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Mom's nudity makes teen son uncomfortable
DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I'm 16 and have a 13-year-old brother. Our mom thinks the human body is "nothing to be ashamed of" and walks around the house nude or in bra and panties regularly. It wasn't a big deal when I was younger, but she's 38 and keeps her body in very good shape. I've asked her nicely to stop, saying it makes me uncomfortable.
Also, our bedroom doesn't have a lock and she always walks in without knocking, even when we're naked and getting dressed. She says she isn't interested in our bodies, that she changed our diapers a million times, however, she isn't blind and can't help seeing us. Don't you think her nudity is wrong at our ages? And shouldn't we be entitled to privacy in our room when we're undressing?
Katelyn, 14, Huntington Beach: Yes and yes. My mom hates accidentally walking in on me half-naked -- and I'm a girl! Be firm with her, or bring in support from others. Apparently nice didn't work.
Mariah, 17, Sand Springs, Okla.: Bottom line: if it makes you uncomfortable, she needs to stop.
Brie, 18, Ashland, Ore.: There is no way I would feel comfortable with my father walking around nude. It is definitely not acceptable -- especially since you informed her that it makes you uncomfortable! Since your vague explanation didn't work, either be more precise, or be adamant that her behavior is not OK.
Vanessa, 21, Galt: There is a time called puberty -- when changing, showering, and using the restroom become private. When I was a teenage girl, my father would walk in my room without knocking, too, and I'm pretty sure that could be considered domestic sexual abuse. I bought a lock for my door and explained that unless barging in on me was an act he wished returned, it should no longer happen.
Jack, 18, San Luis Obispo: I would feel completely uncomfortable in your position. I would talk to your dad about it, or give her this column.
Jessie, 17, Ashland, Ore.: This has to stop! Unless you belong to a cult, age 16 is way beyond the point where family nudity is appropriate. You need to bring in an adult who can help. If your father is in the picture, have him talk to her -- or, if possible, go live with him for a while. As for your bedroom, buy your own lock.
Nicole, 19, Arcata: Yes, you should have privacy in your room, but I see nothing wrong with your mother being comfortable in her own home. Also, it is common for young men to sometimes be attracted to their mothers.
DEAR EMBARRASSED: If family nudity involves zero tension and zero agenda, yes, there is nothing wrong with it. However, if the nudity makes you uncomfortable, and that discomfort has been communicated, then it is wrong if a parent doesn't stop or tone it way down. Frankly, I have to wonder about the obliviousness (or warped psychological need) of a parent who doesn't.
Are young men sometimes attracted to their mothers? Sure, but once puberty hits, it's one of the most mortifying feelings a young man can have -- as you well know! Parents need to adjust household routines during puberty so sons don't fixate their emerging sexuality onto their mothers (the same applies for girls and fathers). Since your mother, for whatever reason, isn't making those adjustments, you must.
Your instincts are flawless. Yes, you deserve privacy; yes, her nudity is inappropriate. I support all the methods of change suggested by the panel. Make them happen. Start with absolute refusal to speak or look at her unless she is fully dressed.
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