Bdsm Well
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Bdsm Well
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Let’s Take a BDSM Test to See How Kinky We Are, K?
Rachel Varina
Rachel Varina is a full-time freelance writer covering everything from the best vibrators (the Lelo Sona ) to the best TV shows (The Vampire Diaries).
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Pro tip: You'll want to have your vibrator handy.
If you’re looking to make movie night a little bit kinkier, there are plenty of options out there that’ll have you gasping right along with the characters on screen. And thanks to the wildly popular Fifty Shades trilogy, more and more cinephiles want flicks to scratch that BDSM itch.
The good news is that while the BDSM umbrella spans v far and wide, there are probably more movies that dive into the world of bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism that you might think.
Whether you’re looking to watch with a partner or grab your favorite sex toy for an erotic night in, picking a movie that explores your BDSM fantasy is the best way to get in the mood. From love triangles to emotional affairs with plenty of chains and whips mixed in, here are 15 of the best BDSM movies you can stream right now:
Chances are you’ve already seen Ana and Christian’s love story play out on-screen, and while it might not be the most realistic depiction of a BDSM relationship, it sparked mainstream viewers’ curiosity about the lifestyle. From shower sex to bondage to the use of Ben Wa balls, the scenes will forever live rent free in my mind. No matter how many times you’ve indulged, the soundtrack still slaps, and the leads’ chemistry still sizzles.
As one of Luis Buñuel’s most influential works, you’ll not only feel very aroused while watching Belle de Jour , but you’ll feel cultured as well. The eternally sexy Catherine Deneuve plays Séverine Serizy, a woman in a conventional marriage who craves sexual exploration. So what does she do? She gets in contact with the madam of a high-class brothel and begins living a double life as a sex worker. While her hubs is away, Séverine explores the world of bondage and domination with people who definitely aren’t her S.O.
Say hello to one of the most iconic movies about sexual obsession ever made. The '80s film starring Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger follows a Wall Street trader and an art gallerist who have an instant connection that quickly turns very emotional and sexual. The flick touches upon everything from power and control, to food play, to public masturbation, to learning how to define your personal boundaries. And if that doesn’t get you going, the retro style will definitely do the job.
Before Christian Grey and his red room of pain, there was actually another Mr. Grey whose BDSM desires were even more defined. The 2002 film starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader was one of the first mainstream movies to introduce everyday viewers to the lifestyle. What sets The Secretary apart — aside from the legendary cast — is it’s impressive blend of humor with hotness. While many of the other movies on this list are a little more serious, this steamy classic showcases sadomasochistic activities in ways that’ll have you giggling between your orgasms.
If you’re looking for a salacious film that just begs to be discussed, Venus In Fur by Roman Polanski will leave you feeling some type of way. The 2013 erotic French drama is based on the Tony Award winning play by the same name, and is abou t a writer/director named Thomas who’s casting the lead role for his upcoming play about sexual domination and submission. When an actress named Vanda Jordan arrives on the scene just as Thomas is closing up shop, she does everything she can to convince him she’s the right person for the role. The two engage in different scenes from the play, acting out various sexual situations while arguing about BDSM. It’s somehow funny, empowering, and sexy, in case you weren’t yet convinced.
It wouldn’t be a BDSM movie list without including the 2005 biographical drama about the, well, notorious pin-up model, Bettie Page. As the model who brought BDSM into the public light with her famed photos (she’d pose as both a dominatrix dishing out punishment and a submissive receiving it), her real life is fascinating, provocative, and oh-so mysterious. Be prepared: There’s a 100 percent chance you’ll have a crush on Gretchen Mol after watching her tease the masses.
Visually stunning and sexually alluring, The Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant will take you on a mesmerizing adventure following a lesbian love triangle. Three women — one of whom is an infamous fashion designer — embark on an emotional tryst that takes place completely in von Kant’s artsy apartment. The all-female cast showcases sadistic and submissive expression all while exploring the complexities of human sexuality. And the fact that the sexual tension throughout is literally palpable, makes it all that more fun to watch.
Spanking? An unlikely relationship? Keira Knightley in 19th century gowns? Check, check, check. Set around World War I, Knightly stars as a student of Dr. Carl Jung (Michael Fassbender) who associates pain with pleasure. After getting a nod of approval from his pal Sigmund Freud (Viggo Mortensen), Jung embarks on an affair with his student to learn more about human sexuality from a very, ahem, hands-on perspective. If you’re looking for some solid spanking, it doesn’t get much better than this, TBH.
Warning: This isn’t a casual, happy-go-lucky watch—and if you’re not down to stomach some violence, you might want to skip this one. Basically, a 40-year-old piano teacher named Erika Kohut (Isabelle Huppert) lives with her controlling mother and has no outlet for her sexual fantasies, which includes voyeurism and masochism. After meeting a younger man named Walter (Benoît Magimel) at a piano recital, the two embark on an affair to satisfy Erika’s fantasies. While the film gets very uncomfortable to watch, it shines a harrowing light on sexual repression unlike anything you’ve ever seen.
Odds are you’ve heard about the racy, 1992 film that shocked viewers with its famous “open leg scene,” but it’s not just Sharon Stone’s vag shot that makes Basic Instinct so seductive. Stone’s character, a bisexual author accused of murdering her boyfriend, seduces the lead detective in the murder case, Nick (Michael Douglas), and the two embark on a sexually charged affair that’s full of mind games and bondage. If you love thrillers and hot people going at it on screen, Basic Instinct is about to become your new favorite film.
Yup, another French film is making the list because it’s clear the country knows how to make some seriously erotic movies. In this 1975 drama, a woman (Corinne Clery) who goes solely by “O” is taken by her boyf to a château in the French countryside. But this is no couple’s retreat… It’s a society that specializes and indulges in all types of sexual fetishes and acts. It’s there that O is trained to be a submissive and learns the ins and outs of bondage and sadomasochism.
Up close and personal, Lars von Trier‘s two-part film follows a self-proclaimed sex-addict as she recounts her sexual explorations and experiences throughout her life. The star-studded films include celebs like Charlotte Gainsbourg, Shia LaBeouf, Christian Slater, Uma Thurman, and Willem Dafoe (just to name a few), and offer a raw (and very explicit) look at someone immersed in BDSM. Both volumes are on Amazon and make for one very sultry double feature.
It honestly doesn’t get much more BDSM than The Duke of Burgundy . The 2014 film centers around Cynthia and Evelyn, a dom/sub couple, and showcases their scenes and struggles as they try to find ways to quench each others’ thirsts. Evelyn — who cleans the house and acts like a maid — wants more punishment, while Cynthia kinda wants to chill out a little bit. The erotic film showcases a female dom (which isn’t as common) and will absolutely make you want to buy a new pair of knee-high boots ASAP.
The sheer fact that Antonio Banderas stars in Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down! is reason enough to watch, but after seeing him tie up the woman he thinks is his true love, you’ll totally feel the heat. The problem is, his true love is a porn star named Marina (Victoria Abril) who doesn’t feel the same way. The film explores all kinds of themes like bondage, control, and dominance, but somehow works to create one humorous and wonderfully raunchy movie.
We love a good period piece. Add in some classic early 2000s Kate Winslet and you have yourself a must-watch. While you might not necessarily think the fictional retelling of sexual deviant Marquis de Sade’s life would make for a seriously erotic watch, it totally does. Taking place in an asylum, the film covers a wide variety of themes including pornography, mental illness, religious, and censorship. What’s more, the cast list alone is orgasm-inducing. In addition to Winslet, Joaquin Phoenix, Michael Caine, and Geoffrey Rush come together to create the scary, sexy, and spell-binding film you didn’t know your fantasies were missing.
by Aryelle Siclait and Korin Miller Published: Feb 24, 2021
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Aryelle Siclait is the editor at Women's Health where she writes and edits articles about relationships, sexual health, pop culture, and fashion for verticals across WomensHealthMag.com and the print magazine. She's a Boston College graduate and lives in New York.
Korin Miller is a freelance writer specializing in general wellness, sexual health and relationships, and lifestyle trends, with work appearing in Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Self, Glamour, and more. She has a master’s degree from American University, lives by the beach, and hopes to own a teacup pig and taco truck one day.
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Who, btw, says it's the safest kind of sex you can have.
Few things in life are as misunderstood as BDSM. The sex practice is often accused of being physically or mentally harmful, something that only survivors of abuse embrace, or abnormally kinky. But it's important for beginners to understand that it’s actually none of those things.
At its most basic, BDSM is an umbrella term for three categories: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism (more details on those in a minute). They might each sound scary in their own right, but because they rely on a judgement-free zone where communication about your desires and boundaries come first, BDSM can actually be the safest (and most fun) kind of sex you can have, says Holly Richmond, PhD , a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist.
“So much of our life is controlled, so for a lot of people, it's nice to be let off the hook," Richmond explains. Think about it: Your work schedule, rent payments, and (ugh) taxes are all set by external forces. BDSM offers a world of freedom to play, experiment, and allow someone else to take the reins—at your consent. Or on the flip side, if you're the one who likes to do the controlling, you get to call the shots for once.
“I like to call it ‘power play’ because, to me, that is at the heart of BDSM,” says sex expert Ian Kerner , PhD, author of She Comes First . “You’re able to use your imagination, create a scene, role play, and tap into themes that are interesting like submission and domination.”
If you’re a BDSM beginner, it can be tough to imagine BDSM as anything but a Red Room (thanks, Fifty Shades ) with chains and whips to excite you (à la Rihanna ). And though the practice typically does involve props, they don't make an appearance right off the bat. Instead, as a beginner, you'll want to take things slowly until you figure out what BDSM looks like for you and your partner(s), since someone else's methods won't necessarily get you going.
Also, keep in mind BDSM can take a little prep work, says Jess O’Reilly, PhD, host of the @SexWithDrJess Podcast . “Because BDSM can include activities that are new, intimidating, and risky, you need to proceed with care and caution,” she says. “Don’t assume that you can dive in head-first and re-enact a scene from a film or erotic novel without preparation, education, or experience.”
Below is everything you need to know if you’re thinking about trying your hand at BDSM so that the sexual encounter will leave you pleasured and empowered. As it should.
Besides oftentimes being inaccurate, the portrayals of BDSM you've seen in film (or porn) are probably not going to work for you (they tend to be a tad...extreme). Richmond recommends reading up on BDSM, taking a class to learn about moves and scenarios you can play out with your partner, and bringing in a sex therapist if need be, so that you can figure out what your version of the practice looks like.
But to get a better grasp on what each of three categories mean, here's a quick primer, from Richmond:
P.S. Your experience doesn't have to involve all three categories, or even both roles within a category. You might discover, for example, that you're naturally dominant or submissive, or someone who can switch back and forth between both. Or you might even realize that while you like being tied down (bondage), you don't particularly enjoy going under the whip (discipline).
Kerner says he sees a lot of couples make the same mistake: They go to a sex shop, grab a few toys, and then come back and tell him that BDSM just isn’t for them. “Instead, it’s better to start with figuring out what’s hot and sexy for you,” he says. “Don’t be afraid to start with your own imagination and what turns you on.” Not sure what does it for you? He recommends reading some BDSM stories that have power themes or watching ethical porn that has BDSM to see what you might be into.
Sit down with your partner and have an honest conversation about your desires, what turns you on, and what your boundaries are. Richmond stresses that this convo, which is incredibly important before trying any type of BDSM (or any sex act, really) must be done face-to-face, since "eye contact is how we communicate empathy."
Because BDSM typically involves surrendering control, trust and communication is everything. It's extremely important that you're as specific as possible with your partner about what you want and don't want, as they should be with you. For example, let them know if the idea of being blindfolded excites you but having your hands cuffed makes you anxious. Similarly, hear them out if they tell you they never want to be in a submissive role.
From there, the two of you will be able to better negotiate consent and identify your limits to make sure that you're both comfortable throughout the process.
4. Consider making it a group affair.
If you realize that you're willing and wanting to go further than your partner, you might even discuss bringing an additional person into the mix. A third party whose boundaries better match up with yours can ensure that you all have fulfilling experiences—as long as, of course, your partner is on board.
If they're not, try to talk to your partner about what they might be comfortable with trying at least once with you, to see how they truly feel about it. If they absolutely can't get behind experimenting with some of your fantasies, Richmond notes that it's common for couples to agree that "when there's one partner who wants to do more, they will go to sex party or a dungeon." Again, not as scary as it sounds!
Remember how Christian Grey and Anastasia had a written contract? It actually wasn't a horrible idea. Since BDSM is all about communication, communication, and communication, it might be helpful to write down what you and your partner discuss in a contract of sorts—even if you're dating or married.
This way you'll have something to refer to when you need a refresher on your partner's boundaries, says Richmond. As you get more comfortable with BDSM and want to take it further, you can come back to your contract, renegotiate, and make amendments. P.S. This can be kind of fun—not weird or transactional—because it ups the excitement for what's to come (emphasis on come ).
Part of a BDSM game plan is picking a spot to do the deed, says Richmond. That might be a hotel on your next vacation (where it might be easier to
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