibrator you or your partner can wear on your fingertips.
Your G-spot is on the front wall of your vagina, about halfway between your vaginal opening and cervix. It's not something you can see but you can usually feel it; insert a finger into your vagina and press forward (making a come-hither motion). You should detect a slightly bumpy or ridged area, says Dr. Ross. For some women, it feels spongy.
Pressing this spot gently and stroking it lightly is what many women do to prime themselves for a G-spot orgasm. “When you’re sexually aroused, the G-spot will fill with blood and swell up," says Dr. Ross. Touching it in a way that feels good to you with fingers, your partner's penis, or a vibrator can trigger what many women describe as a deeply intense, shaken-to-the-core kind of climax.
If you can handle two, three, or even four times the intensity and pleasure of a regular O, this kind of orgasm is for you. A blended orgasm is a climax that happens when more than one erogenous zone is being stimulated at the same time. G-spot penetration along with clitoral touching is one way to experience the explosive orgasm that typically results. But it could also come from vaginal penetration along with clitoral, nipple, or anal stimulation—or all of these simultaneously.
“The more stimulation there is, the more blood flow will result, and the bigger the orgasm will be,” Prudence Hall, MD, gynecologist and medical director of the Hall Center in Southern California, tells Health. Many combinations of touching and teasing can trigger a blended orgasm, but if you're looking to have one with a partner, consider the woman on top position (because your hands, and your partner's, are free to touch your clitoris, breasts, or butt) or bringing a vibrator into the bedroom.
Anal sex or anal play isn't every woman's cup of tea. Some love it and others don't care for it at all. But if you're in the former category (or you've never tried it before and think you might be), an anal orgasm is one you should know about.
Because the anus and rectum are so close to the vagina and clitoris—and are connected by a thin stretch of tissue called the perineum—they share many of the same nerves and muscles, including the PC (or pelvic floor) muscle, says Dr. Hall. The PC muscle is highly sensitive for many women, and stimulating it can trigger a vaginal orgasm—and an anal one as well, she says.
Still not sure about this one? Take it from the many women who do report having orgasms from anal sex. But this type of sex does come with risks that are important to consider before you try it. Safe sex is a must for you and your partner.
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The clitoris and G-spot aren't the only pleasure buttons below the belt. Real women as well as sex researchers say that there are additional erogenous zones inside the vagina that when touched the right way can lead to what's collectively known as a deep vaginal orgasm.
First comes the A-spot, located on the high front (or anterior) wall of the vagina just beneath the cervix. Next is the O-spot (for orgasm), which can be found on the back wall of the vagina, almost behind the cervix. “I can’t see these when I look at a vagina," says Dr. Hall. But the ligaments here contain nerves that appear to be highly sensitive for many women. If fingers, a toy, or a penis fills the vagina enough at the high end of it and those nerves are really stimulated, it can be very, very pleasurable, she believes. "It could cause the whole uterus to contract during an orgasm—there can be massive contractions in the whole area," she adds.
Yes, female ejaculation really exists; it's the hallmark of this type of orgasm. “Sometimes when women are sexually aroused or stimulated there is an expulsion of fluid from the glands around the urethra or anterior surface of the vagina during or before orgasm, though it’s still hotly contested where the fluid actually comes from,” says Dr. Ross. The fluid is typically clear and doesn't resemble urine, and there can be a moderate amount released or a full-on gush.
G-spot stimulation is the type of touching that typically leads to squirting. But caressing and teasing the area surrounding the urethra has also been known to result in a soak-the-sheets climax. “No one really knows the exact number of women who experience a squirting orgasm, so with that uncertainty in mind, it was found that 10-50% of women have, at one time or another, had a 'gushing' moment during orgasm,” says Dr. Ross.
In this video, sex therapist and Health contributing editor Gail Saltz, MD shares the top reasons that sex, either on one’s own or with a partner, can help improve your physical and mental wellbeing. From burning calories and strengthening your vaginal walls, to reducing stress and helping you sleep, sex offers a range of health benefits. Watch the video to learn all about it.
Credit: Arman Zhenikeyev - professional photographer from Kazakhstan/Getty Images
You know your breasts and nipples are major erogenous zones; your nipples especially react to being touched and stroked, since they're loaded with nerve endings and super sensitive skin. But some women really can experience a big O just by having their nipples caressed and kissed. There's no clear consensus on how many women are able to orgasm without any below the belt contact, and researchers aren't sure why nipple orgasms happen.
But hey, if the idea appeals to you, you could have a lot of fun trying to figure it out. With enough kissing, sucking, and caressing, “these are zones that can bring some woman to orgasm,” confirms Dr. Ross.
Credit: mihailomilovanovic/Getty Images
Reaching climax while engaged in a tough workout may sound a little strange. But workout-induced orgasms, or coregasms, are real. A study from Indiana University found that 370 of 530 women surveyed had experienced orgasm or sexual pleasure while working out, usually from core-based exercises.
“One of the ways to induce an orgasm is to super-squeeze your PC muscles and you can develop them and make them stronger,” says Dr. Hall. “If someone has very well developed PC muscles and durin
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