Best Sex In Paris

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Is Paris really that good for dating? Or just for sex? Photo: Vassil Tsevetanov/flickr
There’s no doubting Paris is a romantic city: just look at all those love locks and the street condom machines dotted around Paris.
What is dating anyway? Is it that quaint Anglo custom of wining and dining someone numerous times before daring to have sex? The survey remains coy.
In Paris the approach seems more, well, frank. As French sex columnist Maya Mazaurette put it last year when asked whether she had sex on the first date:
To summarise for Twitter: Sex first, ask questions later.
If second sex follows the first, so begins a full-blown relationship. And if not, well, you’re bound to awkwardly run into them within six months on the Metro, and you can try your luck again.
It all might sound arse about tit to the way it’s supposed to work in English-speaking countries, but I understand the reasoning too.
First, almost everything you do here for leisure is mano-el-mano (or womano), and in strict English terms, would meet the definition of a date: get lost in a museum, get lost in the Marais, be told ‘to get lost’ when you move a stool on a bar terrasse, etc.
If Parisian social life is one long date shared with different people, doesn’t the term become redundant?
What then about intent? Is it the unspoken desire to have sex with the other that transforms an innocent evening wasted queuing for Rosa Bonheur into a date? You just need to look at French presidents to realize a general vibe of “up for it?” hangs over most of Paris, pretty much all the time.
So the intent argument is somewhat impotent too.
I don’t think this particular view of dating is necessarily reserved just for French, but can be adopted by most anyone living in Paris.
One Australian, let’s call him Johan (a pseudonym), thinks of dates in Paris like quality control. 
“It’s where I like the look of someone/they like the look of me then we snog/shag/get the number of, but then we need the date to see if I/they were too drunk to be seeing/thinking straight on the first occasion”. Which according to Time Out is a decision made within 2-3 minutes by 41 percent of the world.
Do you really need to sacrifice an evening to find out you’re incompatible in bed, or life generally? For Parisians, the survey says non.
I was once having an apéro on a terrasse with some French guy who watched a girl walk past and into the apartment next door. Up he jumped and buzzed every intercom until someone answered. After ten minutes of talking himself up (literally), the door swung open.
So while Pierre didn’t pay for his beers that day, he did leave me with a tip: when it comes to relationships in France, don’t make a date, just make love.
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Due to the Great Depression, an amendment was proposed in 1933 that an American's personal wealth be limited to $1 million.
In 1925, the War of the Stray Dog (later known as the Incident at Petrich) began after a Greek soldier chased a dog across the Bulgarian border, and was shot.
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Due to the Kuril Islands dispute, Japan and Russia still haven't signed a peace treaty to end WWII. This has caused a massive strain on the countries' relations.
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It costs the United States tax payers approximately $3.3 million per prisoner to detain a criminal in Guantanamo Bay Prison.
Due to the Great Depression, an amendment was proposed in 1933 that an American's personal wealth be limited to $1 million.
In 1965, Indonesia became the only nation to ever withdraw membership from the United Nations, but they rejoined a year later.
In 1989, Romania’s dictator, Nicolae Ceausescu, banned the word puzzle game “Scrabble” because he deemed it “too intellectual.”
In 1952, the State of Israel asked A. Einstein, a non-Israeli Jew, to be their President. He declined, saying he was "saddened and ashamed" he couldn't accept.
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Not that you would ever visit a red light district during one of your many globetrots, but it’s still important to be well-informed. When it comes to society's seedy underbellies, local laws and customs vary by country, and you, errr, can never be too safe. In addition to wearing condoms (definitely do that), there's other stuff... Here's a comprehensive guide to the world's best erotic playgrounds.
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Tokyo, Japan
What to expect: Kabukichō caters almost exclusively to Japanese locals and their passion for odd sexual fantasy; it can be a difficult place for tourists. Clubs are often themed, and filled with sexy secretaries, nurses, maids, dominatrices, you name it -- it’s like Halloween year-round! There's naked karaoke, rentable sex dolls, and even “soap lands” where you'll get soapy clean before you get dirty. Not to mention hostess clubs, where you pay for companionship. How sweet. While paid sex is illegal in Japan, everything else is fair game -- just be sure to pay attention to the clock, as the sex clubs close at midnight.
Be warned: Don’t just pop into places to check them out -- bouncers are known to hustle tourists with exorbitant, non-negotiable entrance fees.
Did you know: Kabukichō is home to a large region of ladyboys, the local term for transgender individuals who also work the district.
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Paris, France
What to expect: Paris’ Pigalle is an epicenter of debauchery with sex shops, peep shows, strip clubs, cabarets, and many other, unpublishable X-rated adventures. In terms of seediness, Pigalle might take the cake. That said, prostitution is actually illegal, so it’s more about the strip clubs and live shows. Just be careful; many of Pigalle's establishments have a rep as places where thugs bully tourists into handing over all their money.
What it’ll cost: It’ll usually run you about $22 (€20) to get into a live sex show, and once inside, expect $22 (€20) drinks, as well. Don't be surprised if the clubs randomly tack extra charges on to your credit card or if women try to pressure you into buying them drinks, which can end up running between $45-$110 (€30-€100) each. Yes, you just bought that nice lady a $138 Zima.
Be warned: If you can’t tell, it’s easy to get taken advantage of here. Clubs coax you in with no covers and promises of low-priced shows, but then lure you into buying things you didn’t even realize you were buying. Getting scammed, and possibly fearing for your life, is the norm.
Bangkok, Thailand​
What to expect: Soi Cowboy is not a government-designated “leisure zone,” so it's one of the seedier red light districts in Thailand. Although like the country’s other RLD, Patpong, sex shows are the main draw here. While prostitution (and nude dancing) is illegal in Thailand, it's tolerated and partially regulated. Most of the women working in the go-go bars (including the bartenders and waitresses) are available for a price; whether they say yes or not depends on a lot of factors -- namely, how disgusting you are and how much coin you’re willing to drop. It’s customary to buy a drink for a lady if you’re interested, FYI. Sound familiar?
What it’ll cost: If you leave the go-go bar with one of its employees, you have to pay a “bar fine," usually around $15. From there you negotiate a rate directly with the woman for her services. Rates start around $45 for up to an hour but can extend to $125, you know, if you'd like her to stay the night and cuddle, or talk about why your GF left (go figure), or why you didn't get that big promotion at work. Between the price of drinks, the bar fine, and the hourly rate, you're looking at about $75 minimum.
Be aware: Don’t talk poorly about the Thai monarchy to folks in Thailand (even to sex workers) -- doing so has landed some loud-mouth tourists in jail.
Did you know: Nightlife columnist Bernard Trink gave Soi its name, after the late T. G. "Cowboy" Edwards. He was a retired American airman who, in addition to often sporting a cowboy hat, opened one of the first bars there in 1977.
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Sex work's only available at certain times of the day and is limited to one street, Herbertstraße; it's actually partitioned off by a wall so as not to offend minors and demure ladies. In Hamburg, strip clubs have overtaken prostitution in terms of popularity and there are fewer than 400 working women currently employed on Herbertstraße, down 50% from a decade ago. The more you know...
What it'll cost: Most strip clubs charge around a $33 (€30) cover, and the ones that don’t will make up for it with $22 (€20) drinks. For some alone time with a lady of the night, it’s the European standard (but negotiable), $55 (€50) for 15 minutes. Erotic massage parlors will cost you around $55-$165 (€50-€150) an hour.
Be warned: Be careful if you're asked to buy a stripper a glass of orange juice (orangensaft). The "orange juice" is actually an offer for the woman to sit down with you, usually at a cost of between $22-$44 (€20-€40).
Did you know: The area was made famous by, none other than The Beatles, who earned their musical stripes playing in Reeperbahn music clubs early in their career. Their impact on the area is commemorated with a Beatles Square.
Bangkok, Thailand 
What to expect: When it comes to Thai red light districts, Patpong is the one that primarily caters to tourists and expats. In fact, unlike Soi Cowboy, it's decreed an official entertainment zone by the government, so venues stay open until 2am. Patpong's a strange mix of sex for sale and overpriced souvenirs, and it's best known for shows where nude women do wild stunts. At most strip clubs, you can pay a “bar fine” to take the girls home with you, or if you'd rather take things a little more slowly, there are plenty of massage parlors and pink salons.
Be warned: This cannot be stressed enough -- stay away from drugs of any kind. The Thai police do NOT mess around when it comes to narcotics, and unlike America, where the police are held accountable for the smallest of infraction, Thai cops operate with a lot of autonomy; they can be quick to extort tourists and get violent.
Did you know: The most offensive thing you can do to a Thai person is show them the bottom of your feet. Doing so is considered a terrible insult, and will surely result in aggressiveness or a fight. Save the shoeless handstands for home.
Cologne, France
What to expect: Cologne is home to Europe’s first high-rise brothel, Pascha, which was built in 1972 to condense the city’s RLD into one building. Women rent rooms from which to peddle their goods and can be found sitting in the hallways awaiting customers. You roam from floor to floor, room to room, until finding a lady of your liking, before negotiating a price directly with her. Interestingly, some of the women actually live in their rooms; so much for not bringing your work home with you!
Be aware: One floor is reserved for low-cost girls, and another for transexuals.
Did you know: Men over the age of 66 enjoy the girls at half-price during afternoon hours -- no AARP card required. Men who get a Pascha logo tattoo are guaranteed free entry for life! And who says customer service is dead?
 
The city's best brothel, Villa Tinto, has been dubbed “Europe's most high-tech bordello” and boasts 51 suites, safes to store cash, a biometric scanner to identify workers, an onsite police station, a panic button under the beds for the women's safety, and a control room to oversee the operation. There are also massage parlors and strip clubs that offer sex shows, where, for example, you can pay to watch a monkey slap a naked woman. We're just reporting the facts.
What it’ll cost: Full-release massages start at about $66 (€60). Or, for just under $2.20 (€2), you get about 90 seconds of action in one of the peep shows. Window prostitutes start at the standard rate of $55 (€50) for 15 minutes, although you can pay more for extras like kissing and not having to use a condom. Bonus STDs, however -- totally free!
Be warned: While the ladies working in the windows are regulated, the street hustlers are not. Best stay away from the woman who comments on how much she loves your sweet new fade.
Did you know: Seventy percent of the prostitutes working in Belgium are Bulgarian. So, hope you like Bulgarians.
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Amsterdam, Netherlands
What to expect: De Wallen is the obvious gold standard for red light districts. Thanks to government regulation, it's safer, cleaner, and more efficient than most you'll enter. It’s a huge tourist area, as well, so the streets are packed with pedestrians. The ladies themselves are on display in floor-to-ceiling windows, summoning you to come in as you pass. When you see one that strikes your fancy, negotiate a price at the door.
Be warned: The negotiation is no time to be coy about your goals, interests, and expectations. The women will take advantage of tourists who are ambiguous, and have been known to tack on extra, hidden charges for unspecified “add-ons,” like changing positions. Be as specific as possible.
Did you know: Amsterdam is the only place in the world to have a bronze statue commemorating its sex workers. Titled “Belle,” it depicts a woman in a doorway and the plaque reads, “Respect sex workers all over the world."
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