Behavior Modification Bdsm

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Behavior Modification Bdsm
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By Sarah Cocchimiglio | Updated June 15, 2022
Medically Reviewed By Lauren Guilbeault, LMHC
What Is Behavior Modification Used For?
What Is Behavior Modification Used For?
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Behavior modification is the process of changing patterns of human behavior over the long term using various motivational techniques, mainly consequences (negative reinforcement) and rewards (positive reinforcement). The ultimate goal is to swap objectionable, problematic, or disagreeable behaviors with more positive, desirable behaviors. Behavior modification works with just about everyone and has many potential applications, from improving a child’s behavior to motivating employees to work more efficiently.
Behavior modification is also used often to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), irrational fears, drug and alcohol addiction issues, generalized anxiety disorder, and separation anxiety disorder.
It’s easy to make a change. The hard part comes in making the change stick. Anyone can say they’re going to quit smoking and then ignore one or two cravings, or commit to an exercise regimen and then hit the gym twice in a week. The challenge is to stick with the new habit, which is not so easy. This is where behavior modification comes in.
Behavior modification says that we can change the way we act, or react, by learning and by attaching consequences to our actions. You can’t force someone to change their behavior. You can, however, motivate them to change their behavior by changing the environment and offering incentives.
The psychologist B.F. Skinner, known for his research on operant conditioning (the precursor to behavior modification), postulated that if the consequences of an action are negative, there is a good chance the action or behavior will not be repeated, and if the consequences are positive, the chances are better that the action or behavior will be repeated. He referred to this concept as “the principle of reinforcement.”
Put simply, Skinner’s behavior modification model is a way to change habits by following actions up with positive or negative consequences to either break bad habits or reinforce good habits to continue.
You can try to develop and implement a behavior modification plan on your own, or you can find a counselor or therapist who specializes in behavior modification therapy.
Techniques For Behavior Modification
Keys To Successful Behavior Modification
Consistency is especially important when using behavior modification to change or establish behaviors in children. The process is most effective when whatever motivation you choose to use is used each time until the habit is established. For example, if you use a sticker chart to praise a child for making their bed in the morning, they should get a sticker every morning that they make their bed. If you forget or run out of stickers, the chances are good that they will eventually lose motivation to keep the habit going.
Negative consequences should be administered with predictable frequency as well. If punishment is doled out inconsistently, a child will learn that they will only experience consequences once in a while when performing a bad behavior.What you want them to learn is that the bad behavior will be followed by the negative consequence. They will only learn to associate the behavior with the consequence if the consequence follows the behavior every time . Think of a toddler who is biting other children. If their teacher only sits them in the time-out chair once out of every three times they bite another child, it is unlikely they will begin to associate biting with time out, and he will continue to bite others. If the teacher sits the child in time-out every time they bite another child, they will start to realize that they have to sit every time they bite, and they will learn that to avoid having to sit, they need not to bite other children.
It’s also important to have consistency across the board – that is, having parents, grandparents, teachers, and other care providers all working together to give a child the same consequences and rewards. The consistent application of the behavior modification plan will help the child change their behavior quickly.
Once a bad habit is broken, or a good habit is established, you can’t just rest on your laurels. Although it seems like establishing the new behavior pattern might be the most difficult part, it requires continuity or perpetuation for the new behavior to stick in the long term. This is known as maintenance.
Don’t get discouraged, though, if you fall back into bad habits at some point. This happens, and in some cases, may be inevitable. In fact, you may even want to prepare for relapse as if it were just another step in the behavior modification process rather than as a failure of the process. If you truly want to make a change, you can start again and unlearn a bad habit or learn a good one.
Applications For Behavior Modification
Behavior modification is often thought of in terms of children, students, or classroom management for teachers because it is used effectively with children. It is also often used by therapists and healthcare professionals. Behavior modification can also be effective in other circumstances with many demographics; in fact, just about anyone can use behavior modification to break bad habits or create healthy habits. Many adults have used behavior modification programs to quit smoking, eat healthily, exercise regularly, work harder, and reach other various goals.
Because no two people are alike, behavior modification plans and programs are never one-size-fits-all. You may need to tweak or substitute elements of one plan or another to best suit your situation and your ultimate goals, and behavior modification therapy may work best in conjunction with medications or other types of therapy. If you need additional help creating or modifying behavior modification plans, visit BetterHelp.com to connect with a licensed therapist.
Cognitive behavioral therapy is one type of therapy that your counselor may try with you. This is where you identify unhealthy, unhelpful behaviors and thought patterns and work to replace them with healthy, helpful behaviors and thought patterns. Because CBT is so common, plenty of research also has been done on how well it works online. A recent publication considered more than 2,500 of those studies to come to the conclusion that CBT therapy delivered on a computer is just as effective.
There are plenty of additional pros to online therapy. Online therapy tends to be more flexible, and you may be able to reach out to your counselor via messaging or some other format when you need additional support with changing a habit. With no wait list, you’re often connected with your counselor more quickly in the beginning as well; BetterHelp connects most people within 24 hours.
Here are some recent reviews by BetterHelp users dealing with similar experiences about their counselors:
“Cynthia is kind and warm. Also very knowledgeable on how to help me focus on what is important. She has helped me to create healthy habits and coping mechanism. I appreciate her very much.” Read more on Cynthia Luellen .
“Dr Sawyer is an excellent therapist. She is empathetic to my needs, hears me unlike any other, truly cares for me, and helps me to take action toward better mental health overall. It is so refreshing to have someone on my team – rooting for me, cheering me on, but still challenging my poor mindset and bad habits while helping me develop new skills and implement new healthy habits.” Read more on Terri Sawyer .

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Some degree of behaviour modification is part of nearly every Dominant/submissive or Master/slave relationship. The sub pleases the Dom by bending to some degree to their will. Unless there’s an absolutely perfect fit at the beginning of the relationship, there will be some degree of what we’d affectionately call “training”.
There are really only two ways of changing someone’s behaviour. The carrot and the stick.
Some Doms err on the side of the stick, saying that they will punish bad behaviour, but “good behaviour is expected, so why reward it?” or that the reward is intrinsic, because the Dom is happy. By doing the chores, for example, the sub pleases the Dom and good things happen in the household. Obedience as its own reward.
Some subs also prefer the stick, saying that “the physical act of punishment is a heavy reminder of why Master is Master, as well as an association that pain comes if i do not do as I’m told”. The punishment becomes symbolic of the power exchange bond, and often the logic is that without punishment, the sub does not really know when they have done something to displease the Dom, and so the rules and guidelines become more unclear and possibly confusing.
Many other Doms and subs (and most business management books) err on the side of the carrot. They feel that punishment is often used as an alternative to communicating properly if it is used without a clear explanation of what the Dom wants and how to achieve it and feedback that requirement is actually understood (and within the sub’s abilities). Many feel that the carrot, in the form of physical rewards (treats) or mental rewards (such as praise and attention), is far more powerful than the stick (punishment).
Regardless of which side of the fence you sit on in this debate, most Dominants use both positive and negative means to achieve their behaviour modification goals.
It’s important to understand that there are not two, but four different tools available for behaviour modification. Understanding the terms and being conscious of the methods you are using (and why) will make behaviour modification far more effective.
An A4 PDF of the above illustration is available for download here .
This is what most people think of when they think of “reward”. In exchange for behaviour that I want, I give you something tangible and physical, like a treat or a kiss, or something more psychological, like praise, a smile or attention.
Because you’ve been a good boy, I’m going to remove that restriction you have on playing video games.
I’ve been annoyed with you for not cleaning my leather, but you spend an hour polishing it and I’m happy.
When you don’t bring my coffee fast enough, I get angry, but when you do bring it quickly I don’t get angry.
These are all examples of negative reinforcement. To avoid something unpleasant or to take away the bad thing, there is a behaviour that can be learned.
This is what most people think of when they think of “punishment”. Because you behaved badly, you get a spanking, corner time, lines to write in a book or a period in your chastity cage. If I embarrass you in front of your friends because of something you did, that would be positive punishment.
Negative punishment removes something that you enjoy because of your undesirable behaviour. It could be physical, if I take your toy, game or privileges away, or it could be more psychological if I have been happy and warm to you but withdraw my affection and become cold and angry.
Negative reinforcement is not necessarily the opposite of positive reinforcement, and negative punishment is not necessarily the opposite of positive punishment.
For example, if I praise you for doing a great job, that is positive reinforcement. But if I become sullen and withdrawn because you are not doing a great job, that is negative punishment (not negative reinforcement).
One reason why it is important to be conscious of the methods you are using is that all four can work in negative ways if applied incorrectly.
For example, if a boy becomes a brat because he isn’t getting what he wants, and a Dom gives into that, it is positive reinforcement. The lesson taught is “by becoming a brat i am rewarded”.
If a boy becomes a brat because he has to do a chore, and the Dom gives into that, it is negative reinforcement. There is a perceived negative situation, an action, and the action makes the negative go away. The lesson taught is “by becoming a brat I can improve my situation” and so becoming a brat is negatively reinforced.
Mental health issues can cause some methods of behaviour modification to trigger in some circumstances. This is probably more so with positive and negative punishment than it is for positive and negative reinforcement, but all methods run risks.
BPD suffers, for example, will be particularly sensitive to negative punishment such as withdrawing affection. Or, some forms of positive punishment could trigger PTSD.
As with anything (whether or not mental health issues are involved), start slow, pay attention to verbal and non-verbal reactions and keep the communication lines open. You might be a Dom, but being unapproachable will always work to your disadvantage.
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When you hear the word “punishment,” sex probably isn't the first thing that comes to mind. But in BDSM —an umbrella term that encompasses bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism, and masochism—punishment can be a major component of sex. And a pleasurable one, at that.
“Punishment is a behavior modification tool used in some [dominant/submissive] dynamics to train or discipline a submissive when they’ve defied a boundary or disobeyed an order,” explains Charyn Pfeuffer, a sex and relationships writer and author of 101 Ways to Rock Online Dating . “There’s no one-size-fits-all playbook for punishment, and not every kinky relationship uses it.”
Every couple is free to determine the type and severity of punishments they want to use—and the options are essentially endless. For example, if the submissive partner is a "brat" (a sub who enjoys disobeying their dom’s rules), a dom might give you a spanking as a punishment for being naughty.
“Punishment can include spankings, slapping, choking, use of restraints, or (consensually) forcing your partner into sexual acts," says Daniel Saynt, founder and chief conspirator of The New Society for Wellness , a private members Open Love club for the adventurous. "It's really up to you and your partner to set the limits of what's okay for punishment and what's not.”
Like with most deliciously kinky things, punishment is not just about pain, but also pleasure. It’s a dance between the dom and sub that allows them to explore sides of themselves they may not get a chance to express in real life.
“Sexual punishment is when you know there is a part of you that is under-expressed, maybe from shame or fear,” says Kenneth Play , international sex educator and and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series . “So, if you feel like you’re being a dirty slut, being punished by your partner allows you to live out that feeling, while also enjoying your 'dirty slut' side.”
IMPORTANT: Before you engage in any BDSM punishments, you and your partner must thoroughly discuss your boundaries and limits beforehand. Despite the connotation of punishing someone, the activity still requires enthusiastic consent from all parties; the punished wants to be punished, and the punisher wants to punish.
This is where you bring someone to the brink of orgasm, only to stop touching them right before orgasm. Oh, the sweet agony.
Put them over your knee and show them what happens to naughty people who break the rules. Just remember to aim for the fleshy parts of the body, such as the butt cheeks and upper thighs.
Or, you could deny them a spanking. “Sometimes a submissive will ‘act out’ to get the punishment that they really enjoy," says Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven , the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shop. "One way to punish them is to NOT give them what they enjoy."
Force your sub to agree to keep their pretty little mouth shut. You can go a step further by not allowing your submissive to speak while in a public place without asking permission first.
This would be cruel outside of a consenting dom/sub dynamic, but hot as hell if both parties are into it. “[This entails] getting your submissive dressed up for an event that they really enjoy, but upon arrival making them sit outside on the ground with their hands in their lap and not allow them to come into the event for a specific amount of time,” Sparks says.
Make your submissive walk on all fours with a collar and a leash like a dog. You can incorporate a dog mask designed for kink, like this one , and even take the act outside for the public humiliation factor.
This is a form of public degradation: You make your submissive wear a shirt that literally says "slut" on it.
“Chain your partner to the bed and leave them there to wait for your return,” Saynt says. “Leave your home and decide how long you want to make them wait for you. Come back to them begging you to set them free.” Oh, the fun that can ensue afterward!
This is when you "make" your partner "take" the pleasure, even if it feels like over-stimulation. “Force your partner to have orgasms until they are completely overwhelmed—then keep going,” Play says.
This is when t
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