Bdsm Doms

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Bdsm Doms
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Many people who are curious about kink want to know the quickest way to get started. When you’re just a BDSM beginner, it can be really frustrating to try and figure out what a Dominant or submissive is all about. If you don’t get started the right way, you’re going to waste a lot of time and effort as you try to create a Dom/sub lifestyle. But dominance and submission is just one aspect of BDSM. What’s the best way to quickly start putting it all into practice? This guide covers everything you need to know. Enjoy!
*If you want to help your partner be more dominant, submissive, or kinky, be sure to check out my new workshop .*
BDSM is an acronym for bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism and masochism (S&M)
Bondage is one of the fundamental aspects of a Dominant/submissive relationship. It may seem like just a kinky fetish, but real sexual gratification comes from bondage. The pleasure is derived from rendering the restrained person vulnerable to a variety of acts including sexual ones.
A lot of Dominant/submissive relationships have discipline and punishments. After all, no sub is perfect. Correction can be needed from time to time when they break the rules. Doms need to know how to punish effectively though, because subs can feel neglected when it isn’t done in the proper way.
In the BDSM world, “Dominant” is a word that’s thrown around a lot. Being a Dom can seem very appealing. Most are men who want to be more dominant in bed, but also in their relationships, and even in life in general. But unfortunately, there are a lot of fake doms out there who are not worthy of submission. Therefore, make sure you know what it truly means to be a real Dom.
Serving a Dominant is a very fulfilling lifestyle. However, many submissive beginners are lost. They don’t know what the role entails. Many times they are just looking for someone to fix them, to make them feel more complete. In all honesty though, being a sub is a lot of work, mentally, emotionally, and sexually. Make sure you know what it truly means to be a good sub.
Sadism involves getting pleasure form inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on someone else. When practicing sadism, always keep and respect the three principles of SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual). This is what separates BDSM from criminal abuse or neurotic, psychopathic behavior. Have fun, but make sure to always play responsibly.
Even if you enjoy receiving pain or being humiliated, it has to be done with a sound mind. One of the best ways to make sure you’re not just engaging in self-destructive behavior is to set limits. Even if you don’t have a BDSM partner yet, it’s good to have your boundaries clear in mind so you’ll be prepared when you’re ready to start playing.
Now that we’ve gone over everything the BDSM acronym stands for, you may now be wondering, How do I get started in the lifestyle?
If you’re totally ready to start playing now, but you don’t have a partner yet, no problem!
Lastly, if you’re a beginner and want to really become a satisfied full-time Dom or sub, make sure you subscribe to my FREE newsletter to get access to exclusive content I don’t share here on the blog. Click here to sign up for the free newsletter
Being a BDSM beginner is an exciting time on your kink journey. Remember, you shouldn’t compare where you are and where someone else is in practicing the lifestyle. Be proud of yourself for being a beginner and continue to use this guide and educate yourself as much as you can. In time, you’ll be an experienced Dom or sub, and will be able to help other beginners on their journey as well. 🖤
I want to learn more plz send me all the information you can. Thank you
That’s great, Angel! Be sure to sign up for my newsletter here .
I would tell people, it is likely not what you think it is, at least certain parts of it.
My observation, Dom/Sub is a lot like how we treat our pets. We don’t abuse our pets, we take care of them, meet their needs. I am one that treats his dogs and likes them better than most people.
So I’m fairly new to the lifestyle and my sub today told me that she really likes my after care and that she has never had it before any kind of after care she was in a Master/slave dynamic and I’m curious is it normal to not have after care in that kind of dynamic or not she was a slave to this other Dom for 7 years
Hi Aiden! Every relationship is different, but you can learn more about aftercare here .
And in Lesson 1 & 2 of Dom Sub Training , we cover in detail the Master/slave dynamic.
I started as a dom yesterday and while I have found a sub who is willing to teach me I still would like more info Bc frankly I have no idea what I’m doing. It is something I’ve always wanted to do but was always nervous so any advice or articles would be greatly appreciated
That’s awesome, Bryson! Be sure to sign up for the Dom Sub Living newsletter here for more tips and advice. ????
I want to get my boyfriend into this really bad but I don’t know how to ask him.
Hi Hailey! Be sure to check out this article with him. ????
Hello! I have always kinda wanted to do this with my wife. But til recently we had a fallin through but some how bringing this to light has helped alot i have been her dom now for 3 days an i havnt seen her this happy in a long time. She acts more as her little side. An she knows i am serious about the rules we have set an the punishments. If she does good she will be rewarded but bad has bad consequences. But i always let her know i love her when she has to be punished. An we came up with a safe word to help with boundries. Showing my DOM side has helped so much. Who knew it would actually help the situation i was in. Thanks :p
I understand your wife’s perspective so well! When you “finally” begin living, not judged, accepted and loved in the role you are truly meant to be in, everything falls into place. You suddenly feel comfortable in your own skin, and you realize this is where you belong, this is what you were meant to do! I would imagine if your wife is like me, she is spilling over with joy. Expect her to fall in love with you all over again, better than it even was in the beginning.
I have made it a practice recently, to read/research/study or at least 15 to 20 minutes a day. I learn something new EVERY SINGLE DAY! The best lesson I have learned is that there is no cookie cutter experience in the D/s lifestyle. Every person is different, and therefore every couple’s dynamic is different. The two of you will find you morph and change and grow together every single day!
I have a lot of questions to ask after reading all of these.
I’m completely new to this and have only recently started looking into it properly, although I’ve fantasized and thought about it for a very long time.
I’ve read a lot about the sexual side of a D/s relationship but I’d love to learn more about the day to day relationship.
Hi Chloe! You can check this out to learn more about the day to day relationship aspects.
I am curious. I am married but my husband will not be happy about me checking out BDSM lifestyle. I bought some toys & he called me a pervert. I am going to read everything. I am a plus size woman. I want to text with an experienced dom.
I’m interested in learn more and growing with my spouse. Please send any beginner info you may have so I can learn more.
Hi lm Lynn l did the quiz and realized l have a kinky side to me l want to learn all l can about bdsm l know that this is the path l need to follow.
I’m new too and I even bought some bdsm sets. nice article.
Got a question, my dom fears his power. Like I love submitting to him, but he admitted to me recently that when he uses our whip he feels in control and more powerful and it terrifies him and he subconsciously thinks there is something wrong with him. Sos
Hi I am a sub/ slave I have a Master. He lives in a different state I have been doing this for a little bit but I have to spank myself I am just not shur what position will work.
Hi I am a sub/ slave I have a Master. He lives in a different state I have been doing this for a little bit but I have to spank myself I am just not shur what position will work. Buy I just got back in the life style About 3 months ago I like it but I feel like I am doing a bad job at it
Great article! Definitely useful for those starting to get into BDSM and discovering their own kinks 🙂
I am in a 24 7 lifestyle with mistress Cathy i am slave mike
I am new to all this. I would love all info on fem dom that I can get from you if possible
I’m so happy to have found your blog. My husband and I even though we have been together for almost three decades have decided to do a more D/s lifestyle and at least try it out. Thinking about it gets me excited. This definitely gives us more of an idea on starting and being on the same page. Thank you for putting yourself out there.
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 I’m Alesandra from Dom Sub Living. Through online trainings and mentoring, I help new and experienced Doms and subs live the BDSM lifestyle to the fullest.
Join over 20,000 others and get access to my free library of e-books, worksheets, and resources for Doms and subs.

Dainis Graveris November 24, 2021 October 21, 2020
If you’ve been experimenting with some BDSM play with your partner, you know that drafting an official BDSM contract might be a good idea.
It is especially important if your kinky playtime is way more than just occasional tying and spanking as it helps to set a common ground and release yourself into your roles fully.  
So, let’s look at what exactly a BDSM contract is, why you might want to create one, and also, I’ll be sharing a template you can use. 
So, the BDSM contract is a contract that you create with your partner with all of your sub/dom play rules, punishments, and any other details. 
It’s part of the whole appeal of the BDSM and can be a great update on your bondage play, having the contract to remind you of your agreement. 
Now, you must know that it’s not a legally binding document, even if you sign it!
So, you can’t really take your partner to court if they didn’t obey you and didn’t suck your dick on a Friday night like it was outlined…
It also has to be consensual and signed by both parties agreeing to everything that is outlined inside. 
If you’re not sure why you might need to have one, here are a few good reasons to convince you:
#1: This contract will establish clear rules, boundaries, and limits of your BDSM set-up, leaving you both safe to dive into your roles. 
#2: It will ensure that both you and your partner are on the same page about what you want from the dynamic/playtime/relationship.
#3: It will guide your relationship and allow you to strengthen your intimate bond. 
As with all the other contracts, there are a few key parts you need to know before crafting your own BDSM contract template. 
First of all, you should know that there are a few different types of BDSM contracts:
And now, here are the essential parts of every BDSM should have:
And now, let’s get to the actual BDSM contract template:
Submissive – the person that is giving away their power and is absolutely giving into Dominant’s will during the BDSM scene.
Dominant – the person that has all the power over the Submissive and is responsible for all the arrangements during the BDSM scene. 
Boundaries – a set of soft and hard limits for the punishments, bondage, and humiliation that are not allowed during the acene. 
Punishments and Rewards – a set of actions that are taken in case of Submissive’s bad or good behavior. The Dominant can only use the punishments they agreed on upon signing the contract and can decide when the Submissive deserves to be punished and if they deserve to be rewarded. 
Safe Word – the world both parties agree on to be used if any party is feeling uncomfortable, wants to slow down, or is approaching their limits. 
This agreement outlines the consensual relationship between the two individuals. 
The contract’s purpose is protecting the dominant and submissive parties while they both explore the activities they agreed on. 
This agreement is valid only in the bedroom, during the BDSM play scene and does not extend upon the matters of parenting, financial matters, or major life decisions. 
The initial contract duration is starting from [date] and is valid until that date or until the contract is terminated by any of the parties. 
The contract can also be terminated at any point by either the Dominant or the Submissive if there are any health or safety issues.
Both the Submissive and Dominant parties have equal rights to use any of the safe words agreed upon below at any time during the play. 
The “Safe word #1” indicates that the party feels good with the course of the play and should always answer if the other party is asking. 
The “Safe word #2” indicates the party’s will to slow the activities down.
The “Safe word #3” is used to show the need to stop any of the activities.
Once any of the agreed safe words are used, the second party must respect the intention behind it and adjust the activities accordingly.
Safe word #1:__________________________________
Safe word #2:__________________________________
Safe word #3:__________________________________
The Dominant and the Submissive will have a set of limitations of activities, punishments, and actions that each party can endure. 
These boundaries will be agreed upon before signing the contract, and both parties have to honor them during the duration of the contract. 
Each party agrees to obey the limits and to not cross the Hard Limits under no circumstances .
If any party disrespects and pushes the Hard Limits agreed upon above, the scene must be over immediately and the other party has the right to end the relationship and terminate the contract immediately. 
Before signing the agreement, both the Dominant and Submissive have to discuss the activities that are safe to perform during the scene. 
The Dominant and the Submissive agree that appropriate punishments are needed for the growth of the submissive. 
The Submissive will be told when they have been bad, and before they will receive the punishment. 
The punishments will be delivered promptly, and they will fit the Submissive’s disobedience. 
Punishments are not negotiable and are in the sole power of the Dominant , but the submissive always has the right to use S afe Words to stop or pause the punishments if there are any concerns. 
The list of possible punishments is agreed upon by both parties upon the signing of the contract. 
The list of punishments that both parties agreed on is: 
On the rare occasions that the Dominant feels like the Submissive needs to be rewarded for their good behavior, they can grant them mercy. 
The rewards will be rare, and the Submissive should not expect the Dominant to grant them gifts for every good behavior. 
The Dominant has the right to decide on when the reward will be given to the Submissive or which reward is appropriate. 
The Submissive doesn’t have the right to ask the Dominant for the reward and can be punished for asking. 
Both parties agree on the rewards before signing the contract.
The list of rewards both parties agreed on:
The contract between two consensually agreeing parties is active immediately after signing it.
Submissive’s Signature ____________________________Date__________________
Dominant’s Signature _____________________________ Date __________________
So, if you’ve wanted to take your BDSM play with your partner to another level, now you know exactly how to do it!
But seriously, having the contract you both agree on to make your BDSM play more official is great. It’s crucial for BDSM as it can really quickly turn into something traumatizing if both parties are not on the same page. 
Feel free to modify this contract to fit your envisioned kind of play.
Have fun, be open with your partner, and it’ll be the best experience in your life!
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In BDSM, “Dominant” is a word that’s thrown around a lot. Being a Dom can seem very appealing. Most are people who want to be more dominant sexually in bed, but also in their relationships and personal life. Unfortunately, there are a lot of fake doms out there. How can you make sure you’re not acting like one? Or if you’re a submissive, what should you look for in a partner? Let’s consider what it means to be a real Dom.
To start, let’s focus on some of the warning signs of a bad or fake dom. If they focus more on what they are getting than what they are giving that is a huge clue. Of course the nature of a Dom can be somewhat selfish at times, but they should always make sure that the sub is satisfied not just sexually, but emotionally and physically too.
Many new Doms latch onto the idea of getting sexually pleased whenever they want, even in the beginning of new relationships. But just like any relationship, trust needs to be earned.
A fake dom may say things like, “You’re not really a sub,” or, “A good sub would do XYZ.” If you’re a sub, don’t fall for it. And if you’re a Dom, don’t say things like that unless the sub consents to being talked to that way. Real emotional harm can be done.
The definition of a Dominant is an important, powerful person who likes to be in charge. They crave obedience and need to be in control. They tend to be the “Alpha,” and that is why “Dom” is usually spelled with a capital letter while “sub” is usually lowercase. A Dominant can take on many different roles such as:
They strive to exercise control in all things, not just over their sub sexually. This means that they have order in their own personal lives. It is not uncommon for a Dom to have an obsessive-compulsive personality. They take great pride in the health of their bodies, their homes, vehicles, and jobs, knowing these all reflect on them.
The Dom also takes responsibility for the wellbeing and the proper training, guidance, and discipline of
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