Best Way For Women To Orgasm

Best Way For Women To Orgasm
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Nicole Beland , Melissa Matthews and Ro White

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Nicole Beland
Nicole Beland is Nicole Beland is a freelance journalist living in New York.

Melissa Matthews
Health Writer
Melissa Matthews is the Health Writer at Men's Health, covering the latest in food, nutrition, and health.

Ro White
Ro White is a Chicago-based writer, sex educator, and Autostraddle’s Sex & Dating Editor.

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Try these moves to bring them over the edge.
"DID YOU FINISH?" Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you have to ask your partner if they had an orgasm, odds are they did not. This is especially true if, like the average man, you took between 5 and 7 seven minutes to finish. According to 2019 research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine , it takes the average vulva-owner around double that time—13.41 minutes—to orgasm during P-in-V intercourse. It's also worth pointing out that the vast majority of people with a vulva can't cum from penetration alone; they need external clitoral stimulation.
All of this contributes to what’s commonly known as the “ orgasm gap ”: the proven fact that straight, cisgender men orgasm during sex significantly more often than their partners do. A 2017 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that straight, cisgender men orgasm 95% of the time, whereas straight, cisgender women only orgasm 65% of the time. And the disparity has nothing to do with vulva-owners’ anatomy—that same study found that cisgender lesbians orgasm 86% of the time during sex, and additional research shows that vulva-owners have no problem reaching orgasm during masturbation.
Now that you know this, you're probably wondering: how can I make sure my partner orgasms during sex? Fortunately, stepping up your game isn’t going to require any acrobatic moves. Communicating with your partner, making sure they feel safe and comfortable, and learning what they like can make a big difference in their sexual pleasure.
Of course, everyone is different. That said, there are a few ways you can tune into your partner’s pleasure—so if your partner is having trouble getting to the finish line, try these tips from vulva-owners and sexual health experts.
“Try to remember the goal of sex is pleasure, and orgasm is one kind of pleasure that is significantly shorter than all the rest of it,” says Shadeen Francis , LMFT. That’s why Francis recommends slowing down. Take your time with your movements, and don’t focus on the end game. There is a slight irony to it—the more your partner thinks about orgasming, the less likely they will be to orgasm. So take the pressure off of your partner and focus on making them feel as good as possible for as long as possible. ( We refer to this slow-down technique as closing the "pleasure gap." )
First thing’s first: the vast majority of vulva-owners require external clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. In fact, a study of more than 1,000 vulva-owners in 2017 revealed that only 18% of participants could orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone. So when you're having sex, you want to focus on external stimulation alone or in combination with some form of penetration.
If you want to stimulate your partner’s clitoris during P-in-V intercourse, some sex positions make it easier to do than others. Rachel* is a fan of the coital alignment technique, or CAT : "When a guy is on top of you in the missionary position, have him shift his body slightly forward so that, every time he thrusts, his penis rubs against your clitoris." This tactic is even more orgasmic if your partner’s legs are together and you’re straddling them, says Ellen Friedrichs, M.A. , a health educator who also teaches at the City University of New York's City Tech campus. You can achieve the same effect when they’re on top by propping yourself up on your elbows, which places your abdomen in closer contact with their clitoris.
Unless anal is on the menu, butts are typically sidelined during sex. And that's a shame, because "the buttocks are packed with nerve endings," says Gilda Carle, Ph.D. , an internationally-known relationship expert. To give your partner “a surprising jolt of pleasure,” spread your fingers wide and squeeze their cheeks.
That said, you should ask your partner if they’re into booty squeezing first. If they’re down, be gentle, and take it one step at a time. Yes, of course, there are people out there who crave a good, hard spanking, but that needs to be discussed and agreed on before the butt smacking begins.
As we mentioned above, direct, external clitoral stimulation is the most surefire way to bring many vulva-owners to orgasm—and oral sex is a pretty good way of going about that. Sex therapist Ian Kerner , Ph.D., LMFT, says that using your mouth is the best way to get a sense of what your partner likes at every stage of arousal, including the stage just before orgasm. You’ll know your partner is becoming more aroused if you notice increased vaginal lubrication or if the external portion of their clitoris or their entire vulva swells. The clitoris—including the wishbone-shaped portion that’s underneath the skin —is made of erectile tissue just like the penis, so if your partner’s genitals increase in size, you’re doing a good job!
To find out more about your partner’s preferences, let them take the lead. When you're giving them oral sex, get between their legs and give them a solid base of lips, tongue, and even chin (if you have a clean, smooth shave , that is) to rub against. While your partner does the grinding, note how hard they’re pushing and in what direction. Use that information later when using your fingers or mouth to please them.
Once things get more heated, you might be tempted to focus less on kissing in favor of more X-rated pleasures. But deep kissing is often a must for reaching orgasm, according to a 2017 survey of more than 50,000 adults. The findings revealed that vulva-owners were much more likely to reach orgasm if their sexual encounter included a combination of deep kissing, oral sex, and genital stimulation.
Ask your partner if they have any fantasies they’d like to explore. “Fantasies can increase arousal during a sexual experience,” says Francis. “Finding a fantasy that really turns your partner on can add another layer of pleasure during sex.” It’s also a way to get your partner more psychologically aroused, which is just as important (if not more important) than physical arousal when it comes to having an orgasm. One study found that vulva-owners with lower sexual desire tend to require mental arousal in order to recognize their physical arousal. Try role play or tell your partner an erotic story to kick their pleasure up a notch.
“ Dirty talk ” doesn’t have to include four-letter words. Describe what you’re doing to your partner, or say what you want them to do to you. If you're hesitant, a simple compliment about how attractive you find your partner will do the trick. “Saying something specific about me is sexy while we're in bed,” says Emily*. And if your partner has told you in advance that they’re turned on by specific words and phrases, pepper those into the dialogue, too.
No matter how hot and heavy you’re getting, without adequate lubrication, it's easy for sex to become uncomfortable or even painful for your partner. While lube is absolutely necessary for anal sex (butts don’t self-lubricate like vaginas do), it’s helpful for vaginal penetration and external stimulation, too. "Lubrication increases the comfort and speed with which you can penetrate the vagina and grind against the clitoris," says Friedrichs.
Remember that needing lube doesn’t mean your partner isn’t turned on—some bodies just get wetter than others. Plus, medication, hormonal imbalances, menopause, stress, and dehydration can all decrease the body’s natural lubrication, so there’s nothing wrong with needing a little extra slippery stuff. Using lube makes sex more comfortable for everyone involved. In fact, a 2011 study found that using lube enhances sexual pleasure for vulva-owners. Just remember that if you’re using condoms, you should stick with water-based or silicone-based lube, since oil-based lube can damage latex.
Our necks are highly responsive touch pads: the skin is thin there, and the blood vessels are close to the surface. So it's not surprising that researchers have found that the neck is one of the best places for stimulation using light touch (so no hickeys, please—unless your partner asks for one).
When you're having sex and your partner is clearly moving toward orgasm, brush your lips from their collarbone to their jaw, then give their neck soft, warm kisses to drive them wild.
You can’t build a house without a hammer, and for many vulva-owners, you can’t build an orgasm without a vibrator. More than 50% of vulva-owners use vibrators to help them achieve orgasm, according to a 2009 study, so welcoming pleasure tools into the bedroom should be a no-brainer. If you still need convincing, a 2019 study found that vulva-owners who used vibrators both alone and with a partner reported greater sexual satisfaction compared to those who only used a vibrator by themselves. Now are you ready to reach into your partner’s bedside drawer?
Let your partner hold a vibrator against their clitoris while you penetrate them with a dildo, your fingers, or penis; or operate the toy yourself. Just remember to ask about their pressure and speed preferences: you don't want to start too fast and heavy right off the bat.
Remember when we told you that most vulva-owners have no problem reaching orgasm during masturbation? Let them take the wheel. Encourage your partner to touch their clitoris while you penetrate them or incorporate mutual masturbation into your romp. If your partner enjoys exhibitionism, offer to watch them masturbate with their hands or their favorite toy. Make sure you’re taking mental notes on the ways they like to be touched.
This might sound obvious, but asking your partner exactly what makes them hot is the best way to help them orgasm. In fact, studies have shown that people who are more comfortable talking about sex have better sex, because they feel less anxious between the sheets. Discussing your partner’s fantasies, preferences, and turn-offs (without judgment) will make them feel more comfortable—which will, in turn, lead to more satisfying sex for both of you.
*Names have been changed to allow subjects to speak freely on private matters.

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Cross the finish line every time by taking one ridiculously simple step
What if we told you there was a secret ingredient that could up your odds of having an orgasm ? Get excited, because there actually is. Nearly 50 percent of men and women who have used lube say that it makes it easier to have an orgasm , according to a new study from Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion released by Trojan Lubricants.
Since your own natural lubrication is a telltale sign that you’re turned on, adding a little more wetness can get you revved up even faster. Plus, that slippery feeling can give you just the right amount friction (not to mention, the added sensations you get from some lubes can feel pretty amazing). Need more proof that it’s time to invest in the slippery stuff? More than 80 percent of users report experiencing more pleasure when they get wet.
After you stock your nightstand, check out more ways to make the big O even more mind blowing:
Discover the best ways to unlock your orgasm with the Women’s Health Big Book of Sex !

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Need-to-know advice for a more orgasmic life
Reaching orgasm can be, well, hard, if you're not in the right position. That's why WH spoke to Christine Webber, a Harley Street psychotherapist and somatic sex coach Stella Anna Sonnenbaum , to discuss the best sex positions for female orgasm. You're welcome.
Before we start, a quick disclaimer: orgasm does not always have to be the end goal of sex, for either party. But given the 'orgasm gap' – the reality that men and people with penises are far more likely to come while getting down than women and people with vaginas – it is important to talk about the disparity.
Straight up, if you have a vagina and enjoy sex with someone with a penis, you'll know that orgasming via sheer penetration is pretty uncommon. Women and people with vaginas, as you probably know, get their pleasurable feelings mostly from the clitoris. Typically, for that reason, you probably need your clitoris to be stimulated during sex – and, in many positions, this simply doesn't happen.
If you're having trouble reaching climax more generally, the best thing you can do is to start by learning how to orgasm on your own through masturbation. Once you can climax easily on your own, you'll find it much easier to have really exciting times with a partner.
But even if you are the queen of masturbatory techniques, you might still find it tough to climax during full sex, and this will almost certainly be because your clitoris is not getting sufficient attention.
So here are four sex positions that might help you to enjoy intercourse more – and to have fulfilling orgasms at the same time.
(This stands for coital adjusted technique, but don't let that rather technical and boring title put you off!)
Basically, this is a face-to-face position, but the man or penis-haver rides much higher than they would in the missionary position so that their shoulders and head are about six inches higher up the bed than normal.
What this means is that their penis doesn't go all the way into the vagina. Instead, the stem or root of it is pulled hard against the clitoris – producing great sensations in that all-important little organ.
The other difference is that instead of taking his weight on his elbows, they should simply let their bulk rest on your upper chest.Clearly, if they're heavy, this might be a problem.
You can experiment with this position to get it absolutely right for you. Some people do it with the man's legs outside, but you can also try it with their legs inside yours.Many couples find they can't thrust much in this position so they kind of 'rock' together.
The CAT certainly produces very different sensations from many other positions, so it's worth a try, and it might just take you to the heights of ecstasy. I hope it does.
The man or penis-haver lies down on their back. You face the other way and sits down on their penis. Then, in your own time, you gradually lowers yourself so that – with their penis inside you – your back is lying fully outstretched on the front of their body.
You can feel genuinely weightless and free-as-air – which is quite a novel sensation. Another bonus is that either partner can touch the clitoris easily. So it's different and fun – and usually a great time is had by all.
You lie flat on your front and they lie, face down, on top of you. They then penetrate you from behind.
But because you are flat on the bed, you get very different sensations from any rear-entry position where your bottom is up in the air. And you can slip your hand in between the bed and your body and rub your own clitoris.
Plenty of women who have never 'come' during intercourse have found that they climaxed in the Pinner position.
This is the position where you lie on your side and your partner lies curled up round your bottom (like spoons in a drawer) and penetrates you from behind.
Lots of women like this, though not all of them find it easy to orgasm on their sides. But the great advantage here is that either partner can reach down and rub your clitoris. Also, neither of you is having to take the weight of the other.
Start with a classic missionary face to face position, (lie on your back
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