Becoming A Submissive

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Becoming A Submissive
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How to Be Submissive in a Relationship: 20 Ways
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/mission#:~:text=Definition%20of%20mission,bombing%20mission%20a%20space%20mission https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4768593/ https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01979/full https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2018/02/scientists-find-a-few-surprises-in-their-study-of-love/

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.

When you hear the word ‘submissive,’ what’s the first thought that comes through your mind?
The word submission can trigger different reactions.
Women may view submission as a form of inequality. Some may also think that it only applies in the bedroom, and others, a form of surrender of their personality.
The reality is, learning how to be submissive in a relationship isn’t that all bad.
If we fully understand the submissive meaning in a relationship, we’ll see that it’s even as positive as love.
First, we need to clear the definition and understand the misconception about submission in a relationship.
What does submission mean in a relationship?
If you just view the word itself, you might view it negatively.
It’s like you are surrendering all of yourself to another person. Some people may even think of submission as slavery to their partner.
Let’s dig deeper. What is submission in a relationship?
First, let’s define the ‘sub’ from the word submission.
Sub is a prefix. It means underneath, below, or under.
Then, the word ‘ mission ‘ means a task that one has to fulfill, a calling, or a purpose.
Being submissive in marriage means you are submitting to your spouse. You are setting yourself under a mission of being a good partner .
The couple both submits themselves in one goal or mission – to have a prosperous, kind, and healthy relationship or marriage.
Even in the religious context, submission to your husband is a good thing. Therefore, being submissive to your partner is not a negative thing but a positive one.
Before we talk about how to be submissive in a relationship, we need to know the most common misconceptions regarding this topic.
Submission to a man in your marriage or relationship does not mean:
These are just some things that we think are a part of submission.
The submission in a relationship that we are talking about is not about inequality but all about being under one mission: mutual respect and growth. 
We are aiming for submission in a healthy relationship. Like any other rules in a relationship, love and submission should be mutual and should both exist.
If you are only in love, but you can’t submit to one another, then it won’t work. Power struggle, ego, and pride , all these things will come after the other.
If you will only submit to your partner, and there’s no love and faith in God, it will also not work the way you want it to.
It may even lead to an abusive and controlling relationship .
Submission and love should be mutual.
The real submission definition in a relationship is when two people in love submit to mutual respect .
Now that we understand the real meaning of submission, we need to know how to be submissive in a relationship.
Let’s look deeper into how to be more submissive in a relationship.
The one thing your partner needs from you is respect.
It doesn’t matter who earns more or who works more. Giving the respect that your partner deserves is a form of fulfilling your mission as a spouse and a way of showing your love.
Another submission meaning in a relationship is when you are open to communication.
The most common problems that couples have roots in lack of communication . You also have to remember that your voice shouldn’t be silenced. Being able to voice your opinion is your right, but do it with tact.
How to be submissive in a relationship is learning how to listen to your spouse without interrupting.
Most often, we get too excited to share or oppose the idea of our partners that we don’t listen at all. You will have your own time to talk, but first, submit and listen. It is also a great way to show respect.
A submissive partner allows themselves to trust wholeheartedly.
It is part of the covenant you have sworn together as a couple. You submit yourself to trust this person, and your partner should also do the same for you.
Trust is a foundation that will also make you feel secure and loved. It can help you grow, not just as a couple but as an individual.
If you have strong faith, your relationship will thrive.
However, there’s a misconception on this one. You should have a strong faith that is inside you, do not rely on anyone, even your partner, for your spiritual strength.
Each one of you should already have a strong faith. Together, it will be greater and will help you through your trials.
Most of us have work, and yes, if you are one independent and strong individual, that’s great.
Your partner sure knows this fact too.
However, a part of submission in a relationship means allowing them to provide. Allow them to prove to you that they can and that they are happy doing it.
It’s vital to allow your partner to be in charge.
This actually makes them feel that you trust their judgment and decisions. Aside from that, you will relieve yourself of some of the responsibilities in your marriage.
Your partner will also appreciate that you are allowing them to take the lead, and they’ll make you proud, that’s for sure.
Understandably, most individuals nowadays are really independent.
They can budget, buy everything the whole family needs, juggle all household chores, take care of their kids, etc.
Amazing, right? However, it’s still essential that sometimes, you should include your partner in these tasks.
For example, before buying a new refrigerator, you should ask your partner. Before you change sofas, do ask your partner what they think about it.
It doesn’t matter if you are a hundred percent sure they’ll agree with you; it makes them feel important when you ask about their opinion.
One of the great examples of submission in marriage is when you are sensitive to your partner’s needs.
Usually, we put our needs and wants first before our spouse or partner. If they also do this, you’re not submitting to the relationship, right?
Putting your partner’s needs and wants may not be that easy at first, but if you’re both on the same level of maturity of love, then they would be doing the same as well.
If you want to know how to be submissive in a relationship, then remember this, do not speak negatively of your spouse – especially through social media and to other people.
Understandably, you would have fights, but that’s normal.
What’s not normal is you would go online and rant. Or you call other people and tell them what you hate about your spouse.
This will never help your relationship . Be discreet. Indeed, you don’t want your partner to talk about you behind your back, right?
You are a team. Ruining your partner’s reputation will ruin yours too.
Sex isn’t just relieving your carnal desires.
It also strengthens your bond . Another way to be submissive in a relationship is to put their pleasure first before yours.
Submitting to a promise of mutual feelings and respect allows you to grow as a couple and as an individual.
This is where you will realize that you have become best friends. You’re each other’s companion , and you’re on the same page of love, goals, and faith.
A submissive wife will ensure that her home has peace.
Even if there are misunderstandings and problems, someone has to make sure that there will be peace in your relationship and home.
What is being submissive in a relationship? Is it that one partner should always be the one to maintain the home all by themselves?
That’s not what we mean. After all, you’re not Cinderella, right?
We are not telling you that you should become a slave in your own home. 
Instead, you should take the responsibility and the joy of keeping your house a home. Your partner will also take part in this.
Even if you have your own money, letting your partner know about your spending is an act of respect.
You wanted to buy a luxury bag and you saved for it. Still, it’s better to let your partner know.
Surely, you would want your partner to do the same with you, right?
Being a submissive wife, you should start bringing peace by staying calm.
For the sake of your love and marriage, learn to be patient and calm. Avoid confrontation when you are both angry – this will lead to a more negative outcome. Control your emotions and see how it works.
Dr. Christian Conte with Kristen Conte discusses anger management for relationships . Watch their video here:
As a submissive partner, let your spouse know that if ever they need anything from you – you’re there.
It will make them feel a lot stronger once they know that they can count on you as a partner in life and decisions.
Another easy way how to be submissive in your relationship is to always be grateful to your partner .
A grateful heart will give you a good life, and that’s true. Focus on this person’s positive traits, efforts, and love.
To submit to your partner means that you need to allow them to have their privacy.
If we want to keep ours, then our spouse has the right to keep theirs too. Not only will this make them feel that you trust and respect them, but they would also appreciate the gesture.
There will be times when you would feel anger, resentment , and even that feeling that you want to give up.
When you feel this way, take time and remember all the positive traits of the person you love. We all make mistakes, and if we focus on those mistakes, our judgment would be clouded.
We all have our own roles when we enter a relationship.
Submitting to your partner doesn’t mean that you are giving up your voice, freedom, and happiness. It also doesn’t mean that you will be under a dominant that will abuse and control your life.
Submission to your partner simply means that you will be under a mission to love, respect, and grow together.
You are submitting yourself to your partner and the relationship.
How to be submissive in a relationship will take different steps. Submitting in form respect, being slow to anger, to appreciation – all of these won’t happen overnight, but we can work on them.
Once we do, we would see how beautiful it is to be in a harmonious relationship.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.

Every Dom/sub dynamic is unique, which is why every submissive learns different lessons and tips that work best for them. So for this special blog post, I’m bringing in 15 of my favorite submissives in the BDSM community to answer the question, What’s one thing you wish you knew before becoming a sub?
Now, all of these submissives are actively living the lifestyle. And in this post they’re sharing some of their best advice and lessons that they’ve learned along the way.
You’ll get a taste of a multitude of different perspectives that have allowed them to become their own version of a good sub. From fake doms to kinky empowerment, you’ll get insight into it all.
I cannot wait for you to read their brilliance and reflections!
“I wish I knew that males like the idea of being a Dom, but few actually want to do the work. Take the sex out and a lot just flounder and don’t know what to do.” – Sully, Beautifully Bound
“It’s not a utopia. Kinksters talk big about important things like consent and negotiation, but there are good and bad people just like there are in any other walk of life. Some people have bad intentions, and sometimes people with good intentions f*ck up. So we have to keep our eyes open and use our judgement, not just blindly trust everyone who labels themselves ‘kinky’.” – Amy, Coffee and Kink
Learn how to spot a fake dom here »
“I wish I knew more about how deep consent goes. And I wish more people got educated about how deep and how far that word goes. As it has allowed me to explore more, be more confident and comfortable with ‘new to me’ kinks in a D/s relationship.” – Slur7777 , on Instagram
“Informed consent. We’ve all heard of consent but informed consent is critical, especially for beginners. As a newbie submissive, one might give consent in the excitement of the moment (e.g. in sub frenzy) and not really know towards what it is that they are consenting. This can be easily avoided by not falling prey to the ridiculous notion that a “good submissive is seen, not heard” and instead ask a LOT of questions.” – Daphne, Master Arcane
Learn the 5 things you need to know about consensual non-consent here »
“It is alright to know what you need from a Dominant. I wish that I had taken the time to figure out what kind of Dominance would feed my submission. Knowing that in advance would have allowed me to better understand what kind of Dominant was a good fit for my submission. Once I have entered a dynamic I want to submit fully and to do that I need to be able to express my needs before the dynamic has begun.” – Claire, Wicked Grounds
“How polyamory is supposed to work, and how deeply painful it can be when it doesn’t. I fell hard for the Dominant who became my Master, and polyamory was required . My personality and that of his primary never meshed, and I don’t think either of us was/is truly poly “at heart.” I don’t think it can work if everyone isn’t wholeheartedly working for the same things. You can be deeply, madly in thrall to someone — but that doesn’t mean he’s worth the sacrifices of polyamory.” – Kate Kinsey, author and educator
“I thought I had to blindly follow the Dom and never show any sign of initiative or personal preference. That resulted in less than optimal sessions because I was afraid it was ‘topping from the bottom.’ Constant requests actually do end up topping from the bottom because the sub in essence is trying to lead the relationship. However, an occasional request when needed is allowed and can be necessary for a better experience for both parties.” – Emily, The BDSM Coaches
Discover 3 topping from the bottom mistakes here »
“I really wish I had known that kink comes in so many shapes and sizes. When I first started exploring, I was under the impression that all kink looked the same, that if you wanted to do X, you had to do Y. I spent a lot of time trying to force myself into molds and boxes because that is ‘what subs do’. Now I know that BDSM is so much more bespoke than I thought, and it’s given me freedom and more fulfilling relationships since I had that realization.” – Evie Lupine, BDSM peer educator
“I think one thing I wish I knew was that it’s all perfectly normal to want to become a sub and have different fetishes than other people. You don’t have to be the same as others that you watch and read about, as everyone has different fetishes and it’s normal.” – Rich, Submissive Blog
See the ultimate guide to being a submissive here »
“I wish I had known just how much work it would be. All the fiction I devoured about the kinky sex and dungeon play never prepared me for being in a D/s relationship. Being a submissive is not about the time spent in bed or tied to a piece of BDSM furniture. Being a submissive is about working in concert with your partner to build a D/s relationship that is future proof. And that is rewarding and challenging work, indeed.” – Luna, Submissive Reflection
“Something I wish I knew before becoming a sub is how nurturing submission can feel. Before going there, I thought submission looked like abuse, but there’s a lot of empowerment and safety that can come from it.” –Anne, Medium
“What I wish I knew before choosing to embrace my submissive side, is that submission begins in the mind, and is not something to be applied from the outside.” – Lola, Kink Lovers
Get a free submissive journal here »
“I wish I’d known being submissive was possible. Recognizing my need for submission was a light bulb moment. A ll the things I thought were “wrong” with me actually had a name and there were others just like me. I wish I’d known in those early days that submission can be whatever works for you and a partner . I t doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else, even other submissives.” –Kayla Lords, Loving BDSM
“Transitioning from a vanilla marriage is tough!! Letting go of old habits and practicing mindfulness 24/7 was the toughest part. Dom Sub Training helped me focus on the importance of showing Sir each and every day how much this life means to me.” – Tina, Dom Sub Training member
Learn how to go from vanilla to BDSM and kink here »
“I wish I knew how powerful being a submissive is. In the beginning I thought subs were weak, broken creatures that needed a Dom to ‘fix’ them. That couldn’t be farther than the truth. Submission allows a person to gain control and stability over their lives. W hile a good Dom can help guide them to become the best version of themselves, submitting is still a choice. Knowing that I chose to be a submissive is extremely empowering.” –Alesandra ( learn more about me here )
**Special thanks to everyone who shared their words of wisdom with me for this article!**
I’d love to read your response to the all-important question: What’s the one thing you wish you’d known before you became a sub? Please share in the comments. And don’t forget to grab your free cheat sheet below!
I wish I would have known how to show my family that I am not manipulated, on the contrary. I had a backlog because my ex sent a very negative letter to my mom, mother in law and sisters where he gave his opinion.
I suffered a lot from trying to make it up- but in the end it was all about following my heart and daring to do that even while being judged. BTW- the answer is- don’t. They won’t believe you anyway.
the second thing I would have loved to know upfront is that there is not right or wrong- we have a relationship that is different from anyone else’s, and that’s ok. I tried to fit in- and even more so, tried to fit my Master in, and it was such hard work- and so unnecessary. Maybe we don’t use the right words, or the right symbols. But it’s ok. This is who WE are. And we thrive. That’s what counts.
I wish I had known that many people outside of your relationship would try to force their idea of what D/s looks like and that ultimately your full satisfaction only comes from within yourself and your relationship with your partner. We all make our own rules.
I grew up and at an early age began reading books on etiquette. I also followed columns like Mrs. Manners nearly religiously. In my mind, there were certain things that ladies simply didn’t do. Coming into this relationship and exploring it with my Master, I had so many preconceived notions about what Slaves did. Add into the mixture my own having to realise that yes, there are certain things ladies CAN do that may not be written down in books, and you end up with me having internal struggles nearly daily.
Fortunately, my Master did a lot of reading (he still does) and he’s helped me realise that in the dynamic, that as you stated, Elenor, we all make our own rules. Each dynamic is that of those in it…no one else’s. There is no trying to fit a square peg in a circular hole. Instead, there is such
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