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This Kind of Sex Can Create an Altered Mental State





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S ex, one of the more pleasurable forms of exercise , can do some wonderful things for your health, from strengthening your muscles to improving immunity. An erotic romp might also have the power to elevate your consciousness, suggests a small new study .
The research, published in the journal Psychology of Consciousness: Theory, Research, and Practice , looked at BDSM , a consensual practice of bondage/discipline, dominance/submission and sadism/masochism. BDSM experiences can involve handcuffs or other ways to restrict movement, it may involve the administration of pain with things like clothespins, spanking or verbal aggression—and sometimes, though not always, it also involves intercourse.
According to the researchers, people in the BDSM community often talk about being transported into a state of flow: “the idea that the rest of the world drops away and someone is completely focused on what they’re doing,” says study author Brad Sagarin, professor in the department of psychology at Northern Illinois University. The flow state is familiar to pro athletes, prolific novelists, musicians—anyone who loses themselves in an activity they’re extremely good at.
Cracking a whip and scoring a touchdown might not seem like comparable skills, but they both require intense focus to make sure it’s being done effectively and safely, Sagarin says. It’s that fierce concentration that invokes this mental state, researchers suspected. To find out, Sagarin and his colleagues recruited seven couples who practice BDSM from across the sexuality spectrum. Two couples were in a long-term relationship, two were in polyamorous arrangements, two pairs were friends, and one pair met the day of the study.
The researchers randomly assigned a person in each pair to the “top” role—the person who gives orders—or the “bottom” role, the one who follows them. Each engaged in BDSM for as long as they wanted—most encounters lasted about an hour—while the researchers watched and marked down what sorts of activities were happening. Before and after each session, researchers measured the participants’ cortisol levels and testosterone while also taking stock of their mood, level of stress, their sense of closeness and whether or not they were experiencing mental flow.
After the encounter, people reported lower stress, better mood and scored a high level of flow on a scale that measures flow state. “This may be an effective thing for people who otherwise have a hard time getting out of their intellectual head,” Sagarin says. “BDSM, because of the intense sensations and potentially because of the restriction of movement, may have the ability to put someone in the here and now in a way that they may find more difficult to achieve through other means.”
To those familiar with the no-judgment, stay-in-the-present-moment concept of mindfulness, that may sound familiar. Other research is looking at how mindfulness may change the way people in the BDSM community experience pain by “really tuning into it, fully feeling the sensations and translating it into pleasure,” says Lori Brotto, a psychologist and professor in the department of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of British Columbia (who was not involved in the new research). Just as mindfulness has been shown to help people feel less physical pain , it may work similarly in the BDSM community as well as for women who have clinical genital pain, which is a primary research focus for Brotto.
Scientists are studying mindfulness as a tool to improve everything from eating habits to children’s behavior and academic performance , and a few researchers, like Brotto, suspect that level of tuning in and focusing can improve the kind of sex that doesn’t involve pain, too. One Brotto study earlier this summer in the Journal of Sex Research found that when women with low desire did an eight-session mindfulness course designed to help them tune into their body, they reported significant improvements in sexual desire, sexual function and stress around sex. “Mindfulness helps people become just more generally aware of their body and their body sensation,” says Brotto. That awareness, plus the proven stress-relieving effects of mindfulness, conspire to make sex better.
More research is needed to determine whether regular old sex can tip you into a flow state, says Sagarin. But focus and practice may be able to get you there. “I think that BDSM is one path to altered states of consciousness, but there are many other paths,” he says. “If someone were engaging in sex in a way that they were working hard on their performance and diligently trying to cut out the rest of the world, it’s certainly possible that they could get into a state of flow.”
Write to Mandy Oaklander at mandy.oaklander@time.com .

9 Things Everyone Gets Wrong About BDSM
Christian Grey should not be your only source for this.
1. Myth: BDSM is a freaky fringe thing most people aren’t into.
3. Myth: You can spot a BDSM fan from a distance.
4. Myth: If you’re into BDSM, your past must be one big emotional dumpster fire.
5. Myth: BDSM is emotionally damaging.
6. Myth: The dominant person is always in charge.
7. Myth: You need a Christian Grey-esque Red Room to participate in BDSM.
8. Myth: If your partner is into BDSM, that’s the only kind of sex you can have.
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Zahra Barnes joined SELF in November 2015, working on the Culture and Health teams before eventually becoming Executive Editor. She has spent her career as a reporter and editor covering people's lives with a focus on wellness.
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Hello and welcome to almost 2017, a time when millions of people have pledged their hearts (and vaginas ) to a fictional character named Christian Grey who likes to engage in BDSM. Although the 50 Shades of Grey fervor is alive and well, especially as the second movie’s premiere approaches , tons of myths about BDSM persist.
“‘BDSM’ is a catch-all term involving three different groupings,” Michael Aaron , Ph.D., a sex therapist in New York City and author of Modern Sexuality , tells SELF. First up, BD, aka bondage and discipline. Bondage and discipline include activities like tying people up and restraining them, along with setting rules and meting out punishments, Aaron explains. Then there’s DS, or dominance and submission. “Dominance and submission are more about power dynamics,” Aaron explains. Basically, one person will give the other power over them, whether it’s physical, emotional, or both. Bringing up the rear, SM is a nod to sadism, or liking to inflict pain , and masochism, liking to receive it. It’s often shortened to “sadomasochism” to make things easier.
Got it? Good. Now, a deep dive into 9 things everyone gets wrong about BDSM.
“There’s a lot of misunderstanding about how common this is,” Aaron says. “A lot of people may think just a small minority has these desires.” But sex experts see an interest in BDSM all the time, and a 2014 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine also suggests it isn’t unusual. Over 65 percent of women polled fantasized about being dominated, 47 percent fantasized about dominating someone else, and 52 percent fantasized about being tied up.
“It’s 100 percent natural and normal [to fantasize about BDSM], but some people come and see me with shame,” certified sex coach Stephanie Hunter Jones , Ph.D., tells SELF. There’s no need for that. “It’s a healthy fantasy to have and one that should be explored,” Jones says.
Sex isn’t a necessary part of the action. “BDSM doesn’t have to be sexual in nature—some people like it for the power only,” Jones says. It’s possible to play around with BDSM without involving sex, but for some people, incorporating it into sex ratchets things way up.
All sorts of people like BDSM, including those who seem straitlaced. For them, it can actually be especially appealing because it offers a chance to exercise different parts of their personalities. “Some of the most conservative-seeming individuals are into BDSM,” Jones says.
“One of the biggest misconceptions is that people do BDSM because of some sort of trauma in their background,” Aaron says. People who engage in BDSM aren’t automatically disturbed—a 2013 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine actually found that BDSM proponents were as mentally sound, if not more so, than people who weren’t into it. “We conclude that BDSM may be thought of as a recreational leisure, rather than the expression of psychopathological processes,” the study authors wrote.
When done properly, BDSM can be the exact opposite. “I often use BDSM as a healing tool for my ‘vanilla’ couples,” or couples that don’t typically engage in kink, Jones says. She finds it especially helpful for people who struggle with control and power dynamics.
To help couples dig themselves out of that hole, Jones will assign sexual exercises for them to complete at home. Whoever feels like they have less power in the relationship gets the power during the role play. “This has saved relationships ,” Jones says, by helping people explore what it feels like to assume and relinquish control first in the bedroom, then in other parts of the relationship.
When it comes to dominance and submission, there are plenty of terms people may use to describe themselves and their partners . Top/bottom, dom (or domme, for women)/sub, and master (or mistress)/slave are a few popular ones. These identities are fluid; some people are “switches,” so they alternate between being submissive and dominant depending on the situation, Jones explains.
Contrary to popular opinion, the dominant person doesn’t really run the show. “In a healthy scene [period of BDSM sexual play], the submissive person is always the one in control because they have the safeword,” Jones says. A safeword is an agreed upon term either person can say if they need to put on the brakes. Because a submissive is under someone else’s control, they’re more likely to need or want to use it. “Whenever the safeword is given, the scene stops—no questions asked,” Jones says.
Christian should have saved his money. Sure, you can buy BDSM supplies, like furry blindfolds, handcuffs, whips, paddles, floggers, and rope. But there’s a lot you can do with just your own body, Jones explains: “You can use fingers to tickle, you can use hands to spank.” You can also use things around the house , like scarves, neckties, and stockings for tying each other up, wooden spoons for spanking, and so on. Plus, since your mind is the ultimate playground, you may not need any other toys at all.
When you're new to BDSM but your partner isn't, you might feel like you need to just dive in. But you don't have to rush—people who are into BDSM can also like non-kinky sex , and it can take some time to work up to trying BDSM together. And much like your weekly meals , BDSM is better when planned. “BDSM should never be done spontaneously,” Jones says. Unless you’ve been with your partner for a long time and you two are absolutely sure you’re on the same page, it’s always best to discuss exactly what you each want and don’t want to happen, both before the scene happens and as it actually plays out.
The BDSM community actually prides itself on physical and emotional safety. “A number of discussions around consent are integral to individuals in the community—people have negotiations around what they’re going to do,” Aaron says. People in the community use a couple of acronyms to emphasize what good BDSM is: SSC, or Safe, Sane, and Consensual , and RACK, or Risk-Aware Consensual Kink.
Of course, sometimes it’s still a gamble. “A number of things people do have some danger—boxing, skydiving, and bungee jumping are all legal—but it’s about trying to be as safe as possible while understanding that there’s some inherent risk,” Aaron says. It’s up to each person to set parameters that allow everyone involved to enjoy what’s going on without overstepping boundaries.
“There are a number of entry points for people,” Aaron says. One is FetLife , a social media website for people with various kinks. You can also look into Kink Academy , which offers educational videos for different payment plans starting at $20 a month. Another option is Googling for “munches,” or non-sexual meet-and-greets for kinky people in your area, along with searching for kink-related organizations in your city—most big cities have at least one major resource. They usually go by different names, like TES in New York City and Black Rose in D.C., Aaron explains, but when you find yours, you may be on the road to opening up your sex life in a pretty exciting way.
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by Aryelle Siclait and Korin Miller Published: Feb 24, 2021
This content is imported from poll. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
Aryelle Siclait is the editor at Women's Health where she writes and edits articles about relationships, sexual health, pop culture, and fashion for verticals across WomensHealthMag.com and the print magazine. She's a Boston College graduate and lives in New York.
Korin Miller is a freelance writer specializing in general wellness, sexual health and relationships, and lifestyle trends, with work appearing in Men’s Health, Women’s Health, Self, Glamour, and more. She has a master’s degree from American University, lives by the beach, and hopes to own a teacup pig and taco truck one day.
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