Bdsm Punishment

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Bdsm Punishment
By Gigi Engle Published: Dec 24, 2020
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Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator. Her work regularly appears in many publications including Brides, Marie Claire, Elle Magazine, Teen Vogue, Glamour and Women's Health.
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When you hear the word “punishment,” sex probably isn't the first thing that comes to mind. But in BDSM —an umbrella term that encompasses bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism, and masochism—punishment can be a major component of sex. And a pleasurable one, at that.
“Punishment is a behavior modification tool used in some [dominant/submissive] dynamics to train or discipline a submissive when they’ve defied a boundary or disobeyed an order,” explains Charyn Pfeuffer, a sex and relationships writer and author of 101 Ways to Rock Online Dating . “There’s no one-size-fits-all playbook for punishment, and not every kinky relationship uses it.”
Every couple is free to determine the type and severity of punishments they want to use—and the options are essentially endless. For example, if the submissive partner is a "brat" (a sub who enjoys disobeying their dom’s rules), a dom might give you a spanking as a punishment for being naughty.
“Punishment can include spankings, slapping, choking, use of restraints, or (consensually) forcing your partner into sexual acts," says Daniel Saynt, founder and chief conspirator of The New Society for Wellness , a private members Open Love club for the adventurous. "It's really up to you and your partner to set the limits of what's okay for punishment and what's not.”
Like with most deliciously kinky things, punishment is not just about pain, but also pleasure. It’s a dance between the dom and sub that allows them to explore sides of themselves they may not get a chance to express in real life.
“Sexual punishment is when you know there is a part of you that is under-expressed, maybe from shame or fear,” says Kenneth Play , international sex educator and and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series . “So, if you feel like you’re being a dirty slut, being punished by your partner allows you to live out that feeling, while also enjoying your 'dirty slut' side.”
IMPORTANT: Before you engage in any BDSM punishments, you and your partner must thoroughly discuss your boundaries and limits beforehand. Despite the connotation of punishing someone, the activity still requires enthusiastic consent from all parties; the punished wants to be punished, and the punisher wants to punish.
This is where you bring someone to the brink of orgasm, only to stop touching them right before orgasm. Oh, the sweet agony.
Put them over your knee and show them what happens to naughty people who break the rules. Just remember to aim for the fleshy parts of the body, such as the butt cheeks and upper thighs.
Or, you could deny them a spanking. “Sometimes a submissive will ‘act out’ to get the punishment that they really enjoy," says Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven , the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shop. "One way to punish them is to NOT give them what they enjoy."
Force your sub to agree to keep their pretty little mouth shut. You can go a step further by not allowing your submissive to speak while in a public place without asking permission first.
This would be cruel outside of a consenting dom/sub dynamic, but hot as hell if both parties are into it. “[This entails] getting your submissive dressed up for an event that they really enjoy, but upon arrival making them sit outside on the ground with their hands in their lap and not allow them to come into the event for a specific amount of time,” Sparks says.
Make your submissive walk on all fours with a collar and a leash like a dog. You can incorporate a dog mask designed for kink, like this one , and even take the act outside for the public humiliation factor.
This is a form of public degradation: You make your submissive wear a shirt that literally says "slut" on it.
“Chain your partner to the bed and leave them there to wait for your return,” Saynt says. “Leave your home and decide how long you want to make them wait for you. Come back to them begging you to set them free.” Oh, the fun that can ensue afterward!
This is when you "make" your partner "take" the pleasure, even if it feels like over-stimulation. “Force your partner to have orgasms until they are completely overwhelmed—then keep going,” Play says.
This is when the dom has sex with someone else and forces the sub to watch. Cuckolding is a more advanced activity, and we suggest doing your research before bringing a new person into the bedroom. For a slightly tamer version, the dominant partner can make the submissive watch them get off with a toy.
“Refuse to let your partner pleasure you and make them beg for a taste," Saynt suggests. "Come within a few inches of their mouth, watch their tongue slip out and get just close enough but not quite there. Make your body their prize and make the longing for it the punishment.”
“Grab ice cubes and use them to run along your partner's body while they are restrained,” Saynt says. “Use the ice to stimulate their body and offer a chilling experience.” This can go really well with a blindfold—that way the sub’s other senses, including touch, are heightened.
“What chore(s) does your sub hate doing? Make them do it—meticulously,” Pfeuffer suggests. What better excuse to not have to do the dishes tonight?
If your sub is naughty, take away their table privileges and force them to eat off the floor like a dog.
Tell your sub to get on all fours and act as a stool for you to rest your feet. Dive into a good book and force them to stay still until you’re good and ready to let them get up.
Is your sub being a little brat? “Put your submissive in the corner for a time-out,” Pfeuffer says. “Being ‘grounded’ for a little while can be incredibly effective” in getting them to follow your rules next time.
Dribble hot wax on a naughty sub’s body. Be sure you’re using a body-safe candle (like these from LoveHoney ), unless you really know what you’re doing. You don’t want to cause burns.
“Only allow your sub to pleasure themselves with your permission," Pfeuffer says. "If rules are broken, that permission is revoked." This means you hold the power over whether they experience pleasure or not; their pleasure is a gift you’re allowing them to enjoy in return for good behavior.
Have your sub go to the grocery store, the dry cleaners, or some other ordinary place while wearing a panty vibrator. You can accompany them, if you choose. We love the We-Vibe Moxie , which comes with its own remote for the dom to control.
If your sub breaks the rules, write what they did wrong on their body in permanent marker. Make them wear it around all day so they don’t forget how naughty they were.
Have your sub sit in the shower or bathtub and pee on them. This kind of humiliation play can get messy, so you might want to do it in the nude.
This is a form of “restrictive discipline,” much like giving your sub a “time out” in the corner. If they break the rules, take away something they enjoy as punishment. This could be access to the show they want to watch, their cell phone, or even an orgasm.
This one is taken right out of the old Catholic school playbook. If your sub does something they’re not supposed to, have them write out what they did a hundred times as punishment.
Have your sub wear a collar around. This shows them that they belong to you and you are in control. If you want ideas, we love this one .
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I am very excited to share my BDSM punishments with you all, whether you’re a sub reading this or a dom, my list will give you inspiration, ideas, and a set of new and refreshing punishments for you to explore with your partner. It can be difficult to think of new ways to get your sub under control so I am here to save the day. If you have any punishments that you want to add, leave them down in the comment section below!
Before we begin, I feel like I need to just quickly outline a few things:
Know your subs limits : A lot of the punishments below require you to know your subs limits without even asking them, so make sure that’s something you thoroughly discuss before doing anything in the bedroom.
Consent : I shouldn’t have to say this, but you always need consent for any of the punishments below. If your sub doesn’t like spanking don’t just suddenly introduce it because you think they might like it that one time, no, only do what you both consent to at all times. To make sessions flow a lot easier a lot of subs and doms have an agreement that they go over outlining their do’s, dont’s, and limits.
I also want to make it clear that everything mentioned below is part of BDSM/bondage and is enjoyed by people who embark on this kind of lifestyle. People ‘punishing’ their partner do it consensually and during sex and foreplay, a lot of trust is shared between them, and in no way am I promoting anything other than consensual adult fun to people who understand the kink.
Aftercare : Something a lot of sub/dom relationships love is the aftercare, so it’s vital you know exactly what your sub wants after playing with them. Some choose cuddles, some a soapy bath, some want to be waited on hand and foot, whatever it is, discuss it and make sure you make aftercare a priority.
Now we have that cleared up, let’s get onto the punishments that I have lined up for you!
These punishments are all concerned around the big ‘O’. Some punishments deny it, some encourage it, and some overload your sub with it. There’s something for every sub here and it’s a great time for me to mention that orgasm punishments are some of my and my boyfriend’s favorites.
This BDSM punishment involves denying an orgasm to your sub no matter how good they have been. You can experiment by getting them all worked up and then just leaving them desperate and needy, it will drive them wild and have them begging for that sweet release.
Ruining your subs orgasm is tremendous, ( I ruin my boyfriend’s orgasm all of the time !) all you need to do is get your sub right on the brink of an orgasm, and at the very second that they begin to cum, stop what you’re doing and just watch as they wriggle and complain as you deny them something they were so on the cusp of.
If your sub is female, just keep ruining their orgasm, if they are male, do it as many times as he can take. After you’ve ruined their orgasm, they should thank you like they had the best orgasm of their life.
Chastity is a great way to restrain your subs intimate areas, this is how I train my boyfriend and it’s so simple. Just lock your sub up, keep the key safe and keep them locked away until further notice. This can be for a few hours, days, or even longer. I like to tease my boyfriend when he’s locked up, masturbating in front of him, getting off, and watching his cock strain to grow hard inside of the small cage, this is the one I use and then you can mix it up with these cruel chastity punishments .
Another thing you can do is only allow your sub to have an anal orgasm when they are locked up. It gives them a release but it’s certainly a punishment to be locked away and only allowed to resort to one hole.
Pure torture and so much fun, strap your sub onto a sex machine and watch them cum again and again without stopping. The pleasure they will feel is immense but they will feel exhausted and overly sensitive after a while. It’s a great way to spend an afternoon, turning your machines on and off again and again all to punish your silly sub. These are the sex machines that we use the most:
Milking time! During this punishment, you only get to come once you have produced enough precum/pussy wetness. You achieve this by fingering or penetrating the ass or pussy and waiting for their milky juices to come pouring out and once you are satisfied (if ever!) that’s when your sub can cum.
For this punishment, you set a goal for your naughty sub. Maybe they can only cum once you have had a total number of 5 orgasms, you can spread these orgasms over days, weeks however long you want, but they are not allowed to cum till your order is complete.
You can also use tasks from further on in this list, once for instance the whole house is clean they can cum or once they have begged for long enough, use your imagination and keep ahold of your subs pleasure.
Get a remote control sex toy, put it inside or on your sub, and leave it on for an hour, ( I recommend this toy for her and this one for him ) tell them they can’t cum, if they cum ruin their orgasm, and add another [insert time] minutes to the timer for disobeying your commands. Make sure to also read this guide on having a hands-free orgasm for added expertise on this kind of torture.
Once your partner has cum, don’t stop the pleasure, keep going, don’t stop, see if you can get him or her to the point of a dry orgasm. They will wriggle and moan but forcing their orgasm out of them is giving up all control to you and they will shudder with an overload of sensory pleasure.
These next punishments are my productive punishments, things that don’t involve anything sexual but get your sub to work before they can get any kind of pleasure or as a punishment for misbehaving during play. It shows the power dynamic between you both and has your sub actively trying to please you and get back on the right track.
Have your sub clean the whole house before you even think about doing anything sexual with them, this could be because they broke some rules or just because you want to make them wait and serve you before you let them cum.
A pointless task, one that takes ages but one that will make them understand what they did wrong. It’s a great punishment for a sub that needs to be taught the lesson of patience, perhaps they came before you allowed them and now they need to learn.
You’re in charge why wash your own body? Hop into the shower and have your sub wash you down, using care to ensure you are all clean, then have them wait on their knees and dry you completely off with a soft warm towel once you’re done. Not only are they servicing you but you can use this wash as an advantage to tease your sub with your naked, soapy body.
If you’re hot they must stand and fan you down until you say so and if you’re cold then they must strip off naked and use their clothes to warm you up. Show them who is in charge by showing them that your body temperature is far more important than any of their concerns.
These next sets of punishments are not all for the faint-hearted so skip past if you’re not into some pain in your bedroom. Remember to always have a safe word, know your subs limits and ensure proper aftercare.
Spanking your partner to keep them in line is some people’s first introduction to BDSM. They may enjoy the stinging sensation or loathe it but it sure does make an impact with a sub and can sometimes leave a mark. You can use your bare hand to spank or an unforgiving paddle , which is what I like to use the most.
An old-fashioned punishment but one that dominants have been using on their subs for years too. If they have misbehaved or spoken back to you, clean their mouth with soap and teach them a lesson.
Please don’t try and use normal candles for this you need specialist bondage candles that burn at a higher temperature, are odorless, and are skin safe. They can leave a mark that disappears over a few hours but they are a great way to punish your sub and also explore sensory play.
Without warm water from your submissive, if they want a warm shower, they will have to earn it back and until then it’s cold all the way, no matter what.
Make your partner eat some hot chilies, either in front of you directly or put inside of their food. See how hot they can go and maybe if you’re satisfied they are let off the hook for whatever they did wrong.
Although at times it can be a pleasurable sensation, playing with ice can be a real punishment. Run it across their body, again and again, the cold water trickling down them, hold the ice over their nipples or genitals to numb them and get the blood flowing and get creative with where you think ice is going to make the biggest impact.
Electrostimulation is basically the art of zapping your nerve endings with electrical currents. It is a unique type of sex toy and one that people shy away from but soon learn feels totally crazy, pleasurable, and a little painful all at the same time. This is a great Electrosex starter kit that will guide you in and satisfy you whatever level you’re at.
Using nipple suckers (I adore them) or nipple clamps for the entire day gets painful and will make their nipples incredibly sensitive and aroused, making nipple orgasms easier but also nipple spanks and tugs more intense and scream-worthy.
Get your submissive on their knees and have them kneeling on pencils, a handful of rice, or even a wire (phone cables work well). It will be fine at first but soon they will be begging for mercy.
Turn your partner into your footrest as they get on all fours for you and let you keep your feet nice and comfy on their back. Keep them there for the entire show that you’re watching or set a timer for them and remember footrests don’t make a sound.
Make them hold something light, but have the old it with their arms out in front of them. At first, they will think it’s a harmless punishment but soon their arms will begin to ache and as their dom, you’re going to have to teach them a lesson if they drop the item they are holding.
Now it’s onto the pointless punishments, these types of tasks are non-sexual but will teach your submissive a lesson or two if they have misbehaved during sex/foreplay or even during the day (depending on the type of sub/dom relationship that you have). These tasks are tedious, repetitive and something all subs wish to avoid.
Sit them in the naughty corner and do not let them out until you say so. They can have no phone to entertain them, they must just sit quietly and reflect on what they did wrong.
Tedious, boring, pointless, and time-consuming. Set your sub to work with counting grains of rice or pasta shells, if you think they have gotten the number wrong, make them do it all over again.
Hand them a toothbrush and set them to work on your floor as they scrub and clean away all of the dirt. Every inch that you say must be scrubbed and let them know you will be inspecting their work later on.
With lots of room for error and a tedious task at hand, this will be hard for your partner. Have them count everything you own in one room, everything that’s a single color of your choosing, everything that starts with a letter, and so on and so forth.
Have them write down what they did wrong a predetermined amount of times (I like to choose anywhere between 500-5000 times) and then once they are done writing have them show you their work and judge it.
This next list of punishments is naughty, erotic, and provocative. Although still punishments this set may
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