Bdsm Safety
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Bdsm Safety
Kinky Curiosity
Be Kinky and Stay Curious
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Safety in BDSM is always a top priority. However, safety is not just doing one thing. It involves many different aspects. So, I have put together a list of different things that someone participating in BDSM needs to be aware of to be as safe and responsible as possible. This post is just an overview. I will be adding articles as I go, and I will provide the links to those articles when they come along that go into more detail about specific topics.
Physical safety is protecting the body from harm. The type of activities you are partaking in depends on what you need to be aware of in a safety aspect.
Physical safety depends on what type of play you’re doing. Research possible complications, discuss with each other risks that might happen; and be aware during a scene. Make sure you have a first aid kit handy and have a plan of action in case anything goes wrong.
Emotional safety is feeling safe and secure, where one feels comfortable and relaxed with their partner. But how do you ensure the emotional safety of yourself and your partner? Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Being able to trust that someone has your best interest, being accountable and reliable for your actions, taking responsibility instead of casting blame, and being able to negotiate your wants and needs are all ways to help ensure emotional safety. Being able to recognize possible verbal, physical, or emotional triggers AND being able to talk about them before, during, and after they happen is essential. Advocating for yourself is difficult, and something that takes effort and practice.
Sometimes we are unaware we may have a trigger to something. Using your safeword not only protects you but your partner when this may occur. For example, a submissive becoming triggered and not safewording can be detrimental to that submissive, but it can also destroy the Dominant’s trust in the submissive. A Dominant can’t protect and keep a submissive safe if they don’t know an issue exists. Communicate!
So how do you know you don’t like something until you’ve tried it? How do you know there are just some things you don’t want to try? Well, sometimes, you just know. For me, I don’t have to experience scat to know I don’t want to try it. But there are some things I don’t know if I like or dislike them.
One of the best ways to discover your limits is to fill out a BDSM checklist. Checklists are great because they cover a wide variety of kinks, activities, BDSM equipment, and power exchange options that you might not think of during negotiations.
You can also research what you think might be a limit. Most things in BDSM are on a scale. And when we typically hear a kink or activity, we associate it with the most extreme scenario we can imagine. But that’s not always the case. For example, pain play isn’t necessarily getting caned to the extreme. Yes, that does fall under pain play. But there are many more options in pain play that aren’t as hard or extreme. If you were to cast off pain play because you don’t want to be caned, you could be missing out on a world of pleasure. So educate yourself on your limits to make sure they aren’t too broad.
Any time you need to use them, use them! Safewords are the lifeblood to safety and trust. If the ropes are too tight, or your hand starts going numb, safeword. If you get a leg cramp, safeword. If you get triggered by something that you didn’t even know was an issue and it bothers or upsets you, safeword. Don’t be afraid to safeword. It’s essential and necessary for your connection with your partner.
Check-ins are when a Dominant or Top checks in with a submissive or bottom during a scene. Check-ins should be negotiated prior to a scene, so they are set up before the scene begins. Check-ins are essential for the Dominant to know how the sub is coping with the scene, how their pain level is, how their emotional state is, and how they feel physically. These are things that need to be monitored, but would affect the scene if the Dominant would prompt all these questions every time they needed to check in. The stoplight safeword system works very well for check-ins: green for good, yellow for slow down or I’m getting close to my limit, and red for stop or I need a break.
Absolutely. A non-verbal check-in can be used when the sub isn’t able to speak or in a loud setting where the Dominant might not hear the submissive. So, for example, if you were at a play party and there’s loud music going on and people talking everywhere, having a nonverbal check-in would be ideal. Another instance would be during a scene where the submissive was wearing a gag. An example of a nonverbal check-in could be the Dominant tapping the hip of the submissive twice and the submissive holding up one, two, or three fingers, signaling which meant what.
Aftercare is the type of care given after a scene. Aftercare covers physical care and emotional care. It comes in many shapes and fashions. It might be cuddling and petting, or replenishing energy and rehydrating by eating a snack or drinking some water. It could be wrapping yourself in a blanket or taking a hot shower after a scene. It could be journaling and writing down your thoughts or discussing with your partner how you feel things went and what you would change. However you unwind is your type of aftercare.
It’s vital to understand that aftercare is not only for a submissive. Dominants benefit and need aftercare just as much as a submissive. It’s essential you have an aftercare regimen that helps keep you emotionally, physically, and mentally secure after a scene.
There are lots of things that contribute to safety. Understanding how to be safe is the biggest step. No matter your role, making sure safety is a priority is essential for everyone involved. However, just because you prep for safety, doesn’t mean that you can’t get hurt or injured. If you obtain an injury from play, get professional help. Go to a hospital, see a doctor, talk to a therapist. Do not downplay any injuries because you are embarrassed about how they happened. We can’t prevent accidents, but when you educate yourself and prep for the unknown, you can reduce the likelihood of injury by a lot. And remember, be kinky and stay curious!
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Safety is everything in a relationship and it’s even more important when you’re practicing BDSM . In order to make sure that you’re having a safe interaction with your partner, you need to follow some basic rules of sanitation and boundaries so that you’re able to practice BDSM without harming your health or the health of your partner.
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Basic Safety Rules
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When you’re interested in being safe during sex, you need to realize that BDSM can be harder on the body than you might realize. While you might enjoy pain mixed with pleasure, this can also cause harm to the body if you’re not careful.
* Be honest – During the creation of a BDSM contract, you need to make sure that you’re always being honest about what you can handle and what you’re willing to do with your partner. Talk about the limits you want to set and then make sure that everyone follows them.
* Communicate – When you’re in the midst of a scene, it might be tempting to ignore the needs of a partner in the interest of having a ‘good’ scene. But you need to communicate if you are feeling too much pain or something seems to be damaging the health of your partner.
* Listen – On the other side, you need to listen to the partner that is saying that something is not right.
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Trust and the Unknown Partner
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In some BDSM relationships, it might be allowed to have relations with others, but when you’re going into a new scene with an unknown partner, you need to make sure that you trust this person in some fashion. Whether this means your partner comes with you to the scene to make sure that things are handled responsibly or it means that you get together with a person that you will play with and learn more about them before you go into a training session, you need to establish a basic level of trust. And while this seems like common sense, you always need to know the partner with whom you will play. Playing with a stranger can increase your risk of unhealthy results.
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STD Prevention
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During sex, there is always a chance of STDs, even if the partner seems to be clean or they say they are disease free. To make sure that you are protecting yourself and your partner, you should include these tools in your BDSM dungeon:
* Latex gloves – Note too that there are latex-free options for those who are sensitive or who are allergic to latex.
* Condoms – Having condoms that fit and that are lubricated can help to reduce the transmission of bodily fluids.
* Dental dams – You can use dental dams to create layers between your mouth and other areas of the body, without reducing sensations that are pleasurable.
All of these barrier methods will ensure the smallest risk of transmission of STDs. Whenever you are sharing bodily fluids, you need to make sure that the partner has either been tested recently or you need to create barriers that will prevent the sharing of these fluids. Fluids that can transmit disease include blood, semen, and saliva. To be absolutely safe, have a partner wear latex gloves to keep their hands clean, use condoms for penetration, and always use new condoms and gloves when switch ing to a new scene in which new fluids may be exchanged.
While sex is never 100% safe, there are plenty of ways to make your BDSM relationship as safe as humanly possible. Whenever you are concerned about your health, it’s better to be safe than to be sorry in the end.
Please remember the only way to be 100% safe is through abstinence. With any form of sex or BDSM play, there is a risk. Even within a monogamous relationship, there is a risk. Don’t take your health and safety lightly. Always apply safe sex and safe BDSM practices in your scenes.
For more information about STDs and protecting yourself please go to: The Center For Disease Control And Prevention
To your health and safety,
Mistress Brianne
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September 23, 2021 By Baadmaster 2 Comments
Ordinarily, I would throw this question into the cylindrical file from whence it came. It – or some version thereof – had been answered many times before on kinkweekly. But with the year off due to Covid, and generally less play spaces to keep you at the top of your game, I thought it prudent to take another stab at a safety question. After all, in this new reality, you can never been too careful. I might add, from personal experience, that when I returned to play I forgot aftercare – something would never have done pre-pandemic. And so, the following question.
Reader: Recently, my online kink group has been discussing what to do if something goes wrong or a pre-condition manifests itself during a scene. This kind of safety concern is beyond the usual. So how can you prepare for every eventuality? (My adding: especially in this corona virus era.)
To start, a disclaimer: “It is impossible to prepare for every eventuality.” If I could do this, I would be working for the President eliminating Covid immediately. But seriously…regarding medical pre-conditions — there isn’t a list specifically geared to BDSM that you could read and sign before you entered a play space. Even if there were, who would want to feel like they were visiting a dentist and filling out the medical questionnaire? (Are you allergic to penicillin?) But I think an over-arching question – “you don’t have a heart condition or asthma?” – might open a productive dialogue between first-time players. Thus one should be aware of any pre-conditions that could be a threat. With Covid lurking around, one should at least take your partner’s temperature prior to play. Being vaccinated – no matter what your views on vaccines – is not enough when it comes to dungeon play with many people around. So buy a ten dollar thermometer and put it in your toy bag. We do not know how flogging – for example – affects the virus; just be vigilant and if you see the bottom breaking out in a cold sweat it is time to stop play and take his/her temperature again.
Now onto safe words. Although “safe words are not the end-all and be-all to safety,” they are definitely better than anything that comes in second. The trick to using safe words effectively (and this seemingly obvious bit of advice might be extremely valuable to you). Although the standard safe word is “red,” many people try to pick out their own personal safe word. The “New Guard” wants style. “Paga”” might be a cool safe word for Goreans, but when panic time sets in and the mind starts spinning, these words might not be at the tip of the tongue. “Red” works for stop signs. “Red” works for scenes. Forget using trendy new safe words. Use “red.”
I also advocate the use of a safe signal. When you use a ball gag in a scene, the bottom –unless he/she is a ventriloquist — cannot give a safe word. So agree on a safe signal based on what type of scene you are doing. A great one is a shaking of the head continuously left to right — like a “no” signal. This is unmistakable, and does not require the hands, which might be bound. Between safe words and safe signals, you have increased safety a hundred fold.
Most BDSM writers always talk about a “safe call.” In this case the old expression – “after all is said and done, more is said than done” — is applicable. Most people never use the safe call procedure. But if used properly, safe calls are really good tools – especially when you play for the first time with someone you hardly know. In this age of the cell phone, it is really easy to have someone waiting for your call to see if all is well – and to arrange for any contingency plans should help be required.
Another safety key is…not playing with unsafe players! Sometimes there are players who have gained a reputation for being unsafe; most times these reputations — if they are widespread and repeated by respected members of the community — have some basis in fact. Stay away. But there are other red flags. When playing for the first time, a big red flag is when the Top says, “I never allow a safe word.” They might rationalize it by saying something like, “I am into TPE and do not believe in safe words.” Well, many in TPE relationships do eschew the safe word. But this only happens after a relationship is established; eliminating the safe word is generally negotiated after playing for awhile. Anyone who says “no safe words” right out of the box really hasn’t got a clue.
As for the scene itself, the oft-repeated advice of planning a scene in advance will add to the safety of it. Some scenes are pretty safe in and of themselves — an interrogation scene, for example. Others — such as mummification or breath play — are much more dangerous. Make sure the skill level of the Dominant (as he/she is in control) matches the danger quotient (D.Q.) of the scene being attempted. And though much of what I outlined here has been discussed before, there is nothing wrong in stating the obvious if it can save you a trip to the hospital. Remember, “Safety isn’t everything, it’s the only thing!”
After a ten year run as head writer for the legendary bondage.com, and an equally long run as the host of the hit internet show “Baadmaster’s Dungeon,” we are pleased to welcome the one and only Baadmaster to KinkWeekly. His thoughts about all t
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