Being A Good Christian Wife

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The Bible says, "Wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if some husbands are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God."[1] (1 Peter 3:1-4)

Do you sometimes think about what it takes to have a wonderful married relationship as a female, good Christian-wife in a traditional marriage consisting of one male with one female? Actually, it's up to you and your husband as traditional Christians to work through your relationship in Christ and how you can each do your part to fulfill the desires and needs of each other.

You can be a great wife and glorify God in your own family that you've formed together, and here are some suggestions.
Be secure in yourself through keeping Christ's Spirit in your marriage. Plan to have family worship, sing spiritual songs and have quiet time with Christ together, worshiping God and developing your walk in Christ. Be sure to study the Bible and to praise God for your opportunities and for giving you your very life. Have a personal relationship with Jesus. Anything that goes wrong pray to Him and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
Choose joy in your married life: J.O.Y. is based upon loving "Jesus", "Others" and then lastly, "Yourself"-"but not least," as the Bible says you are "to love others 'as you love yourself'." So love yourself as much as you love others and then you have the winning concept straight from Christ! This, for example, also means do not try to directly control your husband or other people (try gentle persuasion). J.O.Y. also means that you should not judge wrongly or harshly, but you will forgive yourself and others.
Learn to pray fervently and effectively. The Bible says: "Stay in a habit of attending church regularly" with your husband or alone (or with girlfriends), if necessary. "Pray for each other." Pray together and "pray without ceasing" and "honor Christ in all you do and say"... Our physical lives are in Christ and spiritually "His life on this earth is in us and we are in Him." He is "at the right hand of the Father in Heaven where He is always interceding for us." (Romans 8:34)
You can have a long, happy Relationship by being cheerful, positive and confident with the husband, if he is "thoughtful". Criticizing and putting yourself down to your husband or in front of him in public is a way of insulting his taste in women. Realize that if he is with you, it's because he chose you and wants to be with you. He finds you sexy enough, even if you don't feel like you are; so be there for him. Remember that attitude and willingness are important parts of feeling and being sexy. Poor self-esteem leaves a hole in your life that is terrible for your marriage. Make sure you continue to actually have occasional fun and help each other have an interesting life together, not just trying to control each other or only teasing about fun. Tease nicely, and mean it. Have a sense of humor.
Imagine: "What if your husband is gone tomorrow?" Will you still have girlfriends you see at least once a week, your special church group that you go to, full days and busy evenings? If you were not whole, your husband would always have to be trying to fill a hole in your life. Well, it's one that he won't ever fill, and you might both feel inadequate and unhappy, if you can't keep yourself up with friends and family as well as busy cheerfully serving Christ.
Express your needs clearly, but don't accuse each other. Except in case your husband reads minds, don't expect your husband to just know what you want. If you want or need something, ask and discuss it together. Don't just drop hints and figure that he'll get it and "come around" without communicating calmly, clearly and directly. If something is wrong for you, say so. Christian friendships and relationships work best when each partner calmly expresses their current emotion -- without harping on what the other did. Frequently, a "I feel confused", or "I feel sad" is all it takes for him to step back and ask, "Why?" Then simply say, "When you slammed the door, I felt ignored (or insulted)." Let "I feel..." be your key word. Avoid saying "you"--as in "you made me sad." Say "'That' made me feel sad." Take responsibility for your own needs and feelings.
Don't expect him to give you your dreams. He needs to keep trying to do well, and you need to keep trying also, but neither of you will ever be perfect. Unsatisfied expectations frustrate everyone. However, if you both continue to work on your marriage, you will always be involved in each others lives, even when one of you comes up a little short. If your expectations are truly too high, very idealistic or unrealistic, you should set standards that are obtainable. For example, it is unfair to expect to be lavished with possessions. Have the love of your life at home; staying home, try having home cooking at several meals per week versus going out to eat junk food instead.
Share the cooking and house chores as much as possible, especially if both work outside the home. Also, should you want more together time, be prepared to have that desire fulfilled with some effort, washing clothes and cleaning house together and relaxing together.
Pick your battles. Nagging and nitpicking can destroy a relationship. As long as the dishes get clean and are unbroken, for instance: don't nag about how you want the dishwasher loaded--the "the right way". Let him do such things his own way. Don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on what is more important and don't be a complainer. Maybe explain the theory as you show him how you believe it needs to be done one time and then leave it alone.

"Wives, place yourselves under your husbands' authority as you have placed yourselves under the Lord's authority."(Ephesians 5:22) but only so far as he is not doing crimes, is not cruel or actually abusive (not the blame game...) to you, the children or other persons.
Encourage your husband in the Lord: that he is to do as The Bible says: "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it." (Ephesians 5:25) If your husband is not showing love, do not demand attention or affection. Just ask cheerfully for some help and pick a time to give a playful or sexy hug and kiss: he may respond well, if he's not angry--or unless it is not the right place and time.
Help him to feel comfortable in showing simple verbal and courteous affection without it always leading to sex: begin this helpful guidance in public with public praise for courtesy and kindness by showing that you are thrilled by that attention; smile, slightly giggle and say something like "flattery will get you everywhere," and try "playing tag" sometimes, or playing "keep away;" having fun--and being alluring and a little bit coy when there is no chance of going too far, ie: in front of his in-laws, at the store, and such. This affection and fun will carry over to when you have the chance and the time in private.
Keep your sex life interesting, but if something feels demeaning, do not fail to explain how it made you feel. Be willing to try some innocent, new things (or even suggest/approach it affectionately without asking) and discuss them - don't just turn down fun and harmless play when he suggests something you don't feel is appealing immediately. This may make him feel rejected or that you are not having fun. At least be willing to discuss it nicely, and perhaps try it, but never do anything you are uncomfortable with after discussing it with him. Also, don't be afraid to discuss anything you might be interested in. Physical intimacy is as important to a marriage as is "emotional intimacy". Nurture them both.

"Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control." (1 Corinthians 7:5)
Accept him and especially his little mannerisms and habits. Accept him as he is, so that you have such deep respect and gratitude for him that you would never want him to change for you. He has so much to offer you, if you give him the space to be himself. He is a growing individual, just like you are. Help him grow in the direction that he chooses, and give him the chance to help you similarly.
Be modest in public: as such a woman is a lady. "And that women may be dressed in simple clothing, with a quiet and serious air; not with vanity about her hair and gold or jewels or expensive clothing;" (1 Timothy 2:9) Encourage your husband to expect you to be modest in public and erotic in private with him. There is much temptation that results from women feeling as if they need to turn other men on and to show their sensual side in public. One thing may lead to another. Avoid immodesty.
See the best in your husband and in life. Don't simply focus on the bad about your husband, but see him the way God sees him; focus on the attributes that you love about him and always believe and compliment him, such as: "Honey, God is working in your heart, and so you are becoming more like Christ everyday." The trick is to believe this even when it doesn't look like it! That is real faith in action, believing God can bring it to reality even when you don't see it.
My husband's ex keeps contacting him to talk about his current life and their past relationship. What do I do?
Talk to your husband about it first, and tell him about why this makes you uncomfortable. If he's understanding, he should agree to cut her off from his life.
What can I do if my partner does not want to quit smoking?
Love him anyway. Tell him you would like for him to stop for his own sake as well as for yours and your children's, if you have any. Let him know that you love him and will support him even if it takes a long time for him to give it up. Just keep praying for him and have the faith that God can give him the desire to stop smoking. Prayer DOES change things, so keep your faith strong and be loving anyway. Be gentle when trying to persuade him. He most likely didn't pick up the habit in one day and it won't go away in one either.
How do I make sure my husband isn't talking to other women?
You can't ensure anything. The most you can do is work to maintain a strong relationship with your husband.
My husband likes revenge, what shall I do to stop him?
Remind him that good Christians are not vengeful. Engage the help of your priest if you need to.
You can shop online for a translation you like, or go to a bookstore. The New International Version and the Living Bible are the easiest translations to understand because they use clear, modern English. But, many Christians enjoy the traditional King James Version.
Is anal or oral sex considered holy for a Christian marriage?
Sex is a private matter between you and your spouse. Whatever you both feel comfortable with is what you do. Never allow for force, abuse, or manipulation in the bedroom, if you don't feel comfortable let your spouse know.
What if my husband continues loving a woman outside and he pretends he still loves me?
If your husband is cheating on you, you have grounds for divorce, and you should proceed accordingly.
What if my husband does not support his family financially and always considers his mother's financial needs ahead of ours?
You need to have a serious conversation with your husband. If you don't work because you have decided together that you will raise your children and he will provide financially, seek the help of a financial advisor to help you make a budget that satisfies you both. It is admirable that your husband wants to care for his mother; ask yourself if he is actually failing to care for you and your children's basic needs, or if you are just resentful that he is spending the extra on his mother instead of you. Be honest with your husband about your feelings and concerns.
Is it ok if I am submissive to my boyfriend?
In a healthy relationship, both partners are equals. If you feel that you have to be submissive to your boyfriend, then he may be trying to emotionally control you.
How can I calm my husband down when he is angry?
Walk away for a few hours. You can try to compromise with him if you have different views on something, and you can call your mother-in-law to help.
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Showing Agape Love through Fiction + Bible Study
I didn’t plan on this, but this post ended up being a relevant way to show love to your husband on Valentine’s Day.
This post is based on the article, “10 Things Real Christian Women Shouldn't Do” by Cindi McMenamin. These are the 10 things she lists NOT to do:
Prioritize Your Possessions over People
Obsess over Anything Other than Christ
Judge Non-Believers for Not Acting Like Believers
Expect Other Christians to Live by Your Convictions
Fill Up Social Media Platforms with Self
But let's focus less on the negative – what I should not do. Instead, let’s focus more on the positive – what can I and should I do?
Here are 10 attitudes & actions we can begin or continue to do to reflect God's love to our husbands:
Instead of focusing on ourselves and whether our husbands are fulfilling our needs, good wives put their husband’s needs first. That’s not to say you can’t ask your husband for anything.
For instance, before you ask him for physical affection, try meeting his need for sex. It almost always works that physical affection will come back to you.
This one seems obvious. But it’s really easy to keep scrolling on the smartphone while you’re trying to “listen” to your husband. Or spending more time on mindless games than with him.
Again, that’s not to say we can’t spend any time apart from him. But when things or interests start to gain more and more of our attention and less and less for our husbands, something needs to change.
Most of us like to plan ahead. Or we worry about the future. But the Lord has shown me that my focus needs to be on making today count.
Ephesians 5:15-16 (ESV): “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.”
We’re supposed to pray, “give us this day our daily bread," and we pray that every day (Matthew 6:11).
We’re not supposed to worry about tomorrow, for today’s trouble is all we can handle.
Matthew 6:34 (ESV): “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
Instead, the light that guides our path shows only the next step or two. “Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path” (Psalm 119:105, NKJV). A lamp doesn’t shine for miles ahead. It only shows you where to take the next step.
So let’s enjoy the time we have today. It’s all we have, so let’s not squander it while bickering with our husbands about future plans. Not that we can’t make any plans at all. But spend your time on what you can control.
What we think about is usually what we worship. If our first response to a hard situation is to call our husbands, then we might be expecting him to be our God. If our first response is to text our girlfriends, we may have placed them over God. I know, it’s really easy to do, because they are visible, tangible people who can hug you.
But work on making a habit of pausing and immediately talking to God about it first. Even if it’s just as simple as venting your emotions. Just the act of turning your mind to Him first will help you focus on the One who is in you who is “greater than he who is the world” (1 John 4:4, ESV).
One checklist of things I use to bring my mind back to spiritual things is Philippians 4:8. It’s my favorite verse and actually the mission statement for this blog. Since I have trouble keeping my mind on things that are
I decided to share my search for these things with you. (If you haven’t read my series on that verse, you can start here with the introduction.)
Holding grudges only hurts us and our marriage relationships. It’s hard, but it’s so essential for a strong marriage—for any relationship.
Matthew 18:21-22 (ESV): “Then Peter came up and said to him, ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.’”
As hard as it is, we’re expected to forgive our husbands 77 times, too. This is an area I’m still working on. I tend to hold grudges. I’m trying to forgive quicker.
To avoid gossiping about your husband, determine that you will only say positive things about him to your friends and acquaintances. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
This doesn’t mean you can’t talk to a trusted counselor or godly friend. But they need to be someone who will encourage you to work it out with your husband and not be afraid to tell you the hard truth.
If your husband doesn’t have the Holy Spirit living within him, he won’t be able to be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, generous, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled very often. So don’t expect him to. Your job as a believing wife is to show him with your gentleness the love of God.
1 Peter 3:1-2 (Berean Study Bible): “Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your husbands, so that even if they refuse to believe the word, they will be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see your pure and reverent demeanor.
This one is hard for me. I have made my decisions about what I can live with and what I think is wrong for me. And if someone disagrees, my automatic reaction is to think that they must not be as spiritual as I am yet. Ouch! That’s just self-righteous pride.
When so
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