Bdsm Defination

Bdsm Defination
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Charlotte Grainger
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If you’re having enough sex, it’s only a matter of time until it grows stale. Eventually, you’ll begin to crave something more than a quick release. You’ll want sex to last—and for physical pleasure to come coupled with psychological stimulation.
That’s where bondage can come into play (no pun intended). But before you can bust out the restraints and sounding needles, you need to know what’s out there. Only then, can you properly ask for whatever it is your secret, greasy, heart desires.
That’s why we spoke to Jess Wilde, a bondage specialist at the online sex retailer Lovehoney . She’s going to help us untangle the unnecessarily confusing lexicon of the bondage world.
An abbreviation for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism, BDSM is an umbrella term for numerous sexual practices. It’s not only inclusive of the four principles in the title, it includes elements of roleplaying, dominance, submission, and other related interpersonal dynamics.
Breaking down B in BDSM a little bit further, “Bondage is the sexual practice of restraining someone during sex and falls under the umbrella term Power Play,” says Wilde. “Power Play is where one partner takes on a dominant role and one takes on a submissive role. Restraint includes anything from holding the sub’s hands in a certain position to using restraint tools like handcuffs.”
Dominance and submission is a set of erotic behaviors involving one person being subservient (or submissive) to the person in control ( the Dominant ). This can happen in the bedroom through the Dominant (Dom) dictating orders to the Submissive (Sub), but it doesn’t even require both parties to be in the same room. Some Doms never meet their Subs in real life. They simply converse over the phone or email, where the Dom tells the Sub what he or she would like them to do.
“Being a good Dominant involves much more than being able to control and give orders to others,” explains Wilde. “A good Dominant will also be able to practice self-control and respect their Submissive. Dominants should also be responsible enough to decrease the intensity of or stop a scene altogether when a safeword is spoken.”
“Submitting doesn't mean being weak,” Wilde continues. “It's a gift to give up all control, to make yourself more vulnerable than most people could ever imagine, and to offer yourself, body and soul, for someone else's pleasure... And, of course, doing so is also a Submissive's ultimate pleasure.”
A safeword, which Wilde noted while discussing Dominance and Submission is “a word, phrase, or signal which you both agree means ‘stop.’” She continues, “Make sure you agree on a safeword–this is a good starting point for all BDSM activity. A safeword should be easy to remember, easy to say, and should be a word you’d never usually use in sex. A personal favorite is 'Gandalf!'"
“In BDSM, master/slave, m/s or sexual slavery is a relationship in which one individual serves another in an authority-exchange structured relationship,” says Wilde. “Unlike dominant and submissive structures found in BDSM in which love is often the core value, service and obedience are often the core values in master/slave structures.”
“Animal play is a special type of role play where one or more participants take on the role of an animal. Animal play is commonly seen in BDSM contexts,” explains Wilde. “Typically the submissive ‘animal’ partner is humiliated or dominated, but sometimes they will take on the more dominant role. Animal play is sometimes called animal role play or pet play.”
“You may be familiar with sex contracts from Fifty Shades of Grey ,” says Wilde. “The contract wasn’t just a figment of author E. L. James’ imagination. In BDSM communities, these kinds of contracts help Dominants and Submissives play with each other safely, both emotionally and physically.”
“By establishing ground rules, each partner knows what’s expected of them. It also makes issues of consent—which is crucial when power exchange and pain are involved—crystal clear.”
“Electro-sex is sometimes called erotic electrostimulation (e-stim) or electroplay ,” says Wilde. “It gives people distinctive tingly, tickly sensations which differ greatly to the sensations achieved with common battery-powered sex toys like vibrators.”
“It taps into the electrical signals that course through the body’s human nervous system, stimulating them to create more powerful sensory reactions. A variety of high-tech sex toys are designed for electro-sex. These include electrified butt plugs, masturbatory sleeves, cock rings, eggs, G-spot probes, and nipple clamps.”
“Limits are basically a boundary, a thing you don’t want to do. BDSM often divides these into ‘soft’ and ‘hard’ limits. A soft limit is often an activity that you don’t enjoy and wouldn’t normally engage in, but you may consider doing it for the right person,” says Wilde.
“Hard limits are absolutes. These are the things that you will not do, under any circumstances. For many people, these may be activities or things which trigger bad memories, panic attacks, or other psychological stress. Hard limits can be anything at all, even things that other people consider to be tame or a lot of fun.”
“Sensation play describes a wide variety of activities that use the body's senses as a way to arouse and provide stimulation to a partner,” explains Wilde.
“Although sensation play is often related to skin sensations, it doesn't have to be so limited. Sight, taste, and hearing can also be included in sensation play. Forms of light sensations play include playing with feathers and other soft objects, light blindfolding, and bondage with scarves or temperature play with ice or hot wax.”
“The goal of sensation play is simply to provide unusual and arousing sensations to a partner's body. It is only limited by one's imagination and, of course, personal limits, which should be respected at all times.”
When the fun and games are over (and the last spank has struck), there’s one last thing you have to remember to do. As Wilde explains, aftercare is an essential part of your play-time and can bring both you and your partner closer together in post-coital bliss.
“Known as ‘sub-drop’, sometimes the submissive partner can feel a wash of sadness when playtime has finished and the endorphins wear off,” says Wilde. “Bondage aftercare is the process of reassuring your partner that you care for them. Lots of hugs, loving touches and an open chat about the experience you’ve just shared are great ways to do this.”

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What Is BDSM Relationship, BDSM Types, and Activities?
https://www.biography.com/writer/marquis-de-sade https://www.amazon.in/Fanny-Hill-Pleasure-Wordsworth-Classics/dp/1840224177 https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0181198 https://www.ozy.com/the-new-and-the-next/everybody-secretly-wants-to-be-tied-down/281975/ https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/01/bdsm-versus-the-dsm/384138/ https://med-fom-brotto.sites.olt.ubc.ca/files/2019/04/Dunkley-Brotto-Sexual-Abuse.pdf https://lgbt.wikia.org/wiki/Safeword http://www.seekers.org.uk/BDSM%20CHECKLIST.pdf https://ifas.ufl.edu/media/smartcouplesifasufledu/docs/pdfs/9-Important-Communication-Skills-for-Every-Relationship.pdf

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.

With the worldwide phenomenon of Fifty Shades of Grey , more people have become introduced to the idea of BDSM. How close is the real deal to what they present in the book and movies? Perhaps you wonder if BDSM or bondage dating is for you?
Before you engage in a dominant and submissive relationship , you might want to understand the scope of BDSM activities and choose what attracts you. Read on to get more familiar with the BDSM definition and the types of BDSM relationships.
What is BDSM? What does BDSM stand for? BDSM can be interpreted as an acronym for any of the following abbreviations B/D (Bondage and Discipline), D/S (Dominance and submission), and S/M (Sadism and Masochism) .
Activities within a BDSM relationship involve participants engaging in complementary but unequal roles, hence the BDSM terms dominant and submissive. The power exchange in the BDSM relationship is such that the sexually dominant party controls the one with the submissive role in a relationship.
A BDSM couple has a wide variety of erotic practices to choose from. Mainstream culture may paint a picture of it being hardcore and kinky. However, although there is nothing wrong with that, it is more than that. It includes bondage, hair pulling, spanking, role-play, etc. It can be as intense as you prefer. That is why the informed consent of both partners is so significant.
Frankly, BDSM is as old as intercourse. This closed-door culture has its roots in Mesopotamia, where the Goddess of Fertility, Inanna, whipped her human subjects and caused them to do a frenzy dance. This painful whipping caused intercourse and led to pleasure amidst the dance and the moans.
The ancient Romans also believed in flogging, and they had a Tomb of Flogging where women flogged each other to celebrate Bacchus or Dionysus, the God of Wine & Fertility.
Besides, the ancient scriptures of the Kama Sutra also explain the practice of biting, slapping, gnawing, etc.
Furthermore, throughout the middle ages, flagellation was popular and was based on the idea of extreme love and passion. It was also believed to help people get rid of evils and sins.
Towards the 18th and 19th century, Marquis de Sade produced literary works that were full of aggression and violence. His works were often described as sadistic.
In addition, Venus in Furs, written in 1869 by Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, Fa nny Hill (also known as Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure) by John Cleland in 1748, enabled a strong sexual culture.
Going forward, in the early 20th century, roughly around the 1940s and 1950s, the publication of sex magazines gave the world exposure to leather, corsets, high heels. The pictures showed women wearing latex dresses with hands cuffed behind them as they are being beaten.
What BDSM is currently was also prevalent in every era,, and with the passage of time, more social connectedness, more exposure, and with the courtesy of the internet, people sharing such interests united and spread the culture further.
In a BDSM relationship, the erotic intensity comes from the exchange of power . The list of types of BDSM is never fully comprehensive as there are always ways to combine the kinds and create a different dynamic. We have selected the most common types to share with you, having in mind that there can always be more types added.
One person is taking charge of the other, and the intensity of control varies . Depending on where they are on the dominance-submissiveness spectrum, we could be talking about:
The main trait is that the dominant is the caregiver , while the submissive wants to be cared for and nurtured.
In the sexual world, kinky stands for unusual things. You can choose non-conventional role plays like teacher/student, priest/nun, doctor/nurse, etc. The options are endless.
Check out this quiz that will help you understand what kind of kink do you prefer:
This BDSM relationship manifests in the dominant persona taking charge of the submissive as though they are an animal they take care of and discipline .
Some people offer their services as Dominant or Submissive partners. This can take many forms, but it is a kind of relationship that can be transactional (money can be one of the currencies, as can be some services as listed above).
The main characteristic of this BDSM relationship is its virtual nature. Although it is maintained online , it feels real and can be more than enough for some people. Also, the relationship can grow into an in-person one if both parties desire it.
To clarify, sadism refers to deriving pleasure from inflicting pain , while masochism is when you have pleasure from experiencing pain. The answer to how to please a masochist or a sadist will depend on whom you ask. Each couple can choose what suits them best – bondage relationship, knife play, clamps, etc. Approach with caution and clear agreement on both ends.
If you are wondering what is BDSM and how common is BDSM, you might be interested in the results of a study about how many people are into BDSM. It shows that nearly 13% of people in the USA engage in playful whipping while role playing is practiced by approximately 22%.
According to another Journal of Sexual Medicine , nearly 69% of people have either performed or fantasized about BDSM.
Perhaps you worry- Is BDSM healthy?
People who practice BDSM or kink know what is BDSM fully before they practice it. Hence, they are known to be more extroverted and less neurotic. They are less sensitive towards rejection and can balance their emotions quite well.
Rest assured. Well, it is not a pathological symptom or sign of sexual difficulties . It is simply a sexual interest people have.
Sexual masochism in milder forms, often called BDSM, is a normal preference and cannot be called a disorder. In fact, it can help build a sexual repertoire with a partner and understand each other’s needs better. BDSM provides fluidity of identity and gender and is great for exploring the diversity of sex.
However, sexual masochism disorder is, indeed, an issue and falls under psychiatric sexual disorders. It must also be noted that to be considered a disorder; the problem should persist for more than 6 months . Besides, if such a sexual choice causes the person to dysfunction or stress, it can be considered a disorder.
Using submissive or dominant ways for sexual arousal clearly depends on the consent of two mature individuals.
Consent is a fundamental tenet for what BDSM is because consent is what distinguishes the participants from the psychotic individuals. Not just this, to amplify the message of consent, the BDSM has come up with the motto of “Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC)” and “Risk-Aware Consensual Kink (RACK).”
There, the participants need consent or informed agreement from each other for a BDSM to be safe, mutual, and successful.
When it comes to what is BDSM, safewords also act as an important attribute to tell the partner when to stop. Safewords are code words decided beforehand that can be used during the practice to communicate that the other partner is reaching the moral boundaries.
In this, saying different colors of the traffic light have different meanings. For example:
Another list of safewords can be anything out of the ordinary that is not used in the general conversation by the couple like pineapple, table, box, paradise, fountain, etc.
Communicating your needs and boundaries is indispensable in a relationship. When it comes to what is BDSM, that includes humiliation play, spanking, flogging, etc., which makes communication all the more necessary.
Such communication not only adds to your kinky play but also builds trust and intimacy.
Knowing your partner, think about the best setting, timing, and wording to use for a healthy BDSM.
Start small and introduce the topic by sharing, at first, playful ideas they would be more inclined to try. BDSM doesn’t equal pain, although that might be a mainstream opinion. Try to help them understand the options to choose from before they make a decision.
Furthermore, consider opening this conversation in a sex therapist office . Some couples feel more comfortable having an expert lead them by communicating about the BDSM boundaries and needs.
So, how BDSM sex works in relationships? Well, considering this practice clearly works around power exchange, it is important that both the partners fully understand the concept before voyaging further.
BDSM works on both pleasure and pain. So, it can only work if both partners are fully consenting to the idea. With different role-play, couples can try a bit of this to make it work and keep it fun.
BDSM sex typically requires roleplay which means the partners need to act a particular scene, situation, or character. The roleplay can be impromptu or can be decided well in advance by the couple.
Let’s check out some of the BDSM roleplay ideas:
Considering BDSM involves full participation of the partner, it is important to fix a unique set of values that suit both the partners. Therefore, the common beliefs are based on cultural setups, religious attitudes, and good practices.
In BDSM, these protocols include how you address your submissive partner when to ask for permission, how to address the dominant and submissive partner, etc. These etiquettes are often recommended along with social norms for achieving the right balance.
The legality of BDSM varies from country to country. In the case named Lawrence v. Texas in the United States, the Supreme Court ruled that the very basis of BDSM is pain and not injury. Therefore, the legality cannot be ruled out unless there is any infliction of injury.
Later, in the case of Doe v. Rector & Visitors of George Mason University, the Court ruled that such practices are beyond constitutional rights. The purpose of this ruling was to provide equality to females who predominantly act as submissive.
BDSM is legal to practice in Japan, Netherland, Germany, while in some countries like Austria, the legal status is unclear.
The most important is to keep it consensual and respectful. The more you communicate about what feels good and what is off the table, the better the experience will be for both of you.
If you wonder how to find a BDSM partner, we recommend first doing some research and understanding your sexual desires and boundaries . What are you looking for, and how far are you willing to go ? You can go as heavy as you desire as long as it is consensual . When you are ready, there are communities, apps, online and in-person places where you can meet people interested in BDSM relationships.
Try different things that seem appealing to figure out what works for you. Have a safe word and emergency measures in place to feel protected.
BDSM has a lot of questions hovering around it, and the lack of knowledge makes people questi
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