Bdsm Lifestyle Stories

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Bdsm Lifestyle Stories
Why are you here & How can D|s-M help?
Lack of Intimacy: D|s-M will help you both work on intimacies, all types. Trying Dominance and submission as a Married Couple: We’ve created a way married couples can successfully achieve the edge of D/s without getting cut. Mid-Life Stage: MidLife Crisis or Empty Nest Syndrome. D|s-M helps couples find something that they can work on together, taking the relationship to new heights. Gray Divorce: One day you woke up next to a stranger or looking at one in the mirror. You’re still invested but want MORE. You may no longer know who you are. Submission will help build strength and self confidence.
MIDLIFE MARRIED & MONOGAMOUS LIFESTYLE
MARRIED DOMINANCE & SUBMISSION IS FOR ALL AGES
PARTNERS IN DISCOVERING EROTIC INTIMACY
How are we are different than other sites?"
How does the membership benefit you?
D|s-M Dominance and submission dynamic for married couples. If you have read this far down the page, what are you waiting for? Begin the chase, venture down the Rabbit Hole and step through the looking glass…. You clearly have a strong desire to take your marriage to new and exciting heights. You now have found the best resource and community.
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Here on subMrs.com you will have the option to learn:
 ~A wife’s craving or hunger for intimacy or closeness with her husband.
~A husband’s search for that unexplained trust & respect from his wife.
Working together you will find mutual acceptance and a deep spiritual connection with your partner. This is why D|s-M is the ultimate marriage accessory. You use the method, try it on, and see what fits you. Adding what fits you today and put away what doesn’t. In D|s-M you engage in all or some BDSM activities, Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/submission, and Sadomasochism. Our method takes great care promoting safe, sane, and consensual play for the submissive’s body but also the even more importantly the mind. Our method positively builds a marriage and never is used damage or weaken it. D/s-M is a unique lifestyle, as it focuses on self-awareness as well as long term sustainability. We show you and your partner how to get the erotic edge you’re craving without getting cut. Our method is built on the best relationship foundations, Trust, Respect, Honesty, Communication, and Intimacy. To achieve this dynamic LOVE still needs to be in your heart for your spouse. D|s-M is for all ages! Once only for young now anyone can use it as a lifestyle.
On subMrs™ you will learn the art of Married Dominance and submission, D|s-M. The How-to’s and Why’s will all be answered. You will learn HOW to be and become a married submissive, within a positive, professional & monogamous atmosphere. Submission is not viewed as a week person’s role, as a matter of fact, the exact opposite, it takes a STRONG person to submit, follow, and be their Dominant’s second in command. We also have an Exclusive Premium Community for our members. All of our members have also decided to invest in their dynamic so you will not run into internet trolls. Our membership on subMrs is all submissives, no Dominants are allowed. Your privacy and safety are our biggest concerns, as we have many professionals and public figures as members. We have a Dominants community designed just for the husDOMs or Dominant partners, husDOM™. If you have very discerning tastes you have cum to the right place!
Learn and become partners in intimacy. The intimacy we all want is EMOTIONAL INTIMACY, the “CAKE”. Many times intimacy is thought of as only the sexual type. Sex that’s the easy part, the “SPRINKLES”. D|s-M helps you achieve both intimacies. How we both get to it is and will remain different until the end of time. D|s-M will help you make CAKE together.
Why we founded and continue building our method of D|s-M is because we want to keep midlife couples from “gray divorce”. Gray divorce is a term used for married couples that Divorce after their children have grown. Instead we want to introduce those couples to our method and show them a way to have, what we call a “Grey Lifestyle”. I invented the term after reading the Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy. Mr. Fox and I have experienced many of the issues commonly had by other couples that find their way our sites. Things like Empty Nest, Life Stage Fright, Marriage Auto-Pilot or Waking up one day next to a stranger. All of these issues lead the way to lost passion and intimacy, maybe even loss of marriage. We are living longer so the term “Midlife” is expanding to approximately 38-68 yrs. Many of us have spent 20+ years together building a good relationship only to have it thrown out like last weeks garbage. Not many fight for what they have built anymore. We want every couple to take stock in the value of what they have in their marriages. Bringing awareness to what they had before they throw it out. At one point you had a good marriage, could you get it back with a little help or even make it better then it ever has been? Now that Dominance and submission has gone main stream in such movies as “Fifty Shades of Grey”, enjoying sex and its many different techniques have become less taboo. We took the scary, dark & dangerous BDSM techniques, once only for singles and shined a light on them made them into something magical and wonderful that a married couple could enjoy and grow in.
Our Method, we have created a proven method for you and your spouse regarding how to begin your journey into Dominance and submission, a road map of sorts to build on and grow with. It’s NOT the only way but it’s a repeatedly proven way to achieve a successful and sustainable D/s dynamic. Who better to learn from than the pioneers of Married Dominance and submission? We are a happily married, 30+ year, couple that has been practicing Domination and submission since early 2012. When we first started there was nothing out in the cyberverse for a monogamous & happily married couple. We steadily lived the dynamic and learned from all our ebbs and flows. We both wrote the wisdom we gained down and shared it with other couples. Being interested in the psychology and energy of D/s, we both attended life coaching classes and I now am certified energy and life coach. I use my knowledge to help mentor-coach the submissive members here.
We have a large and thriving D|s-M communities, (Living D|s-M) with Live video and chatrooms. Our communities are separated into two separate websites, one for subMrs’ and others for husDOM’s. We promote monogamy therefore it keeps dynamics clean and safe for the couples to feel safe in their dynamic. We believe in the pay it forward motto. We have helped thousands and in turn, we ask our community members to stay diligent in their growth in order to help new members gain their footing and perspective by sharing their own personal experiences. Our site’s chat environment stays positive and professional. This fosters a team like an attitude and family atmosphere.
I think many women are just as I was, unhappy not only with the state of the marriage at a certain stage life, but also unhappy inside. You may be unhappy with yourself. Wondering where your life is going and needing something more. D|s-M will help you work on your mind, (emotions & perspectives), your body, D|s-M will make you want to work on your physical appearance. Being a better version of who you already are. In essence this can help you be a better you which spills over into every aspect of your life, home, work family.
You want more out of your life, you don’t want to spend the second half of the ONE life you get with someone that doesn’t totally love or even like you. You want your soul-mate back! You want more out of your marriage than say your parents have/had. You deserve to be loved, respected and trusted. But, I had to look deep inside and figure out what would work for us and what exactly that would look like. How bad did I want it? I had to let my walls down and let go of my ego and find a way to make it work. again! Be vulnerable, forgive and gain new perspective. That is the benefit you get here. You learn so much about yourself. You become self aware and how your energy affects your partner and your marriage. You put it in you get it out. You will both have a lot of fun if you both commit to your roles. The power struggles go away. A balance is restored. You once again become partners, partners in the sexiest crimes. Who else would you want to do all these fun and risque things with except your very own Dominant.
Let’s not forget to mention the camaraderie that is gained with other subMrs and husDOMS as you come along in your journey. It is sooo awesome to share in the live chatrooms the feelings you have when you first find your submission bubbling out. You will find other couples that are just like you. You may even find a new best friend in your journey into D|s-M. We have reunions and events where we give you immersive excursions, workshops and demonstrations that will blow your mind.
All those experiences you have read and watched in the movies, those experiences can be yours. The sexy dinner parties, travel and immersive excursions are all a part of our communities.
Every time you move tomorrow, I want you to be reminded that I’ve been here. Only me, you are mine. ~ Christian Grey
How do you make everyone envious, a successful relationship and a sexy marriage! ~ Little Kaninchen
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Forget Fifty Shades of Grey . Here’s your real primer on all things kink.
BDSM includes bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism & masochism (S&M). The terms are lumped together that way because BDSM can be a lot of different things to different people with different preferences, BDSM writer and educator Clarisse Thorn, author of The S&M Feminist , tells BuzzFeed Life. Most of the time, a person's interests fall into one or two of those categories, rather than all of them.
Most people think BDSM is always tied to sex, and while it can be for some people, others draw a hard line between the two. "Both are bodily experiences that are very intense and sensual and cause a lot of very strong feelings in people who practice them, but they're not the same thing," says Thorn. The metaphor she uses for it: a massage. Sometimes a massage, however sensual it feels, is just a massage. For others, a rubdown pretty much always leads to sex. It's kind of similar with BDSM; it's a matter of personal and sexual preference.
This is one of the most common and frustrating misconceptions about BDSM, says Thorn. BDSM isn't something that emerges from abuse or domestic violence, and engaging in it does not mean that you enjoy abuse or abusing.
Instead, enjoying BDSM is just one facet of someone's sexuality and lifestyle. "It's just regular people who happen to get off that way," sex expert Gloria Brame, Ph.D., author of Different Loving , tells BuzzFeed Life. "It's your neighbors and your teachers and the people bagging your groceries. The biggest myth is that you need this special set of circumstances. It's regular people who have a need for that to be their intimate dynamic."
"A lot of people starting out think it's 'all or nothing,' especially if you've only been with one partner," says Thorn. For instance, you might think that because you enjoyed being submissive under certain circumstances, that means you must agree to a whole host of submissive or masochistic behaviors that you're not necessarily into.
But that's absolutely wrong. You can — and should — pick and choose which BDSM activities you are and are not interested in, says Thorn. And that can vary depending on the situation, the partner, or even the day. Just remember that consent is a requirement in BDSM , and it's possible to consent to one thing while still objecting to another.
"In my experience, it's easier for people to get into BDSM if they don't have a history of abuse, people who are in a more stable place in their lives," says Thorn. A 2008 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that people who had engaged in BDSM in the past year were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity and were no more likely to be unhappy or anxious than those who didn't do BDSM. And actually, men who engaged in BDSM had lower scores of psychological distress than other men.
That said, BDSMers do not judge people who aren't into it, explains Thorn. The term "vanilla" isn't meant to be derogatory, just to refer to non-BDSM sexual acts or people who aren't interested in kink.
If you ever find yourself at a BDSM meet-up or dungeon, don't mention any shade of grey. While some people appreciate that the books spurred more interest in kink and may have made it less stigmatized, others take issue with the abusive, unhealthy relationship it portrays and the seriously unrealistic scenes. All in all, it is not an accurate representation of the BDSM community.
Sure, some S&M enthusiasts might have these in their arsenal, but it's definitely not everyone's cup of kink. "Some people go for what's called 'sensual dominance,' which is where there might be some toys or play but no pain involved at all," says Brame. "It's more like one partner agrees to do everything the other person asks. BDSM doesn't have to follow any pattern, and there is no one model for what a BDSM relationship can be."
Again, since it isn't always about intercourse, you wouldn't necessarily say that you "had sex" or "hooked up" with someone after a BDSM experience. Instead, these are called scenes (like, you scened with someone or you had a scene).
"It's an evolution from a time where, if you did S&M, you might only do it with a professional for an hour, or you might just see it performed at a BDSM club," says Brame. "Now people have much more organic relationships, but they still call it a scene — the time when we bring out the toys or get into that headspace."
So you've probably heard about dominants and submissives (if not, the dominant enjoys being in charge, while the submissive enjoys receiving orders). But BDSMers may also use the terms "tops" and "bottoms" to describe themselves. A top could refer to a dominant or a sadist (someone who enjoys inflicting pain), while a bottom could refer to a submissive or a masochist (someone who enjoys receiving pain). This allows you to have a blanket term for those who generally like being on either the giving or receiving end in a BDSM encounter. And there's no rule that says you can't be both dominant and submissive in different circumstances or with different partners.
Maybe the thought of being tied up excites you, or you enjoy spanking or being spanked. Or maybe you're more interested in leather masks and nipple clamps and hot wax. All of that (and obviously a lot more) is within the realm of BDSM. Basically, you can still be into kink without actually ever going to a dungeon.
Using a blindfold or an ice cube or fuzzy handcuffs you got at a bachelorette party are all relatively harmless beginner behaviors if you're into them. But before you play around with some of the trickier tools, you need to learn how to do so safely. Even a rope or a whip can be dangerous if you don't know what you're doing.
Hell, you can even mess up with your own hands (think: fisting): "[Some people] think they can clench a fist and stick it inside somebody," says Brame. "That's a good way to really injure someone and send them to the hospital." (Instead, she suggests an "enormous amount of lubricant" and starting with two or three fingers, then slowly and carefully building up to the whole hand.)
If you're one of those people who throws away the directions and tries to build the bookshelf on intuition alone, BDSM is probably not for you. "I would say the vast majority of what we call BDSM education is how to maximize ecstasy and minimize risk," says Brame. "How to do all the things you fantasized about doing and to do them safely."
While there's no one required reading list, there seem to be a few favorites that are often recommended to beginners, like SM 101 by Jay Wiseman, Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns , by Phillip Miller and Molly Devon, and The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton. [Editor's note: Have others you'd suggest? Please add them in the comments!]
Classes, conferences, and meet-ups are also helpful for learning specific techniques, says Thorn. Another popular resource is FetLife.com, a Facebook-like network for the kink community, which can connect you with message boards, groups, and classes in your area.
One mistake many people make when first experimenting with BDSM is relying on one person to show them the way. Even if they do have your best interest at heart (and they might not), it can be limiting to only have one perspective on something that is so multidimensional, says Thorn. Instead, seek out books, workshops, meet-ups, mentors, friends, message boards, and more to find a safe place to explore your interests.
"When you can't talk about what's happening and you can't make sense of your experience with like-minded people, that's way more dangerous than the variety of activities you might fantasize about," says Thorn.
It might sound cheesy, but it's a well-established norm in BDSM. (And hey, your safe word could actually be "cheesy" if you want. You do you.) "Safe words are probably one of the most important norms that have spread across the community, even if people use them in different ways," says Thorn. For instance, not everyone uses safe words all the time after a while, but it's important to start out with them. They can essentially be anything you want, as long as it's something that you wouldn't normally say during sex. You can find more info about safe words here .
"Dungeon monitors will kick out people who don't look like they're playing safely," says Brame. This can be anything from ignoring safe words to using a whip incorrectly. Seriously, did we mention that safety is paramount here? In fact, the acronym SSC (safe, sane, consensual) is one of the most common pillars of the practice.
Whenever people question the role of consent in BDSM, they should consider the enormous amount of communication that occurs before, during, and after the scenes. "We talk about it hugely before we ever do it," says Brame. "We talk about what we want to do, what we're going to do, what our fantasies are… that's part of negotiating a good relationship as a BDSMer."
Getting swept up in the moment and accidentally stumbling into a millionaire's red room (where you'll have multiple orgasms) is probably not going to happen to you ever. But, that's not necessarily a bad thing. "The sexual fantasy makes everything look so easy," says Brame. "People who actually do this stuff are very cau
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