Being Nasty

Being Nasty

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We’ve all had the experience of being invalidated by certain people in our lives. Whether it’s from someone close to home, at work, or in a social group. There is always that one person we feel mistreated by.
Even worse, they lower our self-esteem in a subtle way which to the outside world goes unrecognised. If we try to explain how we feel, these people can easily turn the conversation around, making us out to be sensitive, judgemental and in the wrong.
Nasty people – also known as invalidators – have a way of lowering our self-esteem. In this article, I would like to share with you 10 methods of nasty people and how to avoid them.
As we explore these methods, you will come to have a more understanding an awareness about the people in your everyday life.
One of the methods of an invalidator is to keep you in a state of uncertainty. You never know when they might explode and do something to upset you.
For example, you may become understanding of one and other, share a laugh, and build trust. Things can stay this way for a period of time, but then out of nowhere, the invalidator makes you feel uncertain again.
In this persons presence, you never know how to feel around them, and you create rational excuses for their behaviour, almost as a way of convincing yourself that you like them.
Projection can be explained quite simply: the person takes their feelings and puts the responsibility for them on you. For example, a person who doesn’t like you may say, ”I don’t think you like me.”.
They can easily set a frame around you, making you explain yourself to them. And instead of thinking about the invalidators intentions, you start questioning your own feelings.
Manipulation is about control. The invalidator needs to feel in power of you, and often makes you feel like you owe them something. This sort of behaviour can be found in managers, and those in higher power.
For example, if you were asked to work overtime but have other commitments, your boss will try to convince you that your work is more important than your commitments.
If you remind your boss about any overtime you put in for them previously, they will make out that they were doing you a favour, or that you owed it to them.
An invalidator who often judges you likes to act as if everyone agrees with them. For example, ”You are irresponsible” would be a passing judgment which assumes that this is who you are as a person, and everyone would agree.
The invalidator judges because they want to unconsciously attack your self-esteem instead of addressing the real problem. Addressing the real problem would mean taking responsibility for their feelings which invalidators do not.
Be careful of generalisations. An invalidator will use generalisations as a way of exaggerating small truths. For example, if you forgot to clean the house, an invalidator might say, ”You never help me” (Translation: you forgot to clean). ”You’re useless”. (You forgot to clean).
Again, this is an attack on your self-esteem instead of the real problem. The problem is the house isn’t clean. The problem is not that you don’t help, or are useless.
”I don’t mean to upset you, but..” (They probably want to upset you). ”I don’t mean to interrupt…” (Yeah, right!). The voice of an invalidator who uses a sneak attack will always have a soft voice.
Their face will also show concern. They may even try to be nice, but underneath are daggers.
A double message is usually verbalised in a deep tone – a voice of disgust. For example, an invalidator may ask, ”How are you?”. If you respond with, ”Leave me alone!”, the invalidator will innocently relate to everyone that you are in a bad mood because all they did was ask how you were.
Invalidators can be very sneaky with double messages. They appear innocent to observers, but you can always sense something in the way they are talking to you.
Another valuable tool for the invalidator is cutting communication. If you are asked a question about yourself, they cut you off before you finish answering.
Or you can be asked a leading question like, ”Do you still argue with your partner?” You can’t answer this question without appearing wrong. The invalidator may even walk out in the middle of a conversation, leaving you with a pile of thoughts jammed in your mind.
Many invalidators like to build you up so that you grow dependant on them. They make out that they are always there for you, and that you can always share your innermost feelings.
Whenever you feel self- conscious or anxious, the invalidator will draw your attention to the negative qualities about yourself. This way, they can pull you down, so that they feel more superior, making you feel like you need them.
The double bind is one of the most sneakiest attacks because you’re wrong if you do, and wrong if you don’t. For example, if you took a class to improve your confidence, your partner may get jealous and insecure of the new confidence you have. So you’re then given the ultimatum of, ”It’s either me or the class”.
Of course, nobody wants to give up their relationship for the sake of a class. An invalidator will put out threats due to the positive changes you are making in your life.
Having explored the 10 methods of nasty people and how to avoid them, you now have a better understanding of the invalidators in your daily life, and what their intentions are.
In these circumstances, knowledge is power. Because we cannot always avoid certain people in our lives, we can, however, avoid feeling trapped by them.
We do this by simply being more sharper and aware of the behaviours of the people around us. And with this new level of awareness, we will become confident and more assertive the next time we interact with them.
Nasty People, Jay Carter, Psyd.D, 2003.
© 2005 - 2022 Lifehack · All Rights Reserved.

1. To be to be mean, cruel or unkind. 2. To cause disgust or distaste. 3. To be of sexual suggestiveness or aptitude beyond the point of reproductive function. 4. an expression of approval or impressment with regard to a person's actions or ability. 5. an expression of approval or impressment with regard to a object's aesthetic or functional value
1. -"Hey, i'm not a poop-face! Don't be so nasty!" -"Damn, that girl is nasty!" 2. -"Yuck, this dog shit sandwich is nasty!" -"Damn, that girl is nasty!" 3. -" My goodness , that was some nasty sex we just had! Good job." -"Damn, that girl is nasty!" 4. -"Shit dawg! them chess skills are mad nasty, yo! -"Damn, that girl is nasty!" 5. - " Thanks dad ! My new bike is nasty! -"Damn, that girl is nasty!"
1. to describe something that is disgusting
2. to act dirty in a sexual way
1. The pile of shit on the floor was nasty.
2. Jessica acted nasty in the bedroom .
1. A word used to describes someone's excellent ability at something or to describe something that is ridiculously good.
Garett is nasty at basketball and soccer.
Sherr makes a nasty omelette
Smutty , pornographic and erotic (the height of base sensuality.)
"I'm his nasty girl " or "I'm nasty for you right now baby ."
1. To have excellent ability at a certian sport, activity, ect .

2. An appealing situation.

3. Another way to say "cool".

4. A title given to someone who is nasty(see 1) at something.
1. "Matt's nasty at lacrosse."

2. "We get out of school early? That's nasty ."

3. " Halo's a pretty nasty game."

4. "Pat Nasty and Matt Nasty are nasty.
1. to describe something that is asthetically pleasing
Pitbull- "twenty-fours on the truck , that's nasty "

Just say no: Gryzb believes it's nicer to be important than it is to be nice © Naomi Harris
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Being nice can ruin your life, according to the authors of two new books. Their advice? Stop being so pathetic!
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My raison d'être," says American psychotherapist Jo Ellen Gryzb, "is simply to make people a little less nice." It's been her mission ever since she found herself huddled in her bedroom with her husband one Christmas, whispering about how on earth they were going to get rid of their house guests. "I had no idea how to tell them they had overstayed," she says. "I was a complete walkover."
Gryzb returned to work at Impact Factory, a personal-development agency, and found herself in conversation with colleague Robin Chandler, who had similarly spent his holiday tiptoeing round friends and family. "I know what our problem is," declared Gryzb. "We're suffering from the nice factor."
The pair set about devising a workshop designed to harden us up and cut back on excessive manners; an etiquette class in reverse, if you like. It has been so successful that they are now bringing out a book entitled The Nice Factor: The Art of Saying No.
Gryzb believes the symptoms of niceness are everywhere: every time we let someone off the hook, can't say no, avoid conflict to keep the peace, feel guilty when we ask for something, and get roped into something we don't want to do. She also believes our tendency to over-apologise reveals a worrying undercurrent. "If an apology isn't genuine," she says, "psychologically you are saying you're ashamed of yourself. It's almost as if you are apologising for your very being."
The number of people Gryzb and Chandler have come across in their workshops who make life-changing errors because they don't want to let others down is astounding. "One scarily prevalent issue is the number of people who get married but don't want to," says Gryzb. "They become caught up in the machinery – the dress, the reception, the cake, the ceremony – and don't know how to get out of it. We know of numerous women who spent the whole of their big day crying... and not out of happiness."
The problem, Gryzb says, is that we are brought up in a culture of pleasantries. The ethos of the saying that it's nice to be important, but more important to be nice, is ingrained in all of us. "There's a lot of subtle cultural messages," says Gryzb. "We get it right from birth when we are told good children don't cry. Parents brainwash us about what makes a good child and what doesn't. What's wrong with crying? What's wrong with saying you need something?"
Gryzb isn't the only one who thinks that niceness is holding us back. Next month sees the arrival of Asshole: How I got Rich and Happy by Not Giving a S*** About You, by New York author Martin Kihn. "I was the nicest guy in the world – and it was killing me," he says in the book. "My life was a dictionary without the word 'no'. If you asked me for a favour – even the kind of favour that required me to go so far out of my way that I needed a map, a translator and an oxygen tank – even if I didn't know you that well, I might hesitate a second, but I'd always say yes."
Kihn walked other people's dogs, traipsed out of his way to bring back the most complicated lunch orders for colleagues and handed over his money to whichever charity or sales scam asked for it. The result of such "kindness" was a dead-end job and a second-rate apartment.
While Gryzb recommends subtle personality changes, Kihn takes it a step further. He picked up tips from the masters – Donald Trump, Scarface and "the guy in my building with a tattoo on his face" – and decided to "blowtorch away my old personality and uncover the rock-hard warrior within". In his book, Kihn devises a "10-step programme to assholism" for anyone wanting to acquaint themselves with their darker side. He himself signed up to the National Rifle Association, started kickboxing, screamed at colleagues and ate garlic bagels on public transport.
What is refreshing about both Gryzb and Kihn is that they offer an antidote to simpering self-help books. This isn't about bettering yourself; it's about worsening yourself.
Gryzb's workshops are confrontational. The first thing she asks participants to do is turn to the person on their right and think nasty thoughts about them. And her advice if you do find yourself at the altar with someone you don't want to be with is stark: "Run away," she says. "Don't face up to it. Don't make a big announcement in front of all your family and friends, that would be awful. Just get a cab to the nearest airport."
She also recommends practising being less nice. Buy something you know you don't want just to exercise your right to take it back; tell someone on the phone you are too busy to talk to them when you're not. Small things maybe, but if well practised, that inner alpha personality will have much less trouble coming out when it is really needed.
Kihn's recommendations are a little more brutal. Show no interest in others, he advises. In the workplace, take credit for everything except mistakes, and conduct all conversations on speakerphone. "The speakerphone is a great way to avoid the inconvenience of having to listen," he writes. "This enabled me to start executing one of my original Asshole fantasies: to turn into one of those office jerks who are loathed even more than the person who steals yoghurt from the fridge."
Kihn claims his project led him on "a voyage of months which succeeded beyond my wildest dreams". And Gryzb has long sorted out her problem of overstaying house guests. "No longer am I afraid of being selfish or being seen as selfish," she says. "I don't offer apologies or excuses, nor do I put someone else's needs before mine. Becoming less nice has made me a nicer person."
'The Nice Factor: The Art of Saying No' by Jo Ellen Gryzb and Robin Chandler (Fusion, £10.99) is out on 20 March. 'Asshole: How I Got Rich and Happy by Not Giving a S*** About You' by Martin Kihn (Penguin, £7.99) is out on 3 April
Gryzb and Chandler's 10-step guide to getting tough
Smiling gives someone permission to think you don't really mean what you say as you have this big grin on your face
Backing off is wishy-washy. Standing your ground gives weight to your intention. This means both physically and verbally
Let the other person know what you are feeling. Let them know you aren't comfortable with what they are doing
If someone tells you you're being silly, agree. They have no place to go after that. "You're a bit touchy." "You're right, I am." It takes the wind out of their sails
If you intend to tell someone you don't like their behaviour, start sentences with how you feel, not what's wrong with them. Pointing an accusatory finger will only make them more defensive
This will get you out of situations long enough to see clearly what's going on before you put yourself back in the fray
7. Change your mind whenever you want to
You have the right to change your mind, whether it's two minutes, two hours or two months after the fact. There will be times when you don't want to honour your commitments
Gabbling won't help, it just gives the other person rope to hang you with
Never apologise or explain. Don't supply fuel for someone to use against you
Set your marker right at the beginning of the discussion. You can always change your mind later, but if you say it fast, it's out on the table and can't be ignored
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Roget's 21st Century Thesaurus, Third Edition Copyright © 2013 by the Philip Lief Group.
"Argue" Going To Ace This Quiz On Argue Synonyms?
You have to be infallible, and if you’re not, people will have a lot of nasty things to say.
So far no one has been hurt, but chlorine fumes can be nasty so locals are advised to stay inside their homes.
It’s also grown nastier as both Hagerty and Sethi try to one-up each other in proving their conservative bona fides.
Though it sounds a bit nasty , winds can blow fungi and mold spores like a thick cloud.
Whether that’s the intent of the medication doesn’t mean it won’t be a nasty side effect.
But the nasty part of the whole thing was, that Haggard had won eleven thousand pounds from a weak-headed boy.
But if people will insist on patting a strange poet, they mustn't be surprised if they get a nasty bite!
The nasty scandal at the Pandemonium had been particularly irritating to Haggard personally.
You pouted and sul
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