Bdsm Safe Word

Bdsm Safe Word

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Safewords! My favorite topic. I don’t know why, but I love writing about them.
So first of all, what is a safeword?
A safeword is a word that you can say during play that signals to your partners that you want to stop the scene immediately.
It’s the magic word that makes everything stop.
In order for your partners to recognize your safeword as a such, it has to be communicated beforehand . Otherwise, how will they know?
A good safeword is one that wouldn’t normally come up in play.
That’s why safewords like “no” and “stop” are not recommended. You could end up using them during play, especially if you’re practicing consensual non-consent (CNC) or rape play.
Food names like “banana” or “pineapple” or animals like “jellyfish” or “elephant” are quite popular. I personally like country or city names because they are neutral and translate easily when you play with international partners.
Some like to use words that neutralize, kill or change the mood such as “tablecloth”, “pimple” or “grandma” because they help you snap out of the scene faster.
You can also use “safeword”. Many play party venues will recognize this as a universal safeword and come to your aid if they hear you yelling it.
A good safeword should be easy to remember – for you and your play partners.
It should be easy to say and understand . Stay away from safewords that could be misheard. When you’re in a situation where you want out, you want it to be fast, without someone having to double-check what you meant to say.
I would recommend safewords of 2-3 syllables. Anything shorter is too easy to miss or overhear and anything longer may be hard to remember and say, especially if you’re under the influence of pain or panic.
A safeword can also be non-verbal . If you’re wearing a ball gag, saying your safeword is going to be pretty tricky. In this case, the safeword could be the bottom tapping the Top. This is obviously only possible if they have their hands free. If the bottom is going to be bound, alternatives include giving the bottom an object to hold that can make noise when moved (such as a bell) or something that makes a noise when dropped (like a set of keys). If your Top has impaired hearing, use visual or tactile safewords.
Safewords aren’t just for submissives and bottoms. Tops can also feel the need to end a scene, for instance if their ability to act responsibly is impaired and they would endanger their bottom, they don’t feel well, or are uncomfortable with the scene.
Safewords also don’t mean that you can skip negotiation just because you can end the scene at any time. It is still important for you and your partners to discuss your wants and limits beforehand, share your respective safewords and talk about what each of you need when a scene is ended with a safeword.
That’s why it can be a good idea to practice saying your safeword. It can be hard to say a random word in the middle of play if you’re freaking out and you’ve never said it out loud before. Say it aloud to yourself so that it feels familiar. Do a little preparation run with your play partners where you each get to say your words and practice reacting appropriately.
There may also be instances where a bottom is so deeply in subspace, a trance-like state induced by BDSM play, that they become unable to speak. This calls on the Top to be very attentive, check for signs of physical and mental distress and respond accordingly.
Keep in mind that in certain situations it might not be possible to release you immediately, even when you’ve said your safeword. For example, while bondage rope can be cut, metal chains with locks will take longer. Safewords are there to end the scene right away, but they should be a last resort.
Ideally, you will know yourself and your body well enough to be able to communicate serious discomfort to your play partners before the line has been crossed. A huge benefit of kink is how deeply it invites you to get to know yourself before you even engage in play.
For people who feel out of touch with their needs, limits and bodies, it is crucial to understand your personal boundaries and how your body communicates them to you. I practice this with my clients in my kink coaching sessions and it means they enter BDSM play feeling much safer, more grounded and much more confident. Consider signing up .
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Trust: You can get more creative than "red."
If I had to guess, I'd assume your idea of what a safe word is comes from that one Fifty Shades of Grey scene. But FWIW, outside of the weird contractual obligation Ana and Christian Grey had, regular normal relationships require safe words too— especially if you're getting kinky with your partner.
Randomly just deciding to use a safe word out of the blue isn't easy—especially when you know literally nothing about when to effectively use one. But we talked to experts to create a guide for literally everything and anything you could possibly want to know about safe words, including a list of some that you and your S.O. can decide on.
"A safe word is a designated word you say when sexual play with a partner becomes too intense, painful, or starts to creep past your boundaries," explains Emily Morse, PhD, host of the SiriusXM radio show and podcast of Sex With Emily . "Once the safe word is said, all sex has to stop—and does not resume until you've checked in with each other about why the safe word was said."
If something has even the potential to push you out of your sexual comfort zone a bit, you *need* to come up with a safe word. "It's necessary whenever you're engaging in play where your boundaries might be crossed if it goes too far," explains Morse. "Usually, this is during BDSM-type play, role-play scenarios, or group sex, but can be used in any sexual situation you find yourself in."
"If you're engaging in role play, the word 'stop' might not always mean 'stop.' For instance, your character might say 'stop' or 'oh, that hurts' when you really want to keep going," explains Gigi Engle , LifeStyles brand ambassador, certified sex coach, and author of All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life . “Having a safe word is a no-frills way to indicate you want to take a break from the scene without any confusion.”
Obvi, the first step is to have a convo with your partner. "Talk with your partner, and keep the safe word simple—something you'll both be able to remember," advises Morse. "It can even be something that's personal to your relationship and has meaning and elicits intimate memories."
What are some common ones people usually pick? Morse says people use traffic light colors (green = keep going, yellow = slow down, red = stop) and, interestingly, fruits are also super popular (cue to me never looking at a cantaloupe the same again).
If you're not down for any of the basic words, Engle says pretty much anything works as long as it's totally non-sexual and would never normally be used during sex (i.e. it should completely halt the action because it's so random). If you and your partner are struggling with coming up with a creative one, don't worry, we've come up with a few options:
The minute you're starting to feel uncomfy is the exact moment when you should go ahead and holler whatever safe word you and your partner chose to go with. "Use your safe word at any moment you start to feel anxious, you're in pain, you become triggered by something, or just feel too uncomfortable to continue having sex," says Morse. And don't be afraid of what your partner will think. Engle reassures, "you are entitled to use it, without judgment or anger, any time during any sexual scene."

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There comes a time in many couples’ relationships when you want to make your sex life a little… spicier. Once you’ve learned how to make each others’ bodies feel good, you can fall into a real rut. Trying something new between the sheets requires trust, an open mind and lots and lots of communication. That’s where the safe word comes in — a word that both partners agree means stop. No, seriously, stop. A safe word is probably going to come into play when things are getting rough and kinky . You may not think you need one before you embark on your erotic night of fun, but in the heat of the moment, you’ll be glad you planned ahead.
Clarisse Thorn, author of BDSM & Culture: 50 Shades of Stereotype and The S&M Feminist , explains the intended use of a safe word . “When two (or more) people have a BDSM encounter together, generally they set a safe word — a word that anyone can say at any time to stop the action.”
Safe words can work for any couple, in any relationship, in any scenario or kink . It’s all about feeling relaxed in knowing you are giving your partner consent and that you can always check in to make sure everyone is digging what’s happening in a sexual encounter. There’s no way you can explore the most fulfilling and exciting parts of your sexual fantasies without making sure all partners are comfortable and happy.
The next time you get wild in the bedroom, consider one of these real safe words to use when the going gets rough.
A favorite safe word of one female Redditor , though you don’t have to say it three times.
Michael and Jan’s safe word on The Office — always a crowd-pleaser.
One Redditor says, “We wanted something guaranteed to stop anyone having a good time.”
A randomly lighthearted safe word likely to give you a chuckle.
According to Reddit, “Once you’ve hit Oklahoma, you know the good times are over.”
Described by its user as “boring and to the point.”
Safe words inspired by fruit are popular for a reason: They are unexpected and effective since you’re not likely to use them in the bedroom.
One Redditor describes the perfect traffic light safe word system , “We generally use the traffic light system (red for stop, yellow for slow down, green for keep going).”
Another great reference to a traffic stop, signaling your partner to pump the brakes.
A Reddit commenter calls the “safe word” safe word boring but effective since it is crystal clear.
Honest but firm — use it with a partner you really trust.
A version of this article was originally published in January 2015.
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SheKnows is a part of Penske Media Corporation. © 2022 SheMedia, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This article is about the use of safewords in BDSM. For their use in contact sports, see Safeword (sports) . For the television game show, see Safeword (game show) .

^ "Beyond Safe Words: When Saying 'No' in BDSM Isn't Enough" . Broadly . Archived from the original on 30 May 2016 . Retrieved 22 April 2016 .

^ Clark, Tracy (2012-01-29). "When safe words are ignored" . Salon.com . Archived from the original on 2013-04-27 . Retrieved 2013-04-29 .

^ Gilmour, Paisley (2018-09-17). "Everything you need to know about using safewords" . Cosmopolitan . Retrieved 2020-12-28 .

^ Bauer, R. (28 October 2014). Queer BDSM Intimacies: Critical Consent and Pushing Boundaries . Springer. ISBN 9781137435026 . Archived from the original on 23 November 2016 . Retrieved 22 November 2016 – via Google Books.

In BDSM , a safeword is a code word, series of code words or other signal used by a person to communicate their physical or emotional state, typically when approaching, or crossing, a physical, emotional, or moral boundary. [1] Some safewords are used to stop the scene outright, while others can communicate a willingness to continue, but at a reduced level of intensity.

Safewords are usually agreed upon before playing a scene by all participants, and many organized BDSM groups have standard safewords that all members agree to use to avoid confusion at organized play events. [2] The most common safeword system is the "traffic light" system, in which "red" means "stop", "amber" or "yellow" means "proceed with caution", and "green" means "more, please!" [3]

Those who practise the more permissive philosophy of risk-aware consensual kink may abandon the use of safewords, especially those that practice forms of edgeplay or extreme forms of dominance and submission . In such cases, the choice to give up the use of safewords is a consensual act on the part of the bottom or submissive. [4] Some couples may also feel that they do not need one, depending on the practices involved.

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