Bdsm Marriage

Bdsm Marriage
Christian and Ana aren't the only ones into a bit of erotica. This real-life couple found whips and chains bring way more meaning—and commitment— to their relationship than flowers.
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My husband and I met when we were in our early twenties, and while our sexual attraction was immediate, we never did anything "outside of the box" in the bedroom. I knew he would occasionally watch porn, which I was fine with, but it wasn't something we did together. And I'd been to sex shops for bachelorette parties, so I'd tried some vibrators and different types of lube, but that's about it. Eventually we got married and had our son, and even though our sex life had definitely ebbed, I didn't think there was a problem.
But as my husband watched more porn, I became curious—so I just asked him if we could watch it together. It was a website that had a lot of BDSM-type channels, and the scenes were always book-ended by the actresses explaining how they felt the shoot went. Seeing these interviews, where the girl was dressed in a bathrobe, giggly and clearly not traumatized from being tied up or spanked, helped me realize that BDSM wasn't violent or scary. It was consensual, and if done right, could be a lot of fun.
So the two of us explored online and found that a whole world of BDSM aficionados existed, even in our Midwestern city. We found a website that listed local events, including meet-ups at restaurants. When we went to one, we were surprised—everyone looked normal! At first, people chatted about the usual stuff—the weather, the new Whole Foods being built in town, what they wanted to order—but when the wait staff went away, the details started being discussed. We were encouraged to attend a party later that week, and they stressed that how much we chose to "play" was entirely up to us.
When we arrived, there were people being spanked in one room and others walking around on leashes, which helped us realize we weren't that into exhibitionism. But the idea of BDSM definitely got us going, and that night, my husband dominated me. He held my hands over my head as we had sex, and I had to call him sir and ask permission before I touched him or had an orgasm. It was definitely hot, and something that we wanted to try again.
After that, I suggested we try something a little more Fifty Shades . We bought a pair of handcuffs, a blindfold, and a ball gag. Before we started, we came up with a gesture—me crossing my fingers—so he would know if it got too intense. I had no idea whether he was going to spank me or pleasure me...and in the end, he alternated between both. I never crossed my fingers—well, maybe I did metaphorically, but only because I was hoping we'd do it again. I loved the feeling of totally giving up all control.
But there were bumps in the road. One time I ended up crying when he spanked me because it hurt, but I didn't want him to stop—I would have felt like I had failed. That's how we learned the importance of a safe word, and safety in general—no one wants to go to the ER with a sex injury. So we attended workshops in our area to test out things like rope tying or flogging. It sounds silly, but you want someone to know how to do these things right. And it's a sexy, out-of-the-box date night that almost always guarantees sex once you're home.
We don't have BDSM-based sex every time, but having it as an option has added a much different layer to our bond. For one, it forces us to be honest with each other. When you're engaging in BDSM, you have to be entirely in the moment. There's no faking it. There's also a level of vulnerability—we have the power to literally hurt each other, so we trust that the other will listen when we use a safe word, or we can talk about things afterward if they didn't go the way we planned.
That said, BDSM isn't for everyone, and I worry that people may rush into it without any research. We played around with different aspects of domination and submission for almost a year before we incorporated impact toys like paddles, and we're still learning about what we both enjoy. Some couples take cooking classes—we learn how to tie each other up. And if it makes us feel more connected, well, what could be bad about that?
The Expert Take If you and your partner watched Fifty Shades of Grey and left feeling more curious about the sex style, experts say it really can enhance your bond—and your communication skills will get a major workout. But before you beef up the bondage, follow these three tips :
Talk about it first. "Before anything happens, discuss your boundaries," suggests Rachel Kramer Bussel , editor of The Big Book of Submission. "Talk about things you'd love to try, things you're on the fence about, and things that are absolutely off limits." Also, be aware that these boundaries may shift when you explore them in real life, so setting up a safe word—one you'd never typically use in the bedroom, like "hockey," so there's no confusion—is key to making sure everyone's comfortable as you explore.
Start super slow. "Bondage and submission is more mental than physical, which a lot of people don't realize," says Charley Ferrer , a clinical sexologist based in New York City. "Instead of handcuffs, try toilet paper as a restraint. Knowing you're able to get out can relieve anxiety, but you'll still experience the mental thrill of feeling like you're tied down." As you become more experienced, you can advance to "tougher" restraints and toys.
Take a class. The popularity of classes on BDSM-based is currently booming across the country, and they can help teach major skills in safety and communication. Call around to local sex classes, or search your area online, to find the perfect fit.
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What Is A Dom-Sub Relationship and Is It For You?
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jopy.12526 https://www.jstor.org/stable/3812772 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6525106/

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.

When the movie Fifty Shades of Grey came out, people were intrigued by the plot. Many people became interested with dom-sub relationships and how it works.
When understanding the thrilling but complex world of BDSM, many people think that it’s just all about dom and sub sex, but it’s not. There’s much more to dom sub relationships than handcuffs, blindfolds, chains, whips, and ropes.
Of course, before we can fully understand the dom-sub lifestyle, we first want to know how this relationship works. Aside from carnal pleasure, does it offer other benefits? Do the couples who practice the BDSM lifestyle last?
Before we tackle dom sub relationships, we must first understand what BDSM means.
BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism . In layman’s terms, a dom-sub relationship or d/s relationship means that one of the partners is the dom or dominant, and the other is the sub or the submissive partner.
Here’s more information about the BDSM and the dom-sub dynamic:
It focuses on restraining the sub using ties, ropes, neckties, etc. Usually, it is a form of discipline and show of power. It’s also accompanied by mild spanking or any form of discipline.
It focuses on roleplays. It’s an exciting way of acting out fantasies. It usually revolves around one partner who holds power and the other being controlled.
These are all about the extreme version of BD. It is where both partners get sexual gratification from receiving and causing pain. Often, the couple would use sex furniture, toys, and even whips and gag balls.
Now that we can differentiate the different types of dom-sub relationships, we can now focus on the dom sub relationship dynamics.
Dom-sub relationships are just like any normal relationship. What sets them apart from others is the fact that they practice the BDSM lifestyle. Also, in this type of relationship, there is a dom and sub.
There is a difference in power in this relationship where the dom-sub relationship roles and traits are practiced. Basically, the dom or dominant partner is the one who leads, and the sub or the submissive partner is the one who follows.
Dom-sub relationships aren’t just limited to physical contact. In fact, you can even play your role even when chatting or when you are having a phone conversation. However, most of the d/s relationships that we know are physical, and the dynamics of this relationship are actually broad.
The most common types of dom-sub relationships are as follows:
An example of this type of d/s relationship is a submissive slave and a dominant mistress. This is where the slave surrenders and does everything to please the mistress, and in turn, the mistress will command the slave.
Roles can be reversed, and depending on the couple, they can also choose to take their roles full time. This also falls under the category Total Power Exchange or TPE.
As we all know, pets are submissive to their owners. The sub usually plays the role of a kitten or a puppy. They are always eager to be petted, kissed, and for some, even wearing pet collars.
As the name suggests, the female sub plays the role of a little girl being cared for by her Daddy Dom. The Daddy Dom will play as the primary caregiver of the young, innocent, and weak sub.
Here are other master and sub relationship themes that you can check out.
– A bad boy and a young, innocent girl
– The boss of a huge company and a secretary
If you find dom sub relationships to be interesting, we also need to learn the different types of dom sub relationship roles and traits.
An important note to remember in dom-sub relationships is that both partners enjoy the BDSM lifestyle. There is no way that the submissive is forced to do anything against their will. Everything about the dom-sub relationship is consensual.
Roles and traits of the sub include:
Even today, living the dom-sub lifestyle can be challenging. In fact, there are so many misconceptions about b/d relationships that often lead to couples being judged even before people could understand how the lifestyle works.
Here are the three most common misconceptions about BDSM dom-sub relationships:
Couples who love, respect, and understand each other both agree to enter the d/s relationship. There is nothing wrong with a mutual decision to enter this lifestyle when both parties are aware of the dom-sub relationship rules and consequences.
The people who are open to trying this lifestyle and those who have already practiced dom-sub relationships all agree that this is not true. In fact, dom sub dynamics have women who play as doms.
Being a mistress, domme, lady boss, or dominatrix is actually very empowering and allows the couple to play around and explore different roles.
This type of lifestyle has rules to follow. That’s why many experts guide people who want to try a healthy dom sub relationship.
BDSM and d/s relationship doesn’t aim to cause harm to anyone.
It’s about the exchange of power, sexual journey and exploration, and even a form of therapy for some.
Aside from sexual pleasures, does the d/s dynamic give the couple something more, and is a dominant submissive relationship healthy?
It may be hard to believe, but the dom-sub lifestyle actually has lots of benefits to offer. Here are some of the benefits of a dom-sub relationship.
D/s relationships allow the couple to be more open to each other. Emotional intimacy and trust are needed to be able to have this type of relationship.
You can’t just practice role playing games with your partner without knowing if they like it or not, right? Again, this is very important because we don’t want to force our partners to do anything against their will.
With better communication , the couple can exchange ideas and be able to please each other better.
If you can be open with your partner about your sexual fantasies , then your partner can be all out with you. Fantasies fulfilled can definitely spice up your relationships.
We all know how important mental health is. Satisfaction and excitement from dom-sub partnership can help you with the release of dopamine and serotonin. These chemicals are the ones responsible for feeling happiness.
As you relax and play the role that excites you and your partner, not only will you feel good, but you will also relieve stress.
Know what does a sub wants from a dom, watch this video:
Dom sub relationship guidelines and rules are needed. Rules and guidelines will first have to be established to ensure that no one gets hurt, forced, or abused in any way.
There can be times where some people pretend to live the d/s lifestyle but would turn out to be abusive towards their partners. We want to avoid this scenario at all costs.
Before you and your partner start practicing dom-sub relationships, make sure that you have an open mind. This lifestyle is all about being open to wild ideas and fantasies.
Here, you will experience things and situations that you have not tried before, so before you say no, keep an open mind and try it one time.
Dom-sub relationships rely on trust. How can you enjoy being punished (pleasured) if you don’t trust your partner?
Show your partner that you know how to respect the rules and that you can be trusted. Without it, you won’t be able to enjoy the fun and thrill of roleplaying.
Dom sub relationships aren’t perfect, so don’t expect too much.
It’s all about exploring new sensations, ideas, and pleasures. There will be times where things won’t work, so you have to try again.
We all know how BDSM and D/S relationships are all about excitement and pleasure, right? However, in any event, if your partner doesn’t agree with the idea or isn’t yet ready to try it, learn to empathize.
Never force your partner or anyone to do things they are not yet comfortable doing.
Communication is also very important with dom-sub relationships. From setting the rules, boundaries, fantasies, scripts, and even roles – you would only be able to fully enjoy this type of lifestyle if you and your partner would really be honest and open with each other.
The dominant and submissive roles in your relationship are a little bit tiring and will take up time and energy. That’s why both of you must be in optimum health.
In any event that your partner is not feeling well or is experiencing some health issues, support them and don’t force them to do things that they can’t enjoy.
In this type of relationship, having a “safe” word is very important. We all know that as much as we want, there can still be risks when practicing BDSM or just doing dom-sub plays.
In any event that you want to let your partner know that they need to stop, you just have to say the “safe” word to let them know you’re not okay.
Are you tempted to try the d/s lifestyle? Are you a sub looking for a dom or vice versa?
If you want to try BDSM or any roleplaying games such as teacher-student, you need to make sure if your partner is into it too.
Be open-minded and find the perfect timing to talk to your partner. Don’t ask your partner if they want to be tied tonight – that will just scare them. Instead, talk about the information that you have read, facts, and even the benefits. Tempt your partner but don’t rush.
You don’t have to go full-blast yet or start buying handcuffs and costumes. Try to play around first. Start with blindfolds, talking, asking your partner about your hidden fantasies, etc.
Allow that slow burn to take over until you and your partner are ready to submit to your b/s roles.
There are still so many things that you can learn about the dynamics of BDSM. Don’t rush and enjoy the process of learning. By understanding how this type of relationship works, you would be able to fully enjoy this thrilling experience.
This kind of relationship is both exciting and fun. It even helps the couple to be more open and trusting with each other. Imagine being able to fulfill your fantasy with the love of your life – doesn’t that sound nice?
Being the dom or sub may require adjustments, understanding, and lots of trial and error, but is it worth it? Definitely!
Just remember that dom-sub relationships should practice respect, care, understanding, trust, communication, and empathy. Once you learn how these things work, then you would be able to enjoy this kinky, exciting, and satisfying lifestyle.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.

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