Being Mom

Being Mom
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Motherhood can be challenging, but you can create happiness as well.
Popular press would suggest if you’re a mom you’re always happy, fulfilled and joyous—and if you’re not, somehow you’re not measuring up. Motherhood is idealized, and this is especially true around Mother’s Day. But the day we honor mothers is the best time to dispel the myths of idyllic motherhood and give ourselves the gift of taking the pressure off.
Being a mom can be tough. In fact, as the saying goes, if you don’t find it hard sometimes, you may not be paying attention. But it can also be rewarding. Here’s why it’s a challenge and how to find happiness through all the ages and stages of being a mom.
It’s important to point out that all moms work, whether they’re getting paid by an employer or not. Mothering takes effort—physical, mental and emotional—so whether or not we have a paid position, we can pat ourselves on the back at the end of the day for a job well done.
In addition, most moms work in a paying role . In fact 72% work either full time or part time. Despite this overwhelming majority, there is still a debate about whether mothers should work and how mothers’ work affects children and families. Importantly, neither your happiness nor that of your children depends on your working status. Classic sociological research has found happiness is instead linked to whether you’re satisfied with your choice. If you work full time and prefer it, you and your children will be happier. Likewise, if you work part-time or don’t work for pay and prefer either of those, you and your family will have positive outcomes. What matters most isn’t work status, but your satisfaction with it. This is good news since you can create the conditions for your own happiness no matter how you work.
One of the challenges with being a mom is the time we must invest. Sociologists refer to this as “temporal cost.” According to research at the University of Minnesota which looked at 12,000 parents over three years, moms tended to be called upon by their children around the clock, while dads were more likely to sleep through the night and meet parenting demands during their awake-hours. The 24/7 nature of mothering contributed to greater stress on moms.
In addition, studies at UCLouvain in Belgium found parental burnout is real and is brought on by constant demands and pressures to parent. Feelings of exhaustion, distancing from family or fantasizing about escaping, all characterize this kind of burnout. And it can be damaging both to parents and to children. If you’re struggling with burnout, it’s critical to talk to someone you trust, tap into the resources in your community and get help. Being a great mom doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. The opposite is true—and strength comes from reaching out when you need support.
In addition, happiness is significantly greater when moms are able to perform self-care. The moment you take to get away or take a breather can make a big difference in your wellbeing and in your quality of parenting. It’s also helpful to remind yourself of the long term. When children are younger, they take enormous amounts of time, but as they get older and are increasingly away from home with friends or as they leave the nest, you’ll crave time with them. The saying is apt, “You can have it all, just not all at once.” Appreciate every moment, knowing it will be fleeting.
Motherhood can also be stressful because of the kind of work it entails. Moms are also more likely to work a “second shift” in which they work for pay all day, and then perform home-work in the evening. In addition, the type of work moms perform tends to be different than dads’ work. Studies at Penn State found women tend to do more of the mundane (and less rewarding) caregiving work like changing diapers, doing laundry or preparing meals. On the other hand, dads tend to do more parenting that is recreational like going to a playground.
In addition, the University of Minnesota study found dads tend to do more parenting when other adults are around (think: family trip to the zoo), while moms tend to do more of their caregiving alone (think: middle of the night feedings or making dinner before the family is home). These differences in context and support affect happiness and satisfaction of moms.
If you have a partner, distribute tasks as much as possible and communicate about the kinds of tasks you enjoy most and least. Be intentional about sharing both the burdensome and the most joyful responsibilities.
Interestingly, moms also tend to be the leaders and orchestrators of caregiving and home life. Dads have increased their contribution to households over time, but moms are typically still connecting the dots overall. For example, a dad may take his son for his doctor appointment, but mom was the one who made the appointment, put it on the calendar and reminded everyone that it would be taking place today. This kind of ownership and orchestration are largely invisible, but take mental effort and can lead to reduced happiness. Research at Arizona State University found that with greater orchestration tasks, moms experienced reduced wellbeing and reduced satisfaction with life and with their partner.
Consider sharing the leadership and responsibilities of the home. Even if you can’t take your hands off the steering wheel entirely, there may be places others can contribute. Perhaps your partner can take responsibility for all school-related responsibilities while you handle all medical-related tasks. Plan for what will work best so the default doesn’t always fall to mom.
Being a mom is also hard because of the emotional investment we make in our children. You’ve probably heard that “you’re only as happy as your least happy child.” We want the best for our children, and we are committed to their wellbeing. If they’re going through a hard time, it’s stressful for us as well.
Remind yourself that while it’s hard, it’s also part of being human and it’s good news we care enough and love enough to experience the heartaches of our children. Ensure you have healthy emotional boundaries, support them through their pain, empower them to cope and appreciate the deep caring you have for them as well.
Being a mom also comes with pressure to be perfect. Popular culture suggests moms can do it all and do it perfectly, when in reality we’re all just trying to stich the pieces of our lives together successfully. Comparing ourselves to media and in particular, social media, can reduce happiness if it looks like everyone else is doing things well and we’re not measuring up.
Realize no one is perfect, even if their Instragram posts makes them look like they are. Take the pressure off. No child is looking for a perfect parent, only one who loves them deeply and well. Know your approach to motherhood will be unique and your right answer will be different than others’. Choose your own best language of motherhood—letting it grow and evolve through your different stages of being a mom.
Also beware competitive parenting. Avoid “friends” who treat parenting as a competitive sport or fellow parents as rivals. Be empathetic, listen, tune in and reach out when you see others who may be struggling, need a listening ear or a helping hand. You’ll be happier and more fulfilled when you help others.
As a mom, you’ll also be happier if you have a strong and supportive community. Ironically, sometimes when you need support the most, it’s hardest to find the time for it. The exhaustion of sleepless nights with a baby or the always-on, always-running-hither-and-yon challenge of parenting school-age children can make it nearly impossible to attend your moms’ group. These are the times when an online group can be helpful, or a group at your workplace where you can exchange notes over your lunch hour with parents going through similar stages. You’ll be happier when you have stronger ties to others and relationships which provide the fabric of social support.
Being a mom isn’t for the faint of heart and it can be tough. But its rewards are also significant. Sometimes the joy and happiness of parenthood are most intense in hindsight. In the midst of toddler tantrums or reading stories at bedtime when you can barely keep your own eyes open, the present may seem like the only reality. But then you blink and your children are going to college and you’re facing an empty nest. Everyone says it goes so fast. And it does—but in the rearview mirror. Gratitude can make all the moments more meaningful as you’re getting through each day. As Robert Brault said, “Enjoy the little things in life, because someday you’ll realize they were the big things.”

What Are the Essential Characteristics of a Good Parent?
What Is the Family Impact on Early Childhood Development?
Social & Emotional Development of Children with Working Parents
The Positive & Negative Influences of Parents on Their Children
What are the Effects of the Home Environment on Learning?
The Pros and Cons of Child Discipline
The Importance of Parents as Role Models
The Effects of a Lack of Parental Control
The meaning of being a mother is virtually endless. A mother is a protector, disciplinarian and friend. A mother is a selfless, loving human who must sacrifice many of their wants and needs for the wants and needs of their children. A mother works hard to make sure their child is equipped with the knowledge, skills and abilities to make it as a competent human being. Being a mother is perhaps the hardest, most rewarding job a woman will ever experience.
From the day they are born, a child will test your patience. No matter what they do or say, being a mother means you will love your child unconditionally. Children who receive love and attention from their mother are less likely later on to fall in love with someone who offers love conditionally, whether with behavior control or abuse. Show your child how much you love them with hugs and kisses. Listen to your child as they recount their day, play games or slip a note in their lunch box letting them know how much you love them (Ref 1).
When a woman becomes pregnant, it is her responsibility to provide a safe and secure environment while her baby grows. This responsibility continues once she becomes a mother, whether it's ensuring her child has a roof over its head to keeping monsters away at night and everything in between. Providing your child with a safe and secure environment protects them from abuse and harm as well as help boost their child's mental and emotional development. Provide a safe, healthy environment for children by reducing risks and stress as well as keeping an eye out on children (Ref 2).
Being a mother means being there to teach your child important rules and roles of life, from being an empathetic human being to learning how to be responsible of one's actions. As your child grows up, they are going to face an onslaught of differing thoughts, opinions and values from their friends, the movies, internet, television and magazines. A mother will help guide their child to figure out their goals and values in life as well as teach them the importance of an education, manners and more. A mother will also discipline their child, a skill that will benefit children throughout their life as well as at school, work and life at home (Ref 3 and 4).
Susan Diranian is a writer for various online publications and magazines, specializing in relationships, health, fashion, beauty and fitness. She holds a Bachelor of Arts in English with a concentration in nonfiction writing and editing.
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Barely able to choke out the reading through my tears, I was mortified at having allowed the baggage of my birth to enter this sacred space.
My teacher publicly ridiculed my classmate and I and invited our friends to join in on the fun.

© 2015. Erica Ehm Communications. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is strictly forbidden
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The best part about being a mom for me is the love I feel for them. I never realized how big my heart would get. And that with each child it grew that much more. I can be overcome with joy just looking at them some days. Alli C.
The best part of being a mom is the unconditional love we have for each other. Jodene W.
Experiencing the small moments that can't be explained, characterized, or memorized. Those fleeting moments when your child says something profound, mature, grown-up. Those moments that make you savour the little people they are because you've just seen a glimpse that childhood is a blip and time truly does fly. Because you are "mom," you notice this subtle growing-up in a way no one else possibly could. The connection between my kids and I is the greatest part of being a mom. Dianne H.
I feel like I have a purpose, that I found my calling, my true meaning of being me! The best job in the world. I wouldn't want it any other way. I am important & feel wanted & loved. Catherine S.
To be told by my kids "Wow, Mom, you were right!" At least they're listening because I'm paying attention. Virginia S.
My favorite part is getting to see him discover the world for the first time and sharing in his excitement for things I usually take for granted. Jennie D.
When my son helps another child, when he smiles and laughs, or when he says "love you mommy" - that is the best part about being a mom! Karla C.
Being a mom slows life down. I have stopped wishing for the next big event to be here. Now a simple day at home that involves a snuggle or a hilarious moment with one of my kids can be more memorable than a big holiday or party. Joanne S.
I get to enjoy life like a child again, living childhood again through my children's eyes. Angela I.
When my son randomly yells out "Mommy!!! I love you!!!" Emma O.
The feeling of true, unconditional love. That warm feeling in my heart that just keeps filling up with love for my child. I feel her feelings in my heart. Ann M.
It's the little moments. The way my baby giggles uncontrollably when I give his belly raspberry kisses; the way my daughter grabs my hand sometimes when we walk; the peaceful, comforting way it feels to have a sleeping baby curled up on you and your 3 year-old snuggled next to you. Marie P.
For me it's being in tune with my children's emotions. They trust that I understand their struggles and are not afraid to reach out to me for support. I love how our relationship grows and my love for them deepens after a chat. Although the best part is hearing "Thanks, you're the BEST Mom ever!" I'm a very proud Mother:) Fatime S.
Getting to experience being a child again through your kids! I love starting traditions with my kids that I never did growing up. I would say the hardest part is seeing them struggle with real issues and not being able to take away that pain or fix it. Wanda H.
How rewarding it is. All the effort you put into teaching your child something new and all of the sudden it shines through. Also, how no one else's kisses fix "ouchies" like a moms. Those are the 2 best parts of being a mom for me. Evona S.
Experiencing the world through my son's eyes as he grows. It really makes you step back and appreciate the small things. Amanda E.
Watching my boys grow into independent young men, and knowing that I had a hand in that. Hugs are good too. Jennifer F.
Hands down is hearing the children laughing! There is no better sound. Cady L.
Gaining perspective. Learning again. Amanda C.
Watching life blossom through the eyes of your child. When they see a plane in the sky and point up with excitement. Or the first time they noticed the ants beneath their feet carrying a crumb. Laying on the ground watching the fluffy white clouds and imaging you see a dinosaur. Children notice the little things in life that we as adults ignore. Living life through their eyes is one the best parts of being a mom. Tammy M.
Having your heart grow with so much love. Sarah R.
All of the things you learn about yourself and about your capacity for loving someone else in a way you could never have imagined before becoming a mom. Tracy I.
YMC Social is about moms giving advice to moms. It's where we share what you have to say...because motherhood is a community.

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