Best Sex Feeling

Best Sex Feeling

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What Does Sex Feel Like?

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If you’ve never had it before, you’d be forgiven for wondering what sex feels like.
After all, it’s supposed to be the most exciting thing you can do, right? People make great art about it, write songs about it, gush to their friends about it, sometimes even ruin their lives trying to seek it out.
And yet, culturally, we also spend a lot of time and energy trying to prevent young people from learning about it. We tell them they can learn about it when they’re older, and then provide them with little or no sex education in the meantime.
So if you’re curious about what sex feels like because you haven’t gotten around to losing your virginity yet, don’t worry. That’s a perfectly natural curiosity, one that most people experience at some point.
Sex can mean a lot more things than just penetration, which means it can feel like many different things — but even when two people are talking about the same sex act, it can also be hard to communicate what, exactly, it feels like. To some degree, it’s something you just have to experience to fully understand.
But until you get there, AskMen spoke to several people about what sex feels like, physically and emotionally, to help give you a clearer picture — when it’s good, when it’s bad, and when it’s just plain sex.
It’s like when your parents tell you to hold onto your pee on a long car ride and you just want to burst. When you finally do, it’s a mix of satisfaction and relief. - Nathan, 32
The reason we engage in sex is that it feels nice. In fact, the closest thing to a real description of sex — considering that it can encompass penile penetration, oral, fingering and hand jobs, and various other acts — might simply be “two (or more) people touching each other’s bodies in ways that feel nice, where at least one set of genitals is involved.”
Your clothes can be on or off, it can be light or dark, inside or outside. It can produce lots of orgasms, or none at all. Any genders can be involved; it can last for a few seconds or for hours and hours. But the one constant is that it should produce a physical sensation you enjoy — like the one Nathan describes here, of orgasm being a form of beautiful release.
Being inside someone else’s body is a fascinating experience. When you’re aroused and in the moment you just feel this incredible pull to be as close to your partner as possible. And the sensation on your penis of feeling a warm and wet vagina around it, pressing on it, causing that friction, is just amazing. - Eric, 35
In part because human bodies are warm, sex is, well, warm. And it can also get a bit messy. Not least because good sex requires lubrication — whether that’s saliva, vaginal fluids or an artificial lubricant — there’s at least a little bit of wetness and mess to be expected, to say nothing of the sweat that you can work up during a vigorous bout of it — or if one or more participants ejaculate. Let’s just say that showering afterwards isn’t a terrible idea.
I wish I knew as a young person that sex isn't just penis-in-vagina. The writer Esther Perel has this really expansive view of sex that she talks about in her work — how sex can include erotic moments. Which includes a very wide range of interactions and feelings and encounters. This could mean that you “have sex” before a certain traditional threshold is reached. It’s very freeing to view sex that way, and I wish I had known that when I was younger! - Yuan, 32
Not to belabor the point, but sex is really more than just penis-in-vagina, or penis-in-anus, penetration. Sex can also be a handjob, a blowjob, cunnilingus, anilingus, frottage, sensual massaging, a boob-job, and more. From another perspective, it can be sexting or sharing nudes or video-calling to masturbate together.
If you’re less experienced, you may feel like you haven’t really “had sex” or you can’t fully “know what sex feels like” until you’ve experienced full penetration, because of the societal script that this is the most important form of sex. But that does a disservice to all the other beautiful ways to be sexual with another person, which are equally valid and no less capable of making you feel good.
There’s a saying about sex — even when it’s bad, it’s good. That’s a bit tongue in cheek, and, as the next section explores, often untrue, but the underlying point, that it doesn’t need to be spectacular to be enjoyable, exciting or pleasurable, is a valid one.
So it’s worth considering that all sex that’s not actively unpleasant to one or more participants is fun — but what about sex that rises above that to be incredibly good? What about mind-blowing sex, or life-changing sex? What does especially good sex feel like?
Good sex feels like disappearing into an abyss of non-existence. - Justine, 35
When you’re really enjoying yourself — like, say, if you’re playing your favorite sport, creating art in a way you love, solving a problem in a cool way — the rest of the world sort of disappears. You forget about all your issues and troubles and you’re 100% in the moment. That’s sort of what happens when you’re having great sex: You enter a kind of ‘flow state’ where your own self-consciousness melts away and you’re fully present.
Sadly, not all sex is like this, and even good sex isn’t like this every single second of it! It’s easy to feel awkward or embarrassed at times, even with a long-time partner. But the state that Justine describes is an awesome experience that does occur when you and the other person are synced up just right.
Good sex feels like there’s nothing between you and another person. You feel so close, so connected, so in tune. There’s something incredibly beautiful about that. - Adam, 34
Speaking of syncing up — good sex can also be a transcendental moment of closeness with another person, where the boundaries between you feel like they’ve dissolved completely.
Though you don’t need to be in love with someone to have good sex with them, good sex can produce a euphoric feeling of closeness and tenderness towards the other person that can feel, in the moment, a lot like love. That’s probably in part a question of the chemicals our brains release during sex , but that doesn’t make it any less powerful of a feeling.
Good sex feels like purposeful vulnerability in a really beautiful way. You’re trusting someone, ultimately, and trusting that they care about your pleasure as much as you do. It can be scary for that reason, but also gratifying. - Dessa, 30
Of course, to a degree, that often depends on whether you can be vulnerable with the other person. You have to trust them, as Dessa points out — trust that you’re both on the same page, looking for the same things and wanting the same pleasure. That’s part of the reason it can be hard (though certainly not impossible) to have great sex with someone who’s a relative stranger. But when you’re brave enough to, open to the moment and to the other person, you have a chance at experiencing a really powerful moment.
It’s important to distinguish between bad sex and sex acts that violate someone’s consent , like rape and assault. Since one of the people involved didn’t agree to what was happening, calling rape or assault sex is privileging the perpetrator’s perspective over the victim’s.
That being said, it’s possible for sex to be unpleasant, painful, underwhelming or unfulfilling in a variety of ways without anyone’s consent being violated. As great as sex can be when it’s good, it’s not always mind-blowing, and sometimes it’s not even decent. Sometimes it’s kind of bad.
Sex isn’t supposed to hurt! I used to think that a little pang of pain and tightness was the vagina’s natural reaction. Now that I am in a non-abusive and healthy relationship, I am realizing that that is so wrong. - Lauren, 22
Sex is supposed to be fun and pleasurable, so if it’s hurting, something’s wrong. While often it’s the person being penetrated who will bear the brunt of physical pain in sex, sex can be painful for anyone involved if it’s not being done with care and attentiveness, and if not enough lubrication is being used.
It’s important to know that, unless you’re enjoying feeling pain (and it’s OK if you are) it’s always acceptable to stop the sex and figure out why it’s feeling painful before proceeding — or simply calling it off entirely to let the hurt person have some relief and so their pain (physical and/or emotional) can be tended to. If you were playing basketball with a friend, you wouldn’t insist on carrying on if one person sprained their ankle, and it’s no different here.
I have a bad habit of thinking of the best sexual experiences I've had while in the midst of having sex. Why can't I just live in the moment rather than have my mind elsewhere? Sex plays a really important role in my psyche. If it's not the best, I'm probably going to be thinking about better times, even if I'm enjoying myself. - Claire, 27
Sometimes our high expectations of sex are simply not being met by the sex that’s happening in the moment. In these situations, people will sometimes let their minds wander to more erotic moments, whether that’s past experiences or simply fantasizing. That can feel weird — you might worry that you’re cheating on the other person in some sense, or simply a bad partner.
But it is normal and something that lots of people experience at one time or another. It may simply be a sign that the sex you’re having isn’t quite meeting your needs or expectations, so if it’s a regular occurrence, you might want to brainstorm ways to have sex that’s more aligned with what you really want.
The first 10 times I had sex were all kind of bad, to be honest. I didn’t know what I was doing, I felt very self-conscious, and I think they produced like maybe two orgasms, total. - Ian, 33
If you’re sleeping with a new or relatively new partner and you haven’t figured out what works for the two of you yet, it can be a bit of a drag. In the early going, sex often requires negotiating a variety of different things like the physical realities of two different bodies colliding, getting two people into the same frame of mind at the same time, and so forth.
Some sex is just very meh, and that’s OK. Like anything in life, sex takes some time and experience to get good at. If it’s not Earth-shakingly great the first few times, that’s not a sign that you’re doing anything wrong necessarily — just that you’re not there yet!

Medically Reviewed by Neha Pathak, MD on December 04, 2020
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Sex isn't just fun. It's good for you too. Every orgasm releases a flood of the hormone oxytocin , which improves your mood. Regular rolls in the hay could improve your heart health, reduce stress and depression, improve your self-esteem, and help you sleep better. Snuggling together underneath the sheets also makes you feel closer to your partner and enhances your sense of intimacy.
Couples who talk to each other about their wants and desires have better sex and a healthier relationship, research finds. Tell your partner what you like and don't like. Share your most intimate fantasies and desires. If you're too bashful to say those private thoughts out loud, write them down in a story or a journal entry for your partner to read.
Spice up your sex life by stretching your boundaries as a couple. Play around with foreplay . Touch each other in new ways. Try out different sex positions to see which ones feel best. Dress up in costumes and play as characters (nurse-doctor, cowboys). Move from the bed to the floor, the bathroom, or the kitchen counter. Watch a dirty movie together. Bring sex toys like a vibrator, anal beads, or feathers into the mix.
No matter how much you might want to have sex, your busy schedule can get in the way. So pencil sexy time into your calendar, just like you would other important dates. Then you'll be less likely to skip it. Setting a date gives you time to prepare and something to look forward to. Book sex as often as is realistic -- whether it's once a week or every other day. Choose times when you know you won't be tired or distracted.
Working out boosts stamina in bed and puts you in the mood. Exercise also creates a more toned body, which improves self-esteem and makes you feel sexier. It's not clear how much exercise you need to improve your sex life. Start with the standard recommendations -- 150 minutes of aerobic activity and two days of strength training a week.
No matter how busy you are, sex is one part of your day that you shouldn't rush. Don't skimp on the foreplay. Those extra minutes that you spend touching and kissing each other help get you aroused and make sex more pleasurable. When you slow down, you also get more time to spend with your partner. That's good for your relationship overall.
Women's bodies naturally make their own lubricant, but sometimes it's in short supply. Hormonal changes around the time of menopause can cause vaginal dryness that makes for painful sex. A water-based lubricant is safest to use with condoms . But, silicone-based lubes are less irritating for anal sex.
Not every romantic encounter has to end in sex. You and your partner can find pleasure in many other ways. Take a bath together or give each other a sensual massage. Have a hot make-out session on the couch. Bring each other to orgasm through masturbation. Teach each other how you like to be touched. Or just cuddle.
Sex is a potent stress reliever, but it's hard to get in the mood when you're all keyed up. After a tough day, do something calming together to relax you. Listen to soft music. Practice relaxation exercises such as deep breathing or meditation . Research shows that mindfulness meditation helps women get more in tune with their bodies during sex.
Kegels strengthen the pelvic floor muscles that support your bladder. They also relax the vagina to make sex more comfortable, improve blood flow down there, and make it easier to reach orgasm. To do these simple exercises, just tighten and relax the muscles you use to hold in pee. And they're not just for women. Men who practice Kegel exercises have better erections and more intense orgasms.
Sometimes all you need to rev up your sex life is a change of scenery. Take a trip together. You don't have to go far, but certain settings -- like the ocean or mountains -- are ideal for rekindling romance. Turn off your cell phones and focus on each other. For an extra spark, pretend that you've just started dating -- or that you're strangers who've met up for a forbidden tryst.
Sometimes the solution to better sex is in your medicine chest. Some drugs, such as antidepressants and blood pressure medicines, can reduce your desire. The problem could also be a medical condition like heart disease, vaginal dryness , multiple sclerosis, or depression. Schedule a check-up to find out whether a health issue might be affecting your sex life. Be honest with your doctor about the problem, so you can find the right answer.
A sex therapist is the person to see if something is bothering you in the bedroom. Therapists are licensed psychologists or social workers who can address problems such as a lack of desire, trouble getting an erection, or problems reaching orgasm. You can meet with a therapist alone or together with your partner.
Age and Ageing: "Examining associations between sexual behaviours and quality of life in older adults."
Egyptian Journal of Dermatology and Venereology: "Foreplay importance from the point of view of a sample of Egyptian women."
Harvard Medical School: "11 ways to help yourself to a better sex life," "Benefits of exercise for the prostate and erectile dysfunction help," "Get back in sexual sync."
Healthy Women: "Sexual Dysfunction," "Should You Try a Sex Schedule?"
International Society for Sexual Medicine: "What are Kegel exercises and what sexual health benefits might they have?"
Journal of Health and Social Behaviors: "Is Sex Good for Your Health? A National Study on Partnered Sexuality and Cardiovascular Risk Among Older Men and Women."
Journal of Social and Personal Relationships: "The specific importance of communicating about sex to couples' sexual and overall relationship satisfaction."
Mayo Clinic: "Female sexual dysfunction: Symptoms & causes," "Low sex drive in women: Diagnosis & treatment," "Sex therapy."
Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center: "Pelvic Floor Muscle (Kegel) Exercises for Women to Improve Sexual Health."
OHSU: "The Benefits of a Healthy Sex Life."
Psychosomatic Medicine: "Effects of Mindfulness Training on Body Awareness to Sexual Stimuli: Implications for Female Sexual Dysfunction."
San Francisco City Clinic: "What type of lube is best for anal sex?"
The Journal of Sexual Medicine: "The Association of Exercise with Both Erectile and Sexual Function in Black and White Men," "Yoga in Premature Ejaculation: A Comparative Trial with Fluoxetine."
U.S. Department of Health & Human Services: "Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans."
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