Bdsm Edge
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Bdsm Edge
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Safety is the most important part of it.
For some people, "living life on the edge" might mean going skydiving or telling your crush how you feel . But for other people, it could mean engaging in some hardcore kinks and sexual situations like edge play.
Edge play is an extreme form of sexual activity that falls under the BDSM umbrella, says erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven Taylor Sparks. It involves trying riskier activities for pleasure , arousal , and stimulation , explains Katie Lasson, a clinical sexologist and relationship advisor for online sex toy shop Peaches and Screams .
So whether you're interested in edge play or just want to know more about it, we've teamed up with the pros to outline everything. Let's get into it.
The first thing to know about edge play (which is also sometimes called “playing the edge”) is that it is very subjective, explains Sparks. The term essentially means to "push or be pushed beyond your own comfort zone," says Sparks—but that, of course, looks different on everyone.
“What takes you to the edge could be another person’s 'normal,’” says Sparks. And because people have their own personal limitations and definitions of what is considered risky, the the only person who can determine what your "edge play" looks like is you.
In general though, anything involving consensual intense physical or psychological pain is typically considered edge play, says sex therapist Liz Powell , PhD.
By now, you know edge play varies from person to person, but there are a few different types of sex and activities that generally always count. Typically it's anything that involves blood or breaking the skin, as well as the use of knives or needles during sex fall under the edge play category.
According to Sparks, here are a few of the most common variations:
Again, it’s super important to note that not only is enthusiastic consent an absolute must, but international sex educator and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro course, Kenneth Play , warns many of these acts can be super dangerous, especially breath play .
“Any time you are choking someone without the proper grip, you have the potential to collapse their windpipe, which can rapidly lead to serious consequences or death,” explains Play.
So even though breath play is commonly seen in porn or films, BDSM pros don’t really advise trying it, especially for newbies. A good alternative is holding your breath for 10 seconds on and off—this way, you're in control of when you can and can't breathe.
As for everything on this list, experts advise you and your partner agree upon a safe word prior to engaging in anything sexual. This safe word will let your partner know when something is going too far and you'd like to stop. Some examples of safe words are "red" or "pineapple" or a double tap on your partner's leg if you are unable to speak.
Even though edge play sounds a lot like edging , the two activities are actually very different. Edg ing refers to delaying orgasm for as long as possible with the goal of ultimately having a more intense one—it is actually a great way to increase the intensity and duration of your orgasms.
But could the act of edging be something you would consider to be edge play for yourself? Potentially.
Understandably, there are a lot of precautions you need to be aware of when practicing edge play. Knowing a person's physical and mental health history, having a deep understanding of the play you’re embarking on, having safety essentials (like scissors, if you’re practicing rope play) within reach, as well as having a first aid kit and information of how to use it is just the start, says Sparks.
Additionally, you’ll want to practice RACK , which is the most BDSM acronym that stands for "risk aware consensual kink.” The general premise of RACK is not that you find a way to eliminate all risks, but that you holistically consider all of the risks that might come up, Dr. Powell explains.
So before you start, you should "decide how you want to manage those [risks] and if that is a risk that feels good for you." It's basically like discussing the worst case scenario before the worst case scenario can happen.
And in BDSM, if someone's aware of the risks and consequences of the edge play they’re embarking on and they are willing to accept them, then the activity is considered RACK.
The biggest risk is seriously injuring your partner or being physically or physiologically injured beyond the agreed-upon expectations. This can result in lasting trauma and/or death, and it’s something to be taken considered with the utmost seriousness.
Discussing *exactly* how to handle an incident if something goes wrong, as well as implementing safe words and sometimes additional signals, is vital.
“When taking on this level of play, the plan is to push right up to the edge. Not over it,” says Sparks. But also, communicating your hard boundaries beforehand will better help you make your wants and limits clear.
Edge play takes a good deal of conversation, negotiation, understanding, and enthusiastic agreement, says Sparks. So much so that Play doesn't recommend exploring edge play unless you're very drawn to the idea and you have a deep level of trust and understanding with your partner.
"Edge play can damage even the most trusting of relationships, so doing it with someone you don’t know well, or if you’re not sure you want it, can lead to serious consequences," he explains. In other words, best to not engage in edge play with anyone you just met.
Before just jumping into edge play, Sparks suggests discussing the following with your partner:
Play says education should also precede the experience. He suggests reading books like The New Topping Book or The New Bottoming Book by Dossy Easton and Janet Hardy. You can also look up BDSM educators like Midori or The Kink Academy for guidance as well.
Bottom line: Figure out what you are interested in and make a detailed plan before attempting it, he says. Because the safest and sexiest way to experience edge play is to know exactly what you're getting into.
Edging and Edge Play are two very separate kinky things.
Here’s why you should definitely know the difference!
Similar to orgasm control and orgasm denial in kink & BDSM, edging is where someone is held on the brink of orgasm.
Also known as surfing, edging can be a D/s activity, or a way to prolong the enjoyment of masturbation. Edging can be done alone or with a partner - and in either direction. It can also be a tool to build up to a ruined orgasm.
Commonly, people will edge throughout the day, which often leads to a very powerful climax when the time eventually, uh, comes .
An activity which has the potential to cause serious or lasting damage, inflicting harm as opposed to hurt , should be considered edge play.
Whilst subjective, edge play generally means a subset of high-risk kinky activities outside of the ‘safe, sane, consensual’ approach to BDSM. This includes breathplay, bloodletting, needleplay, rope bondage, or fire play.
Edge play also includes the willful act of pushing against someone’s limits - without crossing them . This might include activities such as barebacking or emotional S&M.
Many people consider bondage to be edge play, and with good reason. Rope moves with the body, and has the potential to flex and cinch. That constriction can lead to compression. In the case of a chest harness, this could restrict breathing. Restricting blood flow to limbs can be potentially dangerous, and lead to permanent nerve damage. If you’re considering engaging in bondage, check out our risk mitigation guide .
That depends on your kinky preference. You can enjoy one without the other, and it’s absolutely not something you should be ashamed of if you don’t enjoy edging or edge play. Your kinks are your kinks.
Edging is quite common practice because many believe it makes the orgasm more powerful. Likewise, as the definition of edge play varies from person to person, it’s also a common kink. There’s no ‘correct’ kink you should feel you have to enjoy; you just need to be aware of the differences.
Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) goes some way towards mitigating the responsibility for things going wrong by ensuring all involved parties consent to and are wholly aware of the risks involved, but all the preparation in the world can’t prepare for what happens when it does go wrong. Doing a knife scene or a breathplay scene that goes wrong can be fatal, so yes, it’s very dangerous, and often that’s part of the draw.
Edging, on the other hand, doesn’t have much in the way of lasting effect. Orgasm control takes a lot of mental conditioning, which requires a degree of deprogramming, but the side effects of edging can be alleviated with an orgasm, or two.
Hopefully, this goes some way to helping highlight the differences between edging and edge play in kink and BDSM.
If you mix up the two, you might quickly find yourself in a sticky situation!
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