Bdsm Party Stories

Bdsm Party Stories
Christian and Ana aren't the only ones into a bit of erotica. This real-life couple found whips and chains bring way more meaning—and commitment— to their relationship than flowers.
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My husband and I met when we were in our early twenties, and while our sexual attraction was immediate, we never did anything "outside of the box" in the bedroom. I knew he would occasionally watch porn, which I was fine with, but it wasn't something we did together. And I'd been to sex shops for bachelorette parties, so I'd tried some vibrators and different types of lube, but that's about it. Eventually we got married and had our son, and even though our sex life had definitely ebbed, I didn't think there was a problem.
But as my husband watched more porn, I became curious—so I just asked him if we could watch it together. It was a website that had a lot of BDSM-type channels, and the scenes were always book-ended by the actresses explaining how they felt the shoot went. Seeing these interviews, where the girl was dressed in a bathrobe, giggly and clearly not traumatized from being tied up or spanked, helped me realize that BDSM wasn't violent or scary. It was consensual, and if done right, could be a lot of fun.
So the two of us explored online and found that a whole world of BDSM aficionados existed, even in our Midwestern city. We found a website that listed local events, including meet-ups at restaurants. When we went to one, we were surprised—everyone looked normal! At first, people chatted about the usual stuff—the weather, the new Whole Foods being built in town, what they wanted to order—but when the wait staff went away, the details started being discussed. We were encouraged to attend a party later that week, and they stressed that how much we chose to "play" was entirely up to us.
When we arrived, there were people being spanked in one room and others walking around on leashes, which helped us realize we weren't that into exhibitionism. But the idea of BDSM definitely got us going, and that night, my husband dominated me. He held my hands over my head as we had sex, and I had to call him sir and ask permission before I touched him or had an orgasm. It was definitely hot, and something that we wanted to try again.
After that, I suggested we try something a little more Fifty Shades . We bought a pair of handcuffs, a blindfold, and a ball gag. Before we started, we came up with a gesture—me crossing my fingers—so he would know if it got too intense. I had no idea whether he was going to spank me or pleasure me...and in the end, he alternated between both. I never crossed my fingers—well, maybe I did metaphorically, but only because I was hoping we'd do it again. I loved the feeling of totally giving up all control.
But there were bumps in the road. One time I ended up crying when he spanked me because it hurt, but I didn't want him to stop—I would have felt like I had failed. That's how we learned the importance of a safe word, and safety in general—no one wants to go to the ER with a sex injury. So we attended workshops in our area to test out things like rope tying or flogging. It sounds silly, but you want someone to know how to do these things right. And it's a sexy, out-of-the-box date night that almost always guarantees sex once you're home.
We don't have BDSM-based sex every time, but having it as an option has added a much different layer to our bond. For one, it forces us to be honest with each other. When you're engaging in BDSM, you have to be entirely in the moment. There's no faking it. There's also a level of vulnerability—we have the power to literally hurt each other, so we trust that the other will listen when we use a safe word, or we can talk about things afterward if they didn't go the way we planned.
That said, BDSM isn't for everyone, and I worry that people may rush into it without any research. We played around with different aspects of domination and submission for almost a year before we incorporated impact toys like paddles, and we're still learning about what we both enjoy. Some couples take cooking classes—we learn how to tie each other up. And if it makes us feel more connected, well, what could be bad about that?
The Expert Take If you and your partner watched Fifty Shades of Grey and left feeling more curious about the sex style, experts say it really can enhance your bond—and your communication skills will get a major workout. But before you beef up the bondage, follow these three tips :
Talk about it first. "Before anything happens, discuss your boundaries," suggests Rachel Kramer Bussel , editor of The Big Book of Submission. "Talk about things you'd love to try, things you're on the fence about, and things that are absolutely off limits." Also, be aware that these boundaries may shift when you explore them in real life, so setting up a safe word—one you'd never typically use in the bedroom, like "hockey," so there's no confusion—is key to making sure everyone's comfortable as you explore.
Start super slow. "Bondage and submission is more mental than physical, which a lot of people don't realize," says Charley Ferrer , a clinical sexologist based in New York City. "Instead of handcuffs, try toilet paper as a restraint. Knowing you're able to get out can relieve anxiety, but you'll still experience the mental thrill of feeling like you're tied down." As you become more experienced, you can advance to "tougher" restraints and toys.
Take a class. The popularity of classes on BDSM-based is currently booming across the country, and they can help teach major skills in safety and communication. Call around to local sex classes, or search your area online, to find the perfect fit.
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