Bdsm High Protocol
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Bdsm High Protocol
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High protocol is a formal set of rules governing acceptable behavior for submissives within the BDSM community. Dominants enforce high protocol. High protocol is most commonly used during formal dinners and during periods of submissive punishment. While what constitutes high protocol varies from couple to couple, but high protocol is always restrictive.
While the rules as to what constitutes high protocol vary, there are often common similarities. For example, high protocol typically restricts the way submissives speak at formal events. They may need to be silent for the entire event, perhaps request permission to speak, or only speak when they are spoken to first. In most cases, submissives will need to use specific forms of address, such as “Sir, yes, sir!” during these formal occasions.
High protocol also typically involves submissives acting in an extremely respectful way towards their dominants. They shouldn’t turn their backs on their dominants, and they might need to kneel and keep their heads bowed. They may also need to ask permission to use the bathroom or leave the room for any reason.
When high protocol is practiced, submissives are usually even more focused on their dominants and their needs than usual. They’ll need to respond immediately to any commands, for example, and always put their dominant's desires first.
Adhering to high protocol can be difficult for submissives and dominants. While submissives might struggle with the need to adhere to rules, dominants might struggle to enforce them. There are also some couples who love high protocol because it reinforces their relationship roles and gives them a clear structure to work with.
As with all aspects of BDSM relationships, the rules for high protocol should be discussed and agreed upon between the dominant and submissive before they’re enacted.
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Posted on 11/07/2018 11/07/2018 by cheeky
What is it? Why do we do it? And how does it exactly work?
I’m going to write about personal experiences here. Before we get in on what High protocol is exactly let me give you a bit of a rundown on how the different protocol settings MIGHT look like in our own D/s relationship.
So to use an example that everyone might be familiar with. We are a family with two kids. Running a household and Moc working and a busy life with two kids involved in all sorts. So by the end of the day, we are both tired. Kids go to bed so this is all happening after bedtime and kids getting into a deep sleep.
Low setting: (we don't have “no protocols” settings as D/s for us is 24/7 but some might have a complete no protocol setting for when family are around.)
We cuddle up on the couch and talk about our day. We might watch tv. I might get up and get a book and cuddle up and read. MoC might offer me a cup of coffee or he might ask me to make one. I might respond with Yes Sir but generally, it is just okay. If he states something as more of an order I might get sassy with an answer as I get up and do what was asked.
Later as our set normal bedtime routine, he tells me time to get ready for bed. I take a shower, brush teeth and dry myself and stay naked in the bedroom under covers with the ankle and wrist cuffs out for normal routine of him placing it on me for the night.
Medium setting: We cuddle up on the couch and talk about the day. He might lean over and say: "slave make me a cup of coffee." Using a title of some sort gives me the indication it is an order of more importance so I will reply with Yes Sir. I will get up and make a cup of coffee and present it in a bit more of a nicer way. If we have cookies I might even get those out and my focus goes more on pleasure for him. He will indicate where I sit and if I want to read I will ask if there is anything I can do for him. If the answer is no I will ask if I am allowed to read. He will usually say yes or give me other instructions.
Bedtime routine the same but he might tell me to wait in a certain position in the bedroom while he takes a shower. I generally can’t go on my cell phone unless I have asked permission.
High protocol: He will tell me that it IS High protocol. In the high protocol, I generally won’t make eye contact, unless He instructs me to look into His eyes when answering a question. I won’t use any of the furniture. I will stay close to Him. Forget the book, the tv and everything. He generally will put a cushion down on the wooden floors and I will kneel or sit there. I won't speak unless spoken to. He might get up and make a coffee and tell me to be in a position that he can view me or He will instruct me on making it. I will answer as Yes Master. Manners are extremely important. If say for instance I need to go to the bathroom I will wait and look up and say, Master. When he acknowledges me I ask what I need to and wait. Don't forget to say thank you, Master, in the end, and then quickly go do what I need to do and come back.
Bedtime routine: He will say time for his slave to get ready or he might decide that I need to shower him and dry him off or he might decide I will shower and he will wait for me. It's all up to him. So you need to be able to adapt really quickly. It's not run as a scripted scene so your attention has to be on your Dominant and their needs at all times.
I will definitely be kneeling waiting in the bedroom or in inspection position if my foot is cramping. I won't have to be told. So unless he gives me a position that is the position I will be in.
MoC tends to be extra critical. A position is never ever in perfect place. He will adjust and tell me to try harder. He expects perfection even though we both know it isn't possible. It's not to make me feel bad but to feel that extra sense of striving for the best.
So that is a simple part on how the different protocol settings MIGHT work. Remember everyone is different.
So now after a practical example of each protocol setting lets look at the differences a bit closer.
Low protocol:
Power exchange is still present.
Use of titles not in effect all the time.
Freedom of speech (to a degree)
More casual and a lot more freedom
Medium protocol:
Power exchange will be a bit more visible.
Is or can be a bit more casual but the focus is getting shifted slightly.
Use of titles.
Might be where most couples will be when they do a scene.
The Dominant will indicate the correct way and it is up to the
submissive to pick up and react to it.
High protocol:
Power exchange is more visible.
Speech restrictions
Eye restrictions
Movement restrictions
Use of titles
Generally won't use any furniture.
The focus is completely on the Dominant.
No distractions allowed.
The wants of the submissive are completely pushed aside.
You live and breath to serve the Dominants needs and wants as perfectly as you can.
After reading this I think you can get a clearer picture of why I feel it is extremely hard if not close to impossible to live in High protocol all the time. But to incorporate it into your own dynamic can be an easy thing to do.
It might be that you do it for a set time period quite regular to get in the mindset. Say one weekend a month or a Friday every week. Some do it for specific rituals like for when punishment needs to be doled out.
It might be for everyday things like making tea at the end of the day and getting the bed ready for a Dominant and kneeling and waiting for them and see what further instructions there are. Or it might be like the above scenario where at any time High protocol gets demanded and as a submissive, you have to quickly shift mindsets and remember a few rules on how to behave, act and serve your Dominant.
It can be quite satisfying letting go of everyday stuff and getting a few moments, minutes or hours to shift to a place where the only thing that matters is obeying and following orders from your Dominant.
I know for me personally being placed in the high protocol the simplest act of service like greeting my Dominant, to making a cup of coffee or presenting myself takes a whole different meaning and I reach a safe calming space. Similar to when you meditate to center yourself.
So if you are interested, why not start small and incorporate a little bit of it into your dynamic.
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BDSM protocol is all about behaviors. In BDSM, it can be used in so many different ways that it can be difficult to understand or grasp, but protocol can be very valuable and rewarding. So what is it? Let’s find out.
Protocol is a predetermined way for one to behave in a specific time, place, or occasion.
There are three different levels/types of protocol: low protocol , medium protocol , and high protocol . These levels set the expected formality for a designated time, place, or occasion.
Invisible protocols are all about discretion in a vanilla place or around vanilla people, including kids. They are discreetly being active in your dynamic, even in places where other people are unaware of the power exchange between you and your partner. A specific discreet honorific can also be assigned and used in the place of your usual one.
It could be as simple as the submissive wearing an article of clothing or color that the Dominant picked out. Or it could be the submissive waiting for the Dominant to begin to eat before they do. Another example may be walking behind the Dominant and letting the Dominant open the door. The submissive then walks through the doorway and steps to the side. They wait for the Dominant to enter before they fall back in line behind the Dominant. (The reason for this is that the Dominant is the first one to greet someone. Also, if someone were to approach and ask something, they are the one who is presented with the question or choice, instead of the submissive.)
Protocols help determine and set the expected level of formality, and they keep everyone’s expectations on the same page. Protocols also help distinguish power exchange even outside of a scene.
Protocols can be used anywhere, any time, and any place as long as the protocols are negotiated before and agreed upon. Don’t forget a safeword should be used if a protocol threatens a limit you may have.
Negotiate and discuss all protocols. Negotiate and discuss when, where, and how long all protocols are expected to be followed. Do not assume one knows what is expected. Communicate , communicate, communicate.
Some people enjoy the expectations and challenges of high protocol so much that they incorporate some of the higher protocol behaviors into their everyday dynamic.
To add high protocol elements to a dynamic, you can incorporate permissions, like needing to get permission from the Dominant before completing an action, for example, furniture permissions or bathroom permissions. Ask permission before being able to sit in a chair or on a piece of furniture. Ask permission before using the restroom. (Set up a fail-safe with this. I.e., If no response within 5 mins of asking, assume permission has been granted. Also, do not participate in this protocol if any existing medical conditions that affect the bladder exist.) You can set up permissions for many things: getting dressed, getting into bed, eating or drinking, entering a room, or even asking for another spanking, etc.
Other Hp dynamic elements can include etiquette expectations. For example, the submissive gets the Dominant a drink. When they bring the Dominant their drink, they are expected to lower their eyes, bend at the waist in a bow, and extend the drink towards the Dominant while waiting for them to take the drink. I’ve also seen this action altered to have the submissive kneel, lower their eyes, and extend the drink towards the Dominant.
High protocol dynamics should be discussed thoroughly and negotiated and renegotiated often. I’ve seen instances where people who enjoy the idea of high protocol have tried to incorporate it into their dynamic and struggle with it because it’s too demanding. So make sure you communicate what you struggle with regarding HP.
If it’s regarding a BDSM event, the event will state high protocol if high protocol is expected. As far as medium protocol, I’d advise that if no protocol is listed for an event, go with medium protocol.
If it’s regarding a dynamic, then it’s the Dominant’s responsibility to make sure the submissive understands what kind of protocol is expected for when, where, and how long.
It’s important to add that you might not like some of the examples I’ve listed, but you may still enjoy high protocol. The protocol that your dynamic takes part in is up to you and your partner(s).
High protocol is a fantastic way to help maintain roles and power exchange. As well as helping one know what’s expected when and where. Don’t let the facade of high protocol scare you away from implementing elements into your dynamic. It might be exactly what you need. And remember, be kinky and stay curious!
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A protocol is any defined, enforced code of behavior, and or rituals whether it be within the confines of a particular group, community, or other interpersonal dynamic (such as a power exchange relationship ).
Protocols are a set of governing rules that dictate the body, behavior and attitudes through an enforced code of behavior and/or rituals whether it be within the confines of a particular group, community, or interpersonal dynamic.
Protocols are often referred to those found within a power exchange relationship. The reason there is no set rules about universal protocols is because every power exchange relationship is different, not just based on relationship style, but more specifically on the individuals involved in the relationship and their needs and wants .
Best Practices indicate that it is unreasonable to expect that others should or must respect your particular set of protocols if you have not negotiated for such things with them.
Invisible protocols are protocols that occur in a method that is stealthy and difficult to detect when compared to a typical vanilla environment. Usually invisible protocols are used to practice power exchange in areas where stealth is required, or as an enhanced communication technique that allows complex information and concepts to be transferred quickly.
These protocols and rituals see frequent use with couples that have children, those practicing D/s in public and not wanting to alert others or force them to see something non-consensual, or when wishing to enjoy a well trained slave.
An honorific title is a word or expression with connotations conveying esteem or respect when used in addressing or referring to a person. Honorifics are one of the most common types of protocols used in BDSM. An honorific is often a title such as "Sir", "Mistress" or whatever title the D-type prefers to assign within the power exchange dynamic, and while the honorific may convey a specific idea, no honorific chosen necessarily specifically indicates a specialized list of qualifications. Typically an honorific will be used while in scene or during times when invisible protocols are not necessary for 2
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