Bella Thorne Nua
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Bella Thorne Nua
Every Game of Thrones Nude Scene, Ranked by Whether Anyone Really Needed to Be Naked
Which sex scene on Game of Thrones is most relevant to its plot?
79. A Faceless Man's Ass (Season Two, Episode Seven)
78. A Prostitute Shows Off Her Ass (Season Five, Episode Three)
77. Littlefinger's Whorehouse Gets Raided (Season Two, Episode One)
76. A Prostitute Distracts Jory Cassel from the Task at Hand (Season One, Episode Five)
75. Dany and Khal Drogo Take a Prisoner in the Buff (Season One, Episode Seven)
74. A Dead Maester’s Penis Is on Display (Season Seven, Episode One)
73. The Sand Snakes Elaborately Screw with Bronn's Head (Season Five, Episode Seven)
72. Oberyn and Ellaria Have More Group Sex in King's Landing (Season Four, Episode Three)
71. Stannis Hires a Pirate Who's Preoccupied (Season Four, Episode Six)
Lucas Hedges Breaks Down His Iconic Characters
70. Introducing Littlefinger's Whorehouse (Season One, Episode Three)
69. The Hound Takes a Piss (Season Six, Episode Eight)
68. Tyrion Takes a Piss Off the Wall (Season One, Episode Three)
67. Grand Maester Pycelle Rambles to a Prostitute About Kings (Season One, Episode Ten)
66. Viserys Has Dragon Pillow Talk with a Prostitute (Season One, Episode Four)
65. Half-Giant Hodor Has a Giant Penis (Season One, Episode Eight)
64. Bronn Enjoys a Naked Woman on His Lap (Season Two, Episode Nine)
63. Melisandre Gets Naked Around Just About Anyone (Season Four, Episode Seven)
62. Pod Walks in on Bronn (Season Three, Episode One)
61. Varys Negotiates with a Prostitute (Season Two, Episode Ten)
60. Cersei Tells Her Waifish Male Lover to Stay Out of Business Matters (Season One, Episode Ten)
59. A Prostitute in Tears at Littlefinger's Whorehouse (Season Two, Episode Two)
58. The Poor Daughter-Wives of Craster's Keep Are Raped (Season Four, Episode Four)
57. Khal Drogo Sexually Assaults His Wife (Season One, Episode Two)
56. Grand Maester Pycelle Dismisses a Whore (Season Six, Episode Ten)
55. Daenerys's Creepy Brother Fondles Her (Season One, Episode One)
54. Robb Stark Continues to Be Madly in Love (Season Three, Episode Seven)
53. Arya Watches Actors Change Backstage (Season Six, Episode Five)
52. Ramsay Treats a Woman Like an Object (Season Five, Episode Five)
51. Daario Continues Serving Dany (Season Five, Episode One)
50. Bronn Tries and Fails to Have Fun (Season Eight, Episode One)
49. An Unsullied Is Seduced (Season Five, Episode One)
48. Theon Gets One Last Glimpse of His Favorite Vagina (Season One, Episode Six)
47. Theon Is Rude, Has (More) Sex (Season Two, Episode Two)
46. Loras Keeps Seeing Forbidden Fruit Olyvar (Season Five, Episode One)
45. Ramsay Has Terrible, Cringe-Inducing Sex (Season Four, Episode Six)
44. Uninhibited Dany Casually Rules Her People While Naked (Season Three, Episode Eight)
43. Pod Finally Gets Some (Season Three, Episode Three)
42. Jaime and Cersei Have Consensual Sex on a Tabletop (Season Four, Episode Ten)
41. Faith of the Seven Members Shut Down a John's Encounter (Season Five, Episode Three)
40. Tyrion Is Surrounded by Prostitutes (Season One, Episode One)
39. Lysa Tully Breastfeeds Her Son Who's Way Too Old for Breastfeeding (Season One, Episode Five)
38. Tyrion Finds a Lover (Season One, Episode Nine)
37. Renly Baratheon Gets a Blowjob (Season One, Episode Five)
36. Samwell and Gilly Have Sex (Season Five, Episode Seven)
35. Robb Stark and His Lover Ravage Each Other (Season Two, Episode Eight)
34. Prostitute Training by Littlefinger (Season One, Episode Seven)
33. Theon Is Seduced by a Wildling (Season Two, Episode Six)
32. Cersei Has (Non-Incesutous) Sex with Euron (Season Eight, Episode One)
31. Cersei and Jaime Give It One More Go (Season Seven, Episode Three)
30. Jaime Rapes Cersei Next to Joffrey's Corpse (Season Four, Episode Three)
29. Grey Worm Stares a Little Too Long at Missandei (Season Four, Episode Eight)
28. Oberyn and Ellaria Visit Littlefinger's Brothel (Season Four, Episode One)
27. Dejected Theon Watches His Sister with Another Woman (Season Six, Episode Seven)
26. Ramsay Rapes Sansa Stark (Season Five, Episode Six)
25. The Faith of the Seven's Raid on Littlefinger's Whorehouse (Season Five, Episode Four)
24. Loras Tyrell Is Seduced by a Male Prostitute (Season Three, Episode Five)
23. Margaery Tyrell Has Failed Sex with Renly Baratheon (Season Two, Episode Three)
22. Melisandre Seduces Gendry for Her Dark Magic (Season Three, Episode Eight)
21. Melisandre Fails to Tempt Jon Snow with Her Body (Season Five, Episode Four)
20. Arya Finally Gets Some (Season Eight, Episode Two)
19. Melisandre Gives Birth to a Demon Gunk Baby (Season Two, Episode Four)
18. King Joffrey Plays Sadistic Sex Games with Prostitutes (Season Two, Episode Four)
17. Jon Snow Is Resurrected (Season Six, Episode Three)
16. Jaime Enjoys a Bath with an Unamused Brienne of Tarth (Season Three, Episode Five)
15. Theon Ravages a Woman (Season One, Episode Five)
14. Theon's Last Moment with His Dick (Season Three, Episode Seven)
13. Stannis Baratheon Is Seduced by the Red Woman (Season Two, Episode Two)
12. Dany Enjoys Her Warrior-Lover Any Way She Wants (Season Four, Episode Seven)
11. Dany Burns the Khals Down (Season Six, Episode Four)
10. Dany Hatches Her Dragons (Season One, Episode Ten)
9. Grey Worm and Missandei Consummate Their Unignorable Desire for Each Other (Season Seven, Episode Two)
8. Khal Drogo Gets into Bed with His New Wife (Season One, Episode One)
7. Dany Takes Control of Her Sex with Khal Drogo (Season One, Episode Two)
6. Jon Snow Has Passionate Incestuous Relations with Queen Dany (Season Seven, Episode Seven)
5. Jaime and Brienne Have Sex (Season Eight, Episode Four)
4. Jaime and Cersei's Passionate, Doggy-Style Incest (Season One, Episode One)
3. Melisandre Reveals Her True Self (Season Six, Episode One)
2. Jon Snow and His Free Folk Lady Consummate Their Love (Season Three, Episode Five)
1. Cersei's 'Walk of Atonement' (Season Five, Episode Ten)
Jaime Lannister’s Dating App Advice
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This Year's Emmy Nominees, Ranked by Menswear
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Not all sex on Game of Thrones is created equal. Sure, the HBO fantasy drama has (not unfairly) developed a reputation for gratuitous violence and sexual relations of all configurations—man on woman, man on man, sorceress on man, brother on sister—but some of that stuff matters .
Sex is wielded in Westeros, like everything else, as a form of power. If you're demanding it the way Daenerys tells her bearded underling to strip, it's a good sign you're in charge. (Though if the power-sex turns into sadism, à la Joffrey or Ramsay, you might be headed for a precipitous downfall.) Of course, sometimes bare boobs are just bare boobs. The showrunners are not above giving us some Emilia Clarke fan service to keep our attention while guy-whose-name-we-can’t-remember rambles about a subplot we’ll quickly forget. And sex is often a relief—for the characters and the viewers. You need something to break up all the beheading, impaling, and disemboweling. In a very dark world, it’s just about the only bright spot, as Tyrion would happily tell you while drunkenly nuzzling several prostitutes.
As an admirer of Game of Thrones ’s more primal pleasures, I rewatched every moment of nudity and sex (including more incest than anyone asked for)* on the show so far—all 79 of them—and ranked them based on narrative value. You’re welcome.
*For the purposes of this list, nudity and/or sex must last at least several seconds and be clearly in focus.
Jorah Mormont talks to a woman about dragons as she tattoos the back of a man whose ass crack is in public view and who contributes nothing to the conversation.
As relevant as: Demi Lovato's app to people older than 14.
Tyrion and Varys are drinking inside the Game of Thrones equivalent of Hooters, and a woman who's proffering her services walks by in a risqué outfit. "Curious...hair," Tyrion says.
As relevant as: Rebecca Black's "Friday" to Mick Jagger on a Wednesday.
Prostitutes run around naked and screaming before a baby is unceremoniously killed. Sometimes Game of Thrones mixes in sex with its gore.
As relevant as: A lesser Nicholas Sparks novel to a non–Nicholas Sparks fan.
Ned Stark is trying to get some intel in Littlefinger's whorehouse, but his right-hand man is distracted by a woman's ample breasts.
As relevant as: Eminem and Mariah Carey's beef to Rihanna.
A nameless man is tied to a horse and his flaccid penis swings in the breeze.
As relevant as: Eminem and Moby's beef to 2017.
Samwell Tarly and the Archmaester make small talk while performing an autopsy, pulling out the late maester’s giant liver, and in classic Thrones fashion, we get a hint of genitals with our gore. You don’t get this kind of action on CSI.
As relevant as: John Mayer to pop singles charts after 2013.
A Sand Snake teases Bronn by stripping after he negs her and says she's not "the most beautiful woman" he's ever seen. It turns out she poisoned him with her dagger, and to get the antidote from her, he's forced to change his opinion about her looks. As with all the Sand Snake scenes, I have no idea why this is happening.
As relevant as: Vanilla Ice's acting career to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.
The liberated bisexual couple makes it clear to everyone how liberated they really are by fooling around with young, supple prostitutes of both genders, before their sex is rudely interrupted. (That happens a lot on Game of Thrones .)
As relevant as: The guy Paris Hilton sleeps with in her sex tape to Koko the gorilla.
Stannis tries to persuade a pirate to help him as said pirate happens to be engaged in a bathhouse threesome. The bathhouse is tastefully designed.
As relevant as: Bella Thorne discussing her bowel movements on social media to anyone who's not Bella Thorne.
Naked prostitutes languidly wander around the establishment, and Catelyn Stark is not fine with it.
As relevant as: Kanye and Wiz Khalifa's feud to Wiz Khalifa.
The Hound pulls out his penis to urinate while socializing with the Brotherhood Without Banners.
As relevant as: Katy Perry's four-day livestream to a Taylor Swift fan.
Tyrion pulls out an obviously prosthetic penis to demonstrate how steep the drop from The Wall really is.
As relevant as: Man of Steel to cinema.
He has a senior moment while she gets dressed and half-listens.
As relevant as: Katie Holmes in Dawson's Creek to Suri Cruise.
Dany's brother is weird and controlling with a woman as he powers through exposition dialogue about dragons.
As relevant as: Lesser 1998 Patrick Stewart genre film Safe House to a Trekkie.
No one seems to know why Hodor is naked and caked in white powder. This includes Bran Stark, who tells him to put on clothes.
As relevant as: Showgirls to anyone not indoctrinated in the cult of Paul Verhoeven or Gina Gershon.
As Tyrion's bodyguard is having a low-key night of "women and good brown ale," The Mountain cuts in and creates tension.
As relevant as: Steely Dan's post-'80s output to the rock canon.
The priestess enjoys a bath while nonchalantly asking her boyfriend's wife to grab her a potion.
As relevant as: Bruce Springsteen's Nebraska to a Bob Dylan fan.
Bronn gets busy with a woman who tells him to take off her necklace with his mouth, but then Pod makes it awkward.
As relevant as: Logic to the Scarlett Johansson–starring sci-fi film Lucy. (Bless its radical incoherence.)
The savvy eunuch brings one of Littlefinger's employees to his side, but not before explaining why he's not interested in her bare breasts. "I'm not like most men," he tells her.
As relevant as: Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps to a stockbroker.
When he pries into her royal affairs, she says, "Get back in bed."
As relevant as: Scoop to the Woody Allen oeuvre.
After some violent action that rattles one of Littlefinger's prostitutes, he gives her a menacing, sociopathic lecture about "bad investments."
As relevant as: Bridget Fonda–starring American remake of La Femme Nikita, Point of No Return to the Luc Besson oeuvre.
The mutineers who have taken over the strangest house in Game of Thrones history also turn Craster's daughters into their property.
As relevant as: Ashton Kutcher's The Ranch to actual ranchers.
While it was already clear he was raping Dany, now it is even more painfully clear.
As relevant as: Plot is to the Transformers movies.
After she requests payment for her services, the dependably creepy grand maester tells her to "go away."
As relevant as: Southern Charm to a casual Bravo viewer.
Viserys strips his sister in order to get a look at the goods he's selling off to Khal Drogo, and he and the camera ogle her.
As relevant as: The work of current rumored Pam Anderson boyfriend Julian Assange's WikiLeaks to Tommy Lee.
He tells Talisa, "If you don't put clothes on, I can't promise I won't attack you again," which sounds scary but is sweet!
As relevant as: The recent work of Mötley Crüe to Julian Assange.
Male and female actors disrobe as Arya stands around trying to decide how to poison one of them.
As relevant as: K-PAX to the Kevin Spacey oeuvre.
Reasserting his power after marrying Sansa, he tells another woman in bed with him, "You're mine. You're not going anywhere."
As relevant as: Ray Donovan to "the golden age of television."
While Dany is being angsty about her rebellious subjects, her warrior-lover casually struts around naked, as is his wont.
As relevant as: Paul Newman to a millennial.
Sex scenes with prostitutes don’t tend to be Game of Thrones ’ most meaningful explorations of body-on-body contact, but somehow Bronn with three ladies goes a little deeper. The hired entertainment discuss the men who've been literally dragon-slayed, and Bronn brags about his own dragon-shooting skills, only to briefly start penetration before being interrupted by a proposition to kill Cersei’s siblings.
As relevant as: Chasing Amy to the work of Ben Affleck.
When a woman tries to take the pants off an Unsullied, he poignantly tells her he just wants a massage. She obliges, until he gets his throat slit.
As relevant as: "City of Stars" to musicals in 20 years when La La Land is a distant memory.
Greyjoy's lady-friend is leaving town and offers him a look at what he'll be missing.
As relevant as: T.J. Miller in The Emoji Movie to Erlich on Silicon Valley.
Naked once again and seemingly loving it, Alfie Allen's character is below deck en route to the Iron Islands and tells the woman he's screwing to smile with her mouth closed.
As relevant as: Committed love to the Bachelor franchise.
The Tyrell brother continues his gay love affair a little too openly before sensible Margaery barges in and expresses that this maybe isn't a smart idea. (She is right, as we will learn when they're both thrown in High Sparrow jail for his dalliance.)
As relevant as: Space Jam to discussions about Michael Jordan's greatest achievements.
To no one's surprise, he's into erotic asphyxiation.
As relevant as: Kourtney Kardashian ex Scott Disick to Kylie Jenner ex Tyga.
Dany steps out of a tub to talk to her new warrior Daario and is in no rush to put on clothes.
As relevant as: The Danny Boyle–directed Sunshine to space thrillers.
Everyone's favorite awkward squire loses his virginity to not one but three prostitutes, including one who "specializes in first-timers." They later refuse payment because of Pod's gifts in bed, i.e., enormous penis.
As relevant as: Freddie Prinze Jr.'s Back to the Kitchen: 75 Delicious, Real Recipes (& True Stories) from a Food-Obsessed Actor to celebrity cookbooks.
Showing their reckless sides, they go on with their incest even though Jaime warns that someone will walk in. "I don't care," she tells him.
As relevant as: Jennifer Tilly's poker career to non–Jennifer Tilly, non-poker fans.
Devout worshippers ambush one of their own in a brothel as part of their mission to purify.
As relevant as: Cooking to Martha & Snoop's Potluck Dinner Party.
In the first moment of nudity and sex on the show, Tyrion basks in the glow of his whores and implies he's well-endowed for a little person.
As relevant as: Ian McShane's Game of Thrones performance to Deadwood fans.
In defense of Lysa, though, we don't know what standards for breastfeeding are in the universe of Game of Thrones , and the show might be trying to break a stigma. In any case, the kid is old enough to read and climb monkey bars.
As relevant as: 1992's Buffy the Vampire Slayer to 1997's Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Tyrion poetically asks prostitute Shae to be his exclusive companion by saying, "Fuck me like it's my last night in the world."
As relevant as: History to Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette.
The gay lord has a loving and sort of secret relationship with Loras Tyrell, who tells him he'd be a "wonderful king." This is a nice thing to say to someone before going down on him.
As relevant as: Runaway Bride to Julia Roberts fans.
One of the sweetest romances on the show is consummated, with her on top. Curiously, neither actor shows any skin, though the room does look chilly.
As relevant as: Con Air to Nicolas Cage fans.
He may be going to war, but Robb has other things on his mind, like having sex with Talisa.
As relevant as: John Wick: Chapter 2 to Keanu Reeves fans.
Littlefinger coaches his female employees as they pleasure each other in his creepy, mesmerizing way, critiquing their techniques so they'll be more authentic with customers.
As relevant as: Billy Idol's current Las Vegas residency to Billy Idol fans.
Osha bares herself to Theon and tells him, "We know things…savage things." She is clearly up to something nefarious, but, you know, sex .
As relevant as: RoboCop to sci-fi.
Euron Greyjoy slips back into his leather pants while he and Cersei have a post-coital interlude. He’s somehow both reprehensible and arrogantly charming as he asks how he compares to the “fat king.” Cersei is preoccupied by the elephants she didn’t get, which means they’ll probably both die.
As relevant as: High Art to ‘90s depictions of lesbianism in popular culture.
Cersei, feeling a little too victorious, storms into Jaime's room and blows him. They wake up the next day together, and she refuses to hide their sexual relationship from the staff. Importantly, this may well be their last embrace.
As relevant as: Paul Verhoeven’s mind-scrambling psychosexual thriller Elle to the stanning of Isabelle Huppert.
Because incest apparently isn't twisted enough for Game of Thrones, Jaime tries to comfort his lover/sister while they mourn her son, then he forces her into sex. She resists, saying, "It's not right." (If Cersei is questioning your morals, you really have problems.)
As relevant as: Wild Things to peak Kevin Bacon.
Castrated warrior Grey Worm betrays his sexual desire, leading to Dany's confusion about her army of Unsullied eunochs.
As relevant as: Kid A to discussions about Radiohead's greatest albums.
Ellaria picks a female prostitute for herself while Oberyn insists on enjoying the pleas
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