Best Swinger Stories

Best Swinger Stories
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"At the time, it didn't even cross my mind that they had ulterior motives."
Maybe it's the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or the realization that Taylor Swift songs are really, really catchy. The point is: There are many things that will happen to you in life that you just can't prepare for. And in my case, it was when my friends invited me and my wife on vacation...to have sex with us.
My then-wife and I were living in a small town in Rhode Island. Being somewhat new to the area, we were still in the process of making new friends. Joe (we'll call him) was a fun-loving guy—the type to always be first on the dance floor at our favorite watering hole, pulling whomever was nearest to him along. He was handsome in his own way with blond hair and a muscular build.
His wife "Kim" was a total blonde-haired, blue-eyed babe. She was the type of woman you do a double-take for. We met by chance at a mutual friend's party a few months back. At the time, they had been married for just a year or so and were clearly still in the newlywed stage, evidenced by the way they hung all over each other.
Thinking back, I should've seen the red flags.
One night, standing in the middle of the dance floor, Kim spun away from Joe and pulled me close (really close, nose-to-nose close) and gave my ear a little nibble. I dismissed it as alcohol-induced behavior.
"They were clearly still in the newlywed stage, evidenced by the way they hung all over each other."
Not long into our newfound friendship and many of these red-flag moments later, Joe and Kim invited my wife and me to accompany them on an all-expense paid trip to North Carolina's Outer Bank.
At the time, it didn't even cross my mind that they had ulterior motives. I remember thinking, "GREAT! Who doesn't love a vacation? Who cares that we don't know each other that well. Life is all about adventure!" (I was clearly a young and naive lad.)
The night before our trip, the four of us went out to dinner. The drinks were flowing and the conversation turned to how lucky we all felt about becoming "insta-besties."
But the first physical tell-tale sign of what was to come happened when I found myself trying to ignore the subtle footsies coming from our friend's wife. Again, I chalked it up to booze and off we went on a big jet plane to one of the most beautiful places on the East Coast.
During hotel check-in, things started to get… interesting. We were informed they had only booked one room.
"Oops," Joe said. "It must have been a mix-up."
Watch men and women spill the honest truth about exactly what they think about cheating:
Unfortunately, my swingers radar hadn't kicked in and it didn't even occur to me that this was premeditated. As soon as we found ourselves all getting settled in, we put our swimsuits on and headed poolside to soak in some rays and sip a few mojitos.
"The drinks were flowing and the conversation turned to how lucky we all felt about becoming 'insta-besties.'"
That night, we hit the bars hard. Everyone was pretty drunk and we might've gotten a bit touchy with one another, but some cross-flirtation is normal between couple-friends, right? We're human.
The following night, Kim instructed Joe to take me out for a "few" drinks. Looking back, clearly, she was itching to spend some alone time with my wife.
A little bro-time never hurts so we headed off into the more populated strip of bars and proceeded to get sh*tfaced.
Joe slammed back a shot and blurted out, "Do you want to see a picture?" His phone slid across the table and I found myself staring at a rather naked woman in (ahem) a somewhat compromising position.
He took the phone back and proceeded to tell me there was more where that came from, and that his wife thought I was really hot. The rules of man code immediately went racing through my drunken head.
How do I respond to this? Is he crossing a line with me? Did I just cross a line with him seeing this picture?
To be honest, my curiosity was drunkenly piqued. So, I asked him what he was getting at. He continued to press that his wife was into me and that he thought my wife was very beautiful.
"The rules of man code immediately went racing through my drunken head."
Then he laid it all out, explaining that the reason they asked us to come on vacation was to sleep with us.
I quickly told him I needed a drink and went to the men's room to call my wife. Apparently, the hangover from the night before had stopped her from drinking much at the hotel, and it seemed like Kim didn't make her aware of the situation.
She heard my frantic tone and asked if I was OK. In that moment, I weighed telling her Joe's true intentions against letting this play out; we still had another two days to go on the trip. Things could get all sorts of weird.
"I'm fine honey. Yep, be home in a bit."
I took a moment to stare into the bathroom mirror and go over my options.
I could either take this gentleman up on his offer and dive headfirst into the swinger's world (with my wife's approval, of course) or I could excuse myself politely and leave the situation in a way that didn't cause a rift.
Option three lurked as well: Grab my lady, head to the airport, and get out of dodge.
In my drunken state I shook my head and said, "Oh, I didn't realize that you guys were swingers. I'm flattered by the offer, but my wife and I aren't into that."
I saw his face drop. Did the two of us give off the wrong signals? I'm a flirt, yes, but I don't think I give off the aura of Swinger For Hire.
The rest of that night went downhill very quickly, as did the rest of the trip. He proceeded to order shot after shot and get blackout drunk, leaving me to carry a guy who had at least 50 pounds on me back to the hotel room. Once there, he worshipped the porcelain throne whilst simultaneously explaining to his girlfriend (loudly) that he'd failed to convince me.
"I'm a flirt, yes, but I don't think I give off the aura of Swinger For Hire."
We ended up sticking it out, and a day and half later we all flew back. We didn't see much of each other after that.
Honestly, I liked them both and wish things had gone differently, but there are a few lessons I hope they learned from this trip.
But what do I know? Maybe it's worked for them before. I'll never judge a book by its cover again, that's for sure.

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For some couples, the idea of having sex with anyone other than your spouse or longterm monogamous partner seems unfathomable. It can be hard to understand how “swinging” — when you swap partners with another couple and sleep with someone new — can actually lead to stronger relationship bonds. But believe it or not, it can, and there are more couples interested in doing it than you may realize.
If you’ve ever remotely considered getting into swinging — with your spouse, significant other or just that cool friend with benefits — there are a few things you should know before you dive in. Below, four women get real about what their own swinging experiences were really like. Remember that before you take the plunge on some new sexual activity, you and your partner want to talk things out and make sure you both feel emotionally and physically safe to move forward!
How she got into it: “I grew up with this idea that there’s not just one person for anyone and that we can enjoy being with multiple people, as well as the idea that you can have sex without having emotion tied to it. My husband knew that I was bi-curious when we met, so on the anniversary of our first date, we decided to explore and went to a swingers club.”
How it impacted her relationship: “It’s really helped strengthen our relationship. Not all experiences were 100 percent pleasurable, so we made an effort to have those conversations and keep the lines of communication open. When you talk about [swinging] it makes it so much easier to discuss other issues in the relationship.”
Her advice to those considering the lifestyle: “For couples who are considering it, we suggest that you better have a really good relationship starting out because it doesn’t fix broken relationships, it only breaks them up faster. Also, you need to have conversations with your spouse or partner before you go into it. Know your rules and limits before you get into a situation because you can’t really get upset with your partner if you didn’t talk about.”
How she got into it: “I was introduced to swinging by my former husband, and not in a good way. One day he forgot to log off the computer and I looked at his browser. I saw some sites that I was not familiar with, but I was appalled by what a saw. Some time later, I confronted him about it. He explained to me what swinging was, but I furthered my knowledge by reading everything I could. I then told him that if he had just talked to me about it, it was something I could be open to.”
How it impacted her relationship: “[Swinging] honestly had no effect on our relationship, which ended for other reasons. Swinging changed me personally for the better. I have sexual confidence that I didn’t have before. I exclusively date swingers now because I meet a much better class of men. They really honor and respect women.”
Her advice to those considering swinging: “If your marriage is struggling, don’t do it. It will only make things worse. If you have a good marriage, dip your toes in the water. Attend a meet and greet or other event. The swinger couples I know have absolutely amazing marriages. For a single woman, you’ll meet the best men ever, but take it slow and make sure you take the usual dating precautions.”
How she got into it: “My boyfriend thought it would be fun to try. We didn’t do anything except dance and talk to some people the first night, but it was exciting and I couldn’t wait to go back. A few months later, on New Year’s Eve, we had a hotel room and invited a few people up. Well… Everyone came up. It was packed and before I knew it, everyone was having sex all around me. A lovely woman wanted to play with me and my boyfriend. I loved it. I loved watching him with her and having him watch me with her, and then both of us just getting lost in the whole experience. I loved the experience of being able to have sex outside of my relationship.”
How it impacted her relationship: “I’ve never been tempted to stray outside of my relationship by having an affair. Swinging takes care of all of my sex needs. I really feel that it strengthens every relationship. I don’t view sex as something that you only have with someone you love. Sex is recreational. I think every boyfriend I’ve had has felt the same way. Along the way, I started filming myself with various people and decided to take my swinging/exhibitionist/kinky lifestyle and make it full time. I guess you could say that swinging has enriched my relationships and also enriched my life.”
Her advice to those considering swinging: “Don’t feel pressure. Most people who are new to swinging don’t actually have sex. They like to watch. In a swingers club, no really does mean no. Many times, I’ve had men or women approach me and if I don’t feel like it, I just say no. You can explore any fantasy you have at a swingers club. I would suggest for first timers to try a larger club where there are lots of people. People who go to swingers clubs are normal people who you would never guess in a million years are swingers. About 90 percent of people who swing are married with kids and just want to try walking on the wild side together.”
How she got into it: “Depending on the state of each relationship and my boundaries with different partners, I had different experiences. In the beginning, when I was younger, it felt awkward based on my inability to be assertive about my wants and needs. It felt more like that group sex stereotype that you might see on TV or in porn… and definitely more male pleasure-centered.”
How it impacted her relationship: “Sexual jealousy has never really been an issue for me, and as long as my needs are being met, I feel secure and aroused when I watch a partner enjoying someone else. I think one mistake some people make is assuming that swinging has only one meaning, but it’s something that is totally open to interpretation. Some of my most intimate, fulfilling encounters lately have been ‘soft swap’ — meaning I have sex with my primary partner, and have foreplay only with our ‘guests.’”
Her advice to those considering swinging: “If you want to start experimenting with swinging and swapping, you need to take a look at your sexual values and belief system. Compare it to the way your partner perceives things, and before you proceed, have an honest discussion. Overall, if you find yourself wanting to try this later on in life, go for it! It may reawaken you and give you a sexual second wind. It’s never too late. There are people of all ages, all body types, all colors, who come from a variety of backgrounds looking for like-minded people.”
A version of this story was published February 2017.
Looking for a few new positions to shake up your bedroom routine? Here’s 69 of them:
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DEAR DEIDRE: IN the past year, I have had sex with dozens of men – at least ten in one night when a man took me to a swinging club.
I just want to be close to someone and for them to want me.
I am 38 and I have a partner who is 39. We have been together for 15 years.
Apart from a couple of boyfriends when I was in my teens, my partner is the only guy I have had a proper relationship with.
The trouble is he drinks at least ten cans of beer a night. He might then start on vodka as well. He always drinks alone.
When he returns home from work all he does is drink, cook and eat, then goes upstairs to bed.
He is completely in denial about his drinking and the impact it is having on our relationship. He doesn’t think he has a problem.
Send an email to problems@deardeidre.org . Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
We have had no sex life or any intimacy, including kissing or holding hands, for 12 years.
Despite this I have had no affairs or liaisons of any kind until a year ago.
Last New Year I was feeling rejected and sad about how my life was turning out. I started going out and picking up men in bars and clubs.
I began having multiple one-night stands, taking more and more risks.
My partner knows what I am doing. He said he was angry and upset at first but then thought that, because he couldn’t give me sex, it was OK.
He told me to be careful about who I met but said he didn’t want to know any details.
I tried to explain to him that I just want to be close to someone but he won’t talk about it.
I have become depressed about my situation but I worry that, if I leave, it may kill my partner.
I couldn’t have that on my conscience. I don’t see a way out where we will both survive.
DEIDRE SAYS: How sad this is for you both, and how dangerous, too.
Your partner is steadily killing himself with his alcohol addiction and you are putting yourself at terrible risk.
Try to see that staying with your partner isn’t saving him.
Freeing yourself from this grimly stuck relationship could help him realise change is possible.
Tell your partner you are no longer willing to be complicit in his steady demolition of himself and of your love and start making practical plans to leave.
WOMEN can lack confidence when it comes to knowing how to turn a man on or make the first move sexually.
My e-leaflet How To Thrill A Man In Bed explains some approachable tactics. For a copy, email me or message me on my Facebook page.
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