Be Happy Mom

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ByJenn February 2, 2020June 18, 2021
Look around and you find hundreds of ways to be a BETTER mom: tips and tactics to be the best mom you can be!
And, I’m not against that. It think it’s important to grow.
Yet, if we only focus on better, we’re missing a crucial component.
What about how to be a happy mom? What happened to enjoying motherhood?
As a mom of three, I’ve had moments I wished I was a happier mom. Being a mother was what I dreamed of. And yet, I didn’t realize it would also be so HARD.
When my firstborn was six months old, I cried in the shower, wondering why my mom never mentioned how ridiculously difficult it is to raise a human being. (I think she knew it was pointless to tell me.)
But what if something happened to me and the legacy I leave is a stressed-out mom, constantly teetering on my mental hinges?
Plus, us moms are the hardest working people I know. And, sometimes, the lives we live come with ridiculous expectations. (Hello, thousand item to-do lists)
So, let’s take a moment to address mom’s happiness today.
This post focuses on three key ways for how to be a happy mom.
Do you wake up to your child staring you in the face? Or bouncing off the walls? How do you feel when that happens? It’s awful, right?!
What if you woke 15 minutes earlier? You got up, poured yourself a cup of coffee, and read from a book. How DIFFERENT does that feel?
Whether it’s five minutes or two hours, it’s essential to rise before your kids. Take a few minutes to relax, re-set for the day, and work on your own goals. Once the kids rise, give them your full attention. But be sure that you’ve already had a moment to yourself.
To know how to be a happy mom, explore how to be a grateful one.
Gratitude improves relationships, stress levels, resilience, immunity and more. Most crucial for this post, gratitude increases the capacity for joy (source).
So, choose three things in your morning to be grateful for. Perhaps you had a delicious cup of coffee, your son made his bed, or you got in some exercise. Be specific, and change it up daily.
*Bonus: If you’re struggling to enjoy motherhood lately, make those three gratitudes center around your children. What are you grateful for about them specifically?
Weekday mornings were terrible at our house last year. Going from one elementary school dweller to two was an adjustment. Especially since my kindergartener is NOT a morning person.
What if I could engineer our day to start with more positivity?
Enter: the morning hug. It’s the first thing we do together, and it’s science. A hug that lasts six seconds improves your mood and immune system while combating stress and fatigue. And gosh, my family NEEDS that in the morning.
Now, it feels good to give them all big hugs, and we’re starting our school rush in an entirely different fashion.
How can you start the morning in a positive way? Play for five minutes. Send a lunch note. Have a dance party. Tell them you love them.
Little actions build to big feelings. So, start today!
In addition, prepare as much of your morning as possible ahead of time!
Prep breakfasts and lunches, check folders and do homework the night before. This eases a lot of the burden that used to kill our joy in the mornings.
*Getting the kids on a routine is also incredibly helpful: See HERE for a free daily schedule template for kids!
After setting up your fabulous morning, get in on the self-care action!
When I asked fellow moms what relieves mom burnout, this was the most common response. Lean on your friends, vent, and lift each other up when you need it. Get out of the house and spend time with people you care about on a regular basis.
Self-care is not optional. And mothers are awful at it. I’m looking at YOU, mama. Choose one from this list and do it today. Then, make it a part of your daily routine.
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If you’re stressed out as a mom, chances are you’re not asking for enough help. So, make a quick list of all of the things you could use help with and who you can ask. Here are a few ideas:
Now, match up who can help with what. Perhaps you can take the baby to a mom’s day out, your kids can help more with cleaning, and your husband can do some laundry. Share those responsibilities, and pay for something if you need to!
Ever notice that dads get to be the fun parent? Let’s follow their lead.
Start a tickle fight, tell jokes, or chase your kids up the stairs. Drop your burdens for a bit and just BE fun. It will make you happier in the process.
Finally, motherhood is sometimes tough, and we need strategies to help manage ourselves (and our families) in a way that encourages joy.
Once, at the grocery store, my daughter tried to ride the cart and knocked it over on herself (with a full coffee in it). Not only did she get a black eye, but also the attention of the ENTIRE store. I was not exactly a happy mom.
But there will be moments like this. The quicker we can bounce back, the easier it is to enjoy parenthood. Try one of the following calm down strategies to build resiliency.
Deep breathing is extremely effective at hitting that re-set button in times of stress. Try one of these today:
Sometimes we need a visual cue to reset. If you know that the time before dinner is the witching hour, set a phone alarm that says “breathe” or “be grateful.”
Give yourself a cue to re-group at your worst times of the day.
Some nights, I feel mentally exhausted and snap at my children more than I’d like. So, we have fun kid boxes that they only get to play with at special times.
If it’s a long night or mom’s tired, pull them out. Not only is it an independent play for the child, but it gives parents some time to re-set and re-group.
How do you best re-set? Share in the comments below!
At one point, my kids became addicted to technology. They asked people to leave so they could play on the iPad. And it was a constant fight. It wore on us. So, we removed the problem.
We started doing screen time on weekends only.
The result? We eliminated dozens of weekly fights with ONE decision. (And gained hours of quality family time).
Whether it’s shoes that can never be found or screen time that’s out of hand, it pays to do a little thinking. Remove the friction where possible to make your daily lives smoother.
We get 86,400 seconds in a day. When they’re gone, they’re gone forever.
And yet many of those seconds are wasted on social media or doing things that don’t serve us. So, create boundaries.
Determine what parts of the days are for what tasks. If you want more devoted time with your kids, block that off. Likewise, if you need more self-care or work time to feel balanced, then time block those in as well.
I mean, who loves it when their three-year-old has a meltdown? Or your body is so overstimulated you want to cry? Some moments aren’t made to be happy. And that’s ok.
You are a GOOD MOM. Even if you have bad moments.
*And if you’re having a specific issue, let me know in the comments and I’ll help brainstorm solutions. 😊
How to be a happy mom and a good mom are the same, and we should treat them as such.
Finally, our time on this earth isn’t guaranteed. Make it happy. Give your kids memories of the joyful mom that wanted to be around them. Then, watch your relationships grow to new heights.
“There is no role in life that is more essential than that of motherhood.”
What strategies help you be a happy mom?
I’m a Kansas City mom of three. This site is about helping women THRIVE. Here we take care of you for a change – both as a mom, and as a beautiful growing person. So, stay a while to learn and enjoy this crazy journey of life. See more about me HERE.
Healthy Happy Impactful is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to www.amazon.com.

ByKelly Holmes, author and Certified Parent Educator
Inside: Want a game-changer for how to be a happy mom? Here’s a toolbox of quick happiness boosts backed by science, plus a cheat sheet you can get and hang on your fridge.
The whole house shook under an epic tantrum while I vacuumed the house one Sunday night. But it wasn’t from my toddler. Not my one-year-old either.
I’m not even sure what set me off. It could have been that while I was vacuuming the living room rug, the kids were pulling all the toys back out of their bins – the toys I’d just put away – and spreading them all over the living room. It could have been that I glanced back to see where my infant was, only to find her chewing on the power cord. It could have been my chocolate intake that day was dangerously low.
“I’m so sick of having junk everywhere!”
“This toy belongs in the playroom only. It’s not safe for your little sister. If I see it in the living room one more time, it’s going in the trash!”
Especially because I wrote a book about how to find happiness in the chaos of parenting. So I should know better, right?
Bonus: Get a free cheat sheet of 7 quick fixes to help you be a happier mom.
If your goal is to be a happy mother 100 percent of the time, your goal is unrealistic. Nobody is happy 100 percent of the time.
Even after you try the happiness hacks in this post, you need to understand that there will come a time when you slip up. You’ll be running late when you realize someone moved your car keys and they’re nowhere to be found. Or maybe you’ll snap at your kids. Or you might throw a full-on temper tantrum while vacuuming.
No matter how many healthy habits and systems you put in place, you will encounter small frustrations and annoyances every day. But you don’t want to go on a rampage just because you stepped on a LEGO your kid forgot to pick up. Letting the little stuff go feels exponentially better than knowing you could blow a gasket any moment.
Not to mention that when you lose it, the collective mood of your whole family suffers. Research shows the bad mood of one person can bring down the mood of everyone else in the family.
Before we get to the list of positive steps you can take toward your quest of how to be a happy mom, we need to get on the same page with two important issues:
Don’t bottle it up, but don’t vent it either. Um…so what can you do?
Above all, remember that even the happiest moms have unhappy moments. When you’re feeling a little off or even if you’re teetering on the brink of losing your temper, try these science-backed tricks to get back on track. I even made a handy printable, which you can get below to hang on your fridge and help you remember how to be a happier mom.
Some days you might need one of these quick solutions, and other days you might need a handful to find your happy again.
On the day I lost it while vacuuming? The magic formula for me was number 1, number 2, and number 7. Not only did I resist the urge to throw my kids’ toys in the trash, but afterward we laughed if off and invented a new supervillain: The Terrible Tantruming Vacuumer. The kids thought it was fun to poke fun at Mom by pretending to tantrum while vacuuming, but I got the last laugh – sitting on the couch while they giggled and vacuumed.
Use a word or two to describe how you’re feeling, starting with “I’m feeling…” For example: “I’m feeling frustrated,” or “I’m feeling annoyed.”
Here’s why this works: When you’re stressed, your brain – or more specifically, the amygdala of your brain – becomes hyper-vigilant. Your brain interprets even the smallest of everyday annoyances as a threat against your survival. That’s the amygdala (uh-mig-duh-luh) at work. But labeling your emotions in just a few words tells the amygdala to settle down.
One important caveat: The phrasing “I’m feeling angry” is important compared to just “I’m angry.” The extra word “feeling” helps you separate the emotion you’re experiencing from your sense of self. It’s a lot easier to overcome anger when you label it as something you’re feeling instead of something you are. You are not the hot-headed Anger dude from the movie Inside Out. You’re just feeling angry feelings.
To catch your body from unleashing a full-fledged fight-or-flight response, do this:
As you exhale, you may notice that you feel calmer. This is because this breathing technique† stops your body’s stress response and lowers your heart rate.

† This site is reader-supported. When you buy through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission.
Let’s say you discovered your kid took money from your wallet and lied to you about it. Reframe the situation by saying, “It’s not about me. She must be having a bad day.”
To be clear, the point of this trick is not to excuse inappropriate behavior from your kid. The goal is to keep your temper in check so you can deal with the situation in a productive way.
Because when you react like a sleep-deprived drill sergeant, you risk introducing fear and stress into the situation. When fear and stress are involved, your child’s brain is flat-out incapable of learning anything from the situation. And my guess is that you’d rather your kid learn an important lesson than cower in fear.
Remember this from number 1? When you experience a negative emotion, the amygdala of your brain comes to life like an over-reactive car alarm. Then your brain shuts down to logic and interprets every little thing as a threat.
To find happiness as a parent, you need your amygdala to chill out. One reliable way to do that is to hug a loved one. Because when you hug the right way, you get the happy chemicals oxytocin and serotonin flowing. Those are the chemicals that boost your mood and promote bonding. In particular, oxytocin reduces the reactivity of the amygdala.
But here’s the important part: You need to hold a hug for at least six seconds in order to get this benefit.
You’ve probably already heard that exercise boosts your endorphins, which is a chemical that helps you fight stress. Exercise also prompts your body to release a special protein called BDNF, which stands for Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor. This protein is like a reset switch for your brain, so you typically feel at ease and happier after exercising. And after an angry outburst, physical activity helps flush the adrenaline from your system.
You’re a busy parent, so I’m not suggesting you go for an hour-long run every time your mood dips. But I have found one way to increase my daily physical activity that’s actually fun for me and my kids.
Research shows that music cuts your stress, for example by reducing levels of the stress hormone cortisol. What’s more, babies and toddlers get a big dose of happy when moving their bodies to a rhythmic beat. Next time you and/or your kids feel a case of the crankies coming on, fire up your favorite playlist and dance away the bad mojo.
If you’re not getting enough sleep, you’re missing out on a big win when it comes to how to be a happy mom.
Unless you happen to be part of the tiny, tiny percent of people who can thrive on less than seven hours of sleep a night, research has shown time and time again that lack of sleep will stand in the way of your daily happiness.
If you aren’t already napping as a way to catch up on sleep, you should be. But, but, but…, I can hear you thinking.
I’m too busy. I can’t fall asleep during the day. I have a day job. Whatever your excuse, forget about it for now. Just try a nap. If it doesn’t work out for you after you give it an honest chance, then so be it.
The optimal length of time for a nap depends on what effect you’re going for:
Science shows that in happy relationships, you need a ratio of five positive interactions to every one negative interaction. If you’re feeling like your quest to be a happy mom is in danger, make sure to get five positive interactions on the books as fast as possible.
What counts as a positive interaction? This could be as simple as giving your child or your partner a hug, saying “I love you,” or telling a joke. Print my go-to list of 30 simple ways to hit the magic 5:1 ratio with your child.
When you’re in the thick of a mom funk, it’s hard for your brain to settle on the right steps to take in order to get back to being a happy mom. Use this cheat sheet to help you in those tough moments.
Here’s a sneak peek of your printable cheat sheet:
After my family welcomed our third little one into the mix, we became a family of five with a second-grader, a toddler, and a newborn. Even though I could have used more sleep and way more coffee, we were happy. Then my husband’s paternity leave ended, and I was at home with the kids all day. As time wore on, my patience became razor thin. And one day, I just broke.
The shame burns my cheeks just thinking of that day, even now. But thanks to that experience, I realized I had to make a change. I threw myself into researching how to find happiness in the chaos of parenting. Something beyond “make time for you” and “exercise more.” Because when you’re overwhelmed and at your breaking point, you don’t need the “experts” telling you more stuff to do on top of everything else.
That’s how I discovered the secrets: 10 secrets every parent should know about being happy. After hearing from hundreds of parents in the same boat as me, I knew I needed to share what I discovered. And so I wrote a book: Happy You, Happy Family.
Click here to get a free excerpt and start your journey towards finding more happiness as a parent.
Because the truth is that happiness won’t come from a big promotion at work, or from winning the lottery, or from your kids all learning to put their toys away when they’re done playing. Because eventually, you just get used to all that stuff.
True, lasting happiness comes from a conscious effort by you to put the right habits in place.
What’s your best trick for how to be a happy mom? Share in a comment below!
I'm a mom of four, a Certified Parent Educator, and the author of Happy You, Happy Family. I believe if you want a loving parent-child relationship that will last into the teenage years and beyond, the time for nurturing that kind of relationship is now. The good news? All you need is 10 minutes a day. Start here »
Note: All information on this site is for educational purposes only. Happy You, Happy Family does not provide medical advice. If you suspect medical problems or need professional advice, please consult a physician.
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Thanks for this post! I really loved the cheat sheet because sometimes you need the reminder right away, when you are in the middle of the tough situation.
My trick to be a happy mom is exercise, I like to swim and run and my husband and I make sure we both get time for exercising.
I really like your posts and your ideas, thank you!! :)
Erika mom of two (7 and 3 years old)
finding your blog site saved my life. As I have anxiety and a short temper. Thanks to your p
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Be-happy!!
Be Happy Mom